Reborn from Truth and Lies
by DeyaniraSan
Summary: "How funny. I've always wanted to escape real world, and now, that I am finally free from it, I find myself longing it back." Alette has had a rough life. But after a fatal accident she meets Truth, which grants her the possibility to enter Fullmetal Alchemist and live. As she enters that world she finds that things had changed, including the possible outcome of the two brothers.
1. Prologue

**Reborn from Truth and Lies _  
_**

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**A.N. Hey guys. Don't know how you managed to click on my fic but welcome. *excited* I first must thank you for taking your time to check this out. Also I must warn that this is my first fic ever written/published, so take it easy on me ok? I am open to any advice/critics, just be polite. Also I hope you enjoy my story. English is not my first language so skip or point out in a review any big grammar mistakes you see. Also typos and comas missing are accidental, this will be updated later with the corresponding changes.**

**I must dedicate this story to my beautiful friend Kate which had always encouraged and listened to my repetitive speeches. You are the best and this wouldn't have happened without you. Love you, and you are the best, no matter what. Don't forget that.**

**Also I want to thank my awesome friend which helps me correct my mistakes, and damn sometimes there are plenty. Thank you so much for putting up with me so nicely.**

**Disclaimer: I don't have any rights on Fullmetal Alchemist manga or anime. Those belong to their owners. But I do own my plot.**

**(+)**

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**Prologue**

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

Music was blasting in my ears. I tried to push the volume button one more time, but it was already at its maximum. It couldn't get higher, something I couldn't say about my rising anger and anguish. I was so done; done with school, life, parents, with everything. Therefore, I tried to deafen myself from the screaming thoughts of anger that were still whirling inside of me with music. Of course, I didn't have enough luck as to make them stop so easily.

This time, I truly overdid it. It didn't mean that those people didn't deserve it. But starting a fight in school meant I was out. For real. And to make things worse it didn't even make me feel better. Their voices still spoke those words again, again and again in my mind like an endless torture. I stopped walking and looked up at the ashen sky. It was going to rain. For a second I was tempted to stay and let the raindrops wash every memory of this day, but I flinched while remembering one of the most tearful episodes of my favourite anime series, Fullmetal Alchemist. In Rain of Sorrows, Ed tried to let the rain wash everything away, but it did him no good. He just felt more miserable, and I didn't need any other reason to make this day worse. And I definitely wasn't like Ed. Even now I was bound my own weakness, the thing that caused me to do what I did.

Suddenly I came to a stop and looked around me. Green trees and bushes surrounded me as I somehow managed to miss my way home while thinking and walking in a fast pace, as far as I could from school. Sighing, I turned around to actually go home, bracing myself for the mess I was going to find when I got there. I had all the chances to get slapped or beaten by my dad and of course this time I couldn't fight back. My step-mom was going to look at me with big teary eyes and ask me what I have done, then shake her head with disappointment. I could handle the guilt but I was really afraid of what would my dad do. Not understand, anyway.

My family has been divided ever since I was very little with the disappearance of my mom. For many years, I have lived with the conviction that she was dead, my sole memory of her consisting in her lilac smell. My dad was always an angry, ambitious and severe person, but after she disappeared, he got worse. Then Geneviere, my step-mom came into picture. She wasn't that bad, but she mostly got on my nerves because her vision about my life way meant that I should change into the person she thought I should be. Because of that, I grew up being insecure, antsy and very introverted, prepared to conceal everything I felt, especially at home, where showing emotion did me no good. This resulted in me being unable to really connect to people because I just couldn't let them in, I was just too scared. So I read books and watched animes like any other tumblr blogger that has some depressing quotes on his or her dash.

I was inspired by the people I saw in animes, by their courage and determination and qualities, the way they never gave up. My favourite example was Edward Elric, the person I admired most, and his little sensitive brother Alphonse. These two were my role-models and my escape when things got bad, and for a while I made a balance in my life between the parts of me that were scattered everywhere I went. Somehow, I almost felt happy. I had a break between the high expectations and severe critic of my family. Then I started high school, and things got bad like they do for everyone. Everything went from bad to worse, until today, when I snapped and gave up my control. I screwed everything up more.

As I started to slow my pace to home, I almost felt tears coming to my eyes. Stubbornly I shut them, fighting against the dizzying emotions I was feeling. I wasn't going to cry, goddammit. I did not ever cry. Never. Not when my best friend told me to go to hell because I am such a freak. Not when I was told my mother had died and a foster mom came and took her place. Not when I got beat up and bullied in school. Not when the science teacher told me there was no way in hell I will enter the college I wanted. So I wasn't going to cry now.

But for a moment I let myself want to. I let myself be effulged by grief, sadness, anger, guilt, and fear. But not even then, the tears wouldn't come , as I knew they wouldn't. They never did. Just as I couldn't get a hold of my anger or express my feelings. I was so tired of this world and its demands. For a second I just wished everything will pause around me and I could have a break. Or stop existing.

As I thought this, my mobile rang and I looked down to my pocket and fished out the telephone, only to see my mother's number on display. Sighing in frustration, I wondered if it would be a good idea to not answer. Within the corner of my eye, I saw that I got to the crosswalk on Wembley Street, a place rarely populated. Quickly looking around I started crossing the street, my attention going back to the device in my hand. I decided it was best to decline and send a sms with an explanation when I heard the sound: a car, very unusual sight for this part of the town. I peeked up in mild curiosity as the sound grew nearer, and I had only enough time to just blink and hear the wheels screech as the big vehicle smashed into my body and sent me spinning in the air.

My last thought was that I didn't send the sms before the pain made everything else disappear.

* * *

"_And the girl appeared out of nowhere?" the officer asked incredulously._

"_Yes. Oh my God I swear I didn't see her until the last second. She was playing with her phone; she didn't even try to move as I pushed the break. Oh my God, I am so sorry," said a ravished man, his head buried in his hand._

"_I need you to come to the station, sir. We just want to you to give us a real declaration of this."_

_-__\\\__-_

"_Her BP is dropping! Bring the IV and call Dr. Martin. This is a code blue. I repeat, Code Blue."_

'_Yes, sir."_

"_C'mon kid, don't give up on me like this."_

_-__\\\__-_

"_I can't get the bleeding to stop. More suction please. Damn, her heart got pierced right here. I need a clamp and__..."_

_A monitor started beeping in the background as a line stopped moving._

"_Dammit! Her body is in shock. Charge to 12. Clear."_

_-__\\\__-_

"_No. No. No. You can't be saying this. She is not gone. No__..."_

_-__\\\__-_

"_So she killed herself? What a freak. I am so glad that she's gone. She was definitely nuts. To start a fight like that over such a simple matter. I guess not everybody can handle jokes."_

"_You're so right. Let's get out of here, this funeral stinks. And black is definitely not my colour. Wanna go get some snacks?"_

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You can say it's a very odd feeling to look at your own grave. It's more odd to know that you died and somehow still are here. Or your existence to be classified easily as one of a ghost's.

I looked at the perfect lines drawn on the hard, cold stone. A name followed by two propositions. _A loving daughter. Will be missed_. Such a simple text, and yet I couldn't stop myself from wondering if there was any truth behind it. Apparently, when you're dead you can wander and hear many things, including what everybody says about you.

My parents were somehow devastated. I don't know if it was because the funeral service was too expensive or they did really care. Most likely the first.

I looked with an empty face at the grave, still trying to accept what happened to me in the last week. I was dead. I died in a car crash. I saw medics operating on me, trying to bring me back to life. I saw my coffin being buried, black silhouettes looking and surrounding it. But it didn't matter how much I screamed the words that all this happened, I couldn't bring myself to accept them. It was too unreal.

This was a dream. This was a nightmare.

I couldn't go home, not literally anyway, but that was the last place I wanted to be. I was going to be invisible, immaterial and hear them fight. I didn't really have friends to miss, or any other place in mind. I didn't have anything to do since I was incorporeal; right now I was staying in the only place I belonged. In front of my grave. If this was how death was like, it sucked. No light. No other side. Just the same world, only worse in some way.

I sat down touching the damp earth. It rained not too long ago, and the sky was still dappled with silver, like the metal of automail. Right now I couldn't even watch Fullmetal Alchemist. I only had memories.

I only have memories to live with right now. And most of them were bad. And with that something in me clicked: I, myself had become a memory. A shadow, a passing nullity on this earth. I had ceased to exist for everyone else. I couldn't touch or talk or anything. I was alone. In a way I got my wish.

Not like this, a part of me screamed. I didn't want to die and be in this form! I just wanted them to stop! I wanted my life to get better, to have some friends, someone to understand me back home, or just to pause what happened to me for a second! As my conscious was screaming in agony at the crude reality, I have, somehow, fallen on the wet ground, or it should have been wet, but I couldn't really feel anything. I was indeed less than anything that existed.

_A wish is a wish in any form that is formulated. If the answer to your prayers is not what you wanted it is not the wishes' problem. It's the wisher's. A gift is just a gift, whether the receiver likes it or not._

Startled I jumped my head up from the ground looking around the grey stones that formed a forest around me, trying to figure who said that. But there was no one around in the stone cemetery. Besides, the voice was in my head; well, voices, which spoke in perfect unison, like a strange symphony. All the same, they were familiar to me. I just ignored how crazy the situation even was, and tried to form an answer, as it was the first time someone had spoken to me in a week.

A wish is indeed a wish. But there are multiple ways for it to be granted.

_There are but there is no difference to them, isn't it?_

Of course there is a difference. A wish can be interpreted in many ways as it could be granted in many ways. Some ways can be classified as good some as bad. It depends how you see the wish, or anything in or about this world. It's a matter of perception.

_So you think your wish has not been granted in a truthful way?_

There is no truth in being dead.

I was probably going nuts. In the literal way of the word. I was having an inner monologue about wishes and death with my inner self and a voice that I was hearing. In a cemetery. While being dead. Fantastic!

_Then, wouldn't being transferred into __another__ world be better than dying? _Continued the voice unfazed._ Now you have ultimate freedom in this universe but that seems not to be enough. Would have been better to live a small insignificant life, but be alive somewhere that you think is 'better' than to have immortality in the world you're living in?_

Anything is better than this world. If there was something as an alternative I would have sought it long ago. And the loneliness I am deemed to live right now is beyond reason. There is no power in death. There is only nothingness. And this nothingness is a something different from what I have been raised to expect. If this is the ultimate power a human can have, I indeed was making a fool of myself thinking about how many other ways for humanity there were. If this is the power I should accept here, I can gladly refuse it.

_Very well, then. As you wish. _

And I felt myself being pulled away bit by bit, absorbed through space and time into a different void.

* * *

I was lying on something concrete surrounded by complete white. It hurt my eyes but even when I closed them I knew the white was still there. There was no ending to it; there was no beginning, just infinite. I was starring up into white trying to figure out where I was. Or who I was.

Then as a respond to my thought I remembered. My death. My grave. The voice.

"Very well. I see that you are indeed sharp if you remembered everything so quickly after the shift."

I jumped scared and looked around only to see that all that white wasn't infinite. A few paces away from me, was a big, simple, black door. In front of it, sitting in a relaxed manner, was a completely white figure. If it was standing on the white background I would have probably missed it. It had no face, no eyes, not anything, besides its colour. And then it came to me. An earthquake could have occurred and I wouldn't have been so shocked.

The Truth. The Truth was standing in front of me. And that was the Gate of Truth. Probably MY Gate of Truth. I think my legs started to shake, because my vision fazed for a second.

"Ohh? Why so surprised? I thought you knew about me."

"There's a difference between knowing the truth and actually seeing it." My voice was shaky and sounded a little strangled. I was slapping myself internally for sounding so pathetic but in front of me was actually The Truth. Carefully I started to regain my control and exposed my indifferent mask as I did 100 times before to everyone around me. But I knew I wasn't fooling it.

The creature smiled pleasantly at my words but I was feeling more uncomfortable. I knew what it could do.

"Indeed. Truth cannot be understood unless confronted with it. Humans are all the same after all. Here or there, even when they know something they don't believe it, and when they don't know something they trust in it. And they call anything above this logic confusing."

I stared as his smiled faded with his words. His teeth completely equal and white, hid under what I supposed was his mouth. Even though he had no eyes I knew he was watching me, analysing me, waiting an answer.

"Because the world is made of lies. Because as puny as we are, and hopeless and pathetic, we humans know that there isn't anything certain. Not our lives, not our conscience not even our feelings or memories. Then, when the only thing certain is that we are not certain how can we consider something truth and accept it as a general rule, when it could be as easily a lie. Everything changes, everything is an illusion. The fact that I am here is against the boundaries we established as possible and impossible means that what I believed in was a lie. And yet you accuse me of not believing the reality when my reality a week ago was made of such idiotic things, like school and parents."

"Everything is an illusion. Even God?"

His tone held a sharp edge even though it could still be defined as cheery.

"Depends on your belief of what God really is."

"You certainly are interesting. I think I would keep you around for a while." If his faceless face could make an thoughtful expression, it just did. I looked fascinated and afraid as it continued talking. "Your vision on how the world works is refreshing. But there is a problem."

"I bet there is" I said, finding in me the force to respond to this creature. I was never a calm fella and even now my fiery spirit was waiting to be unlashed. "There is a small problem, and that is that I am not your toy to mangle with. There is that one small problem that I am dead because of you! There is the small problem that my existence is nothing, and you just act like someone who owns everything! You say that one is all and all is one. You say you are the universe, you are God, but you are also me. If you are indeed everything that exists, how can you act superior to humans and what means humanity? Aren't you acting superior on yourself? Aren't you dividing yourself to pieces that are better or worse?"

My outburst left the white form in front of me speechless. I could see how its mouth was slightly opened and I felt pleasure that I surprised it with my speech. I panted because I had been screaming everything, and the air filled my lungs-how was that even possible anymore- as my breath was starting to steady.

Then a laugh cracked the silent emptiness. The Truth was laughing whole-heartedly his body bent from his devastating chuckles.

"Oh my... You are definitely something different. It would be a pity to stay dead even though you wished for it. I summoned you here because you accused me of misinterpreting your wish. Well, now I am giving you a second chance." As he talked he spread his arms, his whiteness looking paler than usually on the black background of the Gate.

"I will send you away from your world that you despise so much. But you are dead. So there will be conditions to our game."

It was my turn to lose the ability to speak. To be sent away? A new chance to live? Game?

"You will be sent in your most dear story, in the world of Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric." Its voice was reaching a crescendo, almost in theatrical way. "But there will be a price. What do you have to offer? After all you are willing to bind yourself to the rules of equivalent exchange by joining their world."

And that was it. That's why I didn't want to let that disgusting feeling of hope bloom inside of me. I had nothing to offer. I was a soul. I had no alchemy. I had no life. I literally had nothing to offer. And Truth knew that. It was indeed cruel.

"You became silent. Thinking hard or just starting to feel helpless? Well, I could just say this was my entire fault and help you with this." And his hand went behind him and took something in his palm. Then, opening it slowly, I could see a red irregular stone. My mind clicked horrified as I realised what it was. A Philosopher's Stone.

I gasped shocked. No. Way.

"No."

"So you don't want to accept my gift? Don't you want to live? Don't you want to see your hero?"

"I would not use anyone's soul for mine."

"That's foolish. And then you will do what? Stay here with me an eternity? Send you back? Sell your soul?"

"I am already doing that," but my voice just sounded defeated. I felt guilt envelop me like a net. I had no other choice. I was too selfish to turn back to accept my defeat or the idea of me being dead, that I stopped existing when my soul was still here; I wanted to live.

I gulped fixing the small stone with my eyes. Souls of some damned spirits lived there. Edward would hate me for accepting these, but in a way, my situation was more hopeless. The devil was in front of me, literally showing me a way to get what I wanted. I knew I would lose. I was so ashamed. I was so weak. I had every reason to hate myself.

"I accept." And my voice did crack a little from the searing guilt.

"As I thought you would. Smart girl. But there is still a problem. This isn't enough for you to get a body, to keep your soul and to cross the Gate without a fee."

You little son of -...

"I will not accept to be a soul without a body." I said my voice confident once again. If I was going to kill someone else's existence, I wasn't going to do it in vain.

Truth just smiled. I wanted to punch him.

"Then let me make you an offer. You will use all this Stone. But you will get half a body and half of your soul. You will be human, but not quite, something between one and those who lurk in the dark. If until the end you solve my riddle and win the game you get everything back. You will live here or in your dimension, whatever you choose. If you don't, you belong to the Gate. To me."

This sounded more than fishy, and I knew he was backstabbing me with every word but I nodded. I didn't really have any other choice to choose from. But there was a catch, Truth was never a good guy, he was...Truth.

"But you will lose your memories. You will get them back, gradually. But I can't really leave you messing around in that world knowing the future. It wouldn't be fair."

Or easy, I added mentally. This was going to be more than tricky.

"How will I know my name? Will I forget everything about FMA, or my world and about myself, or how?"

Truth raised his hand to his chin, like thinking and then said.

"I'll give you a bonus for the start. You will remember things about yourself. And some about your world. And some about Edward Elric and his world but not enough to make it easy."

Aren't you a sweetheart?

"Do you accept this deal?"

I pondered for a second. I wanted to say no, but I stopped myself. I was going to go to hell and back and get everything back; including my life, my body and my soul, altogether beating this guy like Edward and live. Death wouldn't find me a willing comrade. Even though, I would probably despise myself for the rest of my life. Such a selfish being that I am.

"I accept it." I finally said.

"Very well, then." He raised himself to his feet and I cringed as he moved towards me. When he was standing in front of me I realized we had the same height and body construction. Not something that I didn't expect after I have seen the series but it was still unnerving. And he touched my forehead.

I fell down screaming as a burning pain started to effulge my body. I felt my limbs shake, my body being pulled up and down, every part of me being touched and moulded by the pain. I saw how words, symbols and patterns started to appear on my arms, shining with a deep red light, contrasting so much with the pure background.

I think it was an eternity, but it could have been just mere seconds before the pain started to fade away, my numb body lying there breathless and powerless. My only functional part where my eyes, and my field of vision was narrowed from my weird position.

The Truth, after seeing whatever he had done to me was over, moved away from my sight and to the front of the Gate. I was still panting heavily, as he touched the Gate, its blackness transforming easily to a dark grey, many words, patterns and models appearing on it.

"Any Truth is a Lie. A lie is a different truth. In order to exist one must die, and to die one must exist. Lose everything to gain nothing, and give up nothing to have it all. Love is poison, hate is fire, and friendship is hate. There is light in darkness, and darkness in the brightest lights. One is all and all is one." it said its back still turned to me, but turning around and walking in my direction as it spoke.

Now the white silhouette was standing in front of me, his feet were an exact white replica of mine.

"This is my advice for you. You will not forget this part. And now it is time for you to go."

With every ounce of strength in my body I asked a final question.

"And... your... riddle?"

"For thee I shall die

But my body shall not perish as the Sun of the Lion

Burns Red into me.

I am the answer.

I am the question.

The Golden Beings hold the key.

Through the Circle, One will die

Through the Gate, All will be restored.

A lie lies the Alchemist,

As the Moon and the Sun together

Me and thee will exist.

I am thee. Thee are me.

Fire, water, air and earth cannot unbind the shed blood.

Comprehend me to deconstruct my being,

As I have to let myself reconstructed from thee.

A lie is truth. I am lie."

As he was speaking his voice started to fade. I realized I was about to pass out but then I felt the arms dragging me. From everywhere they surrounded me, black and cold dragging me to the Gate. I wanted to scream but my voice wouldn't listen to me, my limp body standing at the mercy of the black limbs.

I had time just to hear the Truth ending his riddle and I see his smile once more before the Gate closed decisively in front of me, leaving me in a complete darkness.

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**A.N. Thank you so much for reading, you don't know how it means to me. See you in the next chapter.**

**Al**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

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**A.N. Hey guys! Thanks so much for the views and reviews I really appreciate them ^_^. I was still pondering whether I should post chapter 1 today too, but then I thought that the simple prologue didn't give a good insight on the story, so here it is. Probably I will try to contain my enthusiasm and post another chapter the following days since I will run out on writing material, but I promise I will make another update in a few days, or a week (maximum). Until then I want to thank everyone and ask them to review with anything they think or want to mention since any opinions or insight is valued. So just tell me what you think...:D. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and without any other words I present you chapter 1 (the real one).**

**Any typos or grammar mistakes aren't intentional.**

**I might add that I also reviewed this chapter so the mistakes might not be so obvious anymore. Feel free to point them out if you wish.**

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_O.C.'s P.O.V._

I woke up on the cold hard ground gasping for air in ragged breaths. I had to breathe at least for a minute before my vision cleared and the searing pain in my body diminished. Carefully I raised myself from the crouched position I was in, moving my limbs slowly to see if anything else hurt. For my ultimate relief, it didn't.

I got up, my legs almost failing me when the weight of my body put pressure on them. I collapsed on a wall trying hard to steady myself. After I felt like I wasn't going to fall anymore I raised my head and looked around curious.

With my obvious never failing sense of observation, I figured it was night, the only light coming from the pale, full moon. I was in a dark alley that you mostly find between two buildings. It was clearly unused by the residents of the buildings, as you could figure out from the messy and abandoned look of the walls and the boxes cramped everywhere, probably full of junk, the only creatures present at the moment being me and a few cats, that hid very fast in a dumpster at my sudden movement.

The cold wall was hard against my skin, and I looked down, surprised to see I was wearing just a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. However, the real question wasn't why I was wearing this, but where I was, and how I got here. More importantly, why my mind was so fuzzy that I couldn't form any coherent thought or remember anything relevant with my current situation.

Slowly, I dragged myself along the wall, feeling the sharp edges cutting into my skin. However, I had to get out of this alley; I had to find where I was. As I walked my feet grew stronger and I somehow I managed to reach the end of the dead-end I woke up in, without failing. But the sight that welcomed me was unnerving.

I have reached a street, blocks of apartments with stores at the ground floor, their emblems smiling cheerfully. Victorian looking street lamps lighted the street in eerie light, in contradiction with the modern road that looked perfect enough to drive a car onto.  
But that wasn't that made me stop in my tracks. A massive building had risen in front of me between the apartment blocks and houses. It was massive, giving with it an allure of strength that imposed respect to the viewer; its walls as a fortress', with strong doors, many check-up towers and what looked like machine guns lined up the wall. It was illuminated with pale-blue lights, and I could see an immense banner suspended. It looked like an argent dragon was on it, his claws ready to tear through anything that was going to stand in front of him, and everything on a deep green background. The flag actually raised my uneasiness, and suddenly with an audible click, a memory invaded my mind. It was so painful, its force making me collapse on the ground, gripping my head in a pathetic attempt to make it stop. But it didn't.

Amestris. The word invaded my mind unwelcomed, along with information about a round-shaped country, with a high military organization, and ranks and corrupt leaders. For some reason I knew that bad things happened in there, and I wanted to get as far as I could from that building.

Heavily panting, my head feeling like it has been crushed with a stone, I rose to my feet and turned my back to the building, walking as fast as I could without getting dizzy. I wanted to get as far away as I could from it, those images still burning my mind.

Central. Central Headquarters. Where the Fuhrer and the government lived, the heads of the military, colonels, majors...alchemists. The scariest of them all where some images of the dark figures lurking in the underground. Images of gruesome experiments, plots and murders…. I felt my stomach clutch in a wrong way, all this thoughts racing all at once in my head making it worse.

I tried to snap myself from the dizzying images and concentrate but it was almost impossible. They just kept coming, faces of people, names followed by stories I didn't want to know. I had to focus on figuring where I was and where to go, but these damn thoughts wouldn't let me breathe. The pain became worse, rising in a rapid crescendo until I felt like my head was going to explode.

And then, as I was hearing the way the pain was pulsating inside of me, an explosion did happen, but not in my head; in the world surrounding me. I looked up, confused and scared to see how a bright light, followed by a wave of unbearable heat, illuminated the sky. My mind registered the orange glow as flames. Then the flames met a wall of water, both of them dissolving into steam.

Above, on top of a building, were people, next to the edge of the roof standing a man. He was tall even from down here and I could see his long black hair was tied in a long ponytail. His features weren't clear but his blue clothes looked torn apart and dirty, and I could almost see him watching the Central Headquarters with an indefinite expression. For a second it looked like pity but he turned around too quickly for me to understand it and slammed his hand on something from the roof. Water burst out from several different places at once. The flow was so strong that even myself, from across the street and 5 levels lower, was splashed by it. Confused, I wiped my eyes from the annoying drops just to see the man running now on a thin ice bridge that appeared on the gap between buildings.

"Impossible..." I whispered, as my mind couldn't really perceive the way the bridge appeared out of nothing, just to turn immediately into water just after the man stepped on the next roof. I was speechless and couldn't really comprehend how something like this was possible. I was contradicting myself mentally by believing that this was and wasn't possible at the same time.

After the man ran into the night other people appeared in my sight, cocking guns trying to shoot the man, but he was already too far away. Also they were dripping wet from water, as the explosion from earlier must've hit them directly. After a few rounds thy stopped and heard voices yelling orders, and they retreated fast, away on the roof where I couldn't see them anymore.

For a second my mind saw a handsome black-haired man, soaking wet and very angry, yelling orders on the rooftop, but I chased away the thought without paying attention to it. This wasn't the time to let my imagination wonder on hot, wet guys, not when I was in red zone with military officers running around, handicapped by an impossible headache and numbness with a bad feeling in my gut.

But despite anything logical I started to move in a fast pace in the direction the weird man went. I was guided by a force stronger than me, and somehow I knew that if I didn't go there something bad will happen. Well worse than going there and probably risking my life with my impulsivity.

I was nuts, but I didn't stop, not even my limbs starting to ache from the fast pace and my vision started to be affected by pain.

I zigzagged between dark alleys and buildings trying to find the man and avoid the military. I knew he was here somewhere; he needed to find one of those five alchemic circles he had drawn all around Central to start the transmutation...but how did I know that?

I felt my stomach clench in anticipation and without a word and totally disregarding my pain, I started running more desperately until the dark alleys ended and I found myself on a main street of the city. It looked peaceful, just a regular place and there was no sign of the weird man.

People were walking around without worry, and this place looked like a mostly civil area, as no cars appeared to be in sight. In the middle of the street was something that looked like decorative pounds, and a girl was feeding some ducks while her mother was laughing happily. Nothing seemed to be dangerous or out of the ordinary. Then, I felt the chill. Across the street, another alley ended. Something made me look at it scrutinizing and then is saw it. Some figures lurking in the dark, but before I could get to make a move on a red light appeared, followed by a pale blue one. With a crash, the three silhouettes emerged from the light, the pony man I was following hitting hard the safety rail of the pond with an audible thud. For a second it hurt me.

The other two figures were a child and a man in a suit of armour. The boy was quite short, but no as short as I expected him to be, almost the same height as me, his golden haired braided on his back. He was wearing a dark red cape, underneath it having a black outfit. But what unnerved me were his eyes: as yellow as molten gold, two suns radiating with energy, scorching the man in front of him with their fire.

"Alright Al, good work!"

The suit of armour came closer and spoke in a high-pitched, making his worry more obvious. "Brother, his alchemy-"

"I know," responded the blonde boy hastily. After that, his attention was on the man in front of him once more.

"Hey you! You have the philosopher's stone, don't you?"

People had stopped and were staring at them but I didn't pay attention to what his words were saying or the events that were occurring. Philosopher's Stone. That voice. The burning pain in my head turned into wild fire and I collapsed to the ground. A part of me realized that I was yelling but I couldn't stop. The images, the voice, the boy and his brother. A Philosopher's Stone. All these words. I knew them. I knew them! But I couldn't remember them! I had to stop! I had to go further!

I wasn't hearing what they were saying but I already knew the words. The man, also known as Isaac McDoughal, The Ice Alchemist, was going to ask the boy what he was talking about. I could almost hear how he responded in a desperate menacing voice "If you're not going to tell me, I'll make you!" determination flaring deep into his golden orbs.

I remembered his eyes: angry, sad, and desperate; his voice, emotionless, angry, full of hope, devastated; his scars, his automail, his past, his sin. His name.

Edward Elric.

And the suit of armour was no man. It was his little brother, Alphonse Elric.

"Is this really the time to be blabbering nonsense?!"

With that resolution, some of the pain disappeared but I was powerless. It took me some seconds to realize that something very bad was happening in front of me. Looking up I saw the water from the pond exploding in the air and forming what looked like impenetrable wall of glass. I gasped, terrified at the magnificent power and beauty that I was seeing. Alchemy was indeed a beautiful and dangerous thing.

Then I saw Isaac grasped the rail that broke, clutching to the ever growing ice-wall, dragging him along with it. After that, he easily managed to get the top of his creation, his arms spreading out as the iceberg started to move slowly towards the Headquarters. Looking around, I saw a tips of other ice blocks surfacing between the buildings, all around the city, their movement synchronized and unstoppable.

I looked around curiously and another image flashed inside my mind, but this time it was the outline of a circle with patterns in it. An alchemic circle. Before I could think about it, the images flew to Isaac and his hands, the same circle present on his hands. Gasping I followed easily from here the second the train of thoughts in my mind started. The ice was moving in a clear pattern and it couldn't be stopped. It was going to form a circle, an alchemic circle.

I gasped in shock at my revelation. That was right, all alchemy relied on the power of the circle, and The Ice Alchemist was no exception. A transmutation so big and so powerful would probably affect the whole city. Or the centre of the city. More precisely the Central Headquarters. And as Isaac's alchemy was ice, in other words water manipulation, a transmutation like this could only result in the full frost of whatever was in the range of his circle. That meant almost everyone around here, including me.

I couldn't let this happen. I screeched my teeth in annoyance resulting from my own weakness, when a shirtless, muscular man followed by the two brothers posted himself in front of the moving block. What the hell was he doing there? He had to move aside, and fast.

I opened my mouth to yell this at him when his hand glowed with blue and his fist made contact with the hard ice, making the whole thing stop. I was just about to cheer from an outburst of happiness, but then the ice suddenly changed its course and smashed into the nearby building, continuing its devastating expansion.

I was about to swear in exasperation, but I saw the two brothers starting to move in the direction of Isaac, Edward transmuting the ground beneath him to reach the solid ice. Pushing my uncooperative body to move, I followed the weird shape of ice from a safe distance all this time trying not to let them out of my sight.

It was clear that up there those three were landing hits as many times as I almost got crushed from falling pieces of ice.

I didn't realize where I was until the ice's movement came to a stop in front of the great walls of the Central Headquarters. Stupefied, I saw the cold was affecting everything it touched, including the water surrounding the base of the wall and even its foundation. This thing had to be stopped, and I was trying to analyse what I could do to help, when the voice stopped me in my tracks. It was heavy, and rasped from the effort or by the wounds he inflicted, but I could clearly hear it.

"Losing an arm…and a little brother that is left without a body…Oh, I get it now! You guys committed the taboo didn't you?!"

I recoiled at the harsh words and their meaning. I knew what taboo he was talking about, and I knew what it meant. But a part of me was just so pissed off that their sin was brought up like this. That they were judged like this. That day was brought up repeatedly with full-force every time someone figured it out.

"The greatest taboo an alchemist can commit: Human Transmutation!"

Why did they have to be reminded like this of their past, their mistake thrown in their faces? What right did he have to say those words when he was about to kill hundreds of innocents? The injustice of the situation infuriated me so much. Even starting to imagine the impact of those words on those two brothers made me lose my mind from anger.

Ignore the blazing storm that was pressuring my skull, and the fatigue of my body, I started to run towards the ice block, my fury fuelling my determination. As I reached the frozen concrete, I realized I have been yelling while running. Without thinking, I slapped my hands against the cold block, my only thought being the face Edward could make and the silent acceptance of his bodiless brother. Energy erupted in waves, powerful and uncontrollable, crashing and destroying everything in its way from me. I felt the construction tremble and starting to crash against my palms, pieces of ice surrounding me as the ice broke down. I just kept focusing on destroying that thing, alongside with him and his words. But then, as suddenly as it appeared, the power vanished and my consciousness yelled at me to save myself from being obliterated by pieces of falling ice.

I jumped back, feeling some liquid prevent myself from breathing from one of my nostrils. To my left Isaac crashed from above with a grotesque thump followed closely by the two boys. He was beaten up pretty badly and his attempts to get up were almost futile. Blood was pouring down his arm, and somehow his eyes found mine, their mad gaze locking with mine. And he smiled.

"Hey you, are you alright? Move! It's not safe here!" It took me a second to understand that Edward was addressing me his face just half turned in my direction, as his eyes were watching his enemy closely. To our left the ice block stopped falling apart, and started regenerating but not before making the area surrounded by them small pieces of ice, a small powder that seemed snow falling from the sky.

"Can you move? Get away from here! It is too dangerous!" followed his little brother in a pleading tone, but his request was cut short by a crackling laugh. Isaac upholding himself in one arm was watching us closely, his eyes still on me.

"No, no. She mustn't go. She is part of their conspiracy after all; another fabricated lie!"

"Shut up! Give up already! You have been defeated!" shouted Edward in return to him, his anger making me flinch.

"Defeated? Defeated! How could you say that? Do you forget what humans are made from?" I looked at him confused until it occurred to me. Water, bodies were made from 70% water, and he was bleeding heavily. The revelation dawned on me, crashing everything in its way.

My body started moving by itself, without a second thought. I had to reach him! I yelled at Edward trying to make him understand faster but he didn't until Isaac raised his hand to transmute. And then somehow I was in front of him receiving the full blow of the solidified blood from Isaac, blocking his way to Edward with my body.

Pain erupted in my chest and I felt my lungs being pierced by the sharp point buried in me. Unable to stand no more because of the pain, I collapsed on my knees burying deeper the spear in my chest. I coughed painfully starting to feel my head get lighter and my breathing harder.

"You bastard!" erupted Ed from behind me and with a blue light the pavement underneath us threw Isaac away. Al's big, cold hands grabbed me gently as I was to slump completely.

"Brother! She is heavily bleeding! The blow hit her lungs!"

Ed responded something but I didn't understand it. My vision was blackening fast and I had to fight consciousness. I had to tell them to get away. With every bit of power left in me I manage to say some final words to the metal suit that was steadying me.

"Al…save…that…idiot…" I heard him gasp in shock, hands shaking me and voices talking to me but I couldn't stay awake any longer. I was so tired, and everything hurt so badly. I had to sleep. Just for a little while, just until the pain faded and I could help them get away from Isaac. Yes, I could just close my eyes for a second.

Decisively, I felt my eyelids close one last time, but not before seeing those orbs piercing me strenuously and the greyness of the metal, my mind emerging into an all too welcome void.

* * *

_Edward's P.O.V._

"Losing an arm…and a little brother that is left without a body…Oh, I get it now!"

Edward knew he had figured out as the first word left his mouth, his eyes widening incredulously. Somehow, he knew where this was going before he said it. He was what they called a smart boy, and his perception skills were amazing, but still; somehow he wished he was wrong, like that time when he had been wrong.  
But he wasn't.

"You guys committed the taboo, didn't you?!"

It was a statement, not a question. After all, he was an alchemist, putting two and two together wasn't so hard for him. But anger still filled his soul. The way he looked at them, as if all truth was unveiled with that statement. He knew already how his brother should be feeling being reminded that he was an empty carcass, to think and be reminded of that mistake resulted from a childish dream.

But he wasn't going to admit that beside all this anger toward the actions that brought him and his brother in this situation, he also felt shame. And guilt. And deep down the slightest tinge of fear, as he fought those memories from rising once again. That night was his sin, always lurking in the depths of his soul ready to rise and swallow him.

But he could manage to keep it at bay as long as he pretended not to know what Isaac McDoughal was talking about.

For a second he was almost ready to plead him not to say it.

"The greatest taboo an alchemist can commit: Human Transmutation!"

And that was it. With those words, he was thrown in a spiral of memories, starting with his own weakness that resulted in his brother losing his body. He remembered the fear, the pain, the smell of blood and alchemic substances reacting. The blue light of the alchemic circle still shining even though the transmutation was finalized. He remembered his desperation, the hard cold floor where he crawled, handicapped forever searching for his brother. The burning in his mind after seeing so many things with such a high toll. He was ready to do anything to get his brother back. And for a second that night he lost him! The only family he had left, all because of his own stupidity and selfishness. He couldn't hold the pain that was brought up with this resolution every time he thought about it. How he begged it to give him his brother back, without worrying about what it'll take from him this time. The sound of his agonized voice from both physical and emotional pain. The wetness of his tears. He didn't let himself cry since then just because it reminded him so much of that night.  
At this point, he had fight to stop the memories from going further, so he concentrated on his brother that besides him was reliving the same experience with the same intensity.  
Or even worse since he was the one who has forcedly been put in a metal body that felt nothing, incapable of doing what humanity defined as humane.

The guilt, anger and shame that came with these thoughts were enough for Edward to snap back from the gripping hands of the past, muttering in his mind again and again the same thing he said to Al that night. "I am sorry. I am so sorry Al." That bastard knew nothing about taboos or those who commit them.

How could a scam like McDoughal know what the greatest taboo an alchemist can commit, when he was doing all this? He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from screaming his raging thoughts of anger. Instead, he said something else.

"You… just took a step towards hell." That was right, because all those things must have been how hell felt like.

He was so absorbed in his own mind that he didn't realize he just let his guard down until he was surprised to hear a yell. Looking around disorientated, he saw a girl running full speed towards the ice block, yelling something indefinite. He was startled by her appearance; her hair mid shoulder length was storming behind her giving her an unreal image reminding him about stories of avenging angels. But what startled him most were the tears from her eyes, transforming her battle cry in a cry of pain. As she reached the ice, she snapped both her hands into the cold concrete.

And power erupted from her. Wave after wave of power shaking the construction from its base. His eyes widened when he realized that she was performing alchemy, and without any movement, but he got distracted as the ice under him starting to crack and collapse.

For a second he lost his balance, but a metal hand grabbed him, restoring his equilibrium. He heard his brother calling his name in a worried tone and responded quickly, "I know!" Without missing a beat, he launched himself at Isaac that had yet to restore his balance, his eyes still watching the girl performing her powerful alchemy. He took advantage of his distraught stated and kicked him hard into the gut, a disgusting sound erupting from the man as the automail arm planted itself into his stomach full-force. After, as his body bent down from the pain, he didn't wait to smash his head with both his hands clasped into a fist. Isaac hit the ice with an audible thump. But without getting up, immediately he transmuted the shaking ice, spikes erupting from a red light towards him. Edward ducked as fast as he could, the sharp edges almost getting to him as he jumped behind, almost falling as the construction was growing more unstable. _If only that girl will stop her transmutation, _he thought and like an answer to his prayers, everything stopped moving. Al was already destroying the spikes with his armoured hand, and without hesitation, he planted his feet into Isaac, making him roll over the edge. He fell, his gasps of pain audible as he was hitting every sharp edge from the wall he constructed, only to crash onto the pavement with an audible crack.

Ed jumped, shortly followed by Al, letting him slide down the ice, landing much more gracefully than his opponent. Everywhere blocks of ice were crashing irregularly as the construction had been terribly shaken by that alchemic reaction from before, making the world from down there look like a maze made of ice. A small white powder was falling from the sky, reminding him of snow.

Isaac wasn't giving them any attention at all, his eyes staring somewhere behind him. He turned slightly just to see the girl from earlier with from corner of his eye. She wasn't supposed to be here. Dammit, if that bastard was thinking about taking hostages this was going to get bad very fast. She had to leave now.

"Hey you, are you alright? Move! It's not safe here!" he yelled still not facing her fully, as Isaac's unsettling smile was unnerving him. For his exasperation she didn't move. Al wasn't as cautious as him, turning almost with the back on his enemy to face the girl.

"Can you move? Get away from here! It is too dangerous!" _What is he talking about, was she hurt? Did she somehow get hurt from the falling pieces of ice? _But his thoughts were stopped by Isaac's laugh.

"No, no. She mustn't go. She is part of their conspiracy, after all; another fabricated lie!" he said, sounding like he was both mad and excited by this turn of actions. What did he mean by them and conspiracy? A fabricated lie? Edward's mind was already working fervently, analysing the possibilities of what that meant. Was the girl an enemy? Why did she help them? What was really happening? But that wasn't important. He could find his answers later, now he had to end this fight and take her and his brother to safety.

"Shut up! Give up already! You have been defeated!" shouted Edward in return to him, his anger making his voice harder.

"Defeated? Defeated!" cried McDoughal in an unnatural voice, his pain finding his way through his mad tone. "How could you say that? Did you forget what humans are made of?"

This made Edward very confused. He knew exactly what humans were made from; he had learnt the exact components since that day. His mind started chanting as well as learnt poetry. Carbon, Ammonia, Lime...but on the most predominant and in the most quantity was water 35 l. Water. All he could think was shit, as he realized that his realization was made too late. Isaac, still smiling maniacally, was preparing to transmute, his hands going slowly to his wound. He tried to move, but he knew he couldn't make it fast enough. And then a body was in front of him, the silhouette not bigger than his, just when Isaac's solidified blood was going to pierce him.

The girl received the full-blow, going all the way through her chest. She didn't make a sound, just a slight gasp when he pierced her. Edward, for a second, was just incapacitated, incapable of moving or speaking. Then she collapsed, burying the spear deeper within her, his brother already there cutting the ice and carefully taking the girl in his arms.

That made Ed snap back to his senses, and by clasping his hands together, he transmuted the pavement to throw Isaac as far away as possible. Dammit, dammit, dammit! This was his entire fault. For a second he was tempted to run after the bastard but he turned himself and kneeled besides Al, who was still keeping the girl in his arms.

She was bleeding heavily, from the chest wound, but blood was also pouring from her nose and ears, making her face unrecognizable. All that he could make out of it were some delicate features, a pale-white skin and a pair of greenish-blue eyes that were looking somewhere lost into space, without focalizing on something. Her skin was so pale contrasting with her red blood. Quickly he took off his scarlet red cloth and pressed it hard on the deep wound. But it didn't do much good as the black Flamel symbol on its back turned reddish in mere minutes.

"Brother! She is bleeding heavily! The blow hit her lungs!"

But he knew that already he could see the bloody mess this girl has become. He realized that he was slightly shaking. Was he in shock? No, that couldn't be it. It took him a moment to realize that what he was feeling was fear, intertwined with guilt. This was his fault.

"I know that Al!" he snapped back because of his own uncontrollable feelings. "I can see that! Goddammit, how is she even bleeding so much from a blow!?"

"She was bleeding before we got down from the ice. When I turned to her blood was running from her nose." said his brother.

He remembered Al asking her if she was ok, and know he knew why. But why? They had do something fast or she was done for good.

"Quick, let's move her! We must reach Central Headquarters! There are doctors there! "

"With the risk of it still being frozen?"

"What else could we do Al?! Dammit, dammit, dammit!" said Ed on a desperate tone, his hand hitting the asphalt underneath him.

He looked up when he heard the clang that Al always made when he moved. He was lowering his body over the girl and he realized that she was trying to say something. He lowered himself to hear her weak voice murmuring something to Al, one of the words sounding like his name and another very close to the word idiot. Whatever it were, made his brother gasp shocked and try to make her answer one more time. But her bluish eyes where already closing, her body falling limp on his brother.

That was it. He wasn't going to let someone die because of him; die protecting him. That blow would've hit his arm or something but it hit her directly. Without a warning he took her from his brother's arms and started to run to the gates of the Central Headquarters. Damn Isaac and his freezing that risk could wait for later. He heard his brother catching up to him and yelling something that sounded close to a warning of danger. "I know that already, but I am not going to let someone die for my sake just because I did nothing to help them," Edward said, which made his brother nod in agreement and run alongside him.

The girl wasn't heavy but he was tired, and halfway there he began to pant and slow, but that didn't make him stop. He wasn't going to slow down, risking the girl's life furthermore. That thing that happened years ago with Al made him promise not to let anyone suffer because of him, and now this girl comes out of nowhere and throws herself in front of him, taking a blow. Why? Who was she? She had to live to answer all of his questions. Therefore, he pushed harder; he ignored fatigue and hoped he'll make it in time.

When they entered the central lobby of the Headquarters everyone stopped in their tracks seeing the bloody trio, as Al's armour was spotted by how he kept the girl for a while. Edward was panting heavily but he ignored his fatigue and yelled as hard as he could.

"I am The Fullmetal Alchemist and I need a doctor immediately for this girl!" Ed yelled, letting a few lower grades military personal run to execute his order.

"Al do you think we made it?" he asked on a lower tone still trying to catch his breath.

His brother watched him before nodding. "I hope so. Still, she's not out of the woods yet."

Edward didn't say anything but grasped the red mess in his arms a little tighter and muttered in a low tone a hang in there.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading. Any thoughts would be best appreciated. Also I will try to respond to every review personally here or in a pm since I think communication in such a big project is important. I am still hesitating with this fic since I am very insecure and anxious but I am trying my best, so any thoughts to improve myself are accepted. ^-^ Hope you enjoyed. See you next time.**

**Al**

**practice4morale: Thank you so much for your review I really appreciate it. I am so glad you liked my first chapter, can't believe you actually commented. Also I do appreciate seeing so much in the background of the story.*amazed awe* Oh and also I love your stories, you rock!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

**A.N. Well hello there guys...and girls...or whatever gender you are. Yes, I am more awkward than usual. Anyway, to be honest I didn't plan to update this until Wednesday, but I got such awesome reviews from such nice people and so many views (which I bet my half-soul aren't as many as I consider but they were so much many than I had expected and I am such a soft-hearted and excited about this story and ...well here it is chapter 2 which I think will raise more questions than will answer.**

**Without many other introductions...here it is chapter 2. Enjoy.**

**Any mistakes aren't on purpose, I don't really have time to beta-test this properly (or the patience really), so sorry for typos and grammar, just pull with them.**

**From now on I'll add a small cross for you to know(if you do care) which chapter had been reviewed a little. So if I express myself like a monkey just check if the chapter was edited. I am very bad at that so I asked a friend to look over, only that as everyone here, she's human and busy. So it might take a while before you see neat chapters from the first try, sorry.**

**(+)**

* * *

_Roy's P.O.V_

Roy Mustang was sitting in his office, reading another report on how Fullmetal rushed into Central Headquarters last night with a bloody civilian in his arms demanding a doctor. This was one more problem to his ever-growing list, starting with Isaac McDoughal, his plan to freeze Central, to the fact that the Fuhrer himself had been on the field and killed him.

And now, the Elric brothers made this big fuss about this girl. For a second he wondered what were they thinking but he stopped when he realized he was trying to find logic in Edward's actions. His brother was the sensible one; Edward was letting his emotions get the best out him.

He sighed, annoyed. He had to make all this paperwork for tomorrow, after he didn't get enough sleep the previous day, hunting down each alchemic circle McDoughal had drawn in the city. The operation was classified as a success but something nagged him about it. First, how was he able to perform such a large-scale transmutation, something impossible even for the most skilled alchemist, and why did the Fuhrer go personally after him. To make things even more complicated, this girl appeared too, the facts about her so confusing and contradictory that the mere action of thinking about them resulted in him having a headache.

He talked to the Elrics about her: how she performed another large-scale transmutation that helped them in their fight, and the way she jumped in front of Edward to protect him. Things got even stranger that after receiving such a blow for Edward she wasn't dead. She was brought into surgery as soon as they could, the doctors trying to stop the bleeding, but after they opened her chest cavity there wasn't any important wound to seal. He even made Knox look at her chart and he said he wasn't going to waste his time with corpses. The way McDoughal had pierced her lungs should've been fatal, but now she was in hospital under observation, breathing as well as a person could. Of course, she had been unconscious since that moment but alive nonetheless.

He didn't report it but the brothers told him she had performed transmutation without any circle; she didn't have to clap her hands or anything else, she just pressed her hands on the ice and transmuted, a thing that unsettled Roy. In addition, her looks were to say at least unusual… She didn't have anything Amestrian in her looks. Her hair was a little bit darker than Edward's, resembling a light brown, with white streaks in it. Her skin was very pale, even for him that was part Xingese, not that it was a common knowledge.

He had searched for something about her, but he found nothing, so all he had now to do was to wait for her to wake up. More impatiently waiting than him were the two brothers that he had to talk some sense into, to make them resume their search for the Philosopher's Stone and take a train to Lior, as they initially planned before the emergency with the Ice Alchemist.

He sighed again, tired and pinching the bridge of his nose. This situation had become so tangled so fast. He had to get answers but trying to solve this with the little information he had, wasn't going to get him anything but a headache.

He was interrupted when _his_ Lieutenant entered his office, carrying a tray with what looked a mug of coffee on it. He was so glad she did this, because he hadn't really had a good sleep in a few days. For some reason, Hawkeye knew what he wanted before he realized it himself. He hastily made some space on his desk and she placed the mug in front of him.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he said very gratefully, taking a long sip from his coffee. "You're welcome Colonel," she said but her tone wasn't as stern as it usually was when with others. He looked at her and saw how the continuous work took its toll on her too. Black circles were appearing under her eyes and her uniform wasn't as perfect as it usually was, but still perfect enough considering it was Hawkeye. Somebody else wouldn't have noticed this, but he did; he always did. In the blink of an eye, he decided she should go home. He was going to pull an all-nighter, and she didn't have to stay with him.

"You look tired Lieutenant." He said warily. Saying something wrong may result in her shooting him.

"Sir? I don't think so. I am just a little unsettled since our last mission."

"Indeed I am, too. I also have a lot of reports for tonight, thanks to the Elric brothers. I will probably stay here very late. You should go home. There is no need to miss another night's good sleep."

She looked calmly at him analysing his offer. He didn't blink to let her know he was sure. In the end, she sighed and closed the space between them, gathering some messed up pages on his desk.

"I don't see the point in me going home right know. You have a lot of work to do and you surely look like you can't do it alone. What kind of help would I be at home sleeping?" she said, arranging some documents.

Roy was startled by her words, as she didn't usually offer herself to help him. As if she were reading his thoughts, she said, "I made a promise. I can't follow you by staying at home." Her eyes had that determined gleam that said he couldn't change her mind. Therefore, he accepted her offer with a nod.

When she was about to leave he caught her hand and gave it a light push, not caring about the risks of that gesture, or that she could so easily push him away or yell at him, he needed to feel her. It was small and hardened from many years of working with guns, but still soft as he remembered it to be. "Thank you," he said before she could turn and tell him how inappropriate this was, or something worse. However, she didn't. She just gave a light push back before letting his hand go, leaving his office without another glance behind her to where a surprised Colonel was sitting. When he realized what just happened he smiled to himself and got back to work, his mind wandering on different thoughts this time.

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

"_Where am I?" I asked, unsettled for a second and not recognizing the blank landscape my consciousness woke up into. Then I realized that only one place could be so annoyingly white. I turned around, facing the Truth that was standing and smiling in front of my Gate._

"_You could at least given me a warning before bringing me here like this," I said slightly annoyed. "And make me face you from the beginning, not that void I look into every time I am here, so I wouldn't be so confused with my whereabouts." I added after a second._

"_Oh? But I didn't call to you. And the way you look is just something you choose to."_

"_If I would've chosen something like this, I would've remembered. And what do you mean you didn't call to me?" I said, my annoyance making my tone drip with venom._

"_As you have heard, the Truth only says the truth. If it didn't, my name would be meaningless, just as the truth that humans use. You came here on your own."_

_I looked at him biased by his words. I came to him? How? The way to access the Gate was by a Human Transmutation alchemic circle. But I didn't do that, did I? I thought about what I did before coming here and I realized I had a memory block. But before I started to wonder why, I remembered how Al was losing himself to the Gate as his body was here and his soul on the other side. But my body wasn't here was it? _

_And then as the water breaks a barrage my memories came back. Isaac McDoughal. Edward, Al. My wound. My deal. My memories._

"_You bastard. You let me totally clueless out there." I said as my body trembled, shook by waves of fury and fear. I actually have died a second time, and I didn't even hesitate before taking a blow like that. I had thrown myself in front of Edward without a second thought. I had used alchemy. I was so scared of these things, because I almost had thrown away another chance of living because of Edward, and ashamed because thoughts like this whirled inside of me._

"_Did I? I think you remember that you remembered. If you didn't remember anything then you would've have been totally clueless. What happened there was the bargain. The Stone wasn't enough for you to pass untouched. You paid your toll. The most important things about that world were just slightly altered. Your memories are still there."_

_I grounded my teeth, annoyed. How could he say something like that so easily? Yes, the bargain was that I was half a soul and half a body without memories and I knew it was bad, better than being dead anyway, but I didn't realize how important that information could be to me. And how painful to access them it could be. And even worse that the Truth was right, I had remembered but in a way that was worse than knowing nothing at all._

_But also, the bargain meant I was right. Having half my body and soul given to the Truth meant I was bound to the Gate. But coming here like this meant I was running out of time._

"_Am I losing the contact with my body?" I asked next, ignoring his remarks. If I was here, I was going to learn as much as I could._

_At my question, he smiled with those creepy ass teeth, knowing I wasn't going to fight for now, at least._

"_You have a body. Alphonse's situation is different. You have an anchor there, keeping your soul from running here. But that doesn't mean that when your mind is unconscious your soul doesn't break free."_

"_So, you're basically saying that I am sleeping?" If I was going to see this creep, every time I slept I hoped I had some new magical endurance because I wasn't going to sleep for a while._

"_I said unconscious. Not sleeping. How humans bend the truth is almost amusing."_

"_There are different truths, that's all. I didn't bend anything. In my mind, unconsciousness could mean sleeping. Then in my reality, because one's reality is defined by his thoughts and experiences, means that the truth was what I said. In addition, what you said is also the truth, because the word has two meanings. Saying a truth means one thing is a lie."_

_The Truth just smiled, as if he knew a joke I didn't. His smile made me angrier. Was he laughing at me again? Or looking down on me? He knew the future if he brought me here. He knew that Edward would defeat him. Then why was he smiling? Was this a different Truth than one in the series? Could there be different Truths? I think my soul just got a headache._

"_Why am I here? You said I wasn't going to be fully human so how am I unconscious?"_

"_It's because of the alchemy. That wound is nothing, but using alchemy like that for someone who crossed the Gate is to say at least exhausting. You've seen that I have transformed your Gate so you could perform alchemy. What you did was something else."_

"_Something else." I repeated, feeling a shiver run up my spine. Why did I think that what was coming next wasn't going to be pretty?_

"_Yes," added Truth, smiling. I think this was where the will to chat stopped. This made me think. Why was Truth so helpful in the first place? He was a manipulative bastard, he wasn't the type to answer my thoughts just because I was confused from the goodness of his heart. Which made me wonder if he did have a heart. So it was something else. Most probably something backstabbing. Think, you know this bastard, so what could it be? And then it dawned on me. Which made me feel sick in my stomach and want not to have realized._

"_I won't remember any of this," I said feeling the words choke me. At my statement, he only smiled more, the only confirmation I needed to know I was right._

"_Damn you, goddamn you little bastard!" I yelled, but I was defeated and it knew that. I made a deal. If I was remembering everything from FMA right now it meant I wasn't going to remember anything when I went back. _

_I started trembling with rage. He didn't have the right to toy like that with me. He didn't have the right to kill me and afterwards do something like this and call it even. Or do everything like that to the Elric brothers. Or Izumi. Or Roy, Riza, Hughes, Scar...Damn him! I didn't realize that tears of anger filled my eyes, ready to run down my cheeks, until I tried to see him once more. I wiped them away, angry with myself for being such a weak human in front of him. That is what meant to be god-like or even God. More powerful than anyone. I saw his smile one more time and I decided I wanted to wipe it from his face. How dare he find amusing something like this? Before I even thought of what I was doing or how foolish I was, I launched at him, ready to beat him and his smile and game and bargain and world. But, of course, I didn't get that far. Halfway the Gate opened and I saw that eye watching me. If Truth was annoying, the Gate was frightening and I came to a stop ready to run back, as far away from that thing that inspired the deepest fear I have ever felt in my entire life. But I didn't get that far as black hands grabbed me and started to drag me towards it. I fought them (although it was useless), but I continued to fight with all my might. As I went past Truth, he was smiling and watching me with his eyeless face. As I entered into the Gate, he said his last words to me:_

"_Until next time." Then, the Gates closed in front of me leaving me once again into darkness._

* * *

The first thing I became aware of was my thirst. I didn't even think when I jumped out of my bed, ignoring any cracking noise my bones made or the pain from my joints. I entered a room that seemed to be a bathroom and almost swallowed the faucet while turning on the water. The pressure was too much and I felt the water entering my lungs and nose, so I had to back away to catch my breath while coughing painfully, only to hastily start drinking after once more.

It was so cold. So good, so tasty; the best thing I have ever drunk in my entire life. After a time that felt like an infinity, I felt my stomach fill up so I stopped drinking. Even then I wanted to drink some more but I felt I might explode. So I stopped, my belly making a weird noise as the water moved inside of me, giving me a very strange sensation.

Now that my thirst was quenched, I was able to analyse my surroundings. I was in what looked like a small bathroom, enveloped in darkness, as the lights weren't turned on in my haste to drink, so I exited the room to go to the place where I woke up. When I saw the door, I had to stop at the doorframe because I knew where I was. The white plain walls, the uncomfortable looking bed, the sterile floor, the IV poll; It was a hospital room. I had been laying in a hospital bed. I checked my arm curiously and saw that in my rush I snatched out the perfusion from my arm, there being a small wound that was bleeding. Disgusted at the sight of my blood, I re-entered the bathroom, this time turning on the lights and I went to the sink and poured some water on my arm. I stayed like that until I was satisfied seeing just my skin and the pink edges of the cut. Then I found a towel and ripped in two, making an improvised bandage. Seeing that it stayed the way I wanted, I washed my hands, hiding the ripped towel somewhere behind the sink. When I got up my eyes met the mirror hanging above the sink. I passed my eyes over my face quickly, and I was ready to leave when something made me turn around and watch my face fully.

And I stared, and stared, and stared, until the reflection mimicking my face, widened her eyes in shock. The girl that I was seeing was me, and at the same time wasn't. My face was white-like, looking close to the porcelain dolls I remember seeing in the stores at the mall. Underneath it my veins looked blue, contrasting with the paleness of my skin, running up my arms and body like a spider's web. My eyes looked enormous; the lashes that I knew that should be brownish, looking closer to a midnight black. Also every imperfection of my face that I remember having had vanished. I watched dumb-founded as the place I should've had a scar when I was a child from falling while roller-skating was gone, some scars that made were the remains from a pimple invasion at 13 dissipated. But the most unnerving thing was my hair. I remember dying it many colours since the 9th grade, but it has always been a blonde-brownish colour. Not grey, not brown not blonde, but something between that made some girls sigh envious at its sight. Now it had white streaks in it. Everywhere I looked I could see white, its peaks looking like all colour had vanished from them. And my eyes. Oh my yes, so full of colour that changed from blue and green now looked like they had a veil on them. Panicked I tried to wash my face, trying to change myself back, like trying to wash away pain, but of course it didn't wash itself off. And I did this again and again until my face turned pinkish from scrubbing, until I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, the feeling of wrongness that my image made me feel.

Just like that, something inside me snapped and my body was waiting for this unsaid command to made contact with the reflecting glass, shattering it in the middle. Now my image wasn't as clear as before because of the cracked veins that marked the mirror. Feeling a morbid satisfaction at seeing the wrong image shattered I launched my fist again and again in the glass until the image shattered in one million tiny pieces, my crimson blood covering any sight of that stranger's face that was and wasn't me.

As I was watching my work feeling a disconcerting satisfaction at the mess I made, I felt hands grabbing me. I fought. I wasn't going to be pulled once more into darkness, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to see the Gate once me more. I didn't want to see It. Let me free, let me free, let me free! Somehow, I managed to escape and heard voices trying to contact me. But I wasn't going to listen, they were just trying to turn me into a stranger, somebody that I wasn't and send me to It. The hands never had voices before but I didn't care. I wouldn't play the game anymore. Kicking and screaming, I fought but as before, it was meaningless. I didn't even know what I was fighting for, what I was so afraid of. Why my image had driven me in such a maddening state.

Before I could kick one more hand I felt a pain in my left arm and then a fog grasped my body in its tight claw. I felt the hands leaving me, I felt myself leaving me, and I felt myself going so numb until nothing mattered any more.

-\\\-

When I woke this time, it was night. I felt much calmer. Actually, I didn't really feel anything but it was better than the maddening state I had been in earlier. Without moving from my bed I looked out the window. As I lied still, I could see the moon and the sky. It was so pale and beautiful. Now, I was the same colour as it was. This thought brought a pinch to my heart, but nothing like before. Actually as I was thinking about my earlier outburst, I was just getting more confused. What was the Gate? What were those black hands I was so afraid of? Actually, how did I get here in the first place when I clearly had no wound? Was I in a cuckoo's nest? Actually, did I have any actual memory about myself?

I remained at the last question since it was the only one I could answer to. Clearly I had some memories. My fear, those childhood flashes, the knowledge that I had had a different face, or looked different. All these things meant memories. But if I wanted to know my family, a reason why I was here or my name everything was blank. For a reason the word made me think of white, and the walls started to press on me. Feeling claustrophobic and afraid I fought to exit the white, the blankness, but I couldn't. My arms were tightly locked on the bed and I was doomed to pay my deal in this whiteness forever. What deal I didn't know but I knew I had lost.

Before I lost it, again, I heard the door slide and I steadied my breath, as I had done many times before. Or I hadn't, I didn't really know. I closed my eyes and I remained completely calm at the approaching footsteps. They couldn't really hurt me if I was sleeping. When I slept, I was what they wanted me to be so they couldn't get mad at me. I heard the steps coming to a halt next to my bed and I tried to look as asleep as I could bracing for a blow. But it didn't come. It exchange I heard a sigh, and a chair being dragged closer, and the sound of creaking material when someone sat on it. I felt a pair of eyes watching me closely and I did my best not to squirm or yell at them to move away. I really didn't like to be watched. I waited impatiently for the person next to me to do something, but it didn't. I was getting more and more curious and I knew I couldn't hold it much longer without trying to peek, when finally the person moved. I heard those footsteps - was he wearing boots? - coming to a stop next to the window. Carefully I peeked to my left.

The figure at the window was clearly a man. His back was turned to me, his hand clasped together behind him. He was watching something from the window, so I couldn't see his face clearly. He was much taller than me. His hair, even in this light, could be distinguished as silky black, spikes of it running in every direction. And he was military. He was dressed in uniform, probably blue, the epaulettes on his shoulders showing that he had a special rank. Despite my mind telling me, before I had been running away the military I trusted this man. I knew he was one of the good guys. I continued to watch him trying to find anything else interesting, my eyes lingering on his gloveless hands, but I found nothing else.

As knowing, I was done studying him, he turned from the window, his eyes fixing on me. I didn't blink and sustained his obsidian orbs that studied me as inquiring as I studied him. Looking satisfied with what he saw he moved from the window and sat down on the chair his eyes never leaving mine the whole time. I think he was trying to intimidate me, but he wasn't. I knew he was good and I wanted him to see I was good too, so that he could trust me.

After he sat down, he didn't say anything and neither did I. It was a comfortable silence, each of us thinking about something else. I felt my leg itch and tried to move my hand to scratch it but the chains just clicked and I had my hand pulled back in its initial position. Sighing, because I broke the silence with my annoying handcuffs I gave up on the starching point trying not to jump annoyed as it continued to itch.

"Do you want me to release your hands?" asked the man, his voice questioning, but I knew he was following something with his question. His voice was deep and soothing, and I could sense a tinge of an accent hidden between his calculated words.

"Not really. Even though I don't really get why I would be chained. But not remembering so many things, I could've have murdered someone and not remember. Besides, I just wanted to scratch my leg." My response was clearly not what he expected, but his poker face was amazing, the only reaction to my words being his nostrils dilating.

He looked like he considered the thought for a second and after that, he leaned forward and carefully unchained me. I didn't realize how cold I was until his hands didn't touch mine. They were soft - like all his life he had worn those white gloves - and gentle with my porcelain looking skin. Maybe I was really made out of porcelain.

After he was done, I massaged my wrists and thanked him. He responded as politely as me that it was his pleasure, but he looked at me as I was about to jump and run outside. I wasn't going to do that until I found the slightest thing that could help me remember who I was.

"What's your name?" I finally decide to ask. It was an easy question and not inquiring.

"Roy Mustang. Nice to meet you. And yours?" His look was still very considerate as he offered me his hand to shake it.

"Well I am surely happy to meet you Captain Mustang." I said, then continued, "As for my name, I really do want to tell you but there is the small problem: I don't remember it myself." Then I smiled, feeling really grateful that I was shaking hands with Roy Mustang because I really wanted to meet him. Actually I wanted to jump up and down with happiness but I didn't know why. Roy furrowed his brows, in scoff and my mind couldn't help but to think that he was indeed a beautiful man.

"I never told you that I worked in the military. Or my rank as matter of fact." The question was threatening. Indeed he didn't tell me; he didn't tell me that I was safe because he didn't have his gloves. Or why the blonde woman wasn't with him. Or that he loved to procrastinate or about his date-contacts. But I knew all this somehow, making me more confused and afraid, but I kept my smile, as I didn't want him to know how unfazed I was about my discovery.

Well, lucky for me, I was a fast thinker.

"No, but your uniform doesn't leave any doubt about your occupation. And you are wearing your rank on your shoulders. That is obvious too. You didn't have to tell me. And because you have soft hands means you wear gloves all the time, Roy Mustang. I wonder why that would be." His eyes squinted slightly at my statement and I smiled in return. No wonder It was so happy when I got annoyed; which only brought more confusion because I didn't really know what I meant by It.

"Well you are a smart kid" Roy finally said. "How old are you?"

"16, I think." I said. After a moment, I added, "What month are we in?"

"May 1914," he said, slightly amused by my question.

"Then I am 15. My birthday isn't until the 17th of December." But what bugged me wasn't that I said I was 16 but the year. I could've sworn I was born somewhere close to 1997.

Roy looked slightly amused by my confusion. Sighing he leaned forward.

"Do you remember anything beyond this point?"

I nodded disapprovingly. I actually was kind of confused myself. "Nothing?" he said as if he didn't believe me.

"Not really. Memories from my childhood pop in as well as some dates, but nothing substantial that could help me."

"Where were you born?"

"I don't really know the name of the place. Just that it was a city."

"What do you know about alchemy?"

"Nothing much. Just some general things and principles, but nothing substantial. Though I always have wanted to be an alchemist." I was amazed by my words as soon as they left my mouth. I knew they were true, but somehow I knew that this thing was a silly dream, impossible. It was stupid to say that I wanted to be an alchemist, even though I longed for that knowledge.

Roy remained silent for a few moments thinking about his next questions while I continued to watch him blankly.

"Do you remember your earlier outburst?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what caused it?"

"Mostly panic I think," I said concentrating, to figure it out. "It was because of the way I look. This isn't how I was. I can remember my hair being a much richer colour and my eyes looking clear. My skin was darker, being touched by the sun's rays, and I certainly know I wasn't a porcelain doll before. So, I panicked badly. I felt like I was forced in my own body. And then, I don't remember any coherent thought. Just that I wanted the hands to go away, and the fear."

I stopped, biting my lips because I already had said too much. The hands were an important detail that I shouldn't have mentioned, and by looking at how Roy registered the affirmation I think he realized it was something important.

"I see. You had to been sedated to calm down, and handcuffed if you were going to act the same when you woke up. You were kicking and screaming about gates and hands and deals and games that ended. You talked about bargains and white. Does any of this ring a bell for you?" It did, but I wasn't going to admit that. For some reason I think my lie didn't manage through unseen.

"Ok. But does the name Edward Elric ring any bell, then?" said Mustang as soon as I denied his previous question.

Oh, it did. Hearing that name sent a full electric blown to my body, my reaction unable to be covered. Yes, I did know that name to well. A blonde figure appeared in my mind alongside a list of events starting from me being pierced by the Ice Alchemist to waking up confused in a dark alley. Everything came so fast and all at once that I tried to push the memories back physically with my hands. Of course my actions where futile.

"Oh, yes... I know the name," I said with my hands clasped hard against my head. "I know it very well, Colonel. And I also know the reason why I am here." My voice was rough, feeling my tongue unable to form the words properly. I knew who Edward Elric was, but I didn't know why his name sent me in a spiral of emotions starting from happiness to sadness.

"You do?" responded his stern voice. "The Ice Alchemist has done a great job." I said bitterly in response. Fast, I let my hand wander on my chest trying to feel the wound, pain, or anything that signalled where the ice had impaled me. But there was nothing but skin behind my hospital clothes.

"I understand the name brought you memories from the past few days, did they not?"

"Yes they did. But with them they brought just more questions. You see Colonel, for some reason I know things I shouldn't, I do things I shouldn't, and say things I shouldn't. This conversation would take a very interesting turn if I decide to answer your questions honestly. But can I trust you? Can you guarantee that you will believe me or think I am not a spy or a good actress?" My tone was bitter, any innocence or happiness gone from it. If I was going to tell him that for some reason I had information about him, his team, and their powers, that I jumped in front of Edward because I didn't want him to get hurt and I used alchemy (I used alchemy!) to help him and his brother because I couldn't stand the way they must've felt when their worst mistake was thrown in their face, but for some reason I still didn't remember anything about me besides waking up next to a dumpster, I had to have all assurances in the world.

Roy leaned back in his chair, studying me once more. He had to make a decision. "You won't like it. And probably this will only make your life worse by hearing it." I continued, making sure he understood the situation, but I knew I had no chance to make it on my own from this maze my mind constructed for me, and I hoped he will accept the risk, because, right now, this puzzle was too confusing for me. After minutes that felt like an eternity, Roy finally accepted.

"This will do it. I accept that I will disregard your story until the end of it and let you explain everything and considerer you will say the truth. And I doubt that what you are going to say will make things worse than they already are, miss." He added his usual smirk coming to his mouth.

Relieved, I nodded. I knew that somehow, I was putting him in danger by telling my story but I didn't really have any other choice. Plus, for some reason I wanted to see those two brothers again, this time without yelling and fighting or crying, to meet the team and spend time around them. I longed to befriend them. Why was I feeling that?

"You will find out, Roy Mustang, that I am the exception to every rule. Very well, I shall tell you everything."

"Let's start by explaining how you knew those two brothers and why you jumped in front of Fullmetal."

* * *

**A.N. Sorry for the short update (sorry 5k words is short for me) I hoped you enjoyed.**

**I got a question about the physics in this story, and I will get others too, so here it is a short answer for them. To go ahead and predict, I think some real answers will come in chapter 11 or there, so patient and I hope I won't confuse you too much with my twisted thinking.**

**Also I want to thank so much everyone than viewed/read/favorited/followed/reviewed this story. Thank you so much guys, to be honest I didn't know what to expect with this, but so many kind words just melt my heart. So thank you.**

**Also the chapters will start to gradually get longer, but I must restrain from updating in this fast pace. I have some chapters written in advance but if I run out of posting material it will just be very bad since I am the queen of procrastination, mood-swings, insecurities and distractions. Roy's got nothing on me. Anyway now I am still away so I am writing slower than usual since my parents suck the life out of me. But when I get home I will go in a writing craze to compensate.**

**Hope you enjoyed, if you did please review (if you have time or will to press the keyboard-you lazy people) I really appreciate any words from you from you suck to it was awesome. Just tell what you think.**

**Anyway, I'll see you into the next chapter, I will post it somewhere at the end of this week or the other one, I want to remake my chapter storage.**

**Bye, Al out.**

**Rose: Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I appreciated your kind words. *shies away* I can't answer to you into a PM since you are a guest so here it is. First, thank you for appreciating my detailed writing. One of my favourite authors said something like the devils is in the details(a cookie for who figures out, or a dedication w/e). I believe that too. Beautiful stories are complex stories, even the ones that we found simple. Every story hides demons, you just have to train your eye to see them. I love details, and how they make everything more real and vivid. I have been condemned for losing my writing in details, but that's how I see the world and believe a story should be narrated. I want to raise as many 'what ifs', almost as many as I kill. So everything will be this detailed. That's why I will probably take so much time in updating something since my shortest chapter is 5.5k words. And I usually go for 6-7k. I can't write less detailed. Also calling me a great writer *punch in the feels*. That hurt, in the good way important things do. I have been criticized by the few people that know that I write and I can say that I have been encouraged just by two other persons. My parents totally don't want me writing (long story), and I usually don't tell this to no one. It's like I am ashamed with this. But I can't stop my soul from bleeding on paper as I can't stop my breathing so I write. Thank you, so so much Rose. So I am updating because of you and thee other 4 people that reviewed,because you make me feel that maybe, for a little while, my brokenness can make something so beautiful. I updated because I know how it is to be holding on just by drowning in words, and how it is to be eager to know what happens in something you get into. I am softy and sentimental like this. So this is both for you and BookWorm, and velli9 and practice4morale, and of course the person I dedicated this story to, Kate (even though she read this already). Because you made me think like maybe I was doing something right.**

**Well if this was unnecessary and overly-dramatic. You can skip this to the next chapter, but that fragment is dedicated to everyone that appreciates this story, even mentally, even you don't review it. So thank you. I do appreciate it. Sorry for the long A/N, I won't make them this long. And i promise you I won't be this dramatic and clingy every time, just thought you should hear this. So yea, till next time.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. So here's chapter 3, so I hope you enjoy it. As always thank you for the amazing reviews and nice words. You're the best!**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional.**

**(+)**

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

Roy stayed the entire night talking with me and questioning me. I think at the end he was more confused than satisfied, but I had nothing more to tell him. I think I actually scared him off with my information. He actually got very angry and demanded me to tell him how I knew the Fuhrer killed Isaac himself. After he realized that I was done with my secrets he looked so tired and conflicted I almost pitied him. Then he got up, saying he had to think about all this and he should come in the morning to talk more about it. I accepted because I didn't want to pressure him. He had a lot to digest. Poor him; he didn't even know that I retained myself from telling everything I knew about him and his team.

So after he left, I was left to sleep but I couldn't really get my mind to stop from wandering around. Thoughts and speculations were forming in mind, but were easily outnumbered by the questions. One of the most annoying ones was about my name. I didn't really remember it. Should I let people call me by pronouns until it came to me? Or should I make one up? This thing was so frustrating.

Also. I was thinking about Edward and Alphonse. Where were they? If they were here, I knew for some reason they'll be waiting for me to wake up. If they were gone, that meant that they were searching for the Philosopher's Stone. So they probably were in Lior right know. I let my mind see the events happening there, about Leto the fake priest, the naïve believer Rose, about the disappointment when the brothers found out that it was all just another dead end… Oh, how cruel will Edward be to that girl, but it was something I would've said too.

How the fuck did I know all this anyway?! I got so furious with myself, so I kicked my bed, which only raised my disappointment since I was acting like a stupid brat who didn't get his favourite toy. But it was so annoying, to know these things about these people, and not to know the slightest information about yourself. Why? I knew some things that were yet to happen, or currently happening across this country but I had to fight to remember my name. I was scaring Roy with this, and running in front of spears, but couldn't remember the face of my parents. It was... very frustrating to say at least.

Furthermore, it was unsettling for things just to pop up like this in your mind, information that shouldn't be known coming to you just like that. Annoyed and stressed out, I finally got up ready to do anything but lie in bed thinking about how helpless I was.

I remembered that the hospital from Central had an amazing view from the roof and decided since it was almost morning that I should watch the sunrise. It was more entertaining than fighting with yourself anyway.

-/-

A few hours after I was eating my breakfast, which came with a delay since I needed to calm the nurse when she panicked, seeing my empty bed, telling her I just went for a walk. She was still giving me suspicious looks, most probably because of my fit yesterday, when she left the room letting me stuff myself with pancakes, as I was dying from hunger.

I was in the middle of devouring one when the door opened and a blonde haired man entered, seeing me in my full beauty when trying to fit the third bite into my already full mouth. I couldn't do anything but choke myself while trying to swallow as fast as I could, which only made things worse. So after a coughing phase, and swallowing and coughing more, I was able to look the man with a vision blurred by tears of pain. He was watching me, bewildered, mouth agape and unable to form a response to my delicacy and extinguish manners. Trying to save the situation, I jumped of bed, the cold floor making contact with my bare feet as I walked to him and shook his hand.

He was actually very tall, I guessed he was around 1.9 metres, so my face was only reaching his torso. He was wearing blue military uniforms and had an unlighted cigarette in his mouth, his blue eyes watching me closely amazed. From his epaulets, I guessed he was a lower rank officer, but I knew he wasn't a bad guy. Only one person could be walking around with that cancer-giving stick in his mouth like that. "Welcome, 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc. Nice to meet you," I said sure of myself, trying to save my dignity and any respect this man could have for my person from vanishing. But I forgot that he had to say his name first just after the words left my mouth.

I didn't know what Roy told the man, but my greeting was clearly took him aback. It was clear that I wasn't waiting for him and I couldn't have known who he was for sure, so I clearly didn't have any back-up plan for this leak.

"Damn, Mustang wasn't exaggerating at all when he said you knew everything about everything. Nice to meet you uh…Miss."

"Thank you. And sorry for my earlier…manners. You can call me whatever you want since I don't really have a name at the moment."

Carefree, I walked back to the bed, jumping on it and resuming my meal since I wasn't even half satisfied. Jean just watched me with fascination as I devoured my 5th plate of pancakes hastily.

"You sure are hungry."

"Well I guess I am. But I don't see a problem in that. It's free food after all."

"But how? I mean look at how small you are! Do you even reach 1.6 metres?"

For a second I ignored what he said before I realized what he meant. Did he just call me short? The pancake I was holding stopped in mid-air, halfway to my mouth, my glare harder and sharper than McDoughal's spear that wounded me a while ago.

"Did you just call me short?" I said in what could be an indifferent tone.

"Well yes….well this is how you look..."he answered, a little flustered by my look, but he didn't manage to finish the sentence, as my pancake planted itself on his face.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CALLING ME SMALL?!" I snapped, my voice rising so high it could shatter glass. "I AM 1.62 METRES, JUST SO YOU KNOW!"

The pancake slipped off Jean's face onto the floor with a thump, his face looking at me dumb-founded from under the maple syrup. Then he burst out laughing, cutting my eruption.

"Oh man, you sound just like him. Your reaction is almost the same too. Guess the s-word is forbidden around you too." He said between laughs. "Sorry, my bad, but you look indeed very …petite." He corrected himself quickly at my threatening scowl. "Sorry; my bad." He said once again trying to retain his laugh.

I wasn't small or short looking! For some reason his words have deeply insulted me. I mean, I wasn't the tallest person alive, but I wasn't the smallest either. I knew girls at school that even stood on heels weren't really reaching me. And I wasn't petite. That meant delicacy and made me think of flowers on a field. I was actually very athletic looking, with my broad shoulders and long legs. And even though I had some forms, that didn't mean I could be classified as fat, even though I critiqued myself while looking in the mirror. But I wasn't short or petite!

HE was still snickering though, so I decided it was time to find out why was he here. "Is Mustang THAT worried that I might be an enemy, so he sends a guard? Or were you so curious about my powers that came to yourself to find out if I was for real?" I said in a still upset tone.

Jean smiled and lit his cigarette. I thought for a second to make him stop but the smell was familiar and who was I to stop people from doing what they liked so I ignored it.

"None of the above actually." He said after sucking a deep breath of smoke. "Mustang sent me here to discharge you since you look ok. We are going to East City and you are going to tail us. Actually this is an order but we don't want to report you and…. your situation to the upper military since we don't know how they will respond to this. We are going to keep an eye on you, but still register you as an ordinary civilian so I think you will play as a younger sibling to one of us."

I believed what he said but that wasn't the rest of it. Mustang also saw me as a threat and opportunity. He wanted to advance ranks as quickly as possible and my knowledge made me valuable, and a good enemy. In addition, it was unpredictable what my memories could bring so it was better to play safe. I didn't doubt his good reasoning that he was a bit worried about me as a person, but I didn't doubt his ambition and need to protect everyone that belonged to him. And my knowledge of his connection to Riza was particularly dangerous.

"I understand." I said. "There is no problem with that matter as long as you feed me. For some reason I am very hungry." And I swallowed another pancake. "But I want to meet the Elric brothers as soon as they come from Lior."

Jean just watched me for a second, considering my answer after then nodding in agreement. "After you finish your …meal, you should pack things and be ready to leave because we have train to catch at 12."

"You know you are lucky I didn't sleep last night since my usual wake up hour is at noon. And did you forget, Lieutenant Obvious, that my only belongings are these awful scrubs? How am I supposed to pass as a civilian if I walk around looking like an escaped convict from a mental facility?"

"We have that problem solved already; I will come back with some clothes. Also don't mention to anyone about our conversation," He said before standing up from his chair and heading to the door.

"What about my imaginary friend Steve?" I yelled after him but he just closed the door to my face.

"Rude," I muttered. But I didn't complain about the circumstances. Roy was getting me out of town fast since Central was the worst and most dangerous place to hide a secret. Also, he was giving me a backup story and a reason to stay while watching me carefully and analysing my moves closely. Also, he would find out if I knew something new since I was probably going to crash at a place belonging to him or one of his subordinates. He was indeed a smart son of a bitch, but he still lost at chess to Grumman. I was really curious what will he say the old eccentric General about my presence at his Headquarters. Maybe I could play chess too. I wasn't very bad at it after all.

Biting the last pancake, I decided that this was getting interesting. And for some reason, I was enjoying every part of it.

-/-

I didn't believe myself for actually being nervous when I was going to meet actual strangers. Yet still I fidgeted for a while in my hospital room, trying to make the best out of the attire picked for me, which actually made me feel so girly and stupid that I was going to beg for some ugly military pants. I was wearing a yellowish dress that reminded me of the sixties and jazz music. My hair still unnerved me so I had to catch him in a ponytail, so my face was showing it at its fullest. It wasn't round, more oval looking actually, high cheekbones, full pinkish lips, brown eyebrows and a big forehead. Yep, I was going to die.

Showing every feature like that made me very uncomfortable, but I couldn't pinpoint the reason why. But making me wear a dress, and a yellow coloured one made me want to murder Havoc before his cigarettes did the job for me. He was so going to pay for this.

Annoyed I exited my room, wishing I had stayed the whole day in bed eating pancakes, and heading towards the nurses station where my enemy was discharging me. When I got there, he was just completing the papers, but stopped when seeing me approach. I couldn't really make his expression before I went to him and stomped my foot full force on his.

He let a cry of pain and jumped from his place looking annoyed, while rubbing his feet through the thick military boot, trying to keep his balance while standing just on one feet.

"What the hell was that for?" he exclaimed deeply annoyed.

"For making me look ridiculous," I hissed, ready to snap at him again but he didn't give me that chance as he went and gave the nurse, watching us stupefied, the papers. After saying a cheery 'Have a good day' to the busty woman (almost making me puke), he came to me and dragged me to the exit, his hand clenched tightly on my arm.

"Don't you ever do that again," He said after we were outside, the sun shining above us brightly.

"Or what? You are going to beat me? Nothing I haven't felt before." I said as I started to walk on the sidewalk. He soon followed me and said, not restraining his amusement

"You know, our car is in the parking lot. That can be reached by going the other way around." I stopped in my tracks, feeling like an idiot and trying to keep my cheeks from warming up shamefully. Stuttering, I turned around while Havoc was laughing his ass off at my actions. "Not-t like you said-d anything earlier about a car you-u idiot!"

He continued to laugh at me all the way to the station, and stopped only after I threatened I was going to say to the woman he was going to marry that he smelled badly. Not that I knew who was going to marry him though. But my attack had the effect I wanted, making him stop from blabbering nonsense.

My foul mood was aggravating when we parked to the station. I could already see the cluster of officers in blue uniforms waiting for us: Breda talking loudly with a reserved Falman, Roy looking like he wanted to be anywhere but standing in the middle of the road, a shy Fuery trying to raise his voice to say something and the ever vigilant Hawkeye that, even though she looked like she wasn't interested in the discussion, was searching the surroundings for threats.

Ok, I was totally panicking. When Havoc stopped the engine I grasped my seatbelt like a sailor grasps a life buoy in a stormy sea. How was I going to talk to them without making them hate me? I didn't know why, but I was sure everyone hated me. They were already suspicious of my past and knowledge. How was I going to speak to them?

"Hey kid, you okay?" The voice interrupted my train of thoughts and I looked up at Havoc, who was watching me closely. "You're kind of trembling. If wearing a dress is such a big deal to you I can find something fast before the train leaves…"

"How am I going to meet them?" I interrupted, my voice sounding rough. "How am I going to speak to them without making them hate me? I mean, I AM a freak. I don't even know my name. They are the amazing Hawkeye, who is the most brilliant woman I have ever known; Roy the Flame Alchemist, who is tortured by his desire to make the world better; Fuery, who is a genius with anything electronic; and Breda and Falman, two of the most loyal people I have ever seen." Dammit, if I wasn't so pathetic... Jean watched me closely, analysing everything I said to him and trying to digest that I knew that much. After all they were still trying to find out the extent of my information.

"You are not a freak." he finally added. "I've met some weird folks while working in the military and I don't think you are in the same category as them. You are just a girl with some memory problems and a bad temper followed by a bad mouth, but I don't see anything unusual. And I don't know what you heard about us but we aren't that great. The stories that are told about us are just stories. I don't think they will hate you."

I remained speechless for a few seconds, trying to completely understand what just happened. Did Jean Havoc just encourage me? Did he just define my condition as normal? I didn't know what to say to him because I was sure nobody had done something like this for me in my entire life. While I was still searching for some grateful words, I felt a pat on my shoulder and I looked to see his usual cheery self.

"Now let's go, before Hawkeye decides it's best to take out her guns out. That woman is very scary when she wants to." I felt my eyes burning but I nodded since I didn't want to make things more uncomfortable. So I decided to use my best figure of speech, the never-disappointing sarcasm.

"You just say that because she can shoot better than you," I remarked as I exited the car and started walking towards the group. Jean was immediately by my side, yelling that Hawkeye shot better than anyone alive, so I couldn't really blame him for not being as close to her god-like skills…

I just smiled knowingly, letting him talk his way out of this since I owned him. When we reached the group we were still arguing about his combat skills, and my nervousness had mostly diminished so I could say in my own sarcastic way a hello to everyone.

"Hey everyone, nice to finally meet you. You all probably have heard of me, as well as I hearing of you, so things will get very strange from this point. Also, feel free to call me whatever you like since I don't really have memories concerning my identity. Oh, I bet we could try Amnesia girl or something like that…"

-/-

I actually enjoyed the train ride. I left the window open so I could see everything and feel the wind ruffle my hair. I was watching buildings turn into houses and houses turn into land as we existed Central. It was going to take a day and a little to reach the Eastern Headquarters. For a second I almost asked about taking a plane, but my common sense made me stop. It was so unusual, this feeling; to know that the world (in a way) is and isn't the same as I knew it. I had memories of things that clearly didn't exist here. But, it was ok because they weren't meant to exist here. So many things crashed into my mind, on one side the feeling that everything was going as it should've, and on the other side the feeling that everything was wrong. The same thing happened with my memories. Without realizing it, I separated them into two categories: information and things I have really lived before. My memories were mostly images from my childhood, some figures I couldn't make out not very important. The information were things that belonged to this world, things I shouldn't really know about people from here. But that didn't mean they were complete, as gaps were present even in this category. This whole situation sucked so much. Couldn't I at least find my name?

As the train accelerated I pulled back in my head in the cart, and looked around the wagon. It was a special military wagon and it was different from the wooden seats that could be found in the civilian part. Everyone was sitting in a lazy mode, trying to cope with the unbearable heat. Roy actually fell asleep while reading something, and Havoc and Breda we're playing cards. Fuery was doing something, (probably fixing something,) and Falman went a while ago somewhere. What got my attention was Hawkeye cleaning her weapon. She was doing it without thinking, as she looked lost deep into her thoughts. I approached her curiously to see all the pieces that formed the weapon shining on her lap as she cleaned them time after time.

She methodically choose every piece, wiped it carefully with a white fabric and put them back in the same spot. It was fascinating and I didn't realize how close I got to her while watching the process until her eyes fixed on me, piercing me. I jumped back a little because she was indeed scary when she looked at me like that.

"Can I help you?" she asked, her voice stern, not stopping the process while talking to me. "No, sorry. I was just curious on how you clean your guns since I haven't seen one up-close until now, and I think guns are pretty awesome in the way they are made; I mean, everything you just did looks so orderly and I was just curious…" I stuttered hastily, not wanting her to believe I was trying to steal the gun from her. She watched me struggle with speaking for a while after she adverted her eyes back to her work without saying anything. I took this as an invite so I sat down on the nearest available seat and watched the whole process start again. The third time I thought I could do it myself when Hawkeye stopped and handed me the fabric.

"Go on, do it yourself." She said. Carefully I took the cloth from her hands and a piece of the gun and started cleaning the already pristine surface. After that, I took another one until my hands became steadier and the process started to feel natural. It was indeed very relaxing and I understood why Hawkeye did it. It didn't really let your mind wonder on other things than the job in front of you, which was a blessing ever since I woke up last night. After I finished everything, I looked up at Hawkeye, which nodded in approval at my work.

"Guns are not toys, you see," she started speaking while she decided it was time to assemble back the pistol. "They are weapons that actually can hurt people if not used right. Even when they are like this you must never forget what they can do."

I stayed quiet for a second, thinking about the meaning behind her words. She was probably thinking how she used to use her guns as weapons for hurting people. But that wasn't what they really were.

"Maybe, but that's not what they are meant for. People are helpless so they always have searched for a way to drag themselves out of that state. Even alchemy and arts and constructions and everything are just ways for people to feel less helpless. Guns help people believe that they are not worthless. Guns are just tools, if they are used for other purposes than defending one's life it's not their fault. You don't say the cutting knife is evil until you kill someone with it. Guns are a reason of hope, a tool to protect yourself."

Riza stopped assembling while I was talking and she was facing me fully. She looked a little shocked about my statement, her eyes losing their guard for a second. But then her wall was back up and her thoughts became her thoughts one again.

"Yes, guns make us feel a little powerful. And they are meant to protect yourself and the ones you care about." She resumed her work, a smile tugging at her lips. "You are a smart girl, Miss. Not many see the guns as tools and think it's up to the wielder to use them. But sometimes you are forced to use a tool in a wrong way." And with that her expression becomes haunted thinking way back to when she was forced to do awful things.

"Well, it doesn't matter what you did in those circumstances; you had no other choice than to obey. We live with this illusion that we are free and we can choose to do anything, but our actions are just so manipulated by people or situations. It doesn't define someone as a person the way he acts when he is cornered or doesn't have any other choice. It matters what kind of person he is in a daily basis. Of course, if you think objectively not everyone does realize this. You are condemned based on your actions and behaviour in one moment, without someone ever thinking that a situation is more than what can be seen. So tools are not evil, and people are not evil, life turns everything evil as things that happen are evil."

This time, Riza was shocked and I could clearly see that on her face. I could sense the boys weren't into their game so much as before and I didn't think Roy was so asleep as before. But I did believe in my words and in the goodness in these people.

"It's ok to blame yourself for the things that happened because it's part of the human nature to feel guilty and ashamed, but it's not ok to condemn yourself when you were forced into something, everybody already does that for you. If you aren't going to fight for your innocence, who else will?"

"It's not that simple." Riza said, her eyes looking at me as they haven't really seen me before.

"No it isn't, because if it were our lives would be boring." I said smiling. "We just think there is one truth to them all. We forget that humanity appeared as a divergence of truths."

I let Riza think about what I said. She wouldn't believe me because she couldn't let all that guilt go away, but maybe one day she would see that not everyone was the sum of their worst sins. I wanted to add something but I might've gone too far already, so I raised myself from the sit and exited the wagon. Between two wagons, the wind was blowing fully, making my dress dance in the air. I let myself breathe in the air, feeling much better than I should have, letting myself feel as if I was flying free from everything.

-/-

The rest of the trip were the most boring hours of my life. Nothing special happened despite some small chat and the feeling of impatience in the air. So after we arrived the next day in East City I almost jumped out of the train. The group followed me from behind, looking more or less tired. I knew that most of them didn't sleep very well in the wagon chairs last night. I didn't sleep at all myself since I wasn't tired, a weird thing since I didn't sleep for two days now. I was waiting to see who was going to assume responsibility for me and then crash at their place, hoping to find the so-promised food and some rest.

Everyone was carrying their baggage, making me feel weird since all my belongings were a dress and some shoes. After finalizing the journey, we all stopped in front of the East Station all the eyes falling on me, literally since I was the smallest in the group.

"What? Have I got something on my face?"

"No "said Mustang on a grave tone. "But we have to decide who is going to deal with you for now at least until we meet tomorrow at the east Headquarters to decide everything.". Silence fell into the group everyone waiting for another person to break the ice. I can't say how awkward and embarrassed I was feeling about their silence.

"Seriously, if I am such a bother I could crash in your office and sleep on that uncomfortable couch. Don't act like I am such a huge problem, I can take care of myself."

"Like you did since you can remember right?" said Mustang in a tone which said he totally didn't believe I was capable of taking care of myself. My personality and pride flared, feeling the sting and I was prepared to start yelling at him when Riza intervened between the two of us.

"I will take her to my place. Neither of you know nothing about girls nor have apartments big enough or prepared to keep another person in them."

I looked at her suspiciously since she was the last I thought was going to offer taking me in, since the whole trip she had eyed me like I was going to start to bomb the train any second.

"Well, umm thank you." I said awkwardly, feeling like I had to add something to her generous offer.

"Well if this matter is settled I will want to go home right now since this move to Central and back was exhausting," continued Riza like she didn't hear my pathetic attempt to express my gratitude. "We will meet tomorrow morning and wait for Edward's and his brother's return. Farewell gentlemen," she said last, practically dragging me from the incredulous group. I actually started believing that Riza taking me in was the worst idea ever.

-/-

I actually was afraid of the situation until we reached her apartment. It was like I imagined it: pristine, everything arranged in a perfect order. Actually, it was a little bigger than I expected, since it had two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and a cosy hall. Even though everything looked settled and in perfect order, the thing that annoyed me mostly was the house gave a warm feeling.

"You will sleep in the bedroom from right there. Also, if you use something you will put it right where you found it. In the morning we will wake early since we have to reach the Headquarters before everyone else, as I have to make sure everything is in order. Dinner will be ready at 7 pm and you cannot leave the apartment. Did I make myself clear?"

I gulped, unable to speak, and nodded. I wasn't used to such a strict program and orders.

"I will go take a shower now. You can take one after, and I will give you some spare clothes." With that, she left me in the middle of the living room wondering what to do. Actually I was scared to touch anything, so I won't disturb the perfect apartment. I entered carefully, and checked the room: A couch and a fireplace, two armchairs, and a few lamps. The room was dark since the heavy curtains were filtering the light from outside. Carefully, I checked the first thing that got my attention, a big old-fashioned library. There weren't many books and I checked the titles curious. Some were novels, some were practical books and there was a section for books about guns, but what got my attention was an old raspy thing from the bottom shelf. Trying not to rip it apart, I took the book and opened it. It looked like a very old journal, and while I went through the pages I realized it was an alchemic journal. It was coded, yes, but some terms were clearly referring to alchemy. Checking further I even found drawings of transmutation circles and alchemic symbols. I was fascinated and I tried to memorize as much as I could from this. I wanted to learn anything I could. Closing the book I turned it upside down, opening the back cover. At the end of the notes there were two initials 'B.H.' and a year: 1874. The year was way back, but what really got my attention were the initials. I knew that somewhere in my mind I knew what they meant.

Concentrating I tried to remember but I couldn't quite reach the information. Stubbornly, I continued to focus and push, until I reached the information, and as I was about to grasp it, pain effulged my head and I fell to my knees, keeping my head clutched into my hands and trying to make the burning go away. The pain was a hundred times much stronger than before, but between the pain waves, I knew information hid. So I pushed further into the blazing storm, feeling myself lose consciousness from the pain. As I thought I couldn't go further a name came to me, alongside images of two children. A girl with short hair, looking somewhat timid and a taller boy with raven black hair that smiled friendly to her. But the name resonated deeper into my mind, taking over the children. Berthold Hawkeye.

I let myself be pushed away from the information feeling weak. I didn't realize I was lying on something just after minutes. It took me longer to comprehend that I was no longer on the floor and a voice was calling to me. It took me a minute to open my eyes and concentrate the fuzzy mess into a face. Riza was watching me concerned, her eyes opened fully. Carefully I blinked trying to make the pain go away.

Seeing that I was reaccepting her voice she said something and turned back with a glass of water. When I tried to gulp it, the pain made me flinch but my thirst was bigger.

After that I needed a while before I thought I could form words. "Uh...". Even then, when I tried hard, the sounds leaving my mouth sounding deplorable.

"Do you hear me? Can you speak?" Riza's tone was urgent. And I tried to make the muscles listen to me.

"Ye… ss," I croaked. Trying again, I saw I could form the word completely, without stuttering. "Yes." The word came rasped, the effort making me close my eyes in a attempt to keep the pain at bay.

"Oh thank God. You scared me for a second. What happened? Are you ok?" said Riza, her words really sounding true.

No I wasn't. And I was just fighting consciousness. My insides were twisting, and I felt a pain in my chest. No, I definitely wasn't alright. I looked up to Riza's face that was looking distressed at me. I gathered my power, gulping a few times and said something else in return.

"Bert.. hold. Hawk. Eye. You are the daughter of the first Flame Alchemist."

* * *

**A.N. Plot twist and cliff-hanger. Don't kill me!**

**Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for over 200 views of this story. I am more than grateful and amazed by your interest. You're the best. The next update will be next week on Wednesday or the end of the week, in the worst case scenario.**

**If you liked this or have any complaints please review or leave a PM. I love to hear your impression, good or bad.**

**See you in thy next chapter.**


	5. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

* * *

**A.N. Hey there guys. Sorry for the really long wait, really sorry. I know how hard it is to wait for something you enjoy...and I say this considering that you do enjoy my story, so a big apology from me to you. Also thank you for over 550 views (Oh My Freaking God) you are the best. Is unbelievable to think that so many of you had took a peak at my story, and some of you even had reviewed it. It's mind-blowing and thank you so much for any good words and encouragements. You are the best! Without any other words here is chapter 4. Enjoy.**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional.**

**(+)**

* * *

_Riza's P.O.V._

Her hands were trembling, even though she tried her best to steady them. But they wouldn't stop moving, like she didn't want them too. For Riza Hawkeye, the best sniper in Amestris, this was indeed the scariest thing of them all that could happen in a day.

She tried her best not to spill the tea when she raised the kettle to pour it in teacups, but she was shaking too hard. Apparently not all the practice in the world could've prepared her for someone else besides Roy to name her father. After spilling a great deal of tea on the table, she gave up on the task with a curse and decided it was best to sit down for a minute.

She found her way to the couch and sat down sternly as she educated herself to, her hands clasped onto her thighs. She was a woman working in the military, a field made for men after all, and she didn't want to give them any reason to doubt her capacity and abilities. So she became the cold-glare Hawkeye. But not all the exercise in the world could manage to contain her shock.

She remembered, as she did in the last half-hour, telling the girl not to mess anything up. She liked her house to be orderly; it gave her a sense of control that she didn't have in her house when she was little. And also because she loved the way looked when things were in the right way. She remembered her nodding warily, her eyes analysing her next move with those unnerving eyes of hers. Even from the first time she saw her she took in her appearance. When she got out from the car she couldn't contain the tinge of envy seeing her dressed in that beautiful and refreshing dress, even though she was clearly embarrassed and not feeling ok in it. Her hair wasn't very long, but it had a very weird colour, as if it was slowly losing the nuances in it. It was an ashen brown that in the sun looked like molten gold but the white streaks in it gave everything an uneasy feeling. Her eyes were the same. You could tell they were beautiful, but besides the colour in them, a greenish blue, they looked like they were slowly bleaching, giving her stare a new type of power. And the way she watched everything with intensity, with passion, but at the same time reserved and thoughtful, it only made Riza more curious about her circumstances.

After she came to an agreement in her mind she nodded, and Riza decided it was time to take a shower as the blue military uniforms were made from the worst fabric in existence, and a day-long trip in that boiling wagon only made her feel sticky and dirty. But she just got in the bathroom when she heard the scream. Years of practice made her reach the living room in seconds, and saw the girl on the floor clutching her head fervently, as trying to push the pain back. She was next to her in seconds, calling to her, but she didn't look like she heard her. Afraid that she will hurt herself she took her in her arms, noting how her skin seemed so cold, too cold for any human, her sweat making it resemble marble in a rainy day.

She had put her in her bed, when she started to roll over, her screams becoming higher and higher as her pain looked like it increased. Tears were rushing down her cheeks, and Riza could only watch her, afraid that she will hurt herself. And she realized as she watching this young girl's face twist in agony, how afraid she was. How helpless she felt, how she wanted whatever this thing was making the girl suffer stop.

After a while it did. The cries started to fade, turning to whimpers, her body started to squirm, shaking from time to time with reminiscence. Riza tried again to call her, but she didn't respond, she only breathe, the air feeling her lungs painfully. Finally, she opened her eyes and Riza couldn't say how relieved she felt, and the worry left her chest, letting her breathe too. She tried to speak to her and it looked like she understood. She tried a few times to open her mouth but no sound came, and her face looked pained. She ran to the kitchen and brought a glass of water, which the girl drank in seconds. After that, she looked a little better, but her skin was paler than before, making her look like a sheet of paper.

And when she finally spoke Riza felt herself turn pale as well.

"Bert.. hold. Hawk. Eye. You are the daughter of the first Flame Alchemist," she said, her eyes looking more inhumane than ever, and she couldn't contain the shiver that she felt, as those eyes read her soul and knew every dark place she had hid from the world.

And just like that she lost consciousness. Since then she felt like the world was just seconds from falling apart, that name bringing up memories that should've stayed locked. So she decided to do something to keep her mind of things but it didn't work.

Questions only rose in her mind. The biggest and most painful of them all was how. How did she know this? What was her crisis earlier because she looked as she had been dying. How did she know about her father. About his experiments. Did she also know about her tattoos? About Roy?

She couldn't take it anymore, she was the one in pain now. She raised herself and her eyes fell to the book in front of the bookshelf. She didn't notice it earlier as her attention was on the girl. The old book with leather covers looked as it was mocking her. She knew it perfectly, she could feel the old pages under her fingers, telling where it was bent from too much usage, and the two initials on the back.

Carefully she walked towards it, as she was expecting the book to jump and bite her. She carefully took it looked at it, as she expected the book to tell her what just happened, but of course nothing happened; no answer magically popped into her mind so she just placed it back onto the shelf.

Sighing she breathed deeply, feeling herself gaining her control back with every second.

She was a sniper, and highly trained, so nobody could sneak up on her, but the voice made her flinch as no sound followed her.

"I think I am going to take that shower before you," said the girl, then and headed to the bathroom without waiting an response from a wordless Riza.

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

I was standing fully clothed in the shower, letting the water wash me and my clothes. My head was leaning on the cold marble, in some way numbing the pain from my head. Everything inside of me hurt, especially my head.

I have woken up to an empty room on a bed, and decided that I needed a shower, but I haven't realized until I started walking how weak I was. I almost fell a dozen times trying to cross the short distance to the bathroom. As soon as I found my way to the shower I let myself fall, the contact making its way through my body, so I had to muffle a cry of pain. Carefully I turned the water on and let it pour over me as I tried to make myself better. As I knew I was going to find out, it didn't.

I have been staying like this for a while, but the pain just remained constant. I could almost ignore it if I didn't move. But it wasn't the most urgent problem.

The pain was the toll I paid for information, and now I had to figure out what will I do with that information. Even now I had to concentrate to keep the images at bay, from absorbing me into a reality that had long ago passed.

The bunch of memories I got back weren't helping me in my search for my inner self - if that didn't sound like a weed commercial - but events and information about Riza, Roy, Flame Alchemy and the Ishbalan War. Frankly, not any of this was something easy to digest.

The first three parts went together: Riza's childhood with her assholeish father, that after the death of her mother, retreated in his search and let the poor child to fend for herself; How Roy suddenly came at their door, demanding for Berthold Hawkeye to teach him, and how Riza's life changed afterwards. Roy brought a ray of sunshine in her life, and in a way made things better. They actually befriended each other and got very well along, and spent most of their childhood years together. At some point Riza even started to develop feelings for Roy, but their story was cut short as Roy decided to enter the military. Her father told him to go to hell, and he did, and the lunatic did everyone a favour and died. The problem is though, that before he died, he tattooed everything he found out on Riza's back.

Riza as an orphan, with not many possibilities, having feelings for Roy, and believing in his dream, joined the military. She became so bright, and an amazing soldier. Meanwhile Roy was ascending ranks with full-speed, helped by the amazing alchemy Riza entrusted to him.

Riza became a sniper, and since she was so good, when the Ishbal War started she was sent on the field, despite not being a full graduate. He became a honoured killer, receiving medals and honours for the amazing number of 500 kills. The thought only made me sick; the images that I were seeing only making my headache grow stronger. But in a way she found her grandfather, General Grumman, the only good thing that resulted from that massacre.

Roy was promoted, but the consequences were much greater than his rewards, his guilt going much deeper. He was also on the front lines, using the alchemy Riza entrusted him with to kill people.

During that hell in the desert, they finally meet each other again after so many years. At the end of the war Roy asked Riza to follow him and help him achieve his dream, where he built a country in which massacres like that would never happen again. Riza swore to follow him even through the depths of hell and make sure he will not stray from his path.

The biggest question of my life that I could form at the moment was why weren't those two together?!

Still confused by all this information, shocked by images of a hell and annoyed that even after all these years those two weren't together, I heard the door open. I squinted my eyes and saw Riza with a towel and some clothes, looking at me tiredly. I must've been a sight as I was standing like that on the floor, water washing me.

"You should get up and change. Afterwards come out and have something to eat," she said in a tone that sounded both tired and confident.

I didn't say anything or make a move, watching her blankly as hell was rising inside of me. How strong this woman was.

"Come now. You can't stay all day like this.." and her tone held a motherly tinge that made my heart flinch painfully, making me feel like I hear something that I didn't really heard in years. She came towards me, and pushed her hand through the flush of water, hissing when it touched her arm. Quickly, she turned the faucet off, and the drops stopped falling on me, making me miss their soft touch.

"Are you insane? This water is freezing! Do you want to catch a cold? Or catch pneumonia? You know that could kill you!" she said hurriedly as she enveloped me in a huge towel. It didn't feel like the water was freezing, nor did I feel myself cold, as a matter of fact.

"You are as cold as ice. Do you want to get hypothermia? What are you trying to do, kill yourself?" Her words made me almost muffle a laugh. Oh God, the thought hasn't crossed my mind since anything I could think of was how much everything hurt from my head to my heart, because of the multitude of emotion.

"Oh darling," I responded, my voice as cold as the marble I was resting my head on. "I already feel like dying."

She didn't say a word as I spoke, but only furrowed her brows and, without adding anything to my morbid answer, she took me (still covered with the towel) in her arms and took me out of the bathroom.

-/-

After threatening me to be changed as a new-born baby by Riza, I changed my soaked dress into a pair of pants and a top. Riza carefully caught my hair in a towel and after making sure I was completely dry and starting to look warmer, she went to take her own shower. I was left lying in her bedroom, alone with my thoughts and images, and I felt myself drift away. For some reason, as a compensation for the emotions I felt before, now I was feeling nothing at all, as my mind numbed my connection to the world. And it was the best thing I ever felt.

* * *

"_How is it, to live the experiences you've watched with so much eagerness and enthusiasm? How it is to fully understand what you saw?"_

_I didn't say anything to the Truth as his questions cut deep into my heart, every word feeling like a razor. I didn't have the energy, or the will to say anything, because for once he was right. You can't fully understand how horrible some things are until you live them on your own. And oh, God, how I wanted to erase all these feelings. How I wanted to switch the bargain back and not remember this._

"_How it is when you push things even though they hurt, knowing that you ignore every warning just because you're too stubborn to hold back?"_

_I didn't say anything._

"_Humans aren't disposable creatures with their will. But that's what makes them the most admirable creatures as well."_

_I closed my eyes, trying to stop the words, but the truth still came. It was indeed merciless. Without realizing I let one tear slip._

* * *

I felt a hand shake me, dragging me up from the beautiful nothingness that I dove into. I wanted to sleep, but the hand still nagged me. Annoyed I finally woke up to see Riza watching me carefully, like watching a wounded animal that you don't know what it will do.

"I made some dinner. I thought that you might be hungry, since it has been a while since you last ate. Want to come?"

Careful, as not wanting to break down (literally), I got up and followed the blonde to the table in the kitchen. Actually, I was starving so the only sounds during dinner were my disagreeable sounds as I stuffed as much food as I could in my mouth.

When I was done, Riza wordlessly put a cup of tea in front of me and I savoured it. It was mint, my favourite. I concentrated on the taste: so rich, not bitter but not sweet, just a combination between the two of them that made it perfect, just as the world was. I glanced at the blonde woman in front of me that even dressed casually and with her hair down was sitting much more elegantly than I will ever stay.

As she decided she put her teacup down, the fine china making a sound that reminded me of bells bending in the wind, and her reddish-brown eyes fixed on me.

"I know this is painful, and right now it's the last thing you want to be reminded about, but you have to tell me what just happened." Her eyes watched me, as trying to make me understand something. But she was right, I didn't want to talk about it.

"Please."

And the word coming from Hawkeye meant something. I looked at her and saw not curiosity, but pain and I remembered what I told to her. Ashamed, I let my eyes fall on the table, not wanting to look at her. Now I knew her past and yet I said something so mean to her, bringing up so much. She deserved to know. Toughening myself up, and trying not to look too affected I started speaking.

"I was reading the journal I found in your library. I knew I shouldn't have, but I was curious. When I got to the end of it something happened. I had this feeling that I should know something but I forgot, the information being there but just not accessible to me. So I pushed further in my mind, trying to find whatever that was. That's when the pain came in. I knew I should stop but I didn't want to. What I was searching for was there somehow. And I did find it, but I don't know if the price is worth it." I stopped biting my lips, unsure if I should go on.

"What I found was other information. But this time, they're not about the team. They're about you." My eyes went to Riza to see her reaction, but seeing her watching me just made me stare back into the brownish tea from my cup. "And your past. To be more exact your childhood. About your father. About…Roy. And finally about the Ishbalan war."

I stopped waiting for her reaction. I supposed it would be somewhere between 'are you nuts' and 'you must be lying' to 'get out of my house', but Riza said none of this. She just drank quietly from her cup.

"How much do you know?" she finally said.

"I think pretty much everything. Or so I think." She just nodded considering my thoughts.

"Did this ever happen before?"

"Just once. I was in Central. I had just woken up and I had no memories. And I had been walking around when I saw Edward fighting Isaac. Then a similar thing happened, only it was involuntary and the effects weren't as destructive. Then I was forced to find the first things about Edward and his past. Maybe that's when I got the things I know now about you."

Riza still remained quiet. I didn't speak either, feeling the silence so thick, as it was a fog trying to choke me. It was unbearable but I had to stay mute. I invaded her life, took those memories by force and stuck my nose where I shouldn't have. I deserved anything from this woman.

"I am sorry." I heard myself saying before I could stop. "I am sorry that I brought this up, I am sorry that I intruded your life like this. I never wanted this, not really and I don't really understand how or why but I have this talent or this power, and I don't think is necessarily something good. I am so confused because I know more about you than I know about me, and that is so unfair. And unfair is what you've been through and I can't say how much I admire you, or how strong you are."

At this point, my voice got stronger, and higher, as the numbness got away slowly with every word I said.

"I had always admired you and now I know why. Elizabeth Hawkeye is one of the strongest and most amazing women I have ever known, despite anything that life threw at her. And I want to show you that you are right, that after the mountain of corpses and rivers of blood, men can achieve happiness, that alchemy is indeed meant for people, to help them, that what happened to Ishbal was more than wrong, that your father even though was mad he created something that could help people."

I breathed heavily, giving my lungs the air they needed to continue. I looked Riza in her widened reddish-brown eyes as I said the last part of my speech.

"I want to learn Flame Alchemy, and show that a tool is just a tool, and when used right and not oppressed by wrong circumstances, it can help people!"

As the last words left my mouth, I was almost yelling, the speech working its way in a crescendo until the end. I was just as amazed as Riza when those words left my mouth and I didn't know how sincere they were until that moment. I really did want to learn alchemy, I really did want to make things better for Riza and I certainly did want to make Flame Alchemy justice and stop people from considering it a tool.

Riza's mouth was agape, with such raw emotion showing in her eyes. It had been cruel of me to use her past and my words like this, but they were just the truth, and even though merciless, sometimes the truth was the best thing that it could be. I didn't realize I was crying until wetness crossed my cheek and I wiped it hastily. Also, I had to stand down once again, since in the middle of my passionate speech I somehow stood up.

Riza was shocked about my bold declaration. Damn, I was also shocked, and I couldn't even guess what she was feeling while a stupid girl like me was trying to make her break her principles, her legacy that made her want to be burned just to be released from it. But if I wanted to do this I needed her approval as it was her legacy.

"Learn Fire Alchemy?" she finally said incredulously. "How can you say that? If you have my memories you know what did that thing did to Roy! How dangerous and unpredictable it is! Humans aren't meant to play with fire, because you know what, fire burns! Anything! Everything!"

"Fire is also hope!" I responded without hesitation. "Fire was the first element humans mastered, through everything was built. Fire was a long time ago safety, it was home, it was warmth. It also has been a weapon to fight. Through the world around has been moulded, has been built from ashes. And even when we will cease to exist, fire will remain, still burning. But fire isn't just that. Fire is what exists in everybody, the force that makes us pull further. I have fire within me, as do you, as everyone, our lights burning lighter and brighter than ever. We are little fires that illuminate the world. And if I am to speak about the world the thing we so much need, the thing many considered God and a miracle for centuries, the sun is also fire. Pure blazing fire, illuminating our lives, giving us life. Fire is distraction, but it also is life."

"But fire can bring so easily death to the user. How do you know you are a person that can wield it? How do I know I can trust you with this, with something that brought so many bad things upon so many people?! Flame Alchemy is a burden, and I've known you for two days. How can I trust you?"

"I have known myself only for two days too! I have no other memory about my life, my personality, my wishes starting from this moment. I am exactly what you see, and if I prove to be something else feel free to shoot me. But let me try at least, because Flame Alchemy is not a burden; it's a gift, a gift entrusted to the world that most probably will perish in a few decades. It may bring bad things in my life but I am willing to take the risk. I can't remember something without risking pain. Do you think pain scares me? Well it does not, and neither does death. As how do I know I can wield it? I don't. I just have to try and see."

Riza was losing her cool composure, rising from her seat, her voice starting to get emotion in it, as the cold mask was melting away. She was fiery, but had for so long hid under a mask. I knew her fears were real, and that maybe I should listen, except that I didn't want to. I knew what I was saying was completely insane, and what I asked for extraordinary, but for some reason I wanted to be selfish this time. I wanted to learn Flame Alchemy. I wanted to learn, period, about anything and everything at the same time, starting with Flame Alchemy.

"Stop talking about giving up your life so easily! A life is important, and yours is by much. Don't talk about death so freely, there is nothing good in dying!"

"And why shouldn't I talk about death? There will be a time when I will die, and you will die and everything we know will die. It was a time before everything and there will be a time after everything. There is no other truth. The truth we can change is how we live. We can live, choosing to say what we have to, and do what we should do, or we can choose to do what we want to. Because that's the only thing that we get choose, how we get to die. I don't want to die having regrets, I don't want to die thinking I should've learnt. Because my time will come sooner or later, but if learning Flame Alchemy will mean sooner, then so it will be. This won't be something I regret."

Riza fell to her chair looking defeated, and she buried her head in her hands. I felt sorry for doing this to her, I felt guilty but I also felt that in a morbid way I was doing what was right, even though it was twisted. If this meant madness, it surely wasn't as people described it. I waited patiently for her to get to a conclusion, knowing that thoughts were running in her mind at this moment. It wasn't an easy call, but I was feeling hopeful. Actually I was feeling pretty sure of myself, which only surprised me more, as I registered that this didn't usually happen.

I stayed and watched patiently as Riza made her decision. When she finally raised her head and looked at me I could see that something had changed for her.

"Just who are you?" she said, wonder evident in her voice.

"Just another damned soul trying to make the best of its existence. I don't know who I am. I just know who I want to be."

She nodded incredulously as my words were already too much for her. I didn't blame her, most of the time my thoughts were too much for me, too.

"And what do you plan on doing after me giving your consent? The alchemy array on my back is broken, there is nothing you can find there, considering that you will understand it, or decipher it."

"No," I confirmed sternly. "There is nothing left for me to gain from you besides your consent. Then I will fight my battle with the one wo can really help me. You know there actually is a living and well-breathing Flame Alchemist, whom I am obligated to stay with for who knows for how long. I will just have to convince Roy to teach me and accept me as his student."

"Roy will never do that!" she said, her voice rising because of the surprise." He will never take a student."

"Maybe not," I said not discouraged at all. "Maybe he will. I can't know, and I am sure I will try to be as annoying as I can until he gives in to me. I almost convinced you didn't I?"

Riza just stared, finally nodding bewildered. I knew she was still reluctant about this, but I had convinced her for the most part. If I had Riza Hawkeye as backup Roy would be a piece of cake.

"So you give me your consent?" I said hopefully, the taste of victory making my tone higher and lighter.

"I don't see how it will help, you already plan on doing this, whether with my acceptance or not."

"I think I am, and maybe I will, but I know I cannot start this trip if I don't have your blessing. It will only feel wrong, and I will feel guilty. I don't want to cross you and your trust. I want to know that maybe, just a little there you believe in me."

"You are impossible. But for some reason you inspire hope in me," capitulated Riza. "Maybe you are just repeating the words of my former, younger, idealistic self, and that's why you make me believe in you, or not, or maybe it's a fool's hope, or maybe my dream that the Flame Alchemy isn't as evil as people see it. Whatever, the reason it is. I believe in you."

And she probably wouldn't know how much it mattered me, how close to tears Riza Hawkeye brought me with her short words. There was no need for me to add something else, so I just said, "Thank you," fighting back the emotions whirling inside me.

* * *

_Roy's P.O.V._

When Roy entered his office he thought everything was going to be like in any regular day. Of course there was the girl problem, but she wasn't going to disrupt the routine that had been installed between him and his subordinates long ago.

His feeling was sustained even after he entered the office, meeting the ruckus he usually found every day. Since he came last, everyone was gathered: Havoc and Breda were discussing something, Fuery was working eagerly on a new project, and Falman was stopping from whatever he had been doing to salute him. And also there was the smell of fresh coffee, since Hawkeye came first and did it. She afterwards was always in his office sorting his paperwork to make his work easier. He was so used to her being in there, that it took him a few seconds to realize that he has been saluting an empty room. Ignoring the feeling of oddness, he went to his table and started working on the stack of neatly organised paperwork, the only problem being that his mind was flying towards a simple question: Where was his Lieutenant?

He was about to head out and ask about her when a commotion stopped him in his tracks. He heard voices, one cheery and feminine, and with a sigh he sat himself on his chair considering that his beautiful subordinate was fetching the newest addition to the team. His thoughts were confirmed when moments later the girl entered as a tornado of energy in his office, followed by a composed Hawkeye.

Today the girl wasn't wearing that yellow dress from yesterday, but shorts, slippers and a t-shirt. Alongside everything her hair was caught in two long dangling piggy-tails, making her whole outfit look childish, and her to seem much younger. It was almost funny to see the way she was smiling, and her ponytails moved with every incline of her head, in the morning sun making her white peaks shine like snow on top of a mountain.

"Where were you?" he said making his voice sound profound, not letting anyone see that the childish attire had affected him.

The girl ignored his question, a habit she started developing since that night in the hospital and approached his table still smiling. For some reason her smile didn't look as childish, and the gleam in her eyes was definitely not innocent.

"I am sorry sir Mustang, I have delayed Miss Riza and I's arrival since I didn't really have an outfit to wear today. I guess shopping just became my top priority."

He was about to respond to that, when she was in front of his table, and slapping both hands on the brown surface she leaned in, her unnerving eyes fixing his.

"But that's not what I wanted to talk about with you." Her cheery tone disappeared, and her features darkened with seriousness.

Without making a sound Riza closed the door definitely behind her and Roy was really starting to get worried.

"Roy Mustang what do you think about deals? Because I am about to make you quite a deal and you must promise me you will hear it out till the end."

Unnerved by the change of wording, Roy tried to catch Riza's eyes behind the girl, she nodding approvingly.

"Now I am going to ask you to teach me alchemy. I am going to ask you to take me as your apprentice and teach me the basics of alchemy." Before Roy could even answer to that impertinent request, she raised a hand as she wanted to finish, and for some reason he complied. "And finally I am going to ask you to teach me Flame Alchemy."

The request was so unbelievable and so sudden that Roy Mustang for once didn't have a response. Never in his life had he thought that someone will come to him and ask him to teach Flame Alchemy. The thought seemed so ridiculous that he excluded the possibility. Flame Alchemy was to die with himself.

Like she was reading his thoughts, she continued, unnerved by his reaction.

"I know what you're thinking and what you've sworn but I want to try ok? I want to learn what this beautiful force, this Flame Alchemy is, and show the world how its power is not evil nor meant for evil, because flames as anything else are tools, and used in the right circumstances they can help people."

Unable to hear any more of this nonsense, Roy (baffled and annoyed) refused to acknowledge the girl in front of him.

"Riza what is the meaning of this?" he said sounding angry.

"Listen to her Roy. For some reason what she has to say has convinced me."

Roy was to say at least surprised by his name. People called him by it, but never Riza, not when since they were children anyway, and he couldn't contain the pleasure he felt when the sounds came from her. He clasped his mouth tight, not wanting to ask her to say it again.

"No, I will not listen to this ...this nonsense any longer, I don't know what this girl had said to you," he finally continued, "But I can't teach her alchemy, or Flame Alchemy. She knows nothing about any of this, or has any knowledge about..."

"Roy, she knows about us." Riza interrupted him.

* * *

**A.N. Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed or have anything to add here I would love to read your thoughts, so just leave a review. Any words from you are deeply appreciated and even though I won't respond to them immediately, I will do it at some point (I am such a disorganised person). Hope you enjoyed. See you next time.**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys I am so so so so sorry for the latest update in the history of updates. The problem is I am not at home and where I am the internet sucks ass and finding a wi-fi is like searching for unicorns. So this and the next chapter will come slooow (I am really and absolutely sorry I hate this as much as you do). I can't really do something about so just bear it a while and I will try to compensate with a very long chapter or a double update. Maybe both. I am so sorry.**

**Thank you so much for the encouragements, reviews and views! OMG 800 views? You are the best and to be honest I couldn't be doing this without you. So thank you so so much for sticking around and reading my story. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Without further notes, here comes chapter 5. Any mistakes aren't intentional.**

* * *

OC's P.O.V.

Days passed fast. I actually convinced Roy to become my alchemy teacher. Even though he was still reluctant about the whole thing and it was clear he doubted my abilities. And it wasn't me who convinced him, but Riza. He actually looked like he was about to murder me when Riza explained... the extent of my abilities and how I managed to find out things, especially the part when she told him I knew everything about the two of them. I was frightened too by the whole situation, he could've cut me some slack, and since I wasn't going to share what I found out with other people, he could've felt a little bit at ease. But I bet my assurances fell on deaf ears, as he continued to doubt my sincerity.

I started training to become an alchemist. Which was more exciting in my mind than it was in real life. Basic training with Roy meant books, books, and a tone of other books. In the first day he made me read 3 books, probably trying to make me give up. The problem was I didn't sleep, I couldn't deny that anymore, so I stayed and read half of them until the next day. It also meant a lot of drawing and scrabbling since I didn't have any artistic talents. I was surprised when I exceled in chemistry and biology, startling everyone with that, including Roy. And my chemistry skills weren't mediocre to say, I actually had memorized a lot of things in my mind about substances, reactant, reactions and compositions. As about biology, when I started to wonder, I discovered I was an encyclopedia of anatomy, knowing so many things about the human body that I was starting to panic me. Since there wasn't very much to reproach me in this field, Roy decided it was better to concentrate our attention on what I didn't really know.

For some reason I had some alchemy basics in my mind, another surprising fact about myself, since I had no idea how I should have knowledge about this things.

Roy accepted my weirdness quite fast, moving swiftly through any situation that an unwanted memory-pop could cause. I appreciated that, because even though he was still reluctant with his decision about teaching me, he did his job thoroughly, even if it was grumpy most of the time. He was actually a very fine teacher until he made my character flame, or vice versa. Since the first day he made clear there was no way in hell he will let me transmute something until I was ready, cutting off my wings in one sentence. Since then I started complaining about that every day at a time given. The discussion would go through like this:

* * *

_Roy enters his office muttering a good morning, even though it clearly isn't a good one. He is just polite towards Riza that is preparing his coffee in a corner before she retreats in the main room where the team works on their paperwork. I am thrown on a chair, my hands and feet hanging weirdly outwardly, as I try to balance my book and myself. For some reason I find this kind of twisted positions relaxing._

_Roy doesn't glance at me and I am continuing to read my book as if I haven't noticed that he doesn't look at me. He talks about today's tasks with Riza as she sets off to do them. For some reason the fact that he tries to busy himself just to avoid me makes me stifle a laugh. Roy is just a master procrastinator, but the work drives him less mad than me._

_I resume reading an alchemy treaty, concentrating for a few hours to grasp as much as I can before lunch. Then Roy has to stop working and speak to me._

_I actually find any book on alchemy fascinating. I know that I have always loved books, and probably had read many, even though I can't remember their titles, but the fascination that I feel for the alchemic formulas, circles and words is a new level. I just want to take every book and absorb it through osmosis into my cells, to gather all the information in me, to make me feel less blind. So I read passionately until lunch. Then Roy usually starts the discussion by asking me a block of questions about the things I read and explains where it seems I am not sure of myself, thing that I deeply appreciate knowing that he gives up a part of his lunch for me. He is a cold and severe teacher but I can't appreciate the way he gets results from me. Also even though he tries to present himself as cold and uncaring every now and then when I say something right or worthy of a praise, his eyes gleam proudly and he has to fight a smirk. Sometimes we actually have to stop ourselves from indulging into a deep alchemic discussion, thing that cannot be done in his office when he has other tasks besides babysitting me to do._

_In the afternoon, I practice drawing, which is the most frustrating thing for me. I scribble on any piece of paper available, and then try doing it with chalk on different objects. But I just cannot get the lines right enough or the circle round enough. Things resulting in me getting frustrated and annoyed at my own abilities. At some point I am even ready to give in to the temptation to transmute something, but I stop myself. Usually when I fail to many times in a row I get distracted so I start watching Roy. After a time he will get distracted, since he gets a little flustered under scrutinizing my gaze. That's when I start complaining._

"_Why can't I transmute Roy?" I pout._

"_Because your circles are not going to support your transmutation. The power of the transmutation…"_

"…_comes from the circle. I know"_

"_Then why do you ask?"_

"_Because is not humanly possible to draw like that."_

"_No, you cannot draw like that."_

_And that's how the argument usually starts. This is enough for me to snap. After a while, we get everyone in the office worked up by our silliness and we have to be settled back by an annoyed Riza. After that she usually rushes out, probably going to shoot some rounds to calm down. And I have to resume my stupid drawings and let my mind wander on alchemic treaties._

* * *

In a way, I have made a routine at the Central Headquarters, but not the type of routine which you must do even though you dislike it. For some reason my life as a child with no memory nor past, with strange and frightening abilities and no need for sleep, with a temperature far lower than any other human, learning alchemy from a unwilling teacher, living with his subordinate made me feel more comfortable and more stable than I knew I have ever felt before. I felt almost at home between the cigarette smoke and bad jokes, silly arguments and paperwork. I was actually happy, thing that surprised me.

The only problem was the feeling of expectation. Like premonition hanging about my head of something that should've happened and it didn't. I thought it was because I was going to have another remembrance, but when that didn't happen I was let just with an uneasy feeling and time to pass. And I did pass it right, studying, or trying to befriend the team. I even convinced Riza to teach me how to use guns. I could say I was doing perfectly, if it wasn't for that feeling of expectancy, as something important was to happen. Still I did my best to ignore the annoying feeling in my gut and concentrated in my daily activities.

My program became occupied so fast and so easily that I actually forgot about two brothers. Alchemy took a lot of concentration and will to understand, and in the free time I practiced marksmanship with Riza, and she wasn't by any means going easy on me. The only free time I spent playing cards with Havoc and Breda, shocking them with my language 'not appropriate for a young lady'. So after a week and a little after I came to the East Headquarters I started to feel at home wandering the halls with documents and notes to deliver to people. Roy made me at first a special pass to use if someone questioned me, but people just got used to me popping around. Thus, was my surprise bigger when one day the librarian at the front desk from the East Library stopped me from entering the alchemy section.

"What do you mean Jeanine by telling me that area is restricted for State Alchemists only? I entered there daily and borrowed books for Roy." I asked incredulously when she denied my pass. I actually those were books for me and my studying, but I wasn't just going to tell every person Roy was teaching me alchemy.

"I am sorry. New regulations. No one can access that area unless he or she is a State Alchemist. No one else allowed."

I gritted my teeth in annoyance. This woman was one of the most closed-minded people I have ever met, respecting every rule point by point. It took a lot of conviction from Roy himself to allow me to enter the library unsupervised since I needed books constantly to search theories and words I didn't understand from those alchemy treaties. Right now, I needed desperately a book so that I could understand something for Roy's daily questioning, not wanting to give that bastard a reason to stop helping me. And this woman was standing in my way.

"Listen here lady…" I started but stopped seeing the look on her face. It was a frown, but what surprised me was the way she eyed me. I knew that look, a memory coming to me uninvited. It was envy and hate, a look that I was no stranger with, but even though I knew it, it surprised me. Why would she hate me?

"Little Lady, if you think you are above the rules just because you have a written order from Colonel Mustang and the necessary relatives to back you up somewhere up there, that doesn't mean you are above rules. Now go away before I call security to expel you from this compound."

I gave her one curious look before I turned my back to her angry scowl and exited in the ever-soaring heat from East City. I only have been here for a week but I could have sworn that hell had colder places than this.

I was lost deep in my thoughts, a thing that I grew accustomed to in the past days. Many times I had been dozing off thinking about alchemy or a guns structure, ignoring the world outside. But this time it was different. First, I had to think why I was used for people to look with hate at me. As I expected, I couldn't find an answer to that, so I just concentrated on that woman's words. What did she mean by relatives in a high position? My mind was searching but I was unable to come with an answe to that since right now…I was an orphan.

The thought only made me angry since it inquired so much helplessness from my side, which only made me remember that I was about to fail Roy's questions since I couldn't link two things together.

"Fucking hell!" I screamed annoyed as I rounded a corner in the Headquarters, building in which I entered without realizing while lost in my thoughts.

But what happened next surprised me more than the sudden realization of my whereabouts. As I turned the corner, yelling my face made contact with something very concrete, very hard. I could only yelp as suddenly my vision began to darken, a wet thing making its way from my nose. Fast I steadied myself to the wall, preventing me to fall just in time. As my vision cleared, I tasted the blood from my lips and I realized I must've bumped into someone. Annoyed beyond reason I snapped at the stranger in blind rage.

"Watch where you are going, you fucking asshole!" I learned some new words by staying close to the guys in the lunch breaks. I was preparing to launch other compliments to the poor lad that had the infortune to bump into me when I realized what I have bumped into.

Looking straight ahead of me I was watching myself reflected in a shiny surface of a polished metal. Already knowing what it was, I carefully swallowed before looking upwards, crooking my neck in an attempt to see the face of the figure in front of me, which was hard since it was with 40-50 centimeters taller than. Anger left me, fear and anxiety taking its place fast, as my mind recognized the suit of armour in front of me. Actually, I didn't have to, only one person in the world could walk in something like this.

"I am so sorry, miss!" a childish voice said quickly after it regained its composure from hearing such words leaving my foul mouth. I was already cursing myself internally for saying such things to Alphonse Elric of all people. "I truly didn't mean to do this I didn't see you, you just appeared I am so sorry…Oh God you are bleeding!" he screeched after he saw the red smeared on my face. I almost laughed at how his voice became so much higher from panic and surprise. I was about to tell him it is ok when one gigantic hand clasped definitely on mine and started dragging me. "Hey wait a second!" I exclaimed surprised as the suit of armour was dragging me through the hallway.

"I am so sorry I am going to take you to the infirmary! Actually, we have to go to the Colonel first since I don't know where the infirmary is! Oh, brother is going to be so upset..." he trailed not noticing my protesting sounds. He was mumbling more to himself from nervousness, his fast pace almost making me go into a full-run since my legs were far shorter. If this was going to keep up, I was going to end up being dragged across the floor. "Alphonse" I said annoyed and out of breath, the word sounding more close to and "A-pho-se". But he didn't hear me from his endless talking.

"…I am so sorry. I didn't want to cause such a mess, but you are so small….""Alphonse" I said louder feeling my eyebrow twitch from being called small so casually. "…and I didn't really see you. I hope Colonel knows how to redirect us fast so your bleeding won't get worse…."

Worse than smear half of my face in blood? "Alphonse" I said much louder making some heads turn to our direction. We sure made a deal of a show. But for my exasperation the suit still was unreceptive to my voice, so I did the only thing that crossed my mind. I stopped in my tracks pulling harder against my savior and yelled as hard as I could. "ALPHONSE!"

That got his attention. He stopped, the force which I opposed him with, making him let go of my hand. "Dammit, you almost pulled my wrist from my arm trying to help me." I said rubbing my wrist to make the blood flow through it again. The armour was watching me, and even though his face was immobile and practically it had no eyes, I could still the amazement printed all over his face. "How...?" he managed to say.

"It's not such a big of a wound." I continued ignoring his question along with his eyes. "It isn't like it's the first time you have seen me bleeding anyway." I tried to joke, but my laugh came forced, as I tried to wipe the blood that was starting to dry off. As their meaning settled in Al took a shocked gasp and started to stammer in his words. "You…you are from before!" Checking my face once again to be sure any race of red was gone, I pulled myself in a confident position meeting my giant adversary. "Yes, I am from before. From Central. Nice to finally meet you without the dramatic atmosphere. I would've added without blood but that it isn't the case right now."

"How are you walking? Your wound should've taken at least a week to heal."

"Really? I don't think so. I guess it wasn't that bad as the next day I was just fine."

I didn't move as I let him take the news. I bet he was more confused than I was most of the time. And to talk about confused people, many soldiers stopped in their tracks watching us with different shocked expression. They did have some reasons to. Mustang's newest protégée with a bloodied face talking with the youngest Elric brother, which happened to be a suit of armour. Damn, if I wasn't being shot when the team heard about my recklessness and foolishness. I had to remain low. And an awkward conversation like this couldn't be held in a hall. "Come; let's head to somewhere else before they start asking questions." I said nodding towards the crowd. Alphonse just eyed them before following me reluctantly.

As fate was playing with me, Mustang's office was just a few doors ahead and I was still mentally trying to get past the start of my speech which sounded like "Hi Alphonse, you don't know me but I know a lot about you and your brother, and for some reason I jumped in front of him ready to give my life to protect him. Although I still haven't figured that out. Want some cookies?" Yea right.

I entered the office to find the guys clasped to the door of Roy's private office trying to listen. "Seriously, guys?" I said making them jump in fear. "You sign your own death warrant by doing that. Hawkeye will kill you."

"What happened to your noise?" asked Havoc. "Um... I collided with Alphonse here and he made me run the whole Headquarters trying to reach Mustang before I bled to death. I must be thankful that I still have my feet together after that sprint. Even though we put on quite a show."

"You did what?" "Unintentionally" I muttered as a rain of curses ran from the three men. "Where is Fuery?"

"Trying to fix a radio station. Went to get some pieces. But seriously how can you be so reckless." scolded me Breda. "Well I don't see you acting more mature! What are you listening to anyway?"

As I asked that, I jumped off the table I have sited myself onto, and headed to the door without waiting for an answer in futile attempt to escape the embarrassing situation I was in, as well as trying to escape Al's scrutinizing gaze. In a few steps, I was at the door and pulling the door hard, barging into Mustang's office with no regard to privacy or courtesy for who might be there….only to slam myself into a person. Whatever sarcastic remark I had prepared for Roy was cut short when eyes caught of glimpse of red and black, just before I found myself staring in two golden orbs.

As I stared, a thought formed in my mind. _They are more beautiful than I remember them. _I watched fascinated how the sun coloured irises searched my face with stupor, two blonde brows uniting in a frown as I kept starring unable to say something. But in my defense this was my first time I got to take a real look at Edward Elric in person without having to get stabbed afterwards. I took my time in studying his beautiful features, the height of cheekbones, the curve of his mouth, the strong set of jaw. I observed how his child-like features were shaping into those of a man. My investigation was stopped when the person in front of me started speaking, his discomfort evident from his voice. "Um….can I help you, miss?" That snapped me back into reality as I realized I was practically into Edward's arms, as he involuntary gripped my arms to steady me, before falling a second time. Suddenly I took step back feeling very self-conscious of everything. To my annoyance, not everyone let the incident slip as I heard Roy make a snarky comment towards Edward.

"Hey, Fullmetal I didn't know that was the latest way to cope with people appearing in your way when opening a door..." Feeling more than embarrassed, I grabbed the first thing, I found to my side, which happened to be one of Fuery's utensils and throw it full-force to the smirking Colonel, above Ed's head. "Stop-p it, Sparky Colonel!" I yelled at him feeling my cheeks grow hotter by second. Oh, dear God I think I was blushing.

"What the hell is wrong with you ?!" responded the Colonel back while grabbing his bleeding nose, his voice void of amusement. "With me? What is wrong with you making comments like that! It's not my fault every goddamn person in this building is staying in my way today!" I yelled, my voice sounding strange even for my years. But I wasn't going to back down even though I knew I overreacted if I wanted to hear the end of this. I locked my gaze in a death glare contest with his obsidian orbs, concentrating in maintaining my position. I didn't observe when Ed had moved fearfully out of my way, until he asked Hawkeye about me.

"Hey Lieutenant, who is she? She is definitely as scary as Winry when she gets angry, and I never seen anyone piss of the Colonel like that, or hit him as a matter of fact…"

That got my attention and I turned to him as his brother started speaking "Brother, she is…" Our eyes made contact and again any word was lost to me. I saw his golden eyes widen as he recalled my face, his brows shooting up from amazement or doubt. I just gulped trying to think of what I will do next. Thankfully the mess was handled quick by Hawkeye before things could degenerate even more. Before I even realized what was happening I was ushered in Mustang's office alongside the Elric brothers, followed shortly after a rigid Hawkeye.

She didn't even glance at us as she moved toward Mustang handing him a handkerchief, which he put it simply to his nose to stop the bleeding after eyeing me threateningly. I felt guilt swirl inside me.

"Sorry for your nose" I murmured penitently, not looking him in the eye. "Glad to hear you are." He said, sarcasm dripping of his words. His tone only made me flinch. I spent so much time with a relaxed Roy that I forgot a cold-blooded soldier, ready to order and punish, could easily replace that soft interior. He was the man wishing to be the head of this country after-all. "Everyone sit down" he said and his tone inquired that it wasn't a formality or an act of politeness. The brothers must have heard it to because they complied, siting together on a couch as I sat on the opposite one.

"Now, to finish what I was saying earlier Edward, I'll introduce you to Shou Tucker if you wish to search more into the field of Biological Alchemy. He actually lives in the City, so it wouldn't be a problem to pay him a visit."

"You're going to go out of your way to do that?" said Al incredulously. Ed's reaction was far more comical. In a second he was standing pointing a finger up and down towards Mustang yelling how this was a trap. "There's definitely more than meets the eye!"

"Don't look at me with those suspicious eyes! We're even after case in Lior! It just feels disgusting to know that I owe you."

I smiled to myself while facing the floor for the moment forgotten. _Oh Roy you just can't admit that you like this two and want to help them_, I said to myself bitterly. But my smile faded quickly as I realized that I was in the same boat as him. In a few moments I had to explain my reasons and who I was, things I didn't know and I wasn't going to admit I jumped in front of Ed because I couldn't see him suffer.

"Now if we clarified that I would personally escort you To Mr. Tucker's house. You will need my word for him to show you his research." After he finished talking I could sense his eyes shifting to me, but I didn't move my look from the floor, continuing to caress the wood patterns with my eyes in an attempt to become invisible.

"Now, for the other matter…" I gritted my teeth. I was a matter now. "I guess the meeting between the two of you was inevitable, even though I wished it to be under other circumstances or at another time. But I guess we just have to make introductions. Elric Brothers, girl. Girl, Elric Brothers, not that you didn't know that."

I looked up and saw two pairs of eyes glued to my figure. I moved my hand anemically in a form of greeting them.

"Girl...?" said Al defiantly confused. "What is your name?" asked Edward cutting to the point. I looked him in the eye once again, before giving my answer. "I don't have one."

"What?" exclaimed the brothers simultaneously. "What do you mean you don't have a name, everyone has one!" pointed Edward in a tone that sounded a little bit annoyed.

"Maybe, but I don't have. Or if I had I don't remember it. You see I don't actually know anything about myself. My name. My birthday. My birthplace. My parents." I had to fight to keep my voice calm "There isn't anything in here" I said pointing to my head.

The two brothers looked taken aback by my confession, not knowing what to reply.

"But the problem isn't what I don't know, but what I know. For some reason I have knowledge of things that should be kept secret."

Edward opened his mouth to ask something but was cut fast by Mustang.

"Now, you will have time to chat later. Fullmetal, Alphonse if you would follow me I would like you to follow me to Tucker's house." He said rising from his desk.

His abrupt cut was very unusual even for him so I turned my eyes to him questioning. "Why don't you want me to talk to them?" I inquired indirectly. He simply stared back and said nothing, only to dismiss my question by continuing his stride to the half-staff from where he took his coat. Hawkeye followed him closely handing him a pair of gloves, and I didn't need special powers to know those wore the Flame Alchemy gloves.

"There is no need for you to follow us there Lieutenant. We will take a car and only stop there."

"But sir..."

"There is no problem." he said once again and Hawkeye only nodded. What game was he playing?

When he was about to exit the office I rose from my place and simply stated. "I am coming too." That made him stop. He didn't really turn, just glanced back to me, reminding me of Edward when I first met him. "No you are not. You will be staying here under supervision or do I need to remind you about the ruckus you made in the hallways? How do you intend to keep your cover like this? Not to add you attacked me. Be grateful you punishment isn't much bigger."

Fuck. This. Guy.

"Fucking hell if I will stay. Even though you just said is true are those reasons good enough from keeping to learn something? This Tucker lad seems like he knows a great deal about alchemy and has a whole library. If they can go and use it why can't I use it too? It's not like I am doing many things here!"

"You will do as you are told." he said without considering my words. "That's it, period." And that was when my temper snapped.

"Well listen here,_ Colonel _I am not one for your petty soldiers or a dog of the military to bark when you say to. I am free to do what I want when I want, and you can't say no to it."

"Is that so?" This got his attention as he turned to me, his eyes as cold as the marble, cutting deep into me. "Do I need to remind you your circumstances? You are indeed free to go, but after that don't consider coming back, and also take into consideration that with your knowledge and abilities I will consider you a threat to the state. You will be imprisoned if you are caught, or be a runaway if you are not. So what do you chose?" His tone inquired that the answer was obvious and I almost said I was going to wipe that smug smile. But I couldn't. He knew that to. I had nowhere to go, and no money and the only people I had an interest in were in this room. "Damn you." I capitulated.

Without a glance to me he turned and left the room. After a quick look in my direction, the brothers followed him. I was too infuriated to analyze how they looked at me.

"Damn you cocky bastard! You think you know it all? Well screw you and your confidence and power and help! Right now you aren't better than those people you despise!" I yelled after him.

"I hope you get burned someday by playing with the fire so much!"

"Enough!" said Riza, her tone implying that one more word meant my doom. I bit back any smart response and stormed out the office in front of the shocked eyes of the team. I didn't say anything to them not even they came to talk to me, hitting a hand that was trying to reach me in a futile attempt to calm me down. I didn't want to be calmed down. I wanted to scream about how unfair this was.

I grabbed the first thing I could before storming out of the office. After walking the halls, I realized that I was heading toward one place: the shooting range. Looking in my hand I realized that the keys were the ones for Riza's locker. Good, there she had a sniper ready for me to use. Maybe after a few rounds I could feel better.

Only an hour and two emptied cartridges later I realized that my anger came from fear. I didn't want to go to Tucker's house because I could gain important alchemic knowledge from the trip, but because I feared that something very bad will happen.

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**A.N. Thanks for reading. Leave a comment or a message with anything. I love hearing from you. Also sorry again, I'll make it up for this and the next update. Hope you enjoyed.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

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**A.N. Ok guys I am finally home just got a hold of my computer and here is the update. Again sorry for the slow pace, I promise the next chapter will come faster somehow, perhaps I will even make a double update. Also thank you so much for the views and reviews, you are simply the best. **

**Because**** of my damned schedule this chapter was barely beta-ed, so like in the previous chapters I might have over-looked some big grammar mistakes, sorry for that, I'll edit both 5&6 properly when I won't fall asleep while typing. Thank you so much for the support! Enjoy.**

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_Edward's P.O.V._

"Tucker became a State Alchemist two years ago after transmuting a chimera that understood human language."

Edward was sited in the small car next to his brother listening to Mustang reading the report about the Life-Binding Alchemist. His attention was perked, trying to learn as much as he could before he reached that house, but what was Mustang saying now sounded more like children's tales.

"Understood human language?" he repeated dumb folded, not believing what he heard. "It could ?! The chimera?!" he asked as soon as the words caught form in his mind.

"Yeah. Apparently, it did." answered Mustang, his eyes rising from the paper he was reading from. "But it said just one sentence. 'I want to die'. It never ate afterwards and died." continued to read the Colonel.

At that statement the young alchemist was left speechless, his mouth slightly agape. The story was disturbing to stay at least, and something deep from inside him made the hair from his back rise. Fast, he ignored the unnecessary feeling concentrating on the words he was hearing.

"That's all what is stated in this file. At that time, I wasn't supervising the Alchemy exams so I don't know more about the matter. If you are curious I guess you could ask Mr. Tucker more about his experiment."

Edward nodded, still incapable of speaking after hearing the impossible story. A speaking chimera that killed itself by starvation. He was about to dismiss everything when the whole situation came to him. His brother was a suit of armour and he lost his limbs trying to resurrect their dead mother, and know they were looking for a way to find or create the Philosopher's Stone. A talking chimera should be something normal for him.

"Um…Colonel, we need to ask you something" interrupted his little brother, his weary tone making him snap out of his thoughts.

"Sure. What is it ?"

"About the girl." continued his brother still weary. "Can you tell us more about her?" Edward eyes the Colonel expectantly, waiting for an answer himself. He was wondering the same thing his brother was, only that he got distracted with the unbelievable story. He remembered the short exchange he had seen in the office between the Colonel and the girl. She was…unusual to say at least. The way she acted, her demeanour both prideful and imposing, not bowing slightly in her decisions. He remembered how amazed he had been when she entered the office as a storm, snapping the doorknob from his hands with such force, only to hit him equally seconds alter when she entered. How she scrutinized his face with what looked like awe and amazement, her unusual eyes lighting like Christmas decorations, only to flare in anger and in embarrassment seconds later. He was still taken aback how easily she struck the Colonel, and talked to him. Harsh he had been so on her at the end.

The whole situation was to say at least strange, and Edward's mind rammed with possibilities. She said she had no memory about herself, but she knew other things. Also she had known even from before their names in Central. Furthermore, the way she watched him and his brother, her unusual eyes scrutinizing them judgingly before lowering definitely on the ground, only made him panic that she knew their secret. But she didn't have how to know that, did she?

"Yes, Colonel. You can start explaining what she meant by saying she had no memories but knew things that she shouldn't. Or how she knew our names back in Central. Why she jumped in front of me. How she healed so fast from a wound I thought would be lethal to her. Honestly, I was expecting her to be in a hospital bed not bumping into people. How she says she learns alchemy when she performed such a high scale transmutation before. "

"Or how she stopped bleeding form her nose in mere seconds after she bumped into me." added Al, his eyes fixing the white handkerchief that stopped Roy's still bleeding nose, that the furious girl caused him.

"Or how she looks different now. I remember clearly her eyes were a strong shade of turquoise."

"Brother how do you even know how turquoise looks like?" interrupted once again his brother his grave tone leaving its place to disbelief. Edward suddenly uncomfortable eyed the Colonel pointedly, telling him to start speaking, not wanting to give his brother an very uncomfortable response.

Mustang watch the two brothers complete their quiz, only after than sighting in what sounded like reassignment.

"Very well, I guess since the two of you are directly involved you deserve to know. What she said wasn't a lie, she has no memory about her or her whereabouts. She has glimpses of insignificant things such as a street or a walk in the park, but nothing that could give us a mean to identify a location. Or that's what she declares. Things get very tricky from here. The data I have I received from Hawkeye and she was confused herself. Apparently, the girl can summon at her will memories, information or data requiring other people and their past."

At that, the boys let a shocked gasp, but Mustang didn't let them time to say anything.

"Even though, at a price I might say. She named those episodes crises and she remembers to have had two of them until know. One was in Central, at the very beginning, were her memories start, and one was at Hawkeye's place. One was involuntary, the second one voluntary. In both cases, she received information regarding other people, not herself, images from their past, both experiences happening with an enormous pain. The second time she became unconsciousness of her surroundings. Whatever she does, it comes at a great cost."

The Colonel's words made the car fall into a silence only disrupted by engine sounds. Both boys were indulged deep into their thoughts trying to comprehend what they have been told.

"I don't know why she jumped in front of you in Central, or how she knew your names. Its best to assume that the first crisis, that she stated happened after she saw the two of you fighting Isaac McDoughal, brought fort information about the two of you. Also regarding her healing abilities I have no knowledge, but when she was brought into hospital she had only a punctured chest, not a mortal wound."

"That's impossible." Edward stated. "When she jumped in front of me, the pierce went all the way through her chest cavity, possibly her heart. She lost a lot of blood only when it took us time to think what to do. We thought she was dead."

"When she was brought in her condition was grave, but she did not have a punctured heart. Regeneration? That is now impressive, but improbable. Are you sure?" asked the Colonel.

"Yes." responded Alphonse. "When I met her she ran full-force in my armour breaking her nose. Her face was smeared in blood, but after a few minutes the bleeding stopped. By the time she got to the office, the only trace of the accident was the pinkish colour that I had."

After that statement, it was the Colonel's turn to fall deep in his thoughts, his brows furrowing in concentration.

"It could be probable, but I don't think it is something she is aware of. Furthermore, her body temperature is a few degrees lower than normal human's is. I had a doctor check her after Hawkeye told me the girl seemed she was about to have hypothermia. Indeed, her body temperature is of a constant of a 32°C, which made the doctor consulting her almost have a cardiac arrest. Her heartbeat and vitals are lower also. Moreover, she has weird habits. She says she is sleeping at night but Hawkeye, which she is currently living at, never really saw her fall asleep. Also her meals seem to vary, from an impossible amount of food, to almost nothing a day."

"She is not sleeping?" asked Alphonse, in a tone that made Edward's heart ache. His brother wasn't sleeping because he no longer had a human body, all thanks to him.

"We are suspecting her, yes."

"Dammit Colonel, do you even realize how impossible all this sounds?" asked Edward frustrated. "If her body temperature is this low how isn't she dead?! How is even her body pumping blood?"

"I don't know. We don't know anything yet. And neither does she. "

Silence embraced the car once again, the three men lost in their thoughts, trying to find explanations or possibilities. As alchemists mysteries like this only captivated them.

"She is very smart you know? She came one day in my office, barging in like you saw, and demanded me to teach her alchemy. She actually made Hawkeye support her. She also really has some knowledge stored in her brain, even though she lacks memory from where she found it."

"If so why didn't you let her come with us? And did you go so hard on her earlier?"

"She really has to be kept under observation but more for her own safety. Her memories can be unlocked by anything and having a crisis like that unexpectedly anywhere could be dangerous. Also she needs to learn some discipline, she can go around doing what she wants. After all we don't want another shorty with the same temper as you running around doing as she pleases."

Mustang only had time to get out her the car that stopped in front of mansion and laugh, until Edward launched towards him yelling profanities as two metallic arms restrained him from hurting the smirking Bastard.

* * *

_OC's P.O.V._

The sun was starting to set illuminating the range in eerie light. Shades of orange and red were painting the targets in front of me making them seem real people born from dusk and shadows. I was panting heavily, my arms were hurting and I probably made a great loss between the East Headquarters' cartridges. I have been firing different kinds of weapons since noon, killing with my glance anyone who dared to approach me. In the end, I was left alone with my thoughts and guns, letting me to think.

Since then I had been trying to figure out why I was feeling like this. After a few hours, my rage towards Roy faded, leaving me with a feeling of uneasiness. Or weariness. I also tried to fight the urge to dive and bring forth memories to the surface. There was a simple reason to that. I was scared, too scared to even confess to anyone about it. I was afraid of what I might learn or find out, considering the first time I only recalled things from the past. Right now, I had an uneasy feeling about the future, and even though looking objectively it sounded tempting to peek, it wasn't. I didn't know what to expect, besides the searing pain. I was still fighting the memories from the second time I did that in the shadows of the night when I wasn't' being watched, the blood and death from Ishbal still haunting me. But I didn't complain, some people had it worse by actually living this, actually doing this and having to wake up knowing that they are responsible for this.

I was a coward.

Feeling so helpless with myself, I just continued firing until I felt my muscles cry in pain, my body shaking from every fiber, my joints aching for me to stop. But I didn't because I was afraid of what I might do otherwise.

Since I scared everyone off, including Rebecca, Riza's closest friend, I didn't expect for anyone to come at this hour to train, so I jumped startled when a voice came behind me.

"You have been doing this all day? How did you not collapse?" Havoc said coming to me, his signature cigarette lit between his teeth. As I saw him approach I pondered if I could tell him do go away or lower my gun. Apparently he decided it was best for me to do the second, as he swiftly made his way next to me lowering the automatic's barrel to the ground.

"Now that's better. Now I can delude myself that you won't shoot me even if I get you angry." he said jokingly, but I didn't returns his smile.

"What's wrong kiddo?" he said more serious this time, the small lines at the corner of his eyes that appeared every time he smiled, like two little fans, disappeared slowly as his expression lost its amusement. I was still surprised by how Havoc's face could suffer such a transformation only seconds apart.

"What isn't wrong?" I responded as I shook the gun in the air as trying to make a point. "I fucked up Havoc, badly. And let's not talk what impression I made on those two brothers, or that I made Mustang angry, or disappointed Lieutenant, or shocked you. And to make things worse, now I have this feeling about all this."

He didn't respond at my words. I took it as a quiet agreement to my words. I was about to storm of when his hand stopped me.

"You know, I always wondered why you use such fool language. Maybe to draw attention, or maybe to be cooler. But it's not that. I think it's because you feel so much that you can't really describe it using normal words."

"What is this shi-, this supposed to mean? Are you playing some sort of game with me?

"Are you bitter about what Roy said to you?" he cut me off. That surprised me, because in a way I was.

"Well, yes…it's not like it is ok for him to say such things. I am not a doll or a soldier."

"But it is ok for you to say such things to Roy? " My sheepish expression must've been the answer he needed because he just took on. "I guess not. Don't act so hard on him, he has lots of problems besides you. And think what today's scene looked to those brothers. Do you think Edward would let something like that pass? He would nag Roy with it for decades, how was one girl able to hit him, or how he can't talk like that."

The scene was so probable that I couldn't contain my light laugh. Oh yes, I could see that, Edward could nag the Flame Alchemist forever.

"He just does things to keep everything in an order. He didn't really mean those things."

"When did you get so profound Havoc? Next you must say that I should care for my seniors and listen to them because they know better."

"Well right you should. But I don't think you are the one who just takes orders."

"Damn right I am not." I said.

"Now let's have a deal. Promise me you will respect Roy and apologies and I will take you now to Edward and Alphonse. I have to fetch them back from Tucker's house. Nobody said you can't come with me though. So do we have a deal?"

As he said this he extended his fist towards me. I looked up at him, then at his extended hand, saw his smile, and I knew his kindness was too much for me. I hurt his leader, I was a prick with them all and he still was kind towards me. I felt my eyes hurt and had to blink several times to make the tingling sensation go away. Carefully I let the gun slide from my hand and raised my fist. Slowly I let it touch from above Jean's, accepting his generous offer.

"Now, now let's get Fullmetal Boss back and then you can go to the Chief and solve your problems. Shall we?"

"Uhm." I said following him across the practice range towards the fence that demarcated the small terrain. As we were about to exit I suddenly felt a huge wave of gratitude towards Jean Havoc. Even from the first day, he only showed kindness and patient to me. A memory was coming fort, a feeling of pain intertwined with happiness, shocking me. Why did it hurt so much when I accepted someone's good towards me? As I never felt people being nice towards me before.

"Thank you" I said not louder than a whisper. At first, I thought he didn't hear me but only he let his arm slide over my shoulders, making me jump startled as I realized he heard me just fine. After a few seconds, I let myself be effulged in the warm feeling of another human being touching me, relishing in the feeling that it gave me, relaxing slightly.

"You're welcome kiddo."

-\\\-

I didn't know what to expect when it came to an alchemist's home, but the huge mansion Mr. Tucker lived in was ridiculous.

"You got to be fucking me." I said as we entered such a big gate that could easily let a car through when open. "This is thing is bigger than… Sorry I am trying to speak better ok!?" I said defensively at Havoc's disapproving look.

"But I mean look at it. How can two people live in such a big house?" "Mr. Tucker is a high respected alchemist. Here he conducts his research besides living, so I guess his lab and library take at least half of this place." said Havoc as he knocked on a massive wood door. For a minute not a sound came through and I was about to suggest a break in when the door opened slightly to reveal partially a man wearing glasses. As soon as the door opened with a cracking sound, a very wrong feeling made its way to my guts twisting them nervously. I moved closer trying to get a better look at the man we were visiting behind Havoc, which was annoyingly tall. Finally the door opened wider revealing the man almost completely. He was dressed casually, something that could pass a house attire, his brought forward shoulders, a sign that he spent a lot of time crouched over something or sitting down for long hours. The glasses he was wearing made it hard for me to see his eyes as the sun reflected on his lenses. "Mr. Tucker, I am 2nd Lieutenant Havoc, I am here sent by Mustang to retrieve the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother."

"Oh yes, come in please. They are in the library, I am sure those boys are hardworking, they haven't left that room for a second minute this entire time. They are very dedicated. Oh, who is this?" he said as I entered his field of vision. The way his eyes searched me with a cold, undetached view made my skin crawl and my insides turn in disgust. I felt dirty just being looked at by him. What was wrong with me?

I followed Havoc into the dark house noting how everywhere boxes full of books, junk, and other stuff leveled the walls turning the hallway into a maze. Lost papers were scattered on what looked like it had been a fine parquetry at some point, dirt and over usage making its shining go dull. I heard Havoc mutter a response about my identity as I could get my first good look at the man's face safe from the shining rays of the sun. Wrinkles of worry covered its face, making its features look like they were melting. At some point Tucker must have been a little chubbier than his scrawny self from the present. But what got my attention was his look, his eyes meeting mine at the same time. His small, blue eyes pierced mine making the bile rise in my throat along with an urgent urge to scream and run as fast as I could from him. Fear gripped with a tight claw making my muscles so tense that he previous ache from over using them seem like a feather touch. My guts were twisting, and I had to do anything I could not to scream in horror or collapse right there. What was wrong with this man? Why was every part of my body yelling at me do protect myself rom him? Of course no logic answer came besides the definite sensation that this man was either mad or evil.

I didn't realize I was shaking until Havoc's hand didn't secure me from my shoulder, the heat emanating from it like an inferno on my cold skin. I was so cold, a feeling I have long forgotten since temperature wasn't something I had been concerned with since the day I woke up in Central.

"Are you ok?" he asked his worry evident from in his voice. I just nodded, feeling that speech was still beyond my abilities, not entirely sure my draw mouth could form words before vomiting my insides out.

"Just…just a little cold that's all." I managed to squeeze out facing Havoc fully trying to shake the feeling the other guy's gaze gave me. I felt like I was violated by a look.

Havoc seemed not to buy my lie as he knew very well I didn't concern myself with coldness. Hawkeye told them how I almost freeze to death in the shower. Also the evening was still hot, the air keeping the heath from disappearing as the night came over East City. His look called my bullshit, but decided to let it pass.

"Indeed, the temperature drops as the sun sets, and you are dressed…in a scanty attire." his voiced trailed as he evaluated my legs and arms that could easily be seen from my shorts and t-shirt. What can I say, I hated heat. "Now, if you would come this way, I would show you to the library."

He walked into a dark corridor and the only thing that kept me from running was a steady hand pushing me forward. Fool, I muttered to myself just Tucker opened to gigantic doors only to reveal an interesting sight.

Edward was facing the floor with what looked like the biggest dog in the whole world siting casually on his back. _I could ride that to battle and it wouldn't seem unusual_. A little girl was starching the dog smiling, her cheery laugh making my heart twist. The marvelous sight of Ed being imprisoned by a dog made me take lightly the big suit of armour that was watching too his brother being humiliated by a canine. Havoc wasn't going to express his amazement as quietly as I did.

"What are you doing." He asked sounding both pissed and confused. His hands went to his hips as he inclined slightly to look better at the tiny person lying on the floor.

"Eh just taking a break from the research…" came a muffled voice from under the…well, dog. After he succeeded to free himself from the beast that imprisoned him, Edward rose to his feet, his face telling me he was both embarrassed and annoyed. I almost laughed at all the jokes with dogs I could make.

"Did you manage to get good data?" asked Tucker, only to laugh at how grim Edward's face became. Was he turning a shade of green?

"You're welcome to visit tomorrow too" he added before the young alchemist could manage to have a heart stroke. At those words the young girl that was still petting the dog headed towards Alphonse almost jumping with enthusiasm. I noticed how she wasn't even reaching his waist, or leg…

"You'll come visit again?" she asked her voice raised higher by hope.

"Let's play again tomorrow, alright Nina?" responded the younger brother as she coached to see the enthusiastic girl gripping her tiny fists to her chest. She reacted well to his words but I didn't pay attention to the rest of the discussion as the name struck me harder than the lightening. Nina? Nina?

I was just repeating the name again and again as an incantation that could solve the agonizing pain that came with it. I felt tears coming to my eyes and my body moved without me realizing. I passed the three figures talking about tomorrow details, not able to respond to any of them. I just advanced until I reached the small figure, crouching to meet a pair of the fairest blue eyes I have ever seen. Her braids were fitting her face, her childish features giving her an angelic look. Those eyes so innocent that just watched me confused. Nina?

"Nina?" "Yes?" she responded wearily, but I let her unsaid question pass. She was ok, she was ok. Before I could understand what I was doing my hands were encircling the small figure, pressing her to me. "You're ok, you're ok" I managed to say under ragged breaths.

She was ok.

-\\\-

As I exited Tucker's house I started walking on a fast pace, without paying any regard to my companions that I left behind in my rush to run away from my feelings and odd behaviour that I still couldn't explain. I had no rational reason to why I hugged the little girl Nina like that or my words for that matter of fact, which was more frightening than anything else. To feel such pain, such fear without any reason for it, to do things just because you have this urge to do them as there might not be a second time, it was frightening, sending chills deep into my bones. So I wanted to go away as fast as I could, away from questions that I had no answers for, away from bewildered gazes, away from the threat in the air.

But I was civilized person and I came here with someone, that someone doing a great thing for me with his gesture and I wasn't going to repay like this kindness when I was sure I hadn't received much in my life. So I stopped after I exited those gates that reminded me so much of a cage, waiting rather impatient for my companions. I saw Edward walking leisurely from the house, his eyes shut, hands intertwined behind his head, talking to his brother. Havoc followed them closely from behind, only stopping to say something hurriedly to Mr. Tucker, which made him look sick and grim at the same time. After that the trio exited the gates so we could head our way. Feeling a little relived I starting walking again, enforcing a fast rhythm to the walk, to others having no other way but to comply to it. Since the Headquarters weren't very far away, I and Havoc walked to the house, meaning we had to walk back once again to return from it. This time I was cursing the stupidity of not taking a car with us, even though I was scared about the prehistoric looking vehicles. I was more than sure that cars should be a little safer looking than that.

Only after we were about three blocks away I had the guts to stop the jog I enforced. Still the feeling of fear wouldn't just leave me alone. I truly hated myself when things like this happened.

"What's with the rush?" Ed suddenly asked me making me jump slightly. Nobody had addressed me after I exited the house rudely, in a haste, all the time the brothers chatting to Havoc. Actually this was first time Edward addressed me besides Central of Roy's office.

"Yea. Where are we running to?" asked Alphonse, hearing his brother addressing me and considering it safe to do the same. What was I supposed to answer? Nothing, just spooked the hell out of my minds, and wanted to run away from it?

"I…um..uh…had to pee."

I felt my cheeks heat at Havoc's laugh, which was so strong that he had to stop as he shook his whole body from the bursts. He was going to pay after for this.

Looking back at Edward I saw his face redden too, which only made me more self-aware concluding with my cheeks warming at annoying levels. Alphonse looked bewildered by my stupid excuse, as bewildered as a suit of armour can be anyway.

"Right. I guess that's a matter to hurry for. But why didn't you use the toilet at Tucker's house?"

"Yea, it wasn't a problem."

Dammit, he had to think of everything now when he couldn't see the big picture when it was necessary? How did I knew this?! Frustrated and confused from my inner battle I blurted out the first thing that came in my mind, which was even a bigger stupidity if that was possible.

"I have a toilet phobia."

"What?" exclaimed the two brothers as Havoc started chocking once more. He was so going to pay.

"I can't use someone else's toilet. It feels strange and uncomfortable…um so I don't. You wouldn't believe the first time I had to use Riza's bathroom."

"Yea I heard that was quite an experience." responded Havoc, his one grim. He knew very well the incident I was talking about. But the brothers didn't, thing that only confused them more.

"I guess that is a troublesome problem." continued Edward. Was he really so dense that he bought my stupid excuse? I wanted to smack him while congratulating myself.

"If that wasn't a weird first-conversation starter." I supplied helpfully trying to change the topic about my bathroom tendencies and preferences.

"It sure was." accepted Edward, his relief evident. "But I guess nothing is better as an ice-breaker than a weird confession." As he said the last part he smile brightly to me, making my heart miss a beat. I knew Edward was beautiful, if I wasn't sure today's earlier encounter confirmed that. But when he smiled he was breath-taking. He was by far the most handsome young man I had ever seen, and I wasn't even ashamed to admit that. I also knew his brother wasn't behind him at all, but the armour his soul was affixed to let people wonder about him. But I knew the truth, the Elric siblings were incredibly beautiful with their heritage of blond hair and golden eyes. Probably my face looked strange while I contemplated this things as Edward started shifting uncomfortable under my gaze, his smile starting to lose its honesty.

"What?" he asked trying not to sound too nervous.

"Nothing" I answered honestly. "It's just you're annoyingly beautiful, and if that isn't enough when you smile you look like two times better than that. It's almost unfair to humanity to have features like this. It's also unfair to have a brother that is just as annoyingly beautiful as well. Couldn't you have a crooked nose or something just to make my self-esteem better?"

I don't know who was more startled about my words. Edward turned from pale to a bright red in mere seconds, his eyes moving from mine to the earth, his ears and neck reddening significantly. Havoc started coughing and I hoped he choked to death if he was about to continue like that the rest of the walk to the Headquarters. I felt myself redden, but I kept my grounds because that was the truth, even though I was quite embarrassed about saying something like that to a stranger. But in a way Edward was no stranger. The only one who didn't get flustered over my words was Alphonse, who intervened before his brother could spurt something unflattering.

"You know how I look?" he asked both hopeful and doubtful and the same time. "How?"

"Well of course I know how you look, isn't it obvious. I mean who doesn't…"but my confidence wearied off as I realized I shouldn't have known how Alphonse Elric looked like, because he was affixed to that armour when he was eleven. Despite that my mind was flooded with image of the two boys, when they were younger. I shouldn't have known their childhood like that.

"No." responded Al as if I didn't figured it myself. "Yea I know, sorry about that. I forgot you were affixed when you were eleven." But my explication only made things worse as the two brothers gasped shocked. Right I shouldn't have known that either.

"How do you know about Al? Did that Colonel tell you?" Edward said fats lowering his voice glancing at Havoc. Right he didn't knew either.

"Sorry" I said as low as him. "No he didn't, and I forgot Havoc didn't know." After that he looked even more surprised if that was possible.

"It's just that I know things ok? Things I shouldn't and don't want to! But I just have them in my mind, this images, memories or whatever they are. I have all this knowledge and it doesn't make sense how I have it or why, and I didn't choose to. But I have it. I know about your brother, about you, about your past, and even about your childhood. I just know and I am sorry that I am so intrusive but it's not like I have a choice"

Edward was clearly taken aback by my statement and speech. He tried to take in the information as well as he could, which I knew was a lot. I would be freaked out too if I were him, and I had to give him credit for how well he coped with everything I threw at him. Surprisingly, Alphonse took it better.

"I suppose you are not going to tell right?"

"Of course not! I would never, ever do something like that to you!"

"Why?" Edward asked coolly.

"Because! Why would I want to betray two of the people I admire the most."

"How can you say that? You said you knew about us, then you know about that thing right? What we did? How and you say something like this, when you know that?!" Edward asked, his tone furious but still low, trying to make the discussion not to reach Havoc which was walking behind us.

"I know, you are right" I responded my gaze holding his unmoving. "And that is the thing I admire you for. I knew your circumstances and your reason, and I can't say how much I admire you Edward Elric. I can't describe how high I think of you because you did that. You were a child who just lost his mother, and let alone to fend for his brother and himself. You two had no-one but managed to learn alchemy, and to such a transmutation. I don't give a rotten ass that it is consider a sin. Maybe there is something wrong with human transmutation, but because you did such thing, and why you did it, it only makes me admire you. You were so brave, fighting for you, for your family, for your brother, even though you think it isn't enough. If I had the chance to bring my mother back if I had the means I would have done it. And you paid your toll for that mistake again, and again, and again. It's enough for people to blame you for doing such thing when you paid sufficient enough. You ought to hear how well you are doing, not how bad you are because of what you did since you were just two children! I know I must have done worse! You are amazing people, and do so many things and even know you consider it isn't enough. You just continue to search for a way to regain your bodies, not giving up, not succumbing to darkness, and always hoping. Your determination, your courage, your fierceness, and your power that's what I admire in you! And who says otherwise should go to hell. You suffered enough already, it's more than enough!"

After I finished I inhaled deeply as I put all my oxygen in that speech. Strangely I felt a wetness to my face and I didn't realize I was crying. Uncomfortable I wiped those away. I cried in front of Elrics the strongest persons I have ever knew. Such a wimp I was. But I felt like that once again in Central, when I acted on what Isaac said. There weren't enough words to express the fierceness of my pride for them, my admiration. How could they think so low of themselves?

Edward was so taken aback that he almost stopped walking only to be ushered forward by his brother, which looked as shocked as him. His mouth was flying open, trying to say something only to close it helplessly again. I knew that he was so flabbergasted that he couldn't form any words. This was the first time someone didn't care for their sin. I hoped it wasn't the last.

"I don't condemn you for your sin. I don't care about it, and I certainly don't think it defines you." I repeated as to a child who didn't believe something.

"Just who are you?" asked Alphonse, his voice cracking.

I almost lost it myself and that, knowing that Alphonse couldn't' cry, he was unable, his pain so much bigger. For some reason I knew how sad it was not to be able to cry, not to feel at least some relief from the pain inside you. But I just smiled, I wasn't going to be weak in front of those strong people.

"Just another damned soul trying to find a way in this world I answered. Since I know nothing about me I might as well tell what I think about you. It would be a mistake not to be honest, to reprimand myself from the simple joy of telling the truth because it is uncomfortable. I believe every word I said."

I was cut off shortly by Havoc that approached us telling a cherry we're here, so different from the serious path our conversation had fallen onto. I looked around to see that we were in front of a hotel. I guess this was where the boys were checked in, since not everyone was as welcoming to share apartments with them too.

"I guess we are" I said, my words holding a different meaning than an approval to our location. "I guess we part ways here. I would say good bye, but that sounds too dramatic so…see ya around." To emphasize my words I jumped into a military salute stance, smiling goofily all the time. Even though the atmosphere was heavy, the only one being at fault because for that being me. But I wasn't going to act like what I said was such a big deal. Those boys had to learn to accept a praise when they heard one.

After we muttered an awkward goodbye and I was far away with Havoc I let my smile slip and pretense go away. I was feeling sad, since I knew how those two must've felt about all this, and I made some bad memories come to them with my reckless tongue. I was really tactless.

"You did good." I heard Havoc say.

"You heard?!" I exclaimed terrified that I divulged the secret with my stupid tongue.

"No, though I wanted to peak. I just guessed it was a tense chat. With your knowledge must've hit a cord with those two. I am not that inconsiderate to stick my nose in their secret but I surely know that whatever you said baffled them. I guess that's good, those two must hear things they don't believe once in a while too."

I was the one baffled. Who would have though Jean Havoc was so considerate of others, not to say discrete. And his words. For the second time that day he helped me. Why?

"Men are stubborn like that they just need a cold water of sincerity sometimes." he said lighting his cigar.

"How? Why?"

"Huh? I don't know that's how they are..." but stopped after I nudged him hard. "Because you're a good kid. You have this look all the time as you are afraid or saddened. It's sad to look at it, really. I guess I have a nerve for damsels in distress like you. Plus, I see how you influence everyone. You do make things better for both Hawkeye and Mustang, whatever you talk to them. Those boys aren't the only ones who need to hear things they don't believe in"

I was so shocked that I couldn't manage to say something to Jean. I was so amazed and indecisive between pressing the matter or starting to cry at his words. I felt my heart twist painfully, in a good way, as she also didn't believe the words.

"That's the part where you say a teary gratitude and loyal devotement." That made me laugh and forget my indecision.

"Thank you." And even though it was short it was more than honest.

"You're welcome" he said, even though knew he was feeling uncomfortable in the silence that followed. I decided to save him.

"So since you said you appreciated my honesty, how about to listen to my advice here and now and ask Rebecca on a date and save you from the misery of sexual tension that you feel every time you walk into a room…"

"Ok, I retreat everything I said earlier." he said looking very annoyed, which only made me crackle in an uncontrollable laughter, ignoring the threats coming from the flustered blonde besides me.

* * *

**A.N. Thank you so much, and sorry if I disappointed you with my messy writing, belief me the alpha versions are 100x worse. Also thank you again for your thoughts and follows and favourites, they just mean so much. Another thing, this story will be centred around the OC, that you figured out. I was just wondering if all those POV changes only confuse you more or make the story harder to understand. When I write the story it just happens to switch like that between characters, I guess the story is more complete for me this way. Also I am not switching between many POVs because honestly I feel like I don't have a good grip on any of the FMA characters and I try to avoid writing characters that are OOC. Or try to. Just a random thought that crossed my mind while posting this. You don't have to answer.**

***cough* Thank you again. See you next time. (Hopefully it will be faster).**

**2 lazy 2 login. Dear Sir or Madam, do you have any idea how much your review delighted me? When I got your review I was already in a shaky mood so your words kinda made my day. I must thank you for that, and also for taking a little of your time to review my story. I know how it is to like something but just don't feel like writing a review. So thank you for doing something out of the way you usually do ( I know this because sometimes I am guilty of the same thing). Also thanks for making me learn the verb to weave (didn't really see this word that much). And sorry for the mistakes. Usually i try to correct the thing as good as I can but I never get it perfectly from the first try and after 6 hours of writing and editing I just want to give up. At your suggestion I re-read the chapter and yes I cringed of the things I had written (Jesus, Joseph and Mary kill me now I have murdered the English tongue in there *facedesk*). Also if it happens to be in a condition where I can't edit or write (as I had been for the past 2 weeks), this thing will happen again. So sorry. And thank you so much for enjoying my story. Also if you want PM me so I can write you a much longer response without adding 1000 words just from a response ( I tend to write long responses). Also thank y for following my story. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys sorry for the late update. School is about to start and I had been so caught up in my homework that I almost forgot about you. Sorry *sheepish smile* Anyway I didn't review 5 &6 as promised because the circumstances haven't allowed me to. Sorry. Anyway Here is the next chapter. Enjoy.**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional.**

* * *

_Edward's P.O.V._

He was lying in bed face turned to the white ceiling. Not that he was seeing it anyway as the room was hidden in darkness and his attention was inward on his wandering thoughts, but he knew that in front of his eyes should be a white ceiling. His mind was wandering, creating, analysing. But mostly he was recalling words.

Edward believed he wasn't a fool. From a young age he learnt that this world didn't accept those who were fools. Him and his brother learnt that on the hard way, and since then he always analysed and did what he thought was best and the least foolish. But know he couldn't help himself but recall the words from a certain girl. In the years after he had to join the military and become a State Alchemist, nobody had ever told him something that was even close. Those who knew coped with the truth, ignored it, accepted it or judged them for it. But nobody ever was saying that they were proud of them for it. What they did was monstrous, and against the flow of the world, he accepted that long way back ago. But there was someone that was telling them that deciding against that flow was something good, something normal. Edward knew it was wrong and he ought to say otherwise, but for some reason he felt…at peace. And relieved in some way, a part of the burden oppressing him disappearing slightly. He still felt guilty for how things turned, but he was feeling relieved that someone echoed the thoughts that had driven him to do such thing in the first place. He knew that in a way nothing that will ever do will compensate for that thing, but he let himself feel, in a moment go unguarded honesty and self-pity, bad about his circumstances. He never let himself complain or ponder if it was fair what was happening to them, it was what they did deserve after all. But for the moment he let himself feel frustrated and annoyed with the whole situation.

He was foolish, since things and feelings like this didn't help in the slightest, actually they made it worse. He had to accept the flow, a thing if he did prior might have meant that his brother kept his body intact. Now he ought to the otherwise. But he wanted not to, just for a second in the darkness of the night before he had to fight another day.

This girl had woken in him feelings that he thought were long gone. He remembered her face when she told him all that almost breathlessly, her eyes burning with a fire from within daring him to argue her. Someone admired him, agreed with him and understood him. This premiere let Edward feel both shocked and delighted. For such long time nobody besides his brother even tried to understand. But in a way that girl was like him and his brother.

Her powers were at least frightening, a thing that she didn't even ask for. But in the end who asked? She was clearly displeased with her knowledge as he could tell from her previous presentation. But the real question was at which extent her abilities worked. How much did she knew? What she was planning to do with that information? He actually believed her that she wouldn't tell, the outrage and disbelief at the simple mention of this being a certain proof.

If Edward meant to be honest with him he should have admitted that he was interested in this girl. She was a mystery, every time he met her, she doing something that only made him more curious.

His thoughts were stopped by a rustling noise, much too familiar.

"Brother, are you awake?" Al asked.

"Yes." "Are you thinking, right?" "Yes" "Me too."

To someone else this might've seem like an useless conversation, but this was Al he was talking to, his little brother. Through so little words they admitted that they were thinking about the same words and girl and their amazement.

"You know, it's really nice for someone else besides you, Winry and Granny to know how I look. I mean I didn't even think about it until now, but it's really nice."

Edward didn't say anything as guilt tripped him over even after all this years. He stopped apologizing every time to his brother but the guilt still remained, and talking about it would mean his brother doing anything in his call to convince him he ought not to feel like this. So he stayed silent agreeing. Yes it was a nice feeling.

"And I can't believe what she said. Unfair to humanity to have features like this. If I haven't been so baffled I might have laughed." He continued his tone sounding cheerier as amusement lit his voice.

"Yea, I guess it was pretty funny." Edward agreed still too mortified to find what amused his brother liked this. He was still feeling his cheeks being set on fire by either embarrassment or astonishment.

"I can't believe how you reacted when she said that. Or that she said that. Nobody called us like that" continued Al, this time his tone sounding milder because of the uneasiness.

"Well she is right you know? The Elric brothers are the most amazing brother in all Amestris because of their beauty and skills passed down by generation." Edward saved his brother, his passionate speech said all on a goofy tone.

"Careful brother you might start to sound like Major Armstrong."

At that the two brothers started laughing uncontrollably, thinking about the pompous Major and his love to talk about the Armstrong family's legacy. After a while their laughed died down, the room silencing in the comfortable atmosphere between the two siblings.

"This is nice." Al added after a while.

"Yes." Ed had to admit. There weren't times he enjoyed most that those with his brother.

"Tomorrow will go again and visit Nina. She is really nice. The girl seemed to have an unusual reaction when she saw Nina. I wonder why."

"I don't know. I have seen that too." And Edward indeed was confused by the girl's reaction to seeing Nina. Another thing that confused him. He felt himself frowning so he let the thought go away.

"Brother, can't we bring the girl too tomorrow? I mean she looked eager to come earlier. And I want to get to know more about her."

"I think we might do just that, Al." And Edward meant it. He was too curious at this point to let this pass quietly.

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

I was sprawled loosely on a couch reading alone in Mustang's office when someone barged into the room making me jump to my feet in two seconds. I was still trying to understand what was happening when Edward entered in the office followed closely by his little brother who just happened to have a container for his soul of two meters height.

"Don't you ever heard of knocking?" I asked feeling slightly furious with my stupid reaction and the fact that my book had flown on the other side of the room.

"Where is Colonel Jerk-Face?" asked Edward caring less about my question.

"His Jerkness had an important meeting in the morning and had to live immediately. Something about an important thing from Central. Hawkeye followed him." I explained while trying to fish my book and find where I stopped reading.

"Riight. So when is he coming back?" Edward continued flopping himself on the couch I was siting, getting a death glare from my part.

"That wasn't where I was sitting at all. And I don't know I am not his nanny."

"Sorry." said Edward looking like he truly meant it, which only made me feel bad about my rudeness.

"It's ok." I said siting besides them still flopping through the book.

"What are you reading?" asked Al, sounding genuinely curious.

I checked the book pondering whether to tell, and decided it couldn't hurt to share my lecture interest with them.

"Just some vague historic texts that are known to date since the beginning of Amestris."

"Why would you spend your time with something like this?" Edward asked surprised.

"Well, I was trying to find something more than vague references about the Sage of the East, the father of alchemy."

Now they looked more interested. I almost frowned at them, and mentally agreed with Winry when she called them alchemy-freaks.

"And why is that?" Edward leaned back sounding interested.

"Because of alchemy of course. It is said the Sage came from the East and taught the people who lived here alchemy only to disappear after. If he taught alchemy, then he must've known it from somewhere right? But it's not just this, if I can understand how alchemy was created and later developed that I can understand alchemy as a whole. In essence alchemy is a science, so like any science it must be understood. Knowing its basics along its history and pledges it's what defines a science as knowable right?"

The brothers really looked taken aback by my explanation, making eye contact before watching me as I suddenly grew another head. What?

"That's a point to it. But alchemy doesn't stop at that. Even though some understand it, it doesn't necessarily mean you can perform it. Have you tried that?"

"No. But any form of knowledge is knowledge. If I can't perform that's it, but the things I learnt will still remain. Even though I wouldn't be able to use them I will still know them and there is no excuse for choosing to be dense."

"But don't you know alchemy already?" Al asked, and I guessed he was thinking way back to Central.

"No, I have never used it or studied it before. That's why I want to learnt it. I love alchemy as it is such a beautiful thing. I don't know how I never tried it before, but I guess I don't know many things requiring my past. I am just in love with this thing that grants so much power to mere humans like us. So I will do anything in my way to learn it." I stopped mentioning about my dream to learn Flame Alchemy from Roy, since they wouldn't have really understood that part.

"So that's why you asked the Bastard Colonel to teach you."

"Yep. And that's why I wanted to get to Tuckers yesterday but I was sabotaged. They have so many books there, I would have so much reading material and I bet he could be more willing to share them with me than the stupid secretaries and librarians from here." I was still bugged by what that woman said to me yesterday, unable to figure what she meant by high ranked relatives.

The brothers exchanged a look, deciding something. I was about to tell them it was rude to communicate like that when Edward turned in my way and smiled.

"In that case, how about this…."

-\\\-

Fifteen minutes later, I was walking the streets of East City next to Ed and Al having to fight the urge to look every 5 minutes behind my shoulder trying to see some mysterious follower. It was paranoid since Mustang didn't came back from his meeting at least an hour from now, and the team didn't really spy on me, especially when I went out of the office, so I was clear but I could never be too sure.

"Relax, no one is following us." Al added after I almost started to run as a car drive past us.

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean Hawkeye won't kill me. Dammit, if this wasn't stupid."

"Hawkeye wouldn't do something like that." said Ed only to start fidgeting as I death glared him. Hawkeye was definitely going to kill me when we did come back.

"Anyway it's not like you ran away, you just came with us." he attempted to fix it after. I sighed annoyed. Did no one pay attention?

"Edward, if you didn't see from yesterday it's not like I am living in a no boundaries freedom. Someone always supervises me, and even if nobody acts on it, I am nothing but a hostage or a well-kept prisoner. Mustang was serious that he will arrest me if I tried to run away, thing I have never even intended to since I have nowhere else to go, and the only people I know about are there. With the things I know I would be a threat. Plus I don't want them to think bad of me."

"Hey, what do you mean you are a hostage like? You are not threatened by that Bastard are you?"

"No, but that's not the point!" I defended myself surprised by his sudden anger. It wasn't a big deal, I expected that much from everyone, they actually were way more nicer than I had expected. Plus I didn't like him talking bad of Mustang. He had his faults, but he did really grow on me this past week.

"Then what is it? You are just some little girl, not a threat. They have no right to limit you like this." Edward seemed really furious and I was shocked that he was defending me like that, even though I shouldn't have been. Edward always jumped and helped those in ended; it was in his kind nature. It was nothing special for him to defend someone who seemed to be wronged.

"Don't get so worked up on that, it's just how it is. And don't call me little here, unless you want the favour returned. I am not a little girl, thank you very much. Actually I think I am as tall as you and as old as you."

"Yea, well I am a little taller!"

"By two centimetres because of your boots. Take them down and say that again!" I dared him, my tone mocking. I tried not to smile smugly as Edward seemed to be flustered as I dismissed his height so easily. He was only 1.65 tall because of his clothes and hair, compared to my 1.63 height. If he took everything out he might have been much more shorter than me.

"How old are you?" Al intervened before we could start fighting.

"I think I am 15. "

"Oh, so you are the same age as us!" Al exclaimed sounding so happy. It was endearing to see such a happy voice coming from such a big armour.

"Yep, so don't you look down on me Mr. State Alchemist."

"Yes, yes." said Edward on the same dismissive tone he used when Mustang gave him orders. I won't tolerate him using it with me so that only started another fight that kept until we reached Tucker's house, where we finally burst into laughter.

-\\\-

Tucker coped very well with my unannounced appearance and said we could help ourselves from the library and kitchen if necessary before disappearing. To my surprise the feelings from yesterday were fading away slowly, only to be replaced by anger. Today the man made me so furious that I wanted to beat him up senseless. To make things more complicated now and then I could also feel desperation, making everything more confused and powerful. So after we exchanged our greetings I was ready to curl into a sensitive ball in a corner and let everything wear off. But I didn't do that since it was irrational, and I came here prepared to learn something, knowing that when I came back were going to be consequences, so I didn't want to waste time concentrating on things I knew I couldn't solve. Since I was so absorbed in my thoughts, I only realized that Tucker had looked distraught after we parted ways with him and entered the immense library.

And for the first time I entered this house I let myself relax and feel happy and excited. There were thousands of books about alchemy. Thousands! Mine to read. Excitement made my heart beat faster, a puffy feeling enveloping me in its warm touch, making my head spin in anticipation and toes curl in my shoes.

"You look like a child on Christmas Eve." Edward remarked amusingly at my mute awe.

"Or like an alchemist in a library full of alchemy books." And with that I went to check the first shelf in the room, checking the titles almost adoringly, afraid to really touch them. Somewhere behind me the two brothers moved to continue their previous search but I was too fascinated to give a damn. After I breathed in and out a few times I started grabbing books and putting them on a to-read pile, that in a few minutes turned out to be a full fledge fort. Considering I had enough reading material for an entire week, l I flopped, a book with many alchemic arrays and I started reading it, unconsciously drawing with my free hand on the wood parquet in an attempt to better memorize.

-\\\-

In must have been hours later when a commotion snapped me out of an alchemy treaty about organic transmutation. Somewhere behind some shelves someone was yelling loudly. It took me a confused second to realize it was Edward's voice proclaiming an all-out war with the mutt that attacked him yesterday. I was about to says something when a dog ran past me disturbing my neatly made book fort followed closely by a tornado of red. What were they seriously thinking?

I didn't get to react before Al stopped next to my pile, the clang of his armour announcing him as my next visitor. I looked up to see him carrying on his neck a very cheerful Nina.

"What is this all about?" I said on a more resigned than angry tone.

"Brother decided it was time for some exercise and asked Nina and Alexander to accompany us. Want to join us in the gardens?"

I was about to kindly refuse and go back to my books when I gave a little thought to Edward's kind gesture. Nina was probably alone all the time, with her ever working father. And now we were here, finally someone she could talk and play besides her dog. This might have reminded Edward of how their father worked all the time, neglecting them. I felt sorry and pride to his thoughtful gesture, made in a way that didn't seem like pity. If this could make Nina happy why not?

"Yes, yet I must warn you about my superhuman powers! So don' even think of winning a race against me." I said while rising and smiling towards the little girl that was so much higher on Al's shoulders than my short self.

"Who gets there last is a loser." I yelled before running towards the door letting behind a pleading Alphonse and a happy Nina that was directing the suit of armour to catch me up. I smiled running faster, not wanting them to win, bursting through doors and corridors while dogging the maze of boxes, only to run out of the house full force. I saw Edward and Alexander running in the opposite direction, taking a turn after a corner and I followed them really enjoying myself.

I just reached Edward that toppled the dog to the ground when Alphonse came rushing full speed behind me, in the cheers of the little girl on his back.

"So who wants to play a tag game?" I said watching them daringly.

-\\\-

After a few hours of laughing and running around I had to give up on any games since my breathing sounded more like a competitor to a factory machine. I was lying in grass listening to the sounds of the two brothers still playing and Nina's cheery laugh. It was endearing and giving me a sense of peace I didn't feel quite often.

I was closing my eyes letting the wind caress me with its light touch, feel the grass under me, let the sun warm my skin. I didn't even move when I felt a mass of fur sit next to me, its rapid breath shaking me altogether. Alexander was as tired as I was after he had been chased by Edward and his transmuted hand. It was rather funny to see the distraught look on its face and the determined one on Edward's which taught he really had to start an all-out war with the poor creature. I recalled the way Edward clasped its hands together before transmuting his automail, as easily as breathing. I really had to fight the jealousy that such simple act brought with, alongside need. So I just ran harder until my legs were wobbly and my body too tired to move, but the feeling wouldn't go away. I was starting to get tired of being a mass of uncontrollable emotions all the time.

As I was starting to slip once again in a reverie of my own thoughts, causes and reasons, three bodies sited themselves loudly next to me, one of them making a distinguish metallic noise. Apparently, Nina, Edward and Alphonse were done playing, or too tired to continue as their loud breaths made me think. Of course, only two of them were breathing, All having that privilege no more.

"This is by far much more exercise that I have intended." Edward managed to say between two breaths. I smiled imagining his dishevelled state after being chased and chasing a four year old and her dog.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it." I said smugly, my breath much more stable than before. I knew he loved to spend an afternoon playing with Nina even though he will feel a little guilty that he had postponed his research.

"I can't deny that he admitted." "You big brothers are the beeest." Nina intervened, her voice sounding both tired and happy. "You too, big sis." I was more shocked than I let it to be seen, a wave of heat effulging me as Nina called me her bigger sister. I felt my throat tighten and words die out as her word settled in somewhere inside me.

"Even though I still don't your name." That made me snap my eyes open. Indeed she didn't know it as I have never mentioned it before from obvious reasons. How could I explain my mysterious circumstances to a four year old?

"That's because I don't have one." I admitted, since I didn't think I could come out with satisfactory lie in mere seconds. "Ehh?! How is that? Everyone has a name!" she said confused and determined. She was too cute for me to handle as she watched me expectantly, not buying my illusions. I decided to be as honest as I could.

"Well, I don't have a name because I don't remember it. You see I don't remember many things about myself, including my name, so I don't have one. It just doesn't seem right to name myself just because I don't remember my name right now, when I will remember it how bad will it be? So I just don't have one right now." "Then how are people calling you?" she asked looking genuinely interested in my weird circumstances. I just pondered for a second what to answer to her, before smiling widely. "I guess I just let them call as they consider it best to fit me."

"Then I will call you my big sister!" she said decisively before launching herself in my arms and hugging me tight. Instinctively I hugged her back, my arms soothing her brown curls. "You are now my big sis, and they are my big bros!" "Of course we are Nina." Al said approvingly while Edward was grinning and smiling widely. Alexander just barked before licking Ed's face, which only made us laugh because he started running after the "filthy beast" once more.

As Nina was still sitting on my lap I started playing with her hair, at time entangling a curl with a flower. Only after a time as I made a braid of hair and flowers did she observe my work, which made her gasp and squeak in awe. "Oh, that is so beautiful big sis! Ed, All, look!" They both confirmed immediately, thing that only made me smile. Roy will give his arm to make this two so obedient.

"Nina you like flowers?" All asked. At her enthusiastically nod he looked to his brother which only nodded before he clasped his hands together. I watched amazed at the simplicity of the alchemic process as Ed transmuted the plants between us in a crown of flowers. After the blue light had died down, he took it and placed on Nina's head carefully, her cheers and laughter making me go temporarily deaf.

"Oh, it is so pretty! Brother can do magic like daddy can do too? Can sister too?"

"No Nina, your sister can't do magic, that's why she's here, to learn. Everyone can use to have some magic in their lives." It had surprised me how bitter my tone was about the whole alchemy thing. But it was true, I wanted to know this with my whole soul, like a part of me had been denied the knowledge until now and I wanted to profit of it until it was taken from me once again. Nina continued complimenting Ed on his 'magic' but he wasn't really paying attention looking more thoughtful than anything else. After another mute conversation with his brother, he shifted his eyes on me, their golden gaze piercing me just like the first time.

"You said you never tried transmuting before, right?" he said definitely talking to me. The question peered my attention, as I was sure it was something I have told him before. Curious I decided I wanted to know where his thoughts were headed.

"No, I learnt the basic principle and things like that but I never actually tested them. It was part of the deal I had with Roy when he agreed to teach me. No transmuting until he said I was ready." At that the brothers exchanged another glance. Impatient to know what was happening I snarled at them. "Why do you ask? What are considering?"

"You know it's kind of weird for an alchemy teacher to say something like that. Usually after you've learnt the basics you start practicing but you actually know more advanced stuff than you will need for that."

"Our teacher after we understood the alchemy concepts started training us directly, not putting us to read such complicated stuff as Flammel's research or alchemic history."intervened Al.

"So what Mustang is doing is very unusual and I wonder exactly why. Also you have discovered alchemic potential, that is proved from Central, so there is no need for so much theory and so little practice." continued Ed his train of thoughts looking lost to the outside world. "I wonder what is that bastard planning."

Their revelation was like a splash of cold water in my face. I knew that the way Roy thought me things was unusual but I didn't think he was limiting my training on purpose. A cold child ran up my spine, and suddenly the day seemed not as bright and welcome. What was actually happening? Did Roy really halted my training because of my condition or did he have an ulterior motive? Was he toying with me since he was reluctant from the start? How could I not have seen this earlier?!

"Edward" I said carefully not letting my inner distress reach my voice "what are you saying Mustang is doing?"

"Huh?I am not saying anything I just mentioned is weird. But let's forget about that." Forget about that? Was he nuts?

"Practically I wanted to check everything is alright, which it is so we can do what I thought we could." he continued only confusing me more. What the hell did he mean? I didn't have time to ponder as he tossed me a wood stick which I caught clumsily as Nina was still staying in my lap looking more confused than I felt.

"Now take that and transmute something."

What?

Since the human brain was the most complex organ in the body I thought it was impossible to make it stop functioning. Well I was wrong since Edward said that my mind went blank, the only thing resonating in it being the same question and over again as a broken recording. What?!

To say I was surprised it was an underestimation. If he asked me to fly and I would have been more at ease, but the idea of me transmuting something right then was so foreign to me I couldn't even comprehend it.

" What do you want me to do?!" I burst as an echo of my thoughts.

"Transmute. Something. You know, alchemy." Damn him of making fun of me like that. Did he have a death wish?

"It's not so hard." encouraged me Alphonse "You just draws circle and think of what you want to transmute, imagine a clear object in your mind." I knew he was trying to be helpful, but as shaken as I was he made me consider snapping at him too.

"I know that already! It's just that I promised Mustang I won't do alchemy without his permission." There they couldn't fight that reason.

"What Mustang doesn't know, doesn't hurt him." Ed intoned. "Keep making excuses, are you scared? After all that I love alchemy speech?"

''I am not scared you idiot!" Damn him and his stubbornness. Nina moved aside sing-songing something about me doing magic by I just gulped nervously. I couldn't believe what I was about to do, and how nervous I was.

"Take it easy, just draw the circle first." All instructed me gently. I glanced at him grateful as I tried to draw my best circle, which could also resemble one, while recalling it correctly. In a way I succeeded, and it was very good since my hand was shaking as I was a 70 years old Chihuahua. OK, steady breaths. Imagine something clear and concentrate the circle. Easy, easy. I breathed a few times before I prepared my hand. Now or never, I thought as I slapped my right palm on the ground, thinking of the earth taking a kitty form. I imagined the force of the circle and the life connecting, manipulating the substance and the life, reconstructing it, transforming it. I could almost grasp that energy. Almost.

As I opened my eyes I looked to see the object in my mind only to see the worst thing in my life. Nothing had actually happened.

I watched dumb folded, as the drawing remained the same, brown edges in a mass of grass, no light nor object appearing. It seemed like time had stopped itself, the synapses in my brain going numb at the clear evidence in front of me, a single thought ringing in my whole being, sending ripples of disaster. I wasn't able to transmute.

I couldn't even imagine finding an explanation for this as it seemed to be impossible altogether. I wanted to fall over and laugh as this was a cosmically joke. It couldn't be happening that I of all people won't be able to do alchemy.

The two brothers watched silent my failed attempt, expressions of deep concentration on their faces. I still felt like moving in water when Edward looked at me and talked. "Well, this is no problem, not everyone gets it from the first time. Try it once more and concentrate a little more. I know you can do it." I listened to him, nodding robotically, as I braced myself for attempting it once more. Yes, Ed was probably right, I was no genius like them to get it from the start, I had to try several times before I got it right. I felt hope wash the numbness that had overwhelmed, the world taking shape again as I prepared to transmute once more.

* * *

An hour and many attempts later I had to accept the devastating feeling that reality brought with. There was no way I would be an alchemist, all my work and knowledge and dreams were futile, mere tools to delude myself.

I wasn't able to transmute.

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**A.N. Cliffy. Sorry I am not of fan of a cliff-hanger chapters, but that'show this turned out. So sorry. Thank you so much again for your reviews, views and follows. I appreciate them so much. You are the best. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words! Maybe if I feel like it I'll be posting a double update. Who knows.**

**Ruby: Good to have you back girl. Don't worry for not reviewing it's good to know that you've been following this since the beginning! Thank you so much for making a little time to review! Don't worry I promise you this story will hit the fan some time soon.**

**Guest: Thank you so much. But as I said it will be no romance...or it will? Dunno. Characters have their own will so I ll see what they want. Thank you!**

**Bethany: Thank you so much! Also thank you for reading!**

**2 lazy 2 login: Hey there no time no see! Sorry i responded last to you but I took every guest in order because I don't want to miss anyone. Firstly let me thank you for reviewing again! Sorry about that, and sorry about this chapter too. I try my best to write literal English but sometimes even when I taught everything is fine, it isn't since my skill fails me. Also everything depends on my emotional state or external factors. If I had been writing a chapter while a hangover had been ravaging my skull then you might guess that I will make more mistakes than my usual amount. Also when I write I think far too fast for how I write. I have so much figured out in my head and I just want to drop everything at once on paper and post it. Obviously I can't do that. So when I write I hurry. like a lot, for the simple reason because I want to write. I don't know if this makes sense. And again sometimes I am not aware of my mistakes. Thank you for appreciating the many POVs. I think it's just more interesting to see many situations from many perspectives. Also I had no idea how to sew some parts without going in the head of another character. Also i like the challenge of having to adapt to the character as it is, not how I imagine it. The story's main character is still my OC but that doesn't mean that she'll be at the centre of it. FMA is so much more than one character. Holly fucker, you can have such a long username? The more I know. I was pondering whether to message you but since you hadn't been on it for a long time I decided it will be faster to contact you through my reviews lol. And that's the thing I went for: all this impressions that she has. Things will fall into place at some point but not soon enough. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry that it was so short.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys. Fast update this week because that's how I feel like it. Enjoy!**

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

I was sulking. Or giving up. Or entering a depression, I didn't really care. After I had tried multiple times to perform alchemy and nothing happened, I felt hollow, absolutely and utterly empty. Since that day in Nina's garden, I had tried again several times to transmute, only to have that unwanted glimpse of hope that appeared uninvited I prepared myself for another futile attempt, crushed again and again as I failed. Nothing ever happened even though I tried as hard as I could. Multiple arrays, multiple transmutations, multiple materials and still nothing. Maybe I wasn't meant to be an alchemist after all. Some people simply couldn't use alchemy.

I had been so despicable that Riza had actually let me stay at her apartment, not bothering to drag me along to the Headquarters. I had been rude, and an annoying prick but I couldn't make myself care about that. I had my dreams crushed and I wanted to be let alone for my suffering to do its thing. I just didn't have the energy to start pretending everything was ok.

The following day after I had learnt that I was alchemy-less I had been a walking nightmare. I made things hard for everyone intentionally. I just knew I had an open wound in my chest that kept bleeding, and, in a sick way, I wanted everyone to feel a little bit as bad as I felt. Because of that Riza had let me sulk in peace today, after a failed attempt to comfort me. And by that I meant I spat at her as a banshee from the old legends. It wasn't my best day.

I had to give credit to Ed and Al, who didn't took my series of failure as a certain proof I couldn't do alchemy. Actually they said I had used it before so we just had to figure it out how to do it again. The problem was, even though they were logical about all this and I wanted to believe them, a part of me was telling me that these attempts were futile. I just wanted to strangle that little voice inside my head.

Because of all this, I was lying on the floor in front of Riza's library, clutching an old alchemic journal and doing my best to muffle my feelings. Outside it was dark, a s a rare storm came to East City, everything being covered by charcoal coloured clouds, raindrops piercing the earth loudly, after they danced their way to it. I actually enjoyed the horrible weather, it was like a metaphor for my ugly feelings. With every clash in the sky resonating above the city, I felt my soul respond with similar boom.

In a way I was glad the Elrics didn't see me like this, it would only have made me feel more as a failure.

So I let myself dive in those dark feelings, embracing them in an almost sadistic manner. Something about pain, it was welcoming as a homecoming; I had a taste for it, enjoying the agony of my soul being torn to shreds by desperation. If I thought any feeling I had these days from a situation was strong, this was a compared to it a raging storm.

But my perfect dark world was interrupted at the sound of keys and a door opening made me conscious of my surroundings. A part of me was telling me it wasn't quite noon yet, so Riza didn't have to come back. 'Who was in the apartment?' then a little voice whispered, but my curiosity was easily muted by my apathy. I wasn't as curious as to move my body from the cold floor and investigate. So I just listened, only moving my eyes trying to catch a glimpse of whatever made the sound.

To my surprise boots echoed on the floor, and the muffled sound of a special bad material rubbing itself while walking came to my ears. I knew that sound but I really hoped I was wrong. It certainly seemed that I my deduction skills were still functioning as a pair of military, wet, black boots came into my view.

"Get up." Roy said his tone sharp. In a normal day I would have responded, but this wasn't a normal day.

"I said get up." He said angrier, as I didn't even flinch. His gloved hand caught the front of my shirt, and he moved me upwards as a rag doll. I just stayed as immobile as before, my eyes meeting his obsidian ones. Mine were empty, his were blazing with muffled fury.

"Don't you have paperwork?" I asked, my tone as hallow as my inside.

"As a matter of fact I do" he said curtly, his anger edging his words dangerously "but I had to come myself to bring your stupid ass up to your sense after Lieutenant told me the reason you didn't show yourself today." The last part was less calm, as he almost screamed in my face. The hand that was keeping me upwards snatched my shirt harder, making my face closer to his. Now I could almost feel his hot breaths on my cold face, his eyes burning into mine. It was almost amusing that my coldness from this moment was equal to his fire.

"And why is that?" I asked, not a nuance making colouring my voice.

"Why is that? Look at you! How did you let yourself fall into this state?!" he shouted. I knew his tone, it was the same he used when he talked about his dreams, when he inspired courage to his teammates.

"Into this state? What do you mean by that?" I said, anger starting to flare in me. He ah absolutely no right to talk to me like that, to say things like this after what I have learnt. "Excuse if I am not my best spirits I have had my dream fucking shattered in my face!"

"Is that you're excuse to giving up?"

"I am not giving up on nothing! There is nothing I can do! I cannot transmute that means I am no alchemist whatever knowledge I have! Never have I imagined that something so important to me could blow up in my face like this! And you know what? I am not even that surprised actually since whatever I do doesn't work!" While I was talking like came to my limbs and my hands started tearing at the arm that was sustaining me. I was no rag doll or puppy to be treated like this.

"Is that your excuse? Do you think one try is enough to decide whether you can transmute or not? Where is your will?!" he continued unfazed from my speech.

"One thing? I tried several times! It is no use!"

"Where is the girl that barged into my office and convinced me to teach her my sin?!" That made me stop in my tracks, anything I wanted to say dying down. "What?" I whispered unable to say something to that confession. Roy only sighed painfully before his eyes stilled in determination. "You came to me demanding to be taught the thing that I consider that turned me into a monster. You know about Ishbal and what I did. Those things still haunt me. I had decided to let this alchemy die with me and for some reason you convinced me to pass it to you. You made me believe that maybe it wasn't a curse." His voice was barely louder than a whisper, and my mouth was open agape at what I was hearing from Roy Mustang. Shocked was not the right word for this. "And now here you are acting as some lost child on the floor weeping that you couldn't transmute! So what? That is enough to make you give up? That's what I decided to believe in?!"

I felt shame and fury at his words. Fury on what was he saying and shame because of why he was saying it. How could I have given up like this? I was no better than spoiled brat that had his toy broken and gave up. I was disgusted with myself, a feeling so strong that I had to fight the urge to shudder or rip my skin to free myself. I was beyond pathetic.

"I'm sorry." I said unable to look him in the eye anymore. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I kept repeating as a mantra that could suddenly make everything right again. How could I?! How could I betray Riza and Roy's trust like this?

At my words his hand lost the hold on my shirt and I feel to the floor with a thud, apologises still leaving my lips. Shortly after Roy was kneeling in front of me too, his hands gripping my shoulders.

"It's ok." He finally said, all his fierceness from before lost.

"No it's not. I betrayed you and Hawkeye; after all those pretty words I did this. I made you trust me with something so important just to fail you miserably. I am pathetic. Maybe not being able to do alchemy is a good thing after I did something like this." I felt my eyes sting as they did every time they wanted to squeeze tears out and they couldn't

"Don't be stupid. You didn't disappoint us. You worried us. Hawkeye sent me here with an express command to fix you." At that his lips twitched and I couldn't help but smile a little at how that might have gone. "And I don't think that you are unable to do alchemy."

"You do?" I said, feeling like a little child that wanted a confirmation that Santa was real. "Yes I do, but we just have to figure out. I might kill Fullmetal for the mess he created."

"It wasn't his fault it was my idea actually." I defended Ed. "To hell it wasn't. He came looking for you today to ask you if you wanted to go to Tucker, and I made him spill everything out. That stupid..."

"Ok, I get it." I said not wanting to listen to him ranting about Edward. "But how do you know I can do alchemy?" I asked still suspicious about all this.

"It's simple. I have a hunch." he said smirking at me. What? "You are the most arrogant man I have ever seen!" I stated thing that only made him laugh. I tried to stay angry at him but I just couldn't seeing him laugh like that. Damn Roy and his masculine charm.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked, his serious tone coming back. How could he switch between moods like that? "I think so. The feelings from before are still there…but I won't give up, Roy. Not again."

He watched me carefully his eyes testing my resolve. I didn't flinch at his hard stare but stood straighter in the weird position I was staying. Satisfied with what he found he just said "Good." before rising to his feet. I stayed sprawled on the ground trying to understand everything that had just happened when a hand appeared in my face. I looked up to see Roy smiling encouragingly as I took it. He simply propelled me to my feet, the sudden move making me woozy. I always forgot how Roy was more than a smug-alchemist, he was a sexy-smug-alchemist with a carefully trained body.

Uncomfortable in the silence I straightened my shirt and went to put Berthold Hawkeye's journal back to its place. The book had been an anchor for me, as well as a starting point. I really tried not to get emotional.

"What now?" I asked. "Well since I don't want this morning to be a complete failure I think I will go home and grab some things before I had back to the office." "I guess I should do the same…"I started when Roy cut me off.

"Even though you believe so, you are not a prisoner. If you don't want to go there but stay here to read novels or head on a trip with those two brothers, even though I would prefer you not to, you can. I am going to keep an eye on you but not because you are a hostage." I was surprised by that. I actually thought I was dreaming because no way Roy Mustang just let those words leave his mouth. The cocky smug bastard he was wouldn't be doing this. Probably my confusion was evident because he added quickly. "Edward gave us a speech about that one too. He was pretty adamant to let you walk freely."

Now I was more surprised. Why would Edward do something like this for me? Why would Mustang agree with him? What the hell did happen with the world in the last hours? If my eyebrows any higher form surprise they might find their way to the horizon.

"Roy Mustang, the last thing I had thought it will happen today it would be for you to come here and comfort me only after to say you agree with Edward and indirectly state that you trust me. This isn't really happening."

"Why wouldn't it?" he snorted not believing me. "Because! You don't usually say thing like this."

"Well this wasn't a usual situation. Actually things have been more than usual since you came into the game."

"Lucky me to ruin lives like this. Don't worry I won't tell anyone about this so everything will be kept intact. Deal?" "Deal." "Now where did you say you live? Actually how did you enter in here?"

That made him look strange, a combination between guilt and dare. "Hawkeye gave me the key. And I live…next door."

"You mean to tell me you live across Riza, and she gave the keys to her apartment just now, and you still aren't dating?! God what do I have to do to see you two together?!" I yelled cursing whoever made this two so oblivious to each other. To my surprise Roy looked so much more affected by my words than I had expected stuttering clumsily in an attempt to excuse himself from the whole situations. That was pointless since anything that he said wasn't going to make me think that those two weren't soul mates.

"Forget it. There is no excuse to make me think otherwise."

"There is nothing betwee-"

"I'll head to Edward. Since you so nicely pointed out, I can go wherever I want so I think I will head there. See ya at dinner since you can come so easily to join us." I threw over my shoulder before exiting the apartment. I think I my head given the nicely intended Colonel a headache.

-\\\-

I didn't realise I had to fight the storm alone, only after I had left Roy is Riza's apartment. The whole situation was still unbelievable to me. Roy lived next door. Roy must have for sure the biggest crush of the planet.

I made my body sprint into the rain, the drops hitting me as hard as mini water-bombs, making me flinch with their power. The sky was dark, the colour of the led, illuminated only by the spider web lines of the lightening, followed closely by the boom of the thunder. In mere seconds I was soaked, the clothes hanging me as tight as a lover would, making me feel like I had slime clinging to my skin. For a second the coldness and grip made me think of black hands pulling my body and I tried to fight back the feeling of revulsion that the mental image brought with, alongside fear. "Stop being silly." I muttered to myself as I tried to get the wet bangs of my hair from my eyes. Maybe going that instant to Tucker's house wasn't one of my best ideas.

The city was empty and looked like it had borrowed the ashen colour of the sky as the buildings and streets had the same monotone grey colour. I ran through alleys minding my target, but as I was approaching I started getting an uneasy feeling. I knew something bad was happening something as something was completely off and wrong. I almost missed the street going to Tucker's house concentrating so hard on my own feelings. As I reached the great gates the feeling of uneasiness changed into fear, invading my body unwelcoming. Even the house had a grim look, like the sky had melted on it, enveloping it in its dark touch. It looked threatening, unwelcoming, and the garden where we played with Nina seemed as it had withered in only a few days. I gulped bracing myself, and crossed through the gates, which startled me by screeching loudly. It was a sound that went straight to my bones and made my skin crawl. I didn't know until now that this gates screeched.

I, then, followed the path to the house, all the time watching my surroundings. As I reached the door, I knocked, and the sound seemed to travel all the way to the house, disturbing the quiet aura that it emanated. It seemed almost like the house was empty…or abandoned. Deciding that someone must be in there, I reached and tried the door knob, which to my delight worked. I entered the house, shutting the rain behind me, the water dripping to the wood floor with small thuds. They still seemed too noisy in the dead silence that enveloped the house. No light, no movement, as everything had vanished. The windows were half covered with objects or boxes, so the light filtering through them was limited and weak as outside the storm was ragging on.

I breathed in the air, glad to let my muscles relax after the run in the shower. Also, I needed something to change myself into since I so recklessly ran into the rain and got soaked. I carefully entered deep into the house, squeezing carefully through the maze of boxes, now more dangerous than ever as nothing illuminated my path. The only sound were the squeaking of my shoes, my ragged breath and the rustle of the papers I stepped on.

What was happening, I thought warily, but as I walked forward it seemed like the feeling of weariness only grew stronger. As I reached the library, I looked in it only to see it effulged in complete darkness. That was strange; if Edward and Alphonse were here then they should have been in the library. And Tucker should be here somewhere as he never left his house. Or Nina and Alexander. The house shouldn't have been so dark and quiet.

I started walking the halls trying to find anyone, heck away with intrusion accusations. My friends were in the military and I had a reason. Almost. I searched carefully at first, more erratically after as they could materialize from a room to another, my heart beating in my chest like a little bird trying to break free, blood running through my veins like fire.

After I was about to give up or start yelling for someone, I heard it. Voices, I was relieved for a second, they were here and started walking towards that part of the house. Still, my relief left me as I heard yelling and thumps, sounding as something had been shoved into a wall. Alerted I started running once more only to meet a corridor, that surprisingly was lighted, the voices coming from where to wooden doors stood wide open. I recalled that must've been were Tucker said his office was, so I darted faster, reaching them and seeing the most unbelievable sight.

The room that wasn't Tucker's office but more like his laboratory. I let my eyes wonder on the gruesome cages where creatures made unnatural noises or the utensil that hung around the wall and let my eyes stop on a 2 meters armour. Alphonse stood immobile next to a dog like creature. The only thing I could call the dog was wrong. As I watched it carefully it's fur and paws seemed to come from another species, its eyes hollow watching something that seemed to be unseen by the others. But what shocked me was Edward pinning Tucker to the wall to the door.

"Human life? Ah, a human life, you say?" Tucker cackled maniacally, even though Ed's forearm was heavily constricting his throat. As Tucker let his words slip through his lips Edward looked as he was the one in pain, his breath coming out ragged through his gritted teeth.

"Fullmetal Alchemist! Your limbs and your younger brother, aren't those the result of what you are saying right now? Toying with a human life?" he said his eyes piercing Edward through behind his glasses. I inhaled shocked of his words as the look on his face. Madness.

Edward response came firmer than mines. He yelled no, his fist making contact with Tucker's crazy face, wiping away his smile and his look. The sound that followed the hit was a disgusting crack of the bones, his glasses flying from his face to the floor braking. The sound was so powerful that made me twitch. What was happening? What did he mean by toying with human lives? I didn't have too much to wonder as the fucker continued speaking, his eyes still on Edward even from the weird angle his neck was twisted after Edward's fist.

"We are the same, you and I! "

"No we are not!"

"Yes we are! There was a possibility in front of us, so we tested it out. Even though we knew that it was taboo! "

What was he talking about! I felt fear entangle with anger. How dared he say something like that to Edward, saying that his brother was an experiment! I felt a murderous rage only at the thought, but thankfully, Edward was faster than me, his fist landing once more on the face of the madman.

"You're wrong!"

I watched helpless as Edward was suffering the same pain I must have felt. No that wasn't it, there was no way that I could imagine the agony he was feeling at someone telling him that he put Alphonse on purpose in that state. I screeched my teeth helplessly, emotions slashing me from the inside.

"I!" he continued yelling, his fist making contact with every word. I knew I should look away in horror but I was feeling both satisfied and fearful.

"Alchemists!" What did Tucker do to make Edward go in such a craze! What did he do!?

"Don't!" his hits were becoming sloppier as he continue speaking, his words only words that must've whirled through his head. At the same time a memory was panning in the back of my mind.

"I…I" his voice faltered and I felt my heart miss a beat, the physical pain as strong as the emotional one seeing him in agony. Then some things happened simultaneously. I let the memory flood my mind as Alphonse launched forward grabbing Ed's fist before he could hit Tucker one more time.

Then everything blackened and a scream pierced my ears. My scream.

* * *

"_How does it feel to experience first-hand the atrocities you make, human." His voice was both mocking and serious, but his words didn't reach me as I was trembling from both fear and rage._

"_YOU KNEW! " I yelled the sound resonating into the void. "I KNEW! How could you take those memories from me?! I could have done something! I could have stopped him!" _

_My pain was infiltrating my voice, the words not recognizable. I felt my weeks move and I saw my body was trembling powerfully. Nina. Alexander._

_I closed my eyes trying to keep the images at bay, their faces, the chimera. No. I always thought that what happened with them was horrible but now that I was living it, it was ten times more horrible. I felt my stomach twitching uncontrollably. Righ,t I might vomit._

"_Tell me human, what would you have done? You would have stopped it? Then how would have the story continued? You are not in your world anymore; do you want to change their outcome?"_

"_There must have been a way." I spurted out through my teeth, as I fought the pain of my body. _

"_Was it?" said the Truth, this time mockingly me openly. Before I realized what I was doing I launched forward and smacked him, my fist hitting him. His only reaction was to move his head to the side._

"_You bastard! You filthy bastard! You didn't stop any of this! You could've! You are the Truth! Don't tell me about ripples and worlds because as you brought me here you must have created a tsunami!"_

_He only watched me, or I think he did since he had no eyes. Then my words sank in. He must've created a lot of ripples in this dimension with me being here. That meant that things must've already changed. Could that mean that the outcome was another?_

"_You bastard!" I hit him again unable to stop. I might have looked as Edward did when he had hit Tucker. But I didn't care. He had to pay, to suffer at least a little for what he did. He didn't flinch all the time. It was like my fists were hitting only air. After the boiling fury left me, desperation came, my hands falling limp to my sides. There was no way Nina was going to be ok. Sweet Nina, which believed alchemy was magic. I felt tears spring my eyes._

"_Very well human. Go back and do what you want. You will have your memories back next time and see that there is only on Truth to this world." I stopped listening to him and headed to my Gate. I was defeated, I didn't have the will to fight anymore._

"_Go on and do whatever you like! That's what humans do after all, don't they? And after that they blame a stronger force because it didn't stop them. I am no guardian, I am the Truth, and the truth is that you humans made that. You killed that little girl, you killed the Ishabalen. Because you only do what you want."_

_I stopped in front of the Gate. I had no energy or will to tell him that he was wrong, partly because he wasn't._

"_Go with your knowledge back. You belong to the Gate anyway." He said, his tone sounding bitter. And I actually did what he asked me to. I put my hands to my gate and opened it diving into blackness. I wanted to live in a lie once more._

* * *

I woke up in pain. My chest was burning I was chocking in some liquid. I coughed harder trying to get the air in my lungs, and when succeeding, spitting whatever had blocked my throat. I took some big air gulps, my irritated throat hurting as the air finds its way to my lungs. After I had my breathing calmed l became aware that I was crawled on my arms and legs, facing the floor. My wet hair clung to my face and back like small tentacles that kept the cold air from reaching me. I was so hot, too hot. Then my vision focalised and I realized I had been tearing. There was a black spot under me, a black liquid. Also I had a distinctive metallic taste in my mouth, so foreign yet so familiar. Then I realized what was happening, as I became aware a hand was patting my back forcefully while Ed was yelling from across the room. Blood. I was tasting blood. I was coughing blood, probably chocking on it too. The single thought that my blood was responsible for my earlier affixation and that I had actually coughed blood, a sign any medic would say it was bad, made me start shaking

"Al, AL! Is she ok?"

"I think so brother. She stopped coughing." Responded a metallic voice and the pants on my back ceased. Al was hitting my back. I finally looked up and saw the mask of Al's armour. He made a shocked sound but I didn't care that. Along the knowledge of my surroundings came the memories. Nina.

I had to get to Nina. Far too fast, I tried to stand up, only to fall back again, probably in my own blood. I didn't care. I heard Al's voice distant telling me to stop and Edward yelling but I didn't stop. Carefully I raised myself once again, feeling my insides hurt. What had happened. That was not important. Carefully I made wobbly steps , halting when I felt like I might fall towards the chimera.

I knew what happened. I knew why Edward had hit Tucker. I knew the meaning of his words, making them three times worse. I kneeled in front of the girl. No, she wasn't a girl anymore.

The chimera watched me questioning with its blank eyes. Then it opened his mouth. "Sis..ter"

I flinched at the word as it had burned me, and in a way it did. I felt like the word branded me with pain. I would never forget this moment. Oh god Nina. I felt tears coming to my eyes and I had to fight them, my vision becoming blurry.

"Sis..ter" "Sist..er"

I couldn't bear it. Nina. Nina. No, I yelled in my mind, my limbs going limp. I fell forward the hard body of the chimera meeting mine. I automatically put my arms around it feeling its body shake with each breath. As a dog's body did. Then any control spat and I started crying hugging the confused chimera, feeling like everything was torn. I had known this. I had this feeling everytime I came to Tucker's house. The rage. The fear. Everything made sense. Now it made sense. I was afraid of what was he going to do. I knew he was going to transmute Nina and I did nothing.

I remembered being afraid of the pain that came with me searching into that part of my mind that contained memories of others. Stupid, selfish creature, I could have stopped this. There was no pain in the world that could've been bigger than the agony from this moment. My fault, my fault.

Innocent, sweet Nina. Playful Alexander. They were both worse than death because of me.

I heard Tucker saying something. "I made in time." I felt my muscles tighten with fury, my body starting to shake. That idiot. That criminal. That fucking murderer, I wanted him dead.

"With this I can continue to be a State Alchemist." At that, my neck snapped to him as in an unknown command only to see Edward kicking away his alchemy clock. I watched disgusted, furious, how he crawled fast after the silver useless thing. That was worth the price of two lives? That's how things were valued now? I felt my stomach curl disgusted and the acidic taste of the vomit in the back of my mouth. I started shaking.

"State Alchemist, my ass." Edward said the same disgust I felt evident in his voice. "Stop kidding yourself."

I felt Al coming behind me, his hand reaching out and carefully touching Nina's head. The gesture reverberated through our entangled bodies and I felt the tears come once more. At that Nina and Alexander pushed against my body, but I didn't even flinch, speaking again. No way I was letting them go. Not again.

"Broth..er. Let's play." The clumsily formed words coming from an unearthly voice made me fear for my life, for every life. This is what meant to be an alchemist? This is what it meant to have power? How could humans do this?

"Dammit!" Edward yelled. I didn't tell him not to. I was just going to suggest that this word didn't even cover it, but speech was beyond my ability.

* * *

_Edward's P.O.V_

To say that Edward felt powerless was an underestimation. He watched the chimera, _Nina_, cradled in the arms of the girl, her head resting on her shoulder. Alphonse was patting Nina's head carefully, as he was afraid not to hurt her more. How could something like this happen? How was this work possible?

He had no answer to those questions. _That's what means to be an alchemist?_ He asked himself, feeling so tired all of a sudden as with this realisation everything was over. The power to do such things to others, alchemy had to be used for the good of the people. Then why had Nina and Alexander..? He gritted his teeth trying to shuffle inside the yell that was coming forth.

He watched he girl. She was expressionless, as the pain took away her life too. Did he bore the same expression? Because he certainly did feel the same. He remembered her started screaming, agony piercing through her voice before she collapsed as a ragged doll to the ground. Al was already by her side shaking her, but she was limp as a dead body. He thought something had happened to her too. He hoped nothing happened actually, since he was sure he couldn't take something else. Then she started twisting and moving and screaming once more, Al dropping her to the floor. She started coughing and blood poured from her mouth chocking her. And for a second Edward felt more afraid than he felt after he discovered what happened to Nina and Alexander. Then he felt fury, but he had felt afraid for the girl, that only regained her consciousness to crawl to the other poor girl. He knew he didn't have to tell her what had happened, her expression said she knew.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Maybe now that was the only coherent thought he could manage. He wasn't able to think for a way to separate a chimera and a human. God, forbid if this happened before. He ran theories and theories in his mind, trying to find something, anything, but it was like trying to catch air. He was left with void.

He heard his brother talk to Nina, saying good things to her, and it made his heart twist. Was he the same as Tucker? No, he couldn't! He never did that to his brother on purpose. He actually was able to do anything to reverse the situation.

How could he had let that happen? How could he had let this happen?! He had no answer. Alchemists. Once he told Rose that they were the closest thing to God. How those words came back to haunt him. Only a God could try something like this. How puny and conceited was this race to try to do such things. Thought which only made him think of his mother.

"Someone should call Roy." He snapped his head back to the girl, which was still clutching to Nina as her life depended on that. Yes, someone had to call him. He had to find a way. He knew that he was a bastard but he would find a way to reverse this. A flare of hope starting to bloom in him and he uselessly tried to make it go numb. Of course, it didn't work. Without a word he left the room, wanting to leave his knowledge there too, to make it the phone.

After he had found the phone, he dialled the number he knew better than anything, the material of the phone feeling foreign on his hand. The hand he could feel with anyway. He grabbed the wooden table harder with his automail, hearing the wood cry as he was tearing it. Then the dial sound ended and the voice he knew and was familiar with, and sometimes hated, answered.

"Yes. Mustang speaking."

And he felt incapable of forming words. He didn't want to tell him anything, that would only make it more real. It was childish and delusional, but he felt like he told them and called them here then what happened to Nina will become truer. Right now, it surely didn't seem like it was true. More like a nightmare. The same feeling he had after he had woken up back then.

His breathing became fast, little puffs coming out of his mouth as he tried to inhale deeper. There was no air in the world that could make that memory go away. Or the pain go away. Or the nightmare go away, since the world was a nightmare.

"Hello? Who is this?!"

He felt his lips tremble and tried a few times to talk and failed. Finally, he managed to squeeze out of his being a word. It sounded chocked, and he somehow wished to take it back, shove it back in behind his lips, as if he could protect Nina this way. The way he didn't.

"Roy."

And after he felt his eyes become watery, a wail of agony forcing its way from the core of his being containing everything word he couldn't say.

* * *

**A.N. Elric: Don't cry! Please *gives you a tissue* Here's the next chapter! **


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys. Random update since school starts in a few hours and I'm crippling with social anxiety and...other stuff and since it's basically 2 am and I can't sleep I'll do something useful and update you guys. At least some of us to have a pleasant surprise today/tomorrow right? *hides in a corner and cries* **

**Anyway I hope you enjoy.**

**Mistakes weren't made on purpose, you copy me guys?**

* * *

_O.C.'s P.O.V._

I was staying in the rain. Actually, that is false affirmation since it implied that water touched my skin which I did not. I was staying under an umbrella in rain in front of the East Headquarters. On the stairs of the East Headquarters to be more exact. The rain drops made a ripping sound as they touched the artificial material of my umbrella. Of course it was nothing compared to the sound they made when they touched Al's armour. That sounded closer to gun-fire.

I was standing on my legs, the pain long forgotten, and my eyes wandering on the forms of the city that intertwined in weird shapes in the horizon. I should've have felt something at the sight but I didn't. I hoped I wasn't going to feel anything ever again. Of course that was not something for me to choose, considering that even know my chest felt as it was stabbed over and over again, a pain remaining there as an echo, carved deep below my skin. There was no way I was going to get rid of that mark in this life or another and I knew that.

Edward and Al were sitting in front of me, the water splashing them merciless. I considered it a metaphor for life itself, pouring over you even though, you are ready or not. Ed had his face buried behind his knees and Al resembled more than ever the suit of armour that he was. And I stared deep into the horizon somewhere were alchemists knew the value of a life.

Roy came fast after Ed's call, and we had been swooped up to the Headquarters, the house being locked off by the Military police. I remember screaming, kicking, and hurting Roy as he tried to separate Nina from me. Riza had driven me home and made me change, which meant no I wasn't allowed to get wet once more. Like I couldn't care less about the clothes. I was empty. I did nothing to save Nina, I was probably the only person in the world who could, and I still didn't do anything. To say I felt guilty would be an underestimation. I wanted to switch places with her, to drag my stupid selfish self out of my body or to remove my heart to stop feeling any of this. Apparently I couldn't' do either.

Neither of us talked or said anything. We didn't even make a sound. We probably looked like the most fucked up group of children right now, but I was not in the mood to consider others.

We all have failed her. Their pain was my pain and mine was theirs. Here we were equals. I wanted tof eel as hollow as I felt when I found out I couldn't transmute. I wanted that peace. But I couldn't get it. In a way I felt good that I had no such power over others, over life. Would I have turned into another Tucker if I had become an alchemist? Was this the guilt Roy had to feel every time he woke up in the morning and remembered that he was responsible for the deeds of his alchemy?

I didn't want to know that either.

"…but if it's an order State Alchemists must make their move, without hesitation, to take human lives. If it's about handling human lives, there isn't really much difference from where we stand and what Tucker did."

Damn him. Instinctively my hand tightened o the handle of my umbrella, and my teeth screeched. Couldn't he let us be only this time? Couldn't we grief in peace? Couldn't we take a break from this horrible, despicable world just once, and pretend that we were the children we were, not our abilities? State Alchemists, affixed soul, foreteller… Just a bunch of stupid names. I wanted to punch him as hard as I did when he made me let go of Nina. I wanted to scream at it for his merciless.

"You were aware of that, yet you chose this path." His voice was stronger which meant he was coming closer. Let him. A few seconds later I heard his steps as he descended the infinite amount of stairs the East HQ had. Then the steps came to a halt next to us.

"Isn't that right, Fullmetal?" I almost told him to fuck off, but my life had been sucked out of me already.

I sensed Edward tense, as his back was slightly touching my leg, but I didn't say anything. I was so tired myself, and Mustang clearly wanted to make his words hurt. I knew they were meant for me too. I chose the path to learn the Flame Alchemy, yet here I was a wreck.

Roy was standing next to me but he didn't look at me, his eyes wore on the blonde boy that still didn't move or speak. I didn't regard his presence at all if that was he wanted to do. I stood silent, rain falling around us, breaking what could have been a heartless silence.

"I'm sure you'll run into incidents like this in the future again." He continued after a pause where Ed didn't answer at all. When he spoke again, his voice was waving, and from the footsteps, I took it that he moved again. "This may not be the last time you will have to soil your hands. Are you going to come to a stop every time that happens?"

That, was too much. That bastard cared as much as we did, and yet he was pulling off this act. I knew he was affected by what Tucker did, I have seen it in his look when he came for us and yet… I opened my mouth to say something, when Edward talked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

"Whether they call me the dog of the military, or curse my as the devil, Al and I will get our bodies back." I listened curious to what he said, in a way detaching myself from the whole situation. I knew Al was listening too.

"But...we are neither devils, nor gods at that! We're humans….We're just humans!" The last part ye yelled it and to me it seemed more like a cry of agony than anything else.

We watched Roy and Riza go, since she was always shadowing him. I watched anyway, since I didn't know if Al was even registering anything. In a way, his mute pain was stronger than the pain of his brother. After they reached the base of the stairs Edward continued, but in a much lower voice.

"Puny, powerless humans who can't save one little girl." His words were fiery even though he didn't yell this time, and in a way they affected me much more. Yes, indeed we were powerless. So powerless when we needed not to.

Then surprisingly he turned to me, his eyes almost glowing. They fascinated me even when they looked at me with such fiery intensity, partially because I had never seen such colour before. Every time I looked into them it was like the first time.

"You." He addressed me and from his tone, I knew he was restraining himself from yelling again. "You knew. About Nina." His eyes bored in mine with such intensity that made the world outside disappear. I guess he had figured it out somehow. I wanted to believe that he had asked me because he didn't want to believe that I would withhold something so important. The other part of me knew he needed someone to blame. I sighed, there was no use to lying.

"Yes." I didn't explain that I had a feeling every time, but didn't actually knew until after. Those were the circumstances; I had the information but didn't use it. I was as guilty as if I hadn't told him

He seemed baffled about my answer, the intensity in his gaze wavering because of astonishment. And here it goes I braced myself mentally.

"You...you! Then why didn't you tell us something! Anything! Why didn't you prevent that happening to Nina?" I said nothing because all of this was just a mirror of my thoughts.

"You knew something like this will happened to Nina and did nothing!" he yelled, but I didn't flinch, I deserved that too...

"You are responsible for this…" "Brother!" exclaimed Al, but I didn't move my gaze from Edward. He was looking up at me since he was one-stair lower than I was, but he could have been higher from the way he watched me.

"It's ok Alphonse. I deserve this. Because this is my fault. I let this happen to Nina when I could've prevented it. But I have to ask you a question, Alchemist. What if I did told you? What if you knew? Would you have changed the future? Do you think that you could? And you say Tucker was arrogant."

At that he flinched. I was cruel but he had to hear this. Somewhere in my mind, something told me I was just repeating someone's words, but I didn't care.

"That's what humans do, when they have power they mostly use it wrong. You couldn't have stopped Tucker, even though you knew the future. You would have created ripples, or waves that would have changed your future. Do you want that?"

"Like I know what my future is!"

"I don't either. But we wouldn't know if you had done something." With that I moved, taking a step. I felt my legs sting; I had been staying upright for a very long time. I took another and another, until I was walking away from those brothers. When I passed next to Ed his expression was both disgusted and angry. I understood him, I felt the same about me too.

"You are just inventing excuses to cover your actions! If that makes you feel better at night then go on and think that you saved my future, but you just destroyed hers! Forever! You as guilty as Tucker for what happened, if not even more guilty."

His words followed me, piercing me, shattering me. God it hurt. I stopped deciding what was best to say. I just decided to say what I thought.

"It's alright if you hate me." I said moving the umbrella from my way to see Edward and Al watching me. "I hate me too." And I turned around locking their view from me with the red fabric, and walked away. Only after I knew they couldn't see me anymore I let the tears spring free on my face and my heart sink once more.

-\\\-

I stood in bed unable to close my eyes. I wanted a few hours of oblivion, but I couldn't get that. I couldn't get why I was alive actually. At that I smile only to feel my smile faded into a frown as tears were about to escape my eyes. I was a wreck. Riza was god knows where, and I had the house for myself. I wasn't going to take another session in the shower, so I was staying in my bed watching the ceiling. It was almost morning so I guessed that the team was putting an all-nighter since no one came home after me the previous evening. Well, I understood that since there should be a trial and everything for Tucker. His name felt like venom even when I was thinking about it.

As the sky was gradually colouring, which was relative since it was getting from black to a dark grey, I decided I could give up on sleeping so I jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen to fetch some food. As I was stuffing bread in my mouth, the front door unlocked. So when Riza entered the kitchen, she was greeted with me couching the bread out of me, all the time trying not to choke. Pretty normal.

What wasn't normal was the look of tiredness on Hawkeye's face. I knew that no matter what she wouldn't normally show her fatigue like this. "What's happened?" I asked in a second, cough forgotten. She just met my eyes with what look like some sort of pain, not fully recognizing the feeling.

"I should've known better than to think you are asleep." I stayed silent waiting for her to continue but she didn't, just sighed before going and setting herself down. I took in her appearance and blue military uniform and realised my assumption was right, she must've spent her night working.

"Did something happen back at the HQ? Is everyone alright?" I pressed further. She didn't meet my eyes.

"Maes Hughes from Central's Investigation Department came along side Major Armstrong." I nodded as the names formed into faces in my mind. Armstrong was an alchemist and Maes was Roy's best friend. But why would they..?

"They are conducting an investigation from Central on a criminal that targets State Alchemists." she answered to my silent question. I gasped my mind going instantly to Roy then to Ed. "Are they...?"I almost shouted. "Yes, both of them are perfectly fine." She said not needing to ad who they were. "But there was an attack, that's why they are here." An attack on a State Alchemist? But Roy and Ed…

No. As the realisation settled in I immediately rejected it. It couldn't be. There was no way...

"Shou Tucker's body was discovered yesterday evening alongside the body of his transmuted chimera daughter, Nina." she said,as I was mentally pleading her to stop. As she finished my knees buckled and I realised the floor was much closer than I would've believed. Riza was by my side on a second dragging me upwards and towards the couch. Not thinning properly I let her move me.

This couldn't be happening. I felt sick, bile and bread rising to my throat. As if fate wasn't cruel enough now this happened. 'I see', it was almost comical as fate was taking care of things like this. God, was this because of me too?

"How." The word was not a command but a prayer, coming out raspier than my normal voice.

"It looks like their head was pulverized from the inside. As if an explosion occurred. Nobody has seen something like this."

Their heads had been practically been blown? How cruel. How could something like this happen after…after… How was this fair? I felt my throat tighten chocking my words inside, as not wanting to let myself feel any relief from agony. Tears were blurring my vision, my thoughts hurling inside my head Nina, innocent sweet Nina. How did she deserve such after? How was possible such fate for an individual? How was this redemption or salvation?

I stopped myself knowing that I will totally lose it if I continued on that path. I still had things to take care of.

"Take me to them." I said my voice much surer than I felt. I had to see them. I had to know what had really happened to Nina. What I had let happen. I met Hawkeye's reddish gaze with my blurry one.

"No." I expected that, but before I said anything about it she continued. "Trust me your much better not seeing it anyway. You don't need to see it, whatever you are convincing yourself that will happen it won't. I will not take you there and it's final. If you want try with Roy but even him won't break the rules like this to bring an unofficial non-military child to a crime scene."

I didn't know what to say at that, partly because it was true. My mind wasn't really doing her best at this moment.

"I only came to change clothes and I have to go again. Let it go, I won't bring you and if you go on your own I will make sure you will regret it." With that ultimatum, she bolted from the couch and went to her dormitory not glancing at me again.

I stood there frozen in time. No, if I would have been frozen, my mind would have at least left me alone, which it didn't. Nina; there was no goodbye for her. Again, I had failed her, because in my mind I was somehow pondering a way to turn her back impossible as it was. But now? She was dead, irrevocably dead, something I could not change no matter how much I would have wanted to. I already had two good reasons why it was not a good idea, but I was already running through what I knew were the steps of Human Transmutation. It wasn't so hard to commit a sin after all, just some pent up emotion and an innocent life.

I heard Hawkeye close the wardrobe's door, but I didn't move.

I had never said goodbye to her. She last saw me sulking over my alchemy, I never told her how beautiful and sweet she was and how I hoped she will grow to go to school and escape the cage of loneliness her father locked her into. I will never play with her or Alexander again. Tucker will never pay for what he did.

I heard Hawkeye walk past me, but I didn't move. She said nothing and neither did I and after a minute or so, she left the apartment the door closing decisively behind her. The sound echoed through and as something broke I felt myself gasping, shuddering only to fall onto the floor and start crying uncontrollably.

-\\\-

My fault. My fault. My fault.

I didn't know how much I stayed like that, only that my throat started to hurt and my screams turned into sobs, and sobs into hiccups only to leave place to an absolute silence which was deafening me. I didn't move at all, in contradiction with the way I had earlier trashed in pain and agony, my body trying to free itself from me. I just knew I had a headache. It wasn't unusual since I had cried like that, and I knew it was a common thing for me. But for the fact that it wasn't common. I didn't have a headache since Central, actually since my visions and memory loss. How had my problems evaluated ever since.

The problem was that it was something rodent about this headache, an itching feeling that it was more than a headache. I just wanted to be left alone by feelings and emotions and headaches, to grief the death of one of the brightest souls I had met, that hadn't deserved her fate. But no…

Annoyed I let my mind scratch that feeling, go deeper. I guess it was something like a meditation state. I let myself go within me, losing the contact with my surroundings and concentrating on the inside. And there it was a flow, bright and white, but there was also darkness. An impenetrable wall of darkness which I knew it contained information about me and this world and what happened. It was deeply locked in me, not accessible. And the headache was actually a need to go in there and snatch some information. I was going to give up, irritated, when I remembered what had last happened when I had given up. So I did what I had did only once before. Concentrated. Pulling to the feeling that I knew, that I wanted to see.

As I went deeper, my headache grew from a dull pain to an all-out migraine but I didn't stop. Further. I fought my mind, walking into what resembled to fictional swamp, trying to reach a shore, dragging myself up painfully to be dragged back into the depths.

Pain started to erupt in my body, making my teeth crunch painfully, and muscles tension. Not yet, further. As I continued to fight I felt how my muscles started to ache and my body began to shake only for the pain to move inside me. And then the agony started. As a liquid fire, it burned through my veins spreading in my whole body aiming me gasp painfully. Each breath was pain, each thought torturing me. Further.

Stubbornly I ignored it all and continued to dig, knowing that I was so close, I could almost grasp it. Then liquid flooded into my mouth chocking me, stopping the air from reaching my tormented lungs. I started coughing, each shake sending a ripple of misery through my ells. I almost lost connection to everything as the mind-blowing pain took control of my mind, but I regained control. Only...a...little...further.

I was so close, but I didn't know how much my body could take. I walked ahead through a tunnel of darkness towards the light, feeling pulled back with each painful second. As a rubber band was stretching and stretching so much further and now here wasn't anything left to stretch. I pushed, fighting, thinking of Nina, of Alexander. If there was a way to prevent something like that from happening again, this was nothing compared to their pain. If I could protect anyone, this agony was worth it. And then, the fire erupted in my abdomen and I heard my yell, so far away as it was coming from someone else. More… With a push of my will, I jumped for the light almost touching it, feeling its power in my grasp, as I was pulled back painfully.

I returned in my bod with a snap, the anguish so much stronger now. But everything faded as images invaded my mind.

* * *

_Edward was sitting in rain talking to his brother. But that wasn't what panicked me, but the man in the yellow jacket wearing shades. He was coming closer to them, he was reaching them. As he approached Edward just watched him with his beautiful golden eyes, so hollow, so dull. The man just nodded and raised his hand. I wanted to yell to him, to move, but he just watched paralysed as the man was going to kill him. Then Alphonse snatched him and started running, but they were so slow. Too slow. They tried the stairs but he collapsed them, and they fell along with the rubble. They tried to run with alchemy but it was futile. The yellow man destroyed anything with his arm. I knew somehow that if he touched them it was over. RUN!_

_And they finally did. So slow. Through the wet streets, through passers-by, in an alley. But the man destroyed the wall, shutting the road in front of them. No! They faced him preparing to fight. No!_

_They launched but their movements seemed to be in slow motion compared to his. He destroyed Al with a touch, his armour exploding, exposing his hollow self. No! Edward could run, but he didn't. Of course not, with his brother lying like that. He attempted to stab him, but he destroyed his automail. He fell down. The man approached. He extended his arm, his demonic hand touching barely that beautiful hair and I knew that he would kill him._

* * *

"NO!" I yelled still fighting my way out of the vision. Edward. The man. Alphonse. No! I had to stop this. I tried to move but a jolt of pain made me stop. Just then I realised my dire condition. I was laying on the floor, blood pouring from my mouth, spotting the floor and my shirt. I was covered in a cold wet sweat, my abdomen feeling like I had rocks stocked in it. As I tried to move my limbs, my joints cracked painfully, a few bones making their way back into their places. I was in no way to run, to fight. But in hell if I was going to let something happen to Edward.

My fear was stronger than the pain as I moved myself upwards, the weight of my own body feeling so foreign. Looked at the window and saw that it was light, raining pouring down mercilessly. Good, it was raining also in the vision. But that also meant I was running out of time. I had to move. Now.

Somehow, I found the power to move, wobbly at first but stronger with each step, barging through the door. I ran into the streets, my legs failing me a few times. I felt the scrapes and wounds, blood pour down my scarred skin but I ignored everything. I had to reach them. I ran through alleys and streets, knowing exactly where it was what. There was no way to forget that damned place.

'Please do not be to late, please make in time to save them', I begged in my mind. I had to save them, no matter what. The thought of finding Edward on the pavement, rain washing the blood from his golden locks made me nauseous, fear gripping me in its cold fist. I pushed further, faster, ignoring how my muscles burned, how I had to swallow constantly the metallic liquid in my mouth. Please reach them.

In my frantic run I didn't even pay attention to any other trespasser or roads or cars. I had just to reach the alley, to stop the yellow jacket man. Edward, Alphonse. If something happened to them there was no way I would survive it too. I thought of their laugh, their determination, their love, their power. No, I wasn't going to accept such fate.

And I didn't as I reached the corner and saw a thing that made my blood run cold, and my body numb. In front of me, but from a different angle, was the scene from my vision. Edward knocked over on the street, rain washing over him, his automail broken in pieces around. The man was in front of him watching him pitilessly from behind his glasses that partly covered, what now I saw, was a scar. They were talking ,and I watched Edward's expression. Heard Al yell. Saw people watching and not doing anything. And then the man stretched his hand, starting to reach for Edward.

My heart stopped, the panic so strong that almost made me black out. There was't time for em to reach them, not before the olive skinned hand touched Edward anyway. Then I yelled. "STOP!"

A scream from my very being. At the same time I let myself be absorbed into the white energy that I had felt earlier, my inner self effulging into that current that flowed through me. And the world was renew for me.

I watched through the same eyes as before as the man stopped his hand wavering in front of Edward, his face was looking toward me. But that wasn't what got my attention but the lines. Everything was connected and interconnected through thin white fine lines, as small roads from a map came to life and overlapped the world. Everything looked the same and it didn't, confusing me, awing me. I look with childish wonder as the walls, the street, the trees, everything was marked with white thin lines, that sometimes interloped, painting the world as I knew it. Everything seemed more vivid, more real, as this it was how it was supposed to be, and until now, nothing had really made sense.

However, this wasn't the time to contemplate at my new discovery. From an ancient instinct, I squeezed the flow from my body, manipulated it, its power bending to my will. Faster than I ever thought it was possible, my hand was onto the asphalt, its soft touch connecting with the sizzling current of the lines, making my skin tingle. But I ignored that, as I ignored my pain or Edward's scream. I just pushed that flow, that power into the lies, imaging it circulating through it, feeling it circulate through them only to let it free in the lines between Edward and the man in a blast of energy. I imagined the matter moving, the white roads changing their shape to overlap the new construction, remaining the same and yet changing with the change of matter. I imagined it forming a wall between them, separating them decisively.

And the flow listened to my will, in mere seconds a wall erupting from the pavement upwards, millimetres away from the yellow-jacket, grazing him and snapping his hand away from Edward. I was momentarily blinded by the white lighting-like light that appeared with my transmutation, curents of its power and ferocity still sizzling outside the lines. I only realised what happened only seconds after it did.

I had transmuted a wall between the killer and Edward.

"I said stop, you fucker." I panted, trying to get air into my lungs, since I had mometarily forgotten how to breathe.

This time I had his full-fledged attention, the scarred face turning towards me. "Another alchemist? How many sinners that had turned from God's path exist? Do not interfere and redemption will seek out later." He said, his voice booming across the street. I just tried to concentrate my light-head, suddenly my body feeling much easier than before.

"How would I not interfere when you try to kill my friends?" I yelled at him back.

"Killing them? I am merely helping the souls that had strayed from the path of the God." He said sounding a little surprised.

"Then fuck your God. If your God believes in killing humans because they might have strayed its path then he isn't worth the praise of humans! A creator should love its creations in their uniqueness!" And with that I concentrated my flow once again. This time he knew what I was going to do as I raised my hand snapped it on the lines, but I was faster. There was nowhere to hide from my attacks as long as everything was interconnected. So, as soon as he jumped to his left, avoiding the wave of spikes that I created, I made the concrete meld into other spikes, only this time they didn't bloom from the asphalt but from the other spikes that had been already transmuted seconds before. As I transformed the matter to my will, the little roads remained interconnecting stretching or compressing with the instable environment. There was no problem for me to direct some of my flow to some point and let it transmute at a certain place. It was like playing with plasticine, only that I mentally melded the world from where I stood.

The man wasn't expecting spikes forming from the previous spikes, and as I hoped, he wasn't fast enough to dodge them, some grazing his arm. Blood erupted from that spot, painting the bright yellow jacket he was wearing into red. He was fast, but I was faster with my alchemy roads. And as long he wasn't touching me, he wasn't killing me. I had the advantage.

As I was analysing, my adversary didn't wait to do the same, immediately launching at me. Startled, I tried to transmute obstacles in his way, but he was too fast. How could anyone move like that? He was coming for me, and suddenly my body froze, panic incapacitating my systems. I saw him approaching, his hand extending, and as he was about to reach me, he dodged.

Edward didn't stayed to analyse my skills either, but he ran towards me launching an air kick towards yellow-jacket. Of course, it was ineffective if he wanted to take him out, but Edward aimed more to distract him from me. He afterwards landed badly, his missing arm making it hard for him to maintain his equilibrium.

Scar-face didn't seem baffled, easily manoeuvring both of us, my alchemy and Edward's kicks. We maintained a good rhythm, but this fight couldn't last much longer. My movements started to become sloppier, the fuzzy feeling in my head increasing. Also, I started feeling blood drip from my nose through my upper lip. The vision from earlier was taking its toll on me, and my constant use of my internal flow in alchemy was tiring me up. I wasn't going to last for much longer, and after I was done Edward and Al were too. We had to take this guy out.

Edward must've sensed my critical condition, and started shielding me from yellow-jacket. Every time he got close, he was trying to distract him, giving me time to transmute something. But my alchemy stood no chance to his reflexes and Edward couldn't transmute single armed. We were going like this, him kicking, I creating and the guy blowing things up super-fast with his right hand, when the thing happened.

After I created a wall my vision blackened, but I regained my composure fast. The only problem was that I wasn't able to see the lines anymore. I tried to use my flow, that was getting weaker and weaker, and bend it, but nothing happened. Desperate, I watched as the guy grabbed Edward's leg and tossed him on the pavement, his gasp of pain making me desperate.

"I had enough of your running around. Divine punishment must be granted already." And with that he raised his hand, not towards me, but to Edward. I didn't know what I did. I just knew that my body moved faster than I had ever felt it, muscles tensing on their own, and I suddenly was thrown over Edward, my arms encircling him from my back, my face looking fiercely to the olive skinned man.

I watched as the palm of his hand came to me, all to slow, and I braced for the pain. I knew I was done, I just hoped that the brothers weren't also. Instinctively, I closed my eyes, and prepared to die.

But nothing touched me besides Ed's ragged breath, and when the familiar sound of the gunshot made my ears tinge, I felt the most powerful feeling of relief, everything in my body dropping sloppily. There was only one thing that could have been responsible for that gunshot, and as I opened my eyes I saw through the stretched fingers of a palm, black cars and blue uniforms. Then the voice boomed, and I had never been happier to hear his accented words.

"That's enough. You've made quite a mess, Scar." Roy yelled across the street, his words blooming hope in my chest. Scar, as he named him, turned his attention from me to the raven haired man, his olive fingers disappearing from my face. I didn't ever remember feeling more relieved than this.

As panic and fear slipped from my mind I saw that besides him looking as fierce as ever was his team. Riza, her glare cold and calculating. Falman, Jean, Breda. Even Fuery was there holding his gun decisively. I knew that they came more for Edward than me but I couldn't contain the feeling of gratitude that swelled in me.

"I'll be taking you in custody under the offence of murdering several State Alchemists." As his words reached me a pair of deaths flashed in my mind of various alchemists culminating with Nina and Tucker. Yes, more than several unnecessary deaths.

To my ultimate joy Scar stood up and faced Roy completely, not even paying attention to me or the State Alchemist I was protecting. I felt Edward's tense body undermine, his breaths as ragged as mine, knowing that he felt as hopeful as I did in spite of better logic.

"Alchemists are beings who alter the original form of matter." said suddenly the olive skinned man, his voice making me shudder. He really believed his words and the rightness of his purpose. "In other words an affront to God, creator of all." I bit my lip knowing that it wasn't my pale to start a religious debate. "I bring judgement acting as God's hand." How arrogant of him and despite being so close to death I barely kept my lips tight shut. "If you choose to get in my way I will eliminate you as well."

As he said those words his voice lowered revealing the murderous intent behind those words. I didn't knew who I was most afraid for, Edward or Roy himself. How will respond the Flame Alchemist to this? I was almost scared of the possibility.

And after a pause his voiced reached me freezing me in place. "Interesting." "Stupid, arrogant, bastard!" I spat, as I knew what would come. Couldn't he see the rain pouring onto us? I didn't get to see what happened next as I concentrated my attention on Edward's voice that came muffle from behind me. "We have to get out of the way." I just nodded knowing that we will get our occasion. My attention was brought back to Scar when he said Roy's name, knowing he instantly became a target. I didn't get to say anything as a wave of nausea and pain made my vision flicker. What..? But Roy's person was more important than ours as Scar started running towards the military group. Now.

Ignoring any strange sensation in my body, I ran forward at the same time gripping Edward and pulling him with all my might. To my ultimate relief Al was just in front of us, our fight stopped in front of the alley where he was destroyed. I had just reached him before I had to let go of Edward the pain making me fall to the ground helplessly.

I heard rustling and voices but they came muffled, as I had my attention snapped painfully to myself. What was happening? The pain, the feeling of weakness? It never happened before. As I was pondering suddenly the headache gripped me in its tight claw. Images invaded my mind. This time they were present images merging in a storm with my worried thoughts. I could see Roy fighting Scar, Riza making him fall avoiding his death. Major Armstrong jumping in. The gunshots just as Riza fired her arm. It was all as clear as a movie in my mind, even though things happened just a few meters away from me. A screeching sound pierced the night and I realised it was my voice. My scream. I wanted the images to stop, as every sequence was just another burning pain seared into my head. I couldn't see them anymore. They hurt. I felt my lungs being invaded by liquid and coughed helplessly. What was happening? Then he images transformed, going beyond Roy and Riza and the fight. They changed and shifted to familiar yet unknown surroundings and conception.

Objects appeared in my mind as well as their names. Computer. Headphones. Mobile phone. Car. Boat. Plane.

Also people flashed in my mind. Buildings. Names. And pain.

Oh the pain. When it came, it was more destructive than my physical one by far, her grip suffocating me. There were so many emotions, new yet familiar. And so powerful. Desperation. Grief. Abandonment. Hate. Sadness. Pain. Loneliness. Worthlessness. So powerful and so deep and I knew I had dealt with them before. They flooded me, succumbing me to their will and flow, enveloping me into their dark touch. I knew that once they had been so powerful that I wanted to kill myself to stop them. Now they were more than that, more than anything was, and the concept of happiness was completely wiped from my mind. Yes, I remembered the reasons why I felt all this, everything coming so suddenly, altogether. Years of suffering felt at the same time. So many nuances of the same feeling. It wasn't right, or natural. I wanted to make them stop. I wanted to never feel them again.

I knew I was yelling, but it was nothing compared to the scorching pain. I knew who I was, and God I wish I had everything taken away from me again just to forget. To let myself be surrounded by blissful ignorance. I knew who the faces where. I knew why I had feelings that didn't link. I knew that they had been so strong that they pierced even through my memory less mind.

Hands gripped me and I fought them. That brought other things forth. Dirt and rain. White and black. Hands and teeth. I knew what I was, why I was and what I had been. All made sense and everything lost any kind of logic.

A voice pierced through my mind. It was masculine, strong and imperative. I almost lost myself when I felt myself being dragged to it. To the words, to the people calling to me.

And reality came forth.

I was on the knelt on the ground as someone restraining my hands in front of me. Tears were running from my eyes and my throat hurt so badly. Also, I felt a weird feeling of wetness from my ears and nostrils, as well as a metallic taste in my mouth. I watched through teary eyes as Roy's frantic eyes pierced mine. How could anything be the same when I knew the truth? How could I handle it?

"Hey, do you hear me?! " he yelled again his hands shaking me as a rag doll. I just watched him with wonder and horror as reality settled in. Riza was running to me as long as the team and I heard Edward and Al saying something. I just concentrated on Roy and his hands, and how they earthed me when I had been spiralling into a void. I felt a new wave of tears, and as my vision blurred as I launched myself to him, clutching him tighter than anything. He was there, I couldn't go anywhere now, as he was there. His hands went around me, strong and warm keeping me to his chest as I gripped his clothes weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. I heard soothing words being said in my ears in a language that I didn't know, and I let myself drown in the fake feeling of belonging his touch gave me. It was just a rock to keep me from rifting, but I never felt such welcoming feelings before. I wanted to believe just this lie because I had already seen Truth and it was too much.

"What happened?" I heard Riza almost yell her composure completely lost.

I didn't respond just tried to keep my sobs at bay. After I managed something, I trashed free from his arms and met his confused eyes. They were so dark and comforting.

"What is wrong? Tell me!" he said imperative again. I just starred and then chuckled darkly. The sound made everyone flinch.

"Oh Roy. What is wrong you say? What isn't I must ask you?" My tone merging from sweet to a yell.

"I remember what I wish to forget! I hate everything. And the truth! I don't want it, I don't want any of this! I remember and it hurts!"

I felt my mind starting to become fuzzy, my vision blackening slightly to my corners.

"You have no idea what I am! You have no idea who made me like this!" I continued yelling ignoring the pain I was making myself feel so. Suddenly, I wanted his hands off me; he didn't deserve to touch the half-being I was. Almost as a mad person, I started to trash ignoring the voice or my blackening vision. I just wanted to escape. I wanted to escape the place I belonged to.

As I fought, my vision went black and the arms were as dark as ever, dragging me into the darkness of the Gate. No it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

"I don't want to belong to the Gate." I thought before everything went numb and I swiped away into a welcoming nothingness.

* * *

**A.N. Thank you so much for the views nice words and follows, I can't express how much I appreciate them, even if they aren't much of deal to you. **

**Also I wanted to tell you that things will get tricky from now on. Since it was summer holiday I had time to write and update. Now I am lucky if I would be able to publish one chapter/week since school is very tiring and takes much on me. So the story might go in a slow pace for a long while especially since I will run out of pre-written chapters. I wanted tot ell you that under no circumstance i will abandon the story so just stick with me ok? As much as it pains you not to have anything to read, so it pains me not being able to write. I am sorry (for you and me both) but there aren't many variants that I can choose from. So sorry and stick with me. Love you all. **

**Al**


	11. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

* * *

_A.N. The whole chapter is a flashback. The story will continue its normal course and timeline starting with the next chapter. Trigger warning for violence, abuse, self-harm and crude language. _

_Any mistakes aren't intentional._

* * *

_3._

_The girl watched wide eyed the darkness. She had been woken up by the voices. They were fighting again. She closed her eyes tightly, begging them to stop. They didn't. They never did. Carefully she opened them trying to see anything through the creaked door, but nothing but darkness greeted her eyes there. She hugged Mr. Lollipops tighter. Why were they fighting?_

"_You insatiable bitch! Get back here and finish this. We are not done." the man yelled, his voice roaring in the other bedroom._

"_Yes we are Gerard. And fuck you too!"_

_Then a door banged. She cringed hugging the plush tighter to her chest. Why was her mommy so angry? Why did she make daddy angrier? He did mean things when he was angry._

_She didn't know the answers to this, just that it had been like this for a while. She heard footsteps and a ragged breath and she opened her eyes trying to find the source._

_A half whimper made its way from the door. She cringed._

"_Momma?" The sound stopped._

"_Go back to bed sweetie." she said, her voice soothing and loving. She was scared. She didn't want to go back to bed. She wanted her mommy._

"_Where are you going mommy?" she whimpered suddenly scared._

"_Just going away for a while sweetie. We need daddy to calm down don't we?" She entered her room and soothed her face and hair. No, she did not understand. She didn't want her to go. She was so scared. It was so dark. Why was it so dark? She couldn't see her mom. "Please don't leave me" she whimpered. "I am not. I am just going for a walk, ok? I love you. Be a good girl." she said calmly, and felt the brush of her lips on her forehead. The girl nodded reluctantly feeling her very soul being ripped up by that action. Tears came to her eyes. Not her mom. Then she felt her shift and she was gone as a breeze of the wind in summer. She felt so empty. She was gone, and she felt so alone. It was so dark._

_She clutched the plush harder. "Mommy."_

_That was the last time she had ever seen her mom._

* * *

_4._

"_Yes, I understand. I will call you alter."_

_She ate her cereals as quietly as she could. That must've been the doctor. Her dad was always annoyed after the doctor called. She didn't say anything hoping she will be ignored. Her dad had always been mean since mommy didn't come home. _

_Now she barely remembered that night when she left. She didn't even know whether she had dreamed her or it was real._

_Her dad came to the table and started eating furiously. She gulped steady, feeling the cereals slide her throat. They weren't tasty anymore. Then she looked up and saw him eye her. She stopped her spoon mid-air, eyes widening as a deer into the spotlight. Daddy was mad. He was going to say ugly things again. Without knowing, a sudden heaviness rested on her chest as that realisation settled in. Fear grabbed her tightly and even though she was so young, she braced._

"_Are you done eating? He said his voice monotone. She nodded expectantly._

"_You haven't eaten half of your bowl. What are you trying to do? Get yourself sick? Don't you think there are enough things going on already?"_

_She just stared not saying anything. They had a similar conversation every day and it usually ended with her yelled to her room._

"_Was that Mr. Doctor? Would mommy be alright?"_

_She stared at her unmoving and cold. She let her eyes slide unable to keep up looking in those green eyes so similar to hers. _

"_No. I have to tell you something."_

* * *

_9._

_She liked going to school. It was nice. She liked the stories they made them read. Of course most of them she already knew. Books had become her refuge 3 years ago when she learnt how to read._

_She entered the empty house knowing what she will find. A note saying that it was another all-nighter at work and she could just call for pizza. And 20 pounds next to the note. She passed the kitchen and the sheet of paper on the counter and just went to the phone and dialled the number she knew like her name._

_Later she had finished her homework. She had watched TV. She had read stories. Now she just sat in the screaming silence, so deep that she almost imagined hearing things. It was unnerving. Every day she took her time to listen to the house, and every day she was scared by it. As night came, and light faded out from the long corridors and shadows covered the walls, her world seemed to be turned upside down. Places that were peaceful now were frightening, sounds that were welcome became threatening and monster hid everywhere. How she despised the night. And she was to fight it all alone. Every day she had to fight it all alone. A part of her got angry every time she thought of that. How no one told her good night. How no one made her a meal. How no one checked for monsters under her bed. _

_The other one was accepting. No one told her to stop reading or what to eat or wear. Her dad was so absent and her mother long gone that she had been almost living on her own. This had its benefits, but most of the time she just felt lonely. So lonely and abandoned. No one asked her if she was fine. No one really cared. And hatred bloomed with each day, which each story about loving fathers or happy families, and her sadness was a cloud of dust chocking her painfully. She was jealous. And lonely._

_So she read. And tried to ignore the silence. And the storms that scared her. Or how helpless she was when someone knocked on the front door, afraid it was a bad man and no one will come to help her._

_Every day she took her time to remember this. It wasn't god but she couldn't help it. She thought about this again and again, like a mantra, remembering why it was good and why it was bad to live alone. Most of the time it was just bad._

_Unable to hear anymore the ringing sound of the silence or bear the darkness, she ran into her room and grabbed a book. Yes, books were always there, little friends that always soothed her aching wounds._

* * *

_5._

_The thunder shook the house with its violence. So powerful that it made her shake I fear and a scream left her lips. The air was too hot and unbreathable under the thick blanket, but she felt safer here. As if, with it, she could put a wall between she and the reality. As if she could make the storm go away, the boom and the light fade, muffled by it. Of course, they didn't, and very time the sky cried painfully, she also cried._

_Her mother would come in times like this and sooth her and sing her a little lullaby in a language she didn't quite understand, but it calmed her. And the storm passed. Mommy could make storm and sounds fade. But that was before. Now, her mother will never come again in her room, and she would never feel protecting arms against her and lilac smell. There was no use on dwelling on before, since those times were never coming back. Her father made that clear one day when she asked insistently about her mother. He remembered how her heart twisted in fear, constricting her throat painfully as he yelled at her to 'goddamn understand that that woman was fucking dead'. She then backed away slowly and never mentioned her again, even when she hurt or when she forgot the colour of her eyes, or how her hair used to shine in the sun's light. There was no use in thinking of before. But in times like this she couldn't help but think 'that mother would have fixed this'. And the pain and sorrow which came with that realisation were too painful for her to understand._

_The door opened with a bang just as the thunder roared again and she squealed involuntary. Then footsteps came to her and something snatched her blanket, her sudden absence leaving her cold and empty. Her father's angry face came into view even in the dark room. _

"_Why are you screaming? I am trying to get a few hours of sleep since tomorrow is that project…"_

_She didn't listen. She just wanted him to hold her and tell it was ok. Uninvited tears came into her eyes. _

"_I'm scared!" she cried her hands gripping tightly into the bedcovers. "The storm is scary. And mommy would come to say it was ok, but now she doesn't and I am just scared." She sniffed pathetically as her vision was blurred from the falling tears. She wiped her eyes waiting for a reaction from her father, as he stood still watching her._

_Then the hand came. So sudden she didn't even feel it at first. Just the powerful sound of a clap. And then her cheek started burning and she bowed in pain gripping her right side of the face painfully, as she screamed and cried into the bed. Then another hit came just as sudden as the first one. And a hand gripped pushed he back as she now was facing her father fully._

"_Stop crying you stupid child! It' just a storm! Stop being so annoying and pathetic! Those who are weak are not for this world! You are not allowed to cry ever again! And never mention that woman! She is gone, and there is no use to dwell into the past like that. Stop. Crying."_

_When she didn't execute his order another palm came, but her sobs were deeply stuffed in her throat the pain bolting into her body. He closed her eyes making stuffing the traitorous tears back, as she could hide them. What looked like pleased the man smiled, in a way that to her seemed both satisfied and savage, and left the room letting her alone with her new pain._

_It was clear to her. There was indeed no need to dwell into the past. Her mother was gone and wasn't coming back. She never said another word during a storm until that fear disappeared._

_She never cried again either._

* * *

_10._

_The woman entered the house with a too cheery smile and a happy voice, carrying a bunch of bags. She watched her both surprised and a little unsettled, but only let the most vague interest show on her face. Emotions were not needed in this household and she learned very fast to dissimulate anything dangerous. Interest was dangerous._

"_Hey there! What are you doing? Reading? How wo-o-ndeerful!" she squeaked and she cringed a little at her high-pitched tone. She didn't say anything to her. She guessed her father sent her since no one else could have the key to her house._

"_I am Geneviere. Your father's assistant and secretary." She extended her hand and I eyed it suspiciously, not shaking it back. She let it slide down when she didn't make any move to greet her back. The woman knew exactly who she was._

"_Now, how about some food?" she continued cheery._

_-\\\-_

_Geneviere spent a lot of time in her home. She came every day, the same hour, bringing food 'more appropriate for a growing girl'. Some of her dishes were just awful, but she ate them anyway. _

_And in a few months she was completely installed in their home. Her presence wasn't surprising anymore, but nevertheless strange. She always smiled too much and talked too cheery, that the girl couldn't really trust her. But she was somehow nice. She didn't hate her. _

_Changes started happening. New clothes appeared for her, dresses and sandals and stupid girl stuff like that. She found them useless. She couldn't' dress fast that way, and they were uncomfortable. She didn't really protest until her flip-flops disappeared and then her temper broke. She observed that she could be as immobile as a stone all the time but when certain things happened her emotions so closely guarded broke down her walls and over-flooded cautiousness. And when her favourite flip-flops disappeared she started really yelling and making a tantrum. They were her mother's. _

_But her father had silenced her. And she listened. She had become more of a puppet than a child long. Her fear for him was so deep that she did whatever he told her. But deep down rage, hate, pain, and hurt lingered, never leaving her. Not really._

_Also they started eating dinner as a family. Which she hated. So many years eating alone, when she wanted and now she had to eat when she was commanded together with her father. Most of the time it was an awkward silence, only disturbed by Geneviève's happy tone. She didn't say anything, not when not asked anyway, and even then she kept things to a minimum. Her father had only to glance at her to silence her._

_So the woman became an annoying part of her life. There wasn't really a surprise when after a few months her father announced her that Geneviere will be her new mom from now then. She just accepted it with expressionless, thinking how would this affect her reading habits._

* * *

_11._

_They had to move to America. Her father's company made progress and transferred their HQ there, and they had to move. She was so angry about that. Actually she was angry about anything most of the time and she found out that it was getting harder to keep some remarks to herself. Geneviere said she was growing. She was saying she was getting tired of bullshit. _

_She had to transfer school, pack things, and move. She didn't have friends to miss, but she was found of London and England. Now she had to leave all this to move god-knows where. But she didn't have a choice so she complied. _

_But America wasn't how she thought it'll be. Actually it was the complete opposite. They lived now in a big mansion. They had a personal driver. And she attended a private school. She didn't really are about that, until after a few weeks. She noticed the whispers. About the weird British girl. How inexpressive she was. How quite she was. They called her names. Robot. Puppet. Brain-washed. Brain-dead. She watched almost amused how people told her how wrong she was. They couldn't really know Geneviere made sure she pointed out all her defects years ago. Face too oval. Teeth too wide. Lips too full for her face, but handy in a few years. Tricky eyebrows. Too short lashes. Hair too dry and having an indefinite colour. Belly too flat, legs too fat. She watched her in the mirror after that hour of criticism and wondered if she was that ugly. Or bad. _

_Those kids at school had nothing on her. But the words still pained her. Also they made fun of her clothes. They were mostly formal blouses and shirts that were appropriate in Geneviere's opinion. But she decided she should be as normal as she could. So she hid clothes at school. And changed before and after classes in 'normal' clothes and what was considered appropriate by her family. Kids still made fun of her. How big her forehead was. In a way, their nagging started to itch her façade and crumble her control, and with the ever-tensioned atmosphere at home, she started crumbling._

_She decided she just missed London and the smog._

* * *

_8._

"_What's with this grade?" her father said on a monotone voice as she presented him the latest test. It was an 8. Unacceptable. But she did her best to understand physics, she tried. But she just couldn't understand it._

_She said nothing as he watched her. He had just come home so he watched her from his big chair, his balk costume and tie making him look more imposing than usually. He stared at her, then at the paper then back at her._

_He raised himself up and she braced. The slap was hard, but she was used to it by now. _

"_Never come home with grades like this. You understand me? You will not disrespect me, daughter!" she nodded, her eye dry. She hadn't cried for 3 years now anyway._

* * *

_13._

"_How was school?" Geneviere asked. They were eating dinner together as always, the only sound from the clatter of the cutlery. _

"_We talked about an interesting subject in literature today." she said as a matter of a fact. She knew that it was nothing but that from the way they stopped eating for a second when she said that. She always responded with good, emotionless, but now in her voice they found emotion, which was something knew. They were only used to their mini doll._

"_Really? What was about sweetie?" her 'mother' asked and she grinded her teeth in the form of a smile to stop herself from saying something close to fuck off. She hated her, how weak she was, always bending to his will, saying affectionate things when he gave a rotten ass about her. _

"_It was women and their evolution in the familial environment." _

"_Really? How…fascinating."_

"_It is. Well you see objectification of the women isn't something common just for the 21__st__ century. Actually since our society is patriarchal, women had been, to say, at the mercy of men. Centuries ago actually, women were the slaves of the men in their lives. Firstly, their father that mostly controlled every aspect of their life until they got married. They had to do what they were told, act like they were told, dress like they were told, unless they wanted to be publicly humiliated."_

_Her blue-greenish eyes pierced the other identical pair of green one across the table as she spoke. Gerard stopped eating and let his fork down._

"_Are you implying something?" he asked casually, but she detected the threat and malice from his voice._

"_Why would you think that dear father?" she asked innocently." I was just telling you about this fascinating subject. Because it is interesting how women had to do what they were told, everyday of their lives in this patriarchal society, or otherwise be brutalised. Why would you think I would imply with that?" Her tone was freezing cold, even though was still sweet and polite. _

_He just looked at her inquiring then did the last thing she thought possible. He laughed. It was more of a cackle than a laugh, and contained no amusement in it._

"_Oh God, you are like her. Just like her. Every day you are turning into her very same image. You even start to sound like her! No matter what I do or say, you just take after her! You even look like her! You are her exact mirror and I can't stand to look at you! You are just you're mother's daughter."_

_She was speechless. It was the first time after 8 years that my mother was mentioned. Never in all my life had she seen her father say or express himself like that. And with those words came two sudden realisation._

_Her dad hated her mother passionately._

_Her dad hated her just as much._

* * *

_14._

_It was just another stupid business party. Even though a ball was a more accurate term. A fancy party, with fancy people, with fancy dresses in a fancy hotel. She hated every second of it._

_For a year she had been fighting with her parents. Fear intertwined with fury. They battled on and on, most of the time her rage winning. Thus the fights. She had learnt how to use make-up with this occasion. She didn't really have a choice. The marks on her face clearly weren't natural. At school, she just made stories about gangs, and the rumours spread like wild-fire. She didn't care. She was too consumed by her emotions to have space for something as mundane as gossip._

"_Champagne?" She took a fancy crystal glass from the waiter and sipped. She didn't want to be here pretending she was a happy and nice daughter. She hated her dress, she hated the party, and she definitely hated her father. She sipped her drink feeling fury ranging inside her. It was flowed followed by pain and desolation only short after. There also was brokenness and the uncontrollable need to cry. But her eyes betrayed her every time and no tear squeezed through her lashes. She couldn't cry ever again._

_She was feeling so uncontrollably broken. Her life was broken. To be more accurate her life wasn't hers to begin with. She was just a beautiful caged bird. Her father had always controlled her: her appearance, her school, her gestures and words. He had built a world dominated by fear in which she was painfully trapped. She had no illusions on how her future would look like. Other business parties until she would probably get married to whom her father selected. The thought of her past, present and future infuriated her so much, the unfairness of her life making her wanting to break in half just to exit this cursed path. She felt sadness and emptiness come with this thought and she decided she preferred the fury. Not that anyone knew. People saw the pretty clothes and fair face and decided everything was ok just because she had a fancy accent and a rich father. Yet here she was so broken, not beautifully broken as books described heroines, but broken her mind standing on the brink of insanity, pain swelling her insides, thoughts cutting into her again and again and again with the remainder of her never present freedom._

_Then a thought came to her. What if she controlled her life? Not just control it by hiding everything she was, she felt or dream and thought (not that actually had cared about those things ever in her life), but actually do what she wanted? And the feelings built in her: hope, fury, sadness, hopelessness, determination. So powerful that she let herself be swapped by them. She embraced them, becoming one with them. And she let go of the glass in her hand. _

_The sound enveloped the room, as miniature bells clinging into the wind, heads turning around to see the dizzy girl in a red dress that had broken an expensive glass. But she was just smiling seeing their confusion. 'Yes, be confused', they had every reason to be. They just saw a glimpse of her. How could they not be surprised when someone was anything else but a plastic fabrication?_

_She walked over the glass and made her way to the buffet and searching a way to reach her 'mother'. She was talking with someone, but she didn't care. She just went there feeling free, ecstatic even, but also a little sadistic. As she reached her, she took her glass and shattered it to the floor powerfully. Now the whole room was definitely staring at her. But she didn't care, she was just so free. So painfully free. Free from the bars of the cage that for so long had dug into her flesh, momentarily free from the voice in her head that kept her loyal through fear to her family and duties, free from the continuous fight she was battling in her head between who she was and what was she supposed to be. Then a hand jerked her and she found herself in the garden facing her mad father. She just smiled enthusiastically. He raised his palm to hit her when she hit him. With all her force, her nails digging slightly in his check. And tears came to her eyes, tears old of 9 fucking years._

"_I hate you! I passionately hate you too! You thought I was a monster the moment I was born, and here I am! I am the monster you wanted me to be. I am the broken creature you turned me into. I am the ghost of a person, a half-existence that felt so painfully hopeless my entire life. But you know what? Fuck you! And your future. And your company. And this family. I am I, and I hate being cramped into this fearful sick person I am! I am not your poppet, I am not your dead wife, so go fuck yourself, because I am done with you!" She had been screaming. Her throat hurt, her make-up was ruined and she felt slightly dizzy. But so satisfied. She never felt more alive. But then pain washed everything and she wanted to bend over and scream as she did when she was little at how powerful it was. She wanted to scream how pathetic and bad her life was, how utterly unhappy and crushed she was, how awful she felt. How she hated them, and most of all how she hated herself._

_She ran. In the night. Away from everything, but she couldn't outrun the person she wanted to. Herself. She only stopped many blocks away in a gang when her dressed torn, her lungs crying for oxygen. She just wanted the searing pain to stop. To erase the memories. To revive her mother and to make her tell her everything will be ok. But she couldn't resurrect the dead…_

_But she could die._

_She didn't realise she was holding a piece of broken glass until the edges cut deep into her hand. But she felt the pain relieving. Maniacally, she lifted the piece of glass and closing her eyes tight she smashed it in her arm, deep through tissues and skin and ligaments. The pain was searing but she didn't care. She found the fire liberating, the fire in her veins diminishing the constrict in her mind and for a moment of broken clarity she felt sane. She laughed and dragged the glass through her left forearm pushing it forcefully up and down the white limb. Then she repeated the action on her right. When she was finished her palms were cut and on her forearms two gawking wounds that let a river of blood slide down, darkening as they left the light of the street-lamps to fall into the shadows. She watched them fascinated considering them the most beautiful sight in her life, and slid a finger through the thick red mass. Then she chuckled realising the pain contorting her insides was gone, feeling free from the emotional pain as the physical one burned her. She just hugged herself bloodying her red dress, feeling the fluid coat her chest and neck. It was amazing!_

_Then the strength and joy left her, and darkness overcame her again and she found herself on the cold miserable ground, bleeding her emotions out._

* * *

_15._

_They were always fighting. So she ran. It was the best idea she had. She just took the car from the driveway and went away. Just like that. Leaving completely and permanently that life. She was done._

_She was so happy, a smile spreading on her face. She drove hours and as every second passed she felt as if the tight rope around her neck undid itself and let her free. Because she was! _

_Her joy made her not pay attention to the road so when she saw the figure she turned the wheel hard, making the car fly from the street into the trees that guarded the road. Pain effulged her body as she was trashed ahead and beyond, before the car came to an abrupt stop. The airbags opened and hit her face painfully and she felt her nose snap from the pressure. The world started moving and a warm liquid started running down her lips and chin. Barely feeling her body she opened the door and got out of the car. Then the world became blank and she found herself sweeping into a beautiful nothingness._

_-\\\-_

_She woke to the feel of water on her face, snapping her eyes open forcefully, jolting her body upright. The move made her dizzy and brought so much pain that she feel on her back again, limp as a ragged doll. She released a hiss as waves of pain washed over her._

"_Easy there girl. Ya don't want to kill yourself." At that, she snapped her head to the voice and realised that she couldn't see partly because she was in a very dark room, illuminated just by a candle. Next to her was a Latino girl, her skin the colour of the caramel, big brown eyes, and a cascade of hair caught in multiple braids._

_She was also lying on what look like a pile of clothes, and her hand went to her nose as the memory of blood dripping returned to her mind._

"_And what if I am?" she asked sarcastically her throat feeling so dry as if sandpaper hand been stuck in it._

"_I would just say your full of shit. Or a stupid-head. Life is too precious to be wasted like that."_

_She didn't listen anymore, as a wave of nausea and headache overwhelmed her senses. Then she felt something stuffed in her mouth._

"_Drink."_

_She compiled happily and after the refreshing liquid soothed her mouth, she felt a little better. A little._

"_Where am I? Who are you?" she asked feeling both panicked and suspicious. This wasn't a hospital but she crashed that car. Could that mean that they could find her...?_

"_Name's Dee. Don't you even ask where this come from." The girl said smiling and she leaned to shake her hand. She watched it carefully trying to remember the aversion she felt when Geneviere did the same thing many years ago, but nothing came. It was just her and Dee and silence. Still suspicious she took the hand and shook it, which only made Dee smile more._

"_Ya in my hideout. After you crashed that car on a tree on the side of the road trying not to hit me I dragged you from there and brought you here. The others hadn't been happy but I told them to stuff it. You saved my life with your own so that's the least I can do."_

"_So no one knows I am here? Whatever here it is." She asked trying to cut the hope that bloomed in her heart. Was it possible…?_

"_Nope. But if you have a family be sure I'll ask the boys to borrow a phone or something…"_

"_No. I don't have a family. I don't have no-one. Just be myself."_

_Dee eyed her for a second taking in her appearance. She didn't look like a homeless girl, and that car sure wasn't something you found at a garage sail. Her accent, words and posture determined her to think that she was a runaway. But she wasn't the one to judge or to think. It wasn't her place to say whether this girl had or hadn't a family after everything. She just smiled then._

"_Well, then you might want to crash a little bit here before you had your way don't you think? Everyone will love ya."_

_She just watched Dee make her offer, not a single hint of anger on her face, cruelty or anything that would make her think this was a cruel joke. How did people so kind and welcoming like her existed? She almost killed her and then she dragged her here and helped her and now was offering her a place to stay?!_

"_Umm…"_

"_It's ok if ya don't want to. I'll just give ya a few things and ya'll be on your way. Just what ya want."_

_But the girl hesitated and bit her lip. A sudden taught came to Dee and she hastily added._

"_It's ok to want to stay here. Everyone here had no other place to go but here we are here together. Ya'll like it I promise."_

_The girl just looked at her and then slowly nodded. Dee just smiled hopefully. This new girl was a total enigma and looked like a wreck if she considered the ugly scars on her forearms, but for a reason she liked her. She wanted her to stay here and find her story._

"_Well what's ya name?" she asked hopefully._

_She thought for a second. She knew how she was called at home and hatted it... No, she wasn't that person anymore. So she went with the nickname to her first name, that was never used in that household. The name that her mother choose._

"_I'm A...Alette."_

"_Well Alette, welcome home."_

_-\\\-_

_The place was a community of 'homeless people, thieves, runaways, and other weird fellas' as Dee described them, in an abandoned complex in Detroit. Dee explained that this people were full of the shit the government told them about shelters and stuff like that and slowly gathered here. They kind of made their chaotic community, in which everyone respected a list of unsaid rules. Also groups had formed, for example the Scouts, the biggest group of girls made mostly of runways and orphans. This was Dee's group and hers now too._

"_We are under the command of Bony, even though she hates people calling her that, but she looks just like a skinny bird. She is the oldest and the loudest, but kind and understanding. We get chores from her and this is our building. Others don't really come here unless they want a knife stab. There are fights but mostly everyone takes care of their people. We can trade things and if you aren't into some fun…ya choice. But don't call the stork here or things get ugly. Also watch the floors on 6__th__ and 7__th__ there rain enters and the floor is shaky. Don't want to destroy our house, will ya? Also ya know to fight?"_

_When she nodded that she didn't, Dee groaned loudly. "Girl ya'r walking food. First thing we do is to teach ya how not to get killed. Ya just like a baby bird walking around. "_

_Then Dee put her arm around her neck and brought her close to her warm body. She didn't smell of fine soaps or perfumes as she was living in an area like this, and her clothes weren't clean. But that's not what startled her, but the human closure. She hadn't a hug in so long, she couldn't remember. Her cold skin made hers feel so hot._

"_Ok, kitty I am taking you in my official Dee Special Program. I will teach ay how to be human. Also will start with the basics. Getting food, fighting and talking. Sounds good?"_

_-\\\-_

_She missed soap. And having clean clothes. And the internet. And sleeping on a proper bed and noting having to deal with itchy and smelly skin. Also hunger was new for her. She came from a rich family, she hadn't really experienced hunger until that moment. Or having to rationalize food and goods. She never really understood until now things like this and how lucky she was in some matters. She wondered if all this people here had always had to deal with circumstances like this._

_She had to wake up early since at night they couldn't really do many things because of the dark. She had to go to sleep hungry. She had to deal with her filth. She didn't have a proper bed or a proper room. Because of all this, she started getting more frustrated with each day, her anger consuming any good feelings she had left her. And one day she snapped._

_And as a spoiled brat she did the only thing she knew. She ran. Leaving her chores, leaving an awed bunch of girl, leaving the second chance she got._

_She didn't know where she was until she stopped because water crossed her path and she realised that she ran until she had reached the shore of Detroit river. She watched silently the filthy water and cursed herself for her foolishness. Why had she run from the closest thing she had to friends? Where could she go? She was probably MIA or consider dead. So what was she doing?_

_She didn't know how long she stayed there thinking but jumped when she heard another pair of shoes making noise. She turned around and saw Dee, her face serious coming towards her. She just stayed silent and waited, but the girl said nothing, just sat next to her quietly, and started throwing rocks into the river. She waited knowing she'll speak, but she didn't. When she finally got used to the heavy silence, Dee finally spoke. _

_"Ya know why I am an immigrant?" She asked and when she didn't answer she continued._

_"Because we were so poor my brother joined army to earn some money. The fool was sent into Afghanistan in his first month. Never made it back. They wouldn't let us go come and take the body. My dad has never been around for some time and mom decided to sneak us in so we could pay our respects. Foolish and stupid. So we left South America and came here. The problem was that at the border with Mexico we were seen and they sent people after us. We had to reach DC. We didn't make it. It took us 3 months just to reach here, and that mostly on foot. My mom didn't even knew English. I was your age back then and considered this our big adventure. Until it came to not having food, sleeping at night parks hoping we won't get raped, learning how to steal, not having meds since we were illegal immigrants, to feeling cold and scared, avoiding getting arrested. It wasn't an adventure and by the time we reached Detroit I had already forgotten what safe and sound was and why we came into the first place. I think we could've turned back but my Ma was still kin in finding my mother. Poor thing had gone mad. But I was a little girl so I listened to her. _

_Everything was fine and we sneaked in here. The problem was it was already autumn and my mother got sick. We didn't have money so we had nothing. We thought it will pass but it didn't. I tried stealing but I was almost caught and gave up on that. I didn't have the skill or courage back then. Then when my mother started not being able to raise herself up I truly panicked and thought about the stupid game we were playing and how she might actually die. I tried asking for help by the communities are closed, supplies are rare and no line wanted to use them on some stupid immigrants. Then one night, I stopped sleeping because I was afraid I will wake up to a corpse when they came. Some men. They heard me asking around for supplies and decided we were an easy prey. I got away, my mom didn't. She was already dying, I knew that but I hoped and still believe that if they hadn't had stabbed her she would 've lived. It was an accident because I dodged the hit, it hit her. She didn't even know what was happening in her lasts moments. She called me my dead brother. I thought I was done for too, but then Bony came. She heard about me but she was too late. She stabbed one of the fuckers and they ran. But I was done for. Then she yelled at me and told me that this was already the past and if I want to give up like that weak and stupid or I could live and try the he time to make things right."_

_When she ended the story she sniffed her nose and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. Alette had watched in silent horror, awed with a morbid fascination. The feelings Dee's past inspired were strong and only made her admire and lo the girl more. Her life had been so much bad and here she was comforting her, when she had every right to be a crumpled mess of grief. Ungrateful little shit she was. Suddenly she was very ashamed of her and slightly disgusted._

_"I'm sorry Dee" she said with such a pathetic voice she was surprised herself. "Really. You didn't deserve all that shit and your mother had been wrong. But I am sure she loved you. I am sure she was grief stricken and because if she did this. I am sorry I am such an ungrateful shit that even though I got a second chance I am complaining about it. And starting a pity party when you should make a whole banquet."_

_"Are you stupid? I was telling you this so you would understand it is OK to hate this kind of life and regret the many things you don't have. Fuck me I know that at least half of the girls think the same. Because we all feel the same. We all hate this. We don't have a better alternative that's all. And don't give me your pity. I have nothing to be pitied for. And stop disrespecting yourself like this. Pain is pain, circumstances are circumstances. Everyone has access to grief and pain so stop saying your pain is not as painful as mine just because mine sounds worse."_

_She watched her stupefied the strangest feelings blooming into her. And in the storm of feelings in her chest, somewhere under the pain and grief and self-pity, she found gratitude._

_"The question is do you have somewhere else to go? I know you're lying Al, that car was expensive. And the way you talk and act gives you away as the upper class. You must be at least shocked by this life, we at least had a life-time to cope with poverty but you? So I ask you, do you have another place to go?"_

_She thought about this. About her home, her computer home and personal belongings. Her nice beautiful shower. And then she thought about her father. About that life. About the twin scars on her forearms. She knew Dee had seen them. And she wondered was it any of those things worth it? And for the first time in her life she knew the exact answer._

_"No Dee, I am alone."_

_And she told her everything._

_-\\\-_

_"Now fuckers who has the dirties mouth in the shack?" A girl yelled. She watched half amused holding her beer how the girls made a swear contest. She didn't participate. Not because she couldn't win but because she wasn't comfortable with swearing so much. Unless she was angry. Then Dee said she should give lessons. _

_It had been 3 months since she was there and things had started to change inside her. At first the shift was more like a coursing river, then ground starting as an earthquake. She found herself smiling, joking and being happy. She found her anger and pain starting to dull away. She started to let others things too. And her behaviour. When she first took the word at dinner, the girls just watched her silently before congratulating her. She had become more bold, more confident and careless. She had learnt how to fight, and to swear and to shit people away with her mouth. But also she had felt free. Because god, this was the first time she had felt free. And she loved how her heart fluttered in her chest when she said the word, how anticipation made her body tense in a sweet way. _

_And in the weirdest meaning of the word, and probably the most unhealthy definition of it she was home, between falling walls and masses of unhealthy and messy girls. She was home._

_When she told that to Dee she just smiled and hugged her. She remembered the surprise but no aversion, not really. She got used to human contact until now._

_"I just wish I had met you in another world, in another place and had befriended you there so I could have shown you how beautiful and strong you would've been without your mind and body being fucked up by your family. I wish just to have met you there, or for you to forget all that in a magical amnesia and see that you are so strong, and good and everything I know you are. I wish you would be the person you are and not who you were made to be."_

_And she decided she liked that even though she didn't believe it. She liked Dee's description of another fate, and how amazing she made her sound, even though she wasn't. She loved the feeling of belonging and hope those words gave, and she decided that in her own little world messed up world, imperfect and broken, she had something that was pure._

_-\\\-_

_"You'll go into a scouting mission. Dee you take care of the greenie."_

_Bony was just as bony as her name described her to be. And just as fierce as the rumours made her to be. 6 months later and she had been summoned to participate into a scouting mission for supplies._

_There were 32 girls in their camp, so lots of supplies were necessary. The bad part was that no one had any means to get them, so mostly anything that was found was giving in very small ration to those who needed it the most. The others had to wait until other rations were brought. It was painfully little the food they had, not to talk about other things. Her heart clenched at the memory of the nights she went so hungry to sleep because there wasn't enough._

_She and Dee were a team. Therefore, she let herself be driven by Dee's orders since she was almost every time participating in scouting missions. She thought they were going to search in a dumpsters or maybe beg, but when Dee brought her behind a general store and took out a few metallic bars and started to play with them and the store lock she understood what scouting meant._

_"No." She found herself saying before she even realised what was happening. Dee didn't even flinch but told her to move and disable the alarm. At her words and quick dismissal, her temper flared and she grabbed Dee's arm._

_"Fuck no, Dee. I am not going to bloody steal from a store. That's just illegal and wrong. I can't take stolen food to the girls or even eat it myself! Stop this!"_

_Dee indeed stopped and turned to her. But her face was an exact mask of anger._

_"It's illegal you say? Well fuck me princess I didn't fucking know that fucking stealing from a store was fuckin illegal! Probably because I am another peasant, I don't know simple stuff like that. But guess what our life is illegal and if we listen to that word, our existence is illegal itself! I'm an immigrant, you are a runaway from an accident living in someone's private property. Which is also illegal. Also we are all underage, and consuming alcohol and smoking which is also illegal. And we are school drop-outs which is also illegal. Don't fucking tell me about illegal and that world. Don't tell me that I have to starve because I have to confine to the rules of a place that broke me up. That broke you up. This isn't Kansas anymore. Don't apply that logic to the world you live in, because you aren't part of that place anymore and you don't want to be. You won't eat it? Darling, everything we eat it's stolen food. People were arrested and captured for your food that your morals won't let you eat. But let me ask you, what else we should do? Let us die? Let little Sue and sick Mary die because it's just not right to help them? Damn if this is the answer I'll fuck this world and the other one, and when I'll die I'll look any God in the eye and spit it because I won't accept this world. I won't let myself be brought down by some imposed morals. I will do anything for those I care for, and to survive, to keep them alive. If that means stealing, getting arrested, getting shot or damning my soul, then so be it. What rules you know don't apply here. There is just one rule: survival and loyalty."_

_As she spoke Dee kept her voice down, and in a way she was glad because no matter what she said she didn't want to get caught. Also she felt ashamed. What she had said was true. But still she couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness the thought brought forth. What price had to be paid in this world to survive...she didn't know if she was ready for it. Maybe Dee saw her conflict because when she spoke next her voice was softer._

_"I know. The first time I had to do it was the same. And the second, and the third. I don't know when guilt had gone away but it did and I know it's wrong but I won't get myself to care once again since I know that by doing this I will feed myself and the others. It can't be wrong. I know how bad it is, and how it makes us look like. I know everything and everyone knows the price and hates it, but they can't do anything. You see you can still do this and smile. You can still be a good person. You know why? Because we are not the sum of our sins. We will never be and goodness exits in dark and darkness in the light. We just have to accept it. Don't you think that that aching feeling in your stomach is wrong? Don't you think it feels wrong for the others too? This is the only way to help them and ourselves Alette, and I hate it. But do you hate living more or less than the guilt you will feel."_

_As she spoke, she extended her arm to the girl and put in her hand a key. A screwdriver. Alette closed her hand over it and bit her lips as the fight of her life was being carried inside her and she was deciding on crossing a point of no return. God knew it was bad._

_"I'll take care of the alarm." _

_And with that she stepped into the darkness and let any guilt and feelings for later when she could deal with them. Now she couldn't. And in a way she knew she was deluding herself by saying that she could make this feel less wrong._

* * *

_16._

_A year had passed. But what is it a year? Just a move around the sun, and yet it was like nothing was the same. And it would never be._

_She was someone else. And as if the world agreed with it, she saw everything and everyone as someone else. Nothing had changed yet everything was different all because she had decided to let go of the past. Also she had understood and seen the world in a way that the books in her library could never make her understand. She accepted the way things worked just to finally dismiss them in a concluding step. She was no longer part of that life._

_One of the important lessons was the importance of soap. Or how hard it was to wash yourself in a river in a biting cold December. _

_Her friendship with Dee became more powerful than the simple ties of the friendship. In a lack of better word that's how they called their tie, which was closer to sisterhood. She was an irrevocable part of her life, as she was of hers._

_Also their scouting team had become the best. With Dee's training, she became a fierce fighter and a soundless ninja. Also she learned how to pickpocket, to break locks and how to enter and steal not being heard. In a way, Dee had been right. The guilt was gone but in its place sometimes, she found herself feeling sadness or a melancholy that came from the loss of her innocence. _

_Also she was a computer genius so no alarm system in Detroit could keep her out. She didn't believed how her computer fanaticism could help her survive in this metropolitan area._

"_You're gonna move that lazy ass of yours or are we gonna wait for you all day?" She smiled at her friend. As rude as ever Dee was telling her in her own way that they had to go._

_They walked soundlessly. This time it was a bigger group since the operation was riskier. They were going for supplies in a richer district since their medicine stash was low. Still that meant extra-danger. She wasn't as good as a fighter or smuggler, but she was destroying one alarm system after another. So she was essential in her own. That only made her feel better in the weirdest meaning of the word, considering for what deed her skills were used._

"_Here". Dee was whispering as they stopped in the back of an alley, a door in front of them. She knew it was a pharmacy, but from the back every building and store looked the same, any part of the town. The only difference was the not so prominent smell of urine._

_She looked at the alarm system and she frowned. If it was to think about it, she saw it a thousand times when in malls and stores. The problem was it was part from her old life which meant it wasn't easy to break through it without having the cops on their heads. This was going to be a tricky one._

"_What's the problem love?" Dee asked as soon as she saw her frowning face. She just shook her head. "Nothing. It's just this isn't what I'll thought it will be. It's more complicated and specialized. These guys truly don't want to get robbed." "So it's a problem? If you want we can go..." "No, we don't have time. You saw how the infection is back home we need those fast. Just give me my utensils and let me do my magic." _

_She tried to sound confident, even though she was far from it. She was the actual opposite. This alarm system made her nervous since it was a very expensive one. She wasn't sure she could break through it. She shook her head making the thoughts go away. 'Think about the girls back home. The flue started over a week ago and three quarters of us are unable to move due fever and pain. We need those things.' But that didn't mean that she wasn't nervous._

_She carefully took the screwdriver and pushed the plastic aside. Inside, they all looked the same. Wires and lights. But this was more complicated than she had ever thought. She bit her tongue and concentrated her mind. If she screwed this up that meant they got arrested or worse._

_Firstly she deactivated an alarm that would have gone off when the system was forced. Then tried to see where which cable went. It was a slow and tiresome job, and not long after she was sweating. Thank Gods the girls were compassionate enough to shut their bloody mouths while she worked. If not she was doomed. _

_Even with the quiet, it took over 2 hours to hear the click that meant the system was deactivated and the store was free to go. Dee didn't lose time and was already working on the door opening it. With some luck no one will even see the robbery until days after._

_Inside smelt like any pharmacy she had been into. She didn't leave her home much but she remembered well the times she visited a pharmacy. She took her side and started searching through boxes taking things they could need. Pads, antibiotics, syrups. Of course some had to be sued right away, but some lasted longer._

_They were almost done when hell broke loose. _

_They were very quiet since operations like this weren't meant to be noisy so they heard perfectly when the door in the front opened. They all froze and looked at each other, their faces showing the same fear and panic. Carefully they started grabbing backpacks and boxes trying to be as soundless as possible. But they weren't as soundless because hard boots started sounding closer and closer to the back of the store. And then a stupid and fatal mistake happened. One of the other two girls that was with them, Luu, a very emotive girl bumped into a box as she put her backpack on. They watched in silent pain as the thing started to fall signing their fates, without any of them able to do anything to change it._

_The box went down with a thud. That was all the people needed to hear. A voice yelled freeze and gun were being cooked, and suddenly the steps weren't as silent as before and two men barged in to them. _

_Dear in the headlights. That's what she thought she looked like when the lantern's light fell onto her face. She was paralyzed and mesmerised by it, her heart fighting in her chest and legs clenching painfully._

_Never had she felt like that in her entire life and she knew that she would never feel again._

_Dee didn't waste time on that. Before the guy could make a move her leg was in his shins, and her fist in a nice planted upper cut. As he fell to the floor wailing in pain she then attacked the next guy which was rapidly speaking in a walkie-talkie. But he expected her and dodged her attacks._

_She didn't see as the first guy was starting to get up. Panicking she let her instincts take over and hit his head with her leg as trying to score a goal at football. He fell limp once more and she took his pistol in her hands. It was heavy, and cold and it had a metallic scent mixed with something that made her think of powder and lead._

_She took the thing keeping it still with both her hands and eyed the guy fighting Dee. She didn't fire even though her index finger was curled on the trigger. She didn't even know if the gun was armed or how to fire it. But she didn't care of any of those things. That man was attacking Dee. Those men called for back-up which meant they could go to jail. Everyone home counted on them. She wasn't going to let anyone down. Not this time. Not now._

_As the resolution flared her heart for a second and her fear disappeared, her breath became even, a new intent flared in her. She should have been scared by its intensity. Yet, she couldn't be. Not when she was going to protect her friends and home. Her only friend and home. If she could that, if the price to do that was to take this gun and make it part of her soul, to freeze her heart and desolate her soul that was it._

"_Stop." She was surprised by her coldness but her brisk words made the man look at her and her gun. No, an extension of her arm. She was killing him with her own hands, the gun was just a tool that could help her with that._

"_Move." And the man did, looking horrified at her. She didn't want to see her expression. When she made sure he was far away from Dee which watched her both bewildered and frightened she pointed at the floor then his belt._

_Reluctantly he gave up to his pistol and teaser then kneeled. She approached and took the second gun and put it between her shorts and her back._

"_How?" He looked confused and she repeated. She knew they had to move but she had to know._

"_The alarm system has an indicator that sends a signal if the plastic carcass is removed. If it's put back after the carcass is removed the signal becomes clear, but when you deactivated the alarm the signal disappeared." She nodded. She thought as much. Indeed, it was a superior alarm system. They had been here for over 3 hours more than enough for the place to be checked. That also meant this was her fault. _

_The man watched her. She watched him back blankly. She wondered if he had family. If he wanted to go back to them. Well part of her family was here, and the rest back there, sick and dying. He could understand why she did this._

"_You called for backup?" "Yes" She nodded again and thought about it. If she left him like this, he would follow them or call for more people. They had to leave._

_Her finger curled hard and for a millisecond she thought nothing would happen. Then the sound beamed and she found herself being thrown back into some boxes and the man screamed. She looked at him through the mass of dirty hair and saw that she had indeed hit his leg. Good, she truly didn't want him to follow them._

"_Move people now" yelled Dee and she ran, the last, after watching one more time the hateful and pained look the young officer gave her. She hoped he could see some remorse behind her cold façade. _

_They ran into the night pants and whispers following them as they jogged stealthily through alleys._

"_We must lose them. " she said and Dee that had been watching her nodded. They went the opposite direction from their home. They had to get lost before they headed back. Sirens were already walling into the night._

_They run and hid and run. But sirens were still wailing whatever maneuverer they did. She knew what the other girls thought. She knew what she was going to think if she let herself. But this was just not the time._

"_What are we going to do? It's like they just have us surrounded." She panted. Dee was peering over a wall to the street, the other girls scrambled on the ground panting._

_The halted they're words when a police car parked on the opposite side of the street and some officers started searching an alley there._

"_Shit." Dee muttered and it was shit indeed.. There was no way they could manage to get away from such a close call. At least not all of them. But the medicine had to reach the others. _

"_We have to split up. You guy with the medicine and I hold them off." Apparently, Dee followed the same train of thoughts as she did. Only that there was no way she could leave her alone like this._

"_No way. I am not leaving you. You two go back to the building with the medicine and we create a distraction." she addressed the two scared girls._

"_Fuck you will. Alette, this isn't the time to be stubborn. Go with them and..."_

"_I won't leave ok? You are the closest thing to family and home I have ever had. You are my friend, and you have been my friend for longer than anyone had. How do you expect me to leave you? We are a team!"_

_They eyed each other stubbornly. In the end, Dee just sighed. 'She can be so stubborn when she wants' she thought tiredly._

"_Honestly sometimes I wonder why do I even bother. Go" she addressed the two girls an Alette smiled knowingly. No one would leave her behind. Then Dee suddenly hugged her._

"_Don't do something stupid ok?"_

_It happened in seconds. She heard the footsteps of the other girls as they prepared to make a run for it. She ignored that as she heard Dee's voice. The words. Why were they unusual? They were like something she had heard before. But what was it?_

_Hands pushed her and she felt as her mind focusing on discovering the meaning of the words. She looked up shocked and saw Dee's back but before she could say something she ran, her back becoming smaller with every step she took, crossing the street. _

"_Be a good girl."_

"_No" she yelled but it was to late. Dee fired the guns he stole from her, the bullet destroying the car's windshield. It wasn't meant to hurt but to make noise. She knew the other girls ran and that was she supposed to do but she didn't. Instead she started running towards Dee. She saw the cop before her. As he raised his gun and fired, Alette desperately fired hers. There were two powerful blasts followed by two sounds. One was a man yelling. The other was the voice of a girl._

_She reached Dee as she started to fall, her body landing hard and limp on hers. She almost crumpled to the ground at the sudden weight but instead took some faltered steps towards the alley they came from. Another men yelled and she tuned slightly firing aimlessly. The bullet resonated through their bodies, and she heard the man behind her running for cover._

_They managed to get behind a parked car before the weight on her shoulder fell with a grotesque sound next on the ground, sheltered by the bullets because of it. Fuck, she muttered as she saw the red stain on her friends' clothes in the middle of the chest. It was wet and hot, growing bigger by second._

_Without wasting a second, she pressed her hands on the wound and heard her friends whimper and gag._

"_Dee, fucking stay with me ok? We will get through this ok girl? Don't you dare die on me!" she muttered words encouragingly without realising. She knew every word was a lie but she was just too desperate. The feeling was so powerful that overpowered any logic and reason, a single thought remaining through the storm of emotions. Dee had to live._

_She watched her face. Her hazel eyes were slightly closed, as she was squeezing, and her face was turned into a frown. Oh God she could bet she was in pain, but what could she do? For a brief second her eyes closed and panic flooded her veins._

"_No, Dee, don't you dare do that to me. Stay where you are or I will never forgive you!" she yelled as her hands pressed harder on her chest, as somehow sheer power could make the tissues come back together._

_For a second there she thought she lost her but then her eyes were open and she coughed and smiled. Blood poured out of her mouth running down her chin._

"_I think I told you not to do something stupid." She said her before she ran out of breath, and even in the dire situation they were in she couldn't help but snort._

"_And you shouldn't have got shot."_

"_You should have left me there." "No." The word was cold and decisive._

"_Don't be stupid. Go. They are already surrounding us. I am already dead. Don't get yourself in jail for nothing. Go" Her words were pained and almost unhealable under the noise of the police sirens and yells. Considering the voices were too close she moved a little and fired two bullets aimlessly towards them._

"_I am not leaving you."_

"_Are you a fool? You can't save the same life twice. I have lived my life and it was fine now go and live yours."_

_Every word was just another crack to the bleeding surface of her heart. Hearing her friend say this, seeing her eyes lose focus, knowing that there was no way to escape or save her, just made everything crumple and the cold wall that surrounded her became dust._

"_No. It can't end like this Dee. No please don't go." She knew she was crying. She felt the tears so foreign on her face. So hot and wet, like the desperation was pouring out of her already. But those were nothing compared to the hurricane she was feeling. Hopelessness and guilt, desperation and sorrow on top of everything pain. Like a raging fire and a searing coldness._

"_Don't ..look so pathetic…now. I am still here. I ain't going...yet."_

_She laughed at the absurdity of her words, but there was no happiness behind it. Just brutal acceptance._

"_What's your name?" She said and when Dee made no move, she pressed the wound harder. "Dee what's your name!"_

_Her eyes opened once more, but her gaze wasn't fixed but looking somewhere she could only see._

"_D…Deiene Navarro." Her breaths were shallower and less frequent. "Hated...it." She laughed imaging a small Dee in school being called Deiene and telling someone to fuck off._

"_You?"_

_She sniffed her nose and tried to imprint every expression of her face in her mind. She felt everything as a gigantic clock, every living thing absorbed in it, in a vortex until one fact became real. That her friend would no longer be alive._

"_Alethea Tessa Denson. The first name was my mom's wish. The second was my father's. All my life I had been Tessa the puppet, but with you I was Alette the human being."_

_De swallowed hard and for a second she felt her breathing cease and panicked but then she coughed and breathed another ragged breath. _

"_Your…mother...was...more...f-fucked...up…than…m-mine." And she had too laugh because her friend even now was her sarcastic self. Even dying and shot and in pain she was still Dee and she knew she will forever be Dee._

_She heard footsteps and rapidly fired other three bullets to the police men who dogged them and yelled back. She didn't care. She just wanted to hold them off until…until it was enough._

"_Please don't leave me." She felt so fragile and stupid for saying that. Like she was in a bedroom once more and her mother hugging her. Like the world will shift and everything will be broken down once more, this time completely and she will be thrown into the darkness she had struggled to leave. She didn't want to live in a world without her light._

_Dee watched her, her and only her as her brown eyes focused on her and a slight furrow appeared to her face, the furrow she always made when she said something absurd._

"_Don't…be stupid. I a…am not leaving you. Just...taking...a break. I will be…back." As she fought words a limp hand was raised and placed under her bloody hands that pressed on her wound._

"_This is just…b-bad…l-luck." "No it's my fault! "she wailed as she was the one in pain and dying. In a way she was. "If I had been more careful…or chose another place..."_

"_S-st-top. It—s not. S-so stop" She inhaled and whimpered until determination crossed her features. "Listen. D-don't...you…ever bla-me yourself. Not…you…Please…ba-by-y…ke—ep. Fighti—ng…Don-t g-ive. U-p. The-y can'-t brak-e. You-u."_

"_No I won't. I won't ever give up Dee. I promise you. I swear."_

"_G-od. Lo-ve. You."_

"_Love you too." She whispered but it was already too late. _

_It wasn't dramatic or ceremonial. She didn't feel any spirit or a force swiping out and leaving this world. Or a hand soothing her. She just felt a hand go limp, loud breaths ceasing and eyes going dull forever watching the sky over her shoulder._

_There was no ceremony or meaning in Deiene Navarro's death. Only pain, questions and a tragic need for medicine. _

_She didn't fight the pain back anymore. She didn't cry either. She felt her body as limp as hers, and it was almost comical how no crack was heard when her soul broke in half and heart snapped, a cut so deep that will take an eternity too stop bleeding. She wanted to wail to curse, to cry, to clutch her friend. She did neither, just placed a hand on her check and felt it so smooth and warm. She felt dirty but it was the same. It a weird to believe she wasn't just sleeping and will wake up and ask her for no 'lezbo moments' then laugh._

_She almost chuckled imagining it. Then she touched her eyelashes and memorized every nuance in her brown eyes. Slightly darker to the pupil, a little green spot to the white. So beautiful and expressive, now motionless. She closed them and placed a kissed on her forehead. It was hot, and free of any frown. For a second she let herself believe that Dee now knew every nuance of her pain and affection._

_Then she raised her head and gave her friend one last look. She almost looked like she smiled. She smiled back, but she knew her smile wasn't as enigmatic or serene as hers._

_Then hands grabbed her, and she met the ground, and she knew that her little freedom was lost forever._

_-\\\-_

_She was in an interrogation cell. A chair. A table. A lamp. And some walls._

_Of course there was the wall of glass were several people analysed her. She didn't care. She wasn't going to tell them anything. She knew what awaited her, but for some reason she found herself watching everything with cold detachment. Maybe it was shock. Maybe her emotions had been cut along with Dee._

_She moved a little and the handcuff on her right hand clanged. It was painfully tightened but she didn't care about that. Pain was numbed if not completely gone._

_They took a break after several hours. She didn't crack. Didn't return any cold glances. Didn't weep and confess. Just mostly stared and answered monosyllabically. Why would she say something? All the words she had to say had been said behind a car between shots._

_She felt them before entering. The sound of footsteps. And voices. Then the door behind her opened. She didn't move. They were back._

_She knew her accusations. Robbery. Attacking officers. She even shoot one. And another one apparently. Flee from police. Attacked the police. Used a gun._

_She knew the places they talked about. Penitentiaries until she turned major and then prison. She was lucky if she was out in her 30s._

_But this time she smelt something. It wasn't he smell of coffee or cigars, a thing she longed for, or even the bad cologne._

_There were new smells like a woman's perfume and a man's expensive cologne. So familiar and yet more foreign than anything._

"_Is this the girl?" a voice asked. She didn't know when she had found his identity. Maybe she knew it from his footsteps. She noted how it was colder, more inflexible than it had been. Also from the way it sounded seemed like he frowned. Of course, he wouldn't know it was her. She hadn't had a bath in months, her hair was a mess, she smelled, she was covered in so much dirt and blood that she could as well be the asphalt. She defiantly wasn't wearing dresses or skirts or heels. Just some bloody and muddy t-shirt and some sort of shorts and snickers._

"_Yes Mr. Denson." The officer that had interrogated me replied. His voice so subdued and meek. Fucker, she wanted to spit him. She was surprised to see herself getting angry. Anger was something, and she hadn't felt anything until know._

_She also could guess whom the feminine and polite voice belonged too._

"_Can you let us alone?" After a pause a door was heard and then quiet. Nothing moved, nothing changed. She was still facing a wall. But besides the neon's buzz there were two breaths that had not been there before. _

"_Tess sweetie? Is that you?" Geneviere's annoying voiced asked on the same high pitched tone she had used before. 'Nothing had changed huh, you still can't say my name right. I am fucking Tessa you…'_

"_Of course it's her. You can tell by that mass of hair and air of rebellion she has."_

'_Air of rebellion? Fucktard I was anything but a rebellious child.'_

"_Tessa Denson. Explain yourself immediately." The same imperative voice. The same tone. But there was no fear. When he us that tone on her she shook in fear and told him everything trying not to stutter. Now there was only a hint of surprise and a lot of amusement. Explain yourself? Like she had been taking a walk in the park after curfew. Or eaten something that was not in her diet. She had been fucking arrested and this was what she was telling her?_

_She laughed. Amused and whole heartedly laughed. She bent over her table and her laugh was so loud it banged on the worlds and came back in wave, and tears were in her eyes, and her stomach hurt._

"_Explain myself? Oh, dad I never have thought you were always asking questions this stupid before. Of course before you only made me fear for myself and question my safety so I never asked many questions."_

_She wiped a tear with her left palm as her laughs died down. It was hilarious. Everything. The twist of fate. She had run away from them, from that life and here she was shoved back in it. It was worse than death and any prison. Any life sentence. She could feel the tinge of madness, the desperation the thought brought with, the same feeling that made her cut her arms and crush her car and want to die and not be able to breath because of the feelings she had been storing in. But she pushed them aside like flicking off a switch. There was no need for that._

"_You haven't seen me for over a year and that's what you tell me? Sorry I forgot the groceries."_

_She heard it before it came. The same palm struck her as it did many times before. But it wasn't as before. Before I would have tried to fight back tears and not concentrate on the pain. Now it felt like tingling. After she had fought on the streets and had the crap beaten out of her he thought this was going to control her?_

"_Hitting a chained girl? Wow that's bitchy even for you!"_

"_You will not use this tone or words in my presence!" he boomed. The same imperial and commanding voice. Instead of fear and respect in brought fury._

"_Or what? You're gonna struck me again? Go ahead fuck-head. Hit me. Beat me. Spit me. Insult me. Yell at me. See if I give a fuck about you, about your life. I hate and hated you for or my life and didn't even know it was hate. You made me lose my mind and feel like I was just some sort of toy you played with! Go ahead and try to do that again. Come closer and maybe I'll shove one or two of your fingers in your butt for that. I have beaten guys stronger and bigger than you. I am fucking arrested I don't fucking have any morals left. And you know what? It just makes me proud because it means I am far away from the ape you tuned me into…"_

_His fist slammed the table and finally she caught a glimpse of him. White suit. Perfect hair with some streaks of grey in it. The same cold eyes._

"_You will stop this now. You have no idea the trouble you have caused me."_

"_I have caused you trouble…"_

"_Yes you infamous ungrateful…"_

"_Now don't fight." His arm doll came into he conversation._

"_And why not? I ain't going anywhere and this over-due. Why should I stop myself from thinking and breathing because it makes things hard for him? Why should I care."_

"_Because he is your father…"_

"_I would prefer if it were otherwise."_

"_Believe me with a daughter like you I will want otherwise. I hope that maybe somehow in that accident..."_

"_I have died. Very lovely. Me too but unfortunately I didn't" Thanks to Dee. "But nothing makes me a lesser being than you..."_

"_How dare you?! Arrested and runway..."_

"_You fucked your secretary and married her!"_

"_And she was 10 times a better woman than your mother" he yelled back._

"_Don't you d re say that. My mom was a kind powerful and nice lady…"_

"_SHE WAS A WHORE!" he yelled and the anger and hate in his eyes made her words die in her throat. Also the way he had said that made her skin crawl and the hair on the back of her neck rise. What did he mean….?_

"_She was just a whore that sleeping with his assistant and had no decency in that marriage. For years before and after our marriage, she had slept with her assistant! She had no morals or regard for family, only marrying to keep her plans running! And when I have found that she only ran away! Saying that I was at fault for her decision! She ran away and crashed her car into a tree so she wouldn't deal with the aftermath of her actions! She was a coward and a whore and anything but a lady. The mother of yours you are so keen in keeping in your memory pure and perfect was worse than my secretary. I wasn't married when I married her and she is a fine woman not that you know anything of this. Your looks and actions are everything alike hers. Just a mirror of the…"_

"_And you hated me for it. For looking like her. For reminding you of her. That's why you tried to practically suffocate me for the sole reason that I was reminding you of her!"_

"_Enough of this madness Tessa!" He plopped in the chair in front of her and for a second looked genuinely tired. She shoved back any guilt or remorse. He dared to look tired?!_

"_You will come home. You will attend the school we say. You will not go out. You will not run away. You will act decent and mannerly. I need you to be my daughter because one mistake now and it will ruin everything."_

_Fury ignited her making everything disappear for the man in front of her, for his arrogance just hating him for trying to shove her back in that life once again. It was so primal and powerful, as she was a wild animal ready to go for his throat. Her handcuffs dug painfully in her arms and the table shook from her fury._

"_Fuck off; what makes you think I will do that…"_

"_Or else your little friends in Detroit will suffer. I am running for Senator. I am a public figure. If you embarrass me or make lose the place, the sole reason being your existence, be sure that every soul there will get punished and that place you had been hiding in for so many months will be erased from the face of the earth. Don't say I can't do it, I have the money and connections. So, you will come home and take your place. You will do as you are told if you have anything worthy back there. You will get a backstory that you will say in front of every camera and this adventure and everything will be very well hidden."_

_She was speechless as bomb after bomb was dropped. Senator? Him? God save the world he would build. Also the threat to her friends and family made her stomach clench painfully. There was no way she could ignore that. He was right she would have run off the next second. She had no regard now for his fury or retaliation until now. But she knew that her friends did. She thought of Bony that had helped her and welcomed her there. Of the other girls, from the small Mary and clumsy Luu and stupid Agnes, to Dee. Dee would have done everything to protect her family. And she would too._

_Without realising she had sloped in her chair. This was too much. This wasn't fair., Suddenly everything that had happened waved on her and took her breathe away. Her friends. Her home. Police. The eyes of the officer. Yells of pain. Blood. Her father. Blackmail. Threats. And Dee, Dee everywhere. Her words. Her eyes. Her limp body. _

_Tears came to her eyes and she couldn't have stopped them. Tears that turned t sobs as pain erupted in her so powerful that every breath felt like drowning and her body felt foreign alike to a torture instrument. She felt the sweat. The fear. The guilt. The sadness. And pain, again and again, pain._

_If breathing felt like drowning, on the inside she was a swelling ocean, that filled every gap and place of her being until everything too much to bear, and her life was pushed to the walls that will never be breached, squeezed with agony and grief, forever caged in that tiny place._

_She knew shock had lifted off and that everything will go way somehow but nothing could ameliorate the hurricane ragging and destroying her. Pain was such a relative term. In the past he thought she had felt the strongest pain she could ever feel. The emotions ragging in her now proved her wrong and every God she believed in and cursed her humanity and feelings for making her be crushed like this._

_She had had a home, and friends, and light an reasons to live. She had experienced happiness and freedom. She had joked, she had loved, she had felt kindness. Everything in such dire situations and such a short time, always lined with pain and loss and missing. But that only had made them more real. And now she had to been clamped again into that whole of nothingness that her life had been?_

'_No, you stupid.' She could almost hear Dee and feel her punch. No, she could not be stuffed in there. She was no longer that stupid little girl that shook in fear of her father's shadow. She no longer knew only desperation and loss. There was no way to be clamped in there as long as she knew she had already broken free._

_They could take her back. They could make her wear their smiles and eat their food and show their clothes and say their words. But she knew who she was and how the alternatives were. Dee told her not to give up. She had always believed in her. Dee could never have been defeated so easily by some ghosts._

_She could fight. She had the guts to shoot a man and move forward for her family. She could sacrifice herself once more for them._

_She looked up and saw his digested face. Next to him was now Genevieve, her face looking pitiful. 'I hate you. If I am so pathetic to need your pity I might as well die.'_

_She looked up at them and analysed. Think. How to dissemble this alarm._

_He was also in a bad position. He needed her to cooperate which meant he was willing to sacrifice. He wanted his power. He wanted their safety._

"_That won't work." Her voice was firm and unwilling. "You'll want me to cooperate and look like your happy daughter. You'll want me not to tell my story to others."_

_He raised an eyebrow. This was the first time she talked to him as if she was an equal, as if she was as alive as he was. Of course, she didn't know how to speak like this before since Dee told her to shake herself 'from that brainless zombie state'._

"_If you want me to do that fine. I won't run tell or act I any other way than you expect me to. I remember those rules. But that means I have my own conditions." She eyes him. He nodded. He was doing business. Discussing his future._

"_You'll swear you're leave Detroit alone and the people from there. We are living in New York so that shouldn't be a problem. You will send some supplies monthly and some money to some people. Also you will place in orphanages some girls. You will never touch anyone living there and won't inquire of my actions from that period."_

"_You mean your thievery. How do you think I found you?" She cursed inwardly but shrugged it off on the outside._

"_At home I will get to walk and go to school alone. No more crappy valet watching me and driving me to places. If I befriend someone, you have no word in it. I will get a computer which is not being spied upon. Don't worry I won't publish articles I just want to read my gay porn quietly. I will, as before, be present only at public gatherings or parties. At home, I am allowed to be left alone. Also no more deciding my wardrobe or wearing skirts and dresses when not necessary. That means at home and school and everything that is not a special event. My aspect, as long it is presentable is my own."_

"_Is that everything?"_

_She thought a little. No it wasn't. She was discussing the terms of her lost freedom. But she knew if she would take it too far will mean she wouldn't get anything. She hated every part of it, but that was a price she had to pay. For Dee._

"_Yes."_

_He watched her and she didn't flinch. She wasn't afraid of him anymore. She despised him but not feared. She felt fear when her friend had been dying. When the cops entered that pharmacy. This wasn't fear._

"_Fine. If that is all to buy you so be it. You wills save your friends little asses, and I will send them some supplies. Not too often, though. You will respect me and listen to my…"_

_And he proceeds to tell her her duties and what she will do and do not. Just as a business affair. She felt like she was selling herself. This was what slavery felt like? She knew it was harsh and stupid and others would have killed to be in her life, but she did not. She wanted to be able to throw rocks in a river and know the person cursing next to her was caring and loving her._

_Sadness and emptiness overwhelmed her. She knew this was how she would feel every time thinking about her. Nobody could make the loss go away. But she had to stuff it back and move forward. If life meant she had to steal or smile at parties, she will do it. Not willingly but because she had to._

'_We are not the sum of our sins.'_

'_Thank you, Dee.'_

* * *

_5 months later an article was published. Just before the snow started to fall. A month before a birthday._

_**Car crash. Student involved. Daughter of Senator Denson.**_

_**Suicide.**_

_**There had been only 5 months until she followed Dee into nothingness.**_


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

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**A.N. Hey there good fellas! Long time no hear since I hadn't had a proper AN in the previous chapter. First I must thank you, all of you for being the best and sticking around with my awkward story. Also I want to thank to anyone who had started following me in the meanwhile or commented or just stuck around. You are the best and I don't lie when I say things like these aren't possible without you. Any story is for the readers, so this is for you too. I'll cut this short here but I warn you I might write a novel about my novel at the bottom. You rock!**

**Also with that flashback you could say like the first arc of the story is over (even though when I started I decided against grouping chapters in arcs). The next chapters might still be more dialogue than anything, and then we'll go on with the timeline. Extra chapters where things are explained are needed so sorry if you were expecting just to go and roll through episodes and manga chapters. Things might take a while until they hit the fan once more.**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional! Seriously I am just horrible and too impatient to properly edit stuff.**

* * *

_Alette's P.O.V_

For the first time in a month, I enjoyed nothingness. A sweet, beautiful and not at all demanding nothingness. A part of my mind wondered why not every time I slept was like this, but I ignored it, letting myself be washed away in the exhilarating feeling of nothing. No pain. No sorrow. Just void and rest, so welcoming.

Of course, things such as a heavenly rest can't last for people like me. I felt the shift, slow but recognisable. Emotions and thoughts started to penetrate the complete darkness I was floating into, their nagging feeling cracking my protective sphere. Light started to poor through the cracks, blinding me, bringing fear, worry and panic that made me want to remember and run away in fear from everything. No, no more. Just let me rest.

But thoughts have their own will and most of the time they want to be heard. Images started to flutter in mind. A boy. A red cloak. Rain. A hand. A man. And pain mixed with confusion. A suit of armour. A will to protect. Guilt. Dizziness. A feeling of power. And finally golden orbs, molten sun looking dull with hopelessness.

'Ed! Al! No!' my mind screamed as their smiling faces started to disappear, washing away to the wind. 'No. You have to live! I fought so you can live!' I started running trying to reach them, wanted to scream not to go or give up, as they had been my hope and when hope itself gives up how can the world continue moving on?

No, they had to live. They were supposed to live!

I woke up with a scream. All at once, the reality feeling as foreign as the panic running through my veins and the dull ache of my heart. I didn't register anything but the single thought that I had to protect them.

"Ed! Al!" I yelled trying to see, as my eyes adjusted in seconds to the world around me, the danger that could take them away. But there was no danger here, or darkness or roads or damp air. It was a room. The contrast between my memories and the present created disorientation, making my whole body freeze in shock. Then hands pressed on my shoulders, gentle but firm, soft yet rough, trying to push me down back into the lying position I must have been staying, soothing words finally reaching my ears.

"Shh. They're ok. They are fine. Look. Everything is ok. They are fine."

I was perplexed by the situation I was in. It wasn't right. I was fighting. I was fighting for Ed and Al, and then Roy. And I almost died…

I turned around at Riza, my expression unguarded and registered her features softening when she saw my frightened face. Her hands never left me and started running up and down my arms to my shoulders in calming strokes trying to make the panic I was feeling go away.

"It's ok. Everything is ok." She repeated slowly while her brownish eyes bored into mine, her words warm and slow as trying to make a small child understand the monsters under her bed didn't actually exist. But how? When? Why...

One of her hands reached up and cupped my cheek gently, her touch hesitant as trying to handle a small porcelain cup.

"They are ok. Look." And as she said that she moved my head to look to the front of the room, only to meet a pair of suns watching me with evident worry and caution. Ed.

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding as I let my gaze slip over his small frame and saw that everything was ok. Besides his right arm and his defensive stance. Next to him was a bundle of white and grey, but for me it was one of the most precious things in the world. Al. I could see his head, arm, and some parts of his body exiting the corners of the box he had been put into. A very trashed Al, but Al nonetheless. Watching them watch me, feeling Riza's hand on my cheek and shoulder keeping me upright, I felt sheer relief invade me, melting away everything in this way and making my body go limp. They were ok. They weren't leaving.

As the feelings died down, I could see the room and surroundings better, and my sense of observation kicked in. We were in Mustang's office, and I was lying on one of his couches. Behind me was Riza, and somewhere to my feet was a man wearing glasses and a slight scruff on his cheeks, leaning forward to get a better look of me. It took me a second as I have never seen him before up close but I knew who he was. Maes Hughes, Roy's best friend. I eyed him carefully seeing his jade gaze analyse me it swept over my almost lying body. On the other couch, were other two men watching me with different levels of worry and ….suspicion? The blonde-haired person was Jean, this time without his cigar, his blue eyes shining with uneasiness, next to Breda, which looked more confused than anything else. Right besides them leaning forward trying to catch my eye was Fuery that even in this situation kept his puppy excitement.

Turning around I saw that behind my own couch was Falman looking serious and stiff holding tightly a black envelope. A little further was Major Armstrong that looked more imposing than any man I had ever seen. For a second my mind stopped working processing a single thought 'He is a giant'. Then I met his eyes and in their azure depths, I saw only kindness and worry for me. Somehow, my brain pulled the information that this was the first time meeting him, but his expression looked closer to one you give to an injured friend. I felt a wave of pleasurable heat and gratitude towards the tall man and his sincere sentiments for me.

Lastly, I moved my body as I was looking behind me and eyed the black haired man, which was staying in his usual spot at that stupid desk, arms crossed as whenever he thought intensely on one matter. Roy looked as worn out as I felt and his obsidian eyes were surround by violet circles. But that detail was long forgotten as I made eye contact with him. If everyone else felt worried or confused and even concerned, Roy's eyes were burning coal. A feeling of protectiveness and belonging emanated from him, making my stomach clench at its intensity, the questions in there crossing the boundaries of worry and matter. I didn't know how to filter or digest something like this so I adverted my gaze shamefully, not being able to hold his look anymore.

"What happened?" I asked not bearing the silence where everyone was assessing me. I tried to remember. There were images but nothing clear.

"You don't remember?' the man standing at my feet asked. Maes. "You fought Scar and protected Ed and then you started crying and passed out." His expression showed his confusion but I didn't register it.

Scar. A man with olive skin and silver hair, and the ugliest looking jacket that ever existed popped into my mind. Then everything came one after another. My vision. Ed lying on the pavement giving up. The fight. The exhaustion and pain. My curses towards Roy's foolishness. Me almost dying again.

And memories.

I didn't have time to react when the memory came back. And with them, the knowledge of what really made me faint back then. It wasn't because of the battle. Or me dying. Or trauma. But the memories. They flooded me all at once, feelings of 14 years all shoved to me in spawn time of only seconds. As they settled in once more, my breath became shallow, and I felt my heart starting to pound blood faster in my veins as my muscles tensioned.

This was no after math of a battle. This was the after math of a life. My life.

I clutched my head instinctively as the emotions overwhelmed me once more. But now they were more individual, each memory popping up with its emotion. The loss of my mother. The fear of my father. The hate for my family and life. The happiness coming from freedom. The coldness I felt when shooting. The guilt when remembering. The pain of the beatings. The touch of madness. My Death. Truth.

From all those horrible things that came crashing into me wave after wave, the memories from when I saw him were the most frightening. Seeing and talking to Truth, being in front of the Gate, being swooped in it, were things I would never want to repeat yet I was bound do them again and again every time I feel into an unconscious state. I couldn't. Suddenly the room felt too much as my reality came forth chocking me mercilessly, and I was no longer a person but a caged bird by the idea of what I could have been. The burden of the past, the strangest of the present, the uncertainty of the future. All of it felt too much, so painfully much taking occupying every fibre of my body, claiming it, leaving me to shrink into the walls of my flesh cage.

"Are you ok?" Words snapped me out of the spiral of anguish, bringing me back to the present were a whole room of people was watching me as I fell apart under the pressure of my life. Funny thing, how such a small thing as life can make you wish again and again to be free of it, only to want it to come back to you as it was all taken away. I thought of the moments I was dead, the loneliness the hopelessness. There wasn't any excruciating relief in dying, only silencing your tie to the world. I could have chosen not to accept the deal. Oh God, I could have accepted not use lives for my own life. And now I was regretting it? Foolish, stupid, egoistic, idiotic, retarded, egocentrically bitch! I didn't even had the right to complain.

"Y-Yes." I managed to say. To my surprise, it wasn't faltered, as the world wanted to go back and pretend that the words I was saying were true. No, I wasn't ok, but I didn't have the right to complain. I was given too many chances and wasted all of them. Not this time.

Riza's hands cupped my shoulders, warm and protective and the surge or gratitude for that small gesture made my heart sink. As I was before, something like this would have gone almost unnoticed. Now it was as close to having been given the most extraordinary thing in the world. And in a way it was. I hadn't felt safe or protected or comforted for so long that the foreign feelings made my throat clench and eyes burn. At least one thing came back as I recognised my incapability to cry. Good, since I was already tired of being a cry-baby.

"Yes, just give me a minute." I continued stronger this time. "It's just too many things to process at once. I just need to think and…and sort them...and…maybe…" I stopped and bit my lower lip as another habit from my old life came back. The stuttering when being in a deep emotional state and the minimal coherence in my thoughts. It was so familiar yet so foreign. They didn't belong to me. Stuttering was from _there_, and _here _it felt wrong. I suddenly remembered Dee's words about hoping for me to lose my memory and see the beautiful person I could be. I wondered if she saw me like this, a person that could feel pain but still smile and move on, that could feel love and affection that could be brave and selfless, contradictory to the traits that had suddenly been thrown back upon me. My selfishness, fear, egoistic, stutter, insecurity. I felt like two different persons clashed horribly, unable to ever come to an agreement, and both of those persons were myself. It wasn't right in any words to feel something like this.

"Just give me a minute." I said after a long breath. And ignoring any protest I put my feet on the ground and raised myself up. My muscles stretched and contracted in the same beautiful pain they did when I have stayed too much in the same position, some bones cracking. Besides that, I couldn't really feel any sign of weakness, which was good news. In that fight with Scar I could have easily been hurt.

Thinking about the fight, I had a whole bunch of memories from my present and past life thrown at me as knives, each of them stabbing points painfully in me. Suddenly I didn't feel so sure of myself so I lowered myself on the old carpet next to the couch, letting my back lean on it, head thrown upwards.

Fuck. What did I do now? How could I possibly cope with this situation? For a second, a thought of gratitude went for Truth, and then fury and fear came. No way was I thinking about that. Or the fight. Or my father. Or Dee…Her name felt constricting sending to my chest painful waves of grief. Fuck.

"Jean?" I inquired without asking. My mouth worked on its own since I had disconnected myself from my brain and its ragging thoughts. I needed relief. I needed time to think. God I needed time to come up with an explanation for all of this. He responded immediately since I never called him by his name or without a stupid nickname. I didn't have time for them right now. "Could you give a cigar?"

The effect was instant as I felt eyes bulge out and gasps, and Ed starting to rampage and Hawkeye to protest, and Jean to refuse. Sod them, and their morals I needed the relief from tobacco and if that meant their morals were attacked they could go…I couldn't let myself think like this.

"I don't care what you are thinking. It's not like one of those things is going to kill me or it is going to be my first time smoking. I just need a fucking cigar to fucking smoke the thoughts that are piercing my fucking skull. So give me less of this bullshit and tell me if I have to go and steal my own fucking pack."

They stopped at my furious outburst. Right, my murderous and furious self didn't come out until now. Well with all the pent up crap I had been storing during my life, fury, as a secondary effect was understandable.

"Give her a smoke Havoc." Roy didn't flinch from his desk while studying all of us, his eyes piercing each of us carefully. I just turned myself to him and hoped I told him a muttered thank you before accepting the cigar a very reluctant Jean offered. I put it in my mouth feeling the usual rugged end and flicked the light he offered still reluctant and in one familiar move lit the cancer stick. Guess hypocrisy was my newest add to the list.

"Why? You…!"I turned my head to an enraged Ed, at the same time taking a small huff of smoke in my lungs. The effect was unpleasant as ever, the smoke irritating my throat and lungs, making myself want to cough and eliminate it. Instead, I took a bigger huff enjoying the burn I was feeling, how everything felt so wrongly full, how the pain in my chest took the pain that hid under it. Still keeping the eye contact, I exhaled, smoke coming out of my mouth and nostrils, grey, toxic and exhilarating, and for a second I thought my breath could make the world go away. It didn't. "You can't be serious about this Mustang! Are you just letting her smoke like this…?"

"Sod off, Elric." I cut him mid-sentence before he could make Jean feel guilty about this. "It's not your duty to keep my lungs intact or mind my habits. This isn't about you or your morals, it's about me and what I need to cope with my mind. Because it's fucking nasty. And if I require well you kind of were a cause of my lungs having trouble." My tone was icy cold, not the tiniest remorse or emotion showing into it. Another trick from my old life. Emotionless and cold tones were as familiar as breathing and airplanes. It was a low blow, and despicable of me, but I didn't really care at that moment. Only after I had seen Ed's hurt expression, his eyes showing shock and disbelief and heard Al's gasp I regretted for a second what I have done. I wasn't that person anymore, was I?

My answer was inhaling half of the cigar, and rejoicing into the feeling it gave. I just watched the white ceiling and thought how I could even start my story. How could I even come to understand it. Then my cigar ended and I just watched it light off and desired one moment of blankness before the questions came. As I expected Roy didn't want to disappoint me.

"You're accent is thicker." He observed and I was surprised these were his first's words. Yes, it was since I went back to my old British accent that I hadn't really used after I ran off from home. Living in an American community of homeless people really thought you an American accent.

"Yes, apparently I am suing the accent I had as a child. Hadn't really thought in it for a long time, but even know I can't feel the difference. I guess I might ask you whether it is the same for you."

He just eyed me carefully, as I had become a new threat, a wild animal ready to attack. I guess I was. But it still hurt coming from him. Especially him. I thought that in all this thing, maybe Roy could get at least part of it, and seeing him watch me so closely stung a cord in my heart I had thought it was numbed. Disappointment, a feeling new in my life, and yet so old. I had stopped having expectations from my family since they had started having expectations from me.

"I am the same person as I was Roy." I added not being able to let his eyes watch me like this anymore. Liar, my inner voice called. "Or so I think."

"You had got your memories back." An affirmation. I just nodded nonetheless. I got them and I wanted them to burn to ashes as I danced in my tribal outfit and chanted my feelings into the wind.

At this, I felt the atmosphere shift somehow into the room. I recognised the feelings. Confusion. Curiosity. Disbelief. I just wanted to crash in some bed.

Roy moved in his chair, leaning backwards in it, his eyes still on me. I prepared mentally for what I knew it would come.

"Mind telling us about you?" My first instinct of self-preservation was to say no, of course not. Then I ringed and I thought about their kindness and what had they offered me. They had been the closest thing to family and friends I had had in this world and mine. God this was going to suck ass.

"Fine." I capitulated. "But I need another smoke for this. And I don't think you would believe me anyway."

"That is a matter for us to see." But he still nodded towards Jean who offered me another cigar as conflicted as before. Apparently in this world kids didn't smoke.

"Fine. I'll tell you as much as I can and I can make out of my memories which right now are just a pile of junk that are messing my head up." Roy didn't move in his chair. My speeches never impressed him. I eyed the other people in this room after thinking the obvious. Was my story for their ears too?

"I trust everybody in this room indefinitely. You can speak freely." he added seeing my hesitation. Stupid, my story was for no one's ears. With a huff of smoke, I capitulated.

"Oh Goddamn every God that exited and exists. Fine. I'll tell out. First I'll start for the basic shall we since introduction were long overdue." I inhaled deeply bracing for my words.

"My name is Alethea Tessa Denson, but I don't want myself to be associated with any of those names, so just call me Alette. Don't bother noting those down Roy. I was born on 17 December in a cold of the year 1997." I saw their faces as my words settled in, slowly changing from one to another. Confusion, incredulously, more confusion. I inhaled ending my second cigar and tossing the bud on the table carelessly. I exhaled, counting from three and then said the words that would decide my faith and change their view on me.

"On the other side of the Gate."

I didn't really know what I had expected to happen. Gasps, accusations, some kicks. But definitely not silence and not a confused one, for Heaven's sake. I watched Jean, Breda and Havoc confused, their faces frowning slightly. I then rose up and looked behind me at a slightly thoughtful Riza and an even more confused Maes. Then there was Falman noting something on his envelope, his face frowning. Armstrong just eyed me, closing his mouth and opening it again, looking as he wanted to ask something. I was stupefied. How could they not get me? I then turned to Roy, which had a similar face plastered on his features his eyes still on me trying to decipher what I was talking about. He was an Alchemist. He knew about Ed and Al! He had to catch my meaning!

With a tinge of hope and fear, I finally turned to the last two persons in the room. They had to get it. I knew they would, and as soon as I met Edward's shocked eyes and bewildered expression, I knew they got it. He was watching me almost terrified, his face frozen in a mask of pure shock. I knew his brother was close to something from the silence that came from the trashed armour. I stared to the siblings waiting for their reaction, feeling as a criminal in front of his jury. And then Ed's mind kicked in and he just asked

"How!" the word was both a request and command. I sighed and walked towards them.

"To be honest, I don't know. I didn't even know words were connected this way or that this was as real as my world."

"As real as your world? What the heck do you mean by that!" he yelled his fiery self-returning after the shock washed off. I suddenly became meeker, standing on a more defensive ground. He had the right to yell that at me. Hell, if a character came and told me I wasn't real I would have a hard to me coming around it. Which only made me regret my world. Fullmetal Alchemist was just a story. A way to enjoy yourself, a way to evade. But here it was reality. The feelings, the events, the atrocities, everything came to life and it was all so new and impossible to imagine. Everything was as real as I was, and it just felt wrong to even say that any of the pain someone in this room had felt and experienced, in my world was just fiction. It was so wrong and twisted it made my stomach twitch and turn.

"My world is different Edward." I continued ignoring his second question. "Everything is so different that maybe you won't be able to imagine it. Alchemy doesn't even exist. We had no way of doing something close to what can be done here. So the Gate was inaccessible to every one of us."

"Then how did you end and..."

"I didn't finish my introduction. I was born in December 1997 and I had died on 5 of November 2014."

A new silence fell over the room as my macabre words were being processed.

"You died? Then how..?" I turned to Roy which had spoken his voice confused. I didn't really blame him, this wasn't really a situation easy to process.

"Yes. In a car crash. A month before the age of 17. Seen my funeral and all of that. To be honest, at first I thought I had been cast on limbo as penance or anything like it. Then something happened. This voice spoke into my mind and told me that my death had been granted as I had wished for it. In a way, I did, but I wanted to escape, not to stop existing. So I took the deal and had been sent here through the Gate, as the voice in my head was actually the Truth speaking. He had my memories taken away, but somehow I got them back after battling Scar."

I silenced myself. I didn't want to get I more confusing matters as that I still had no idea how I got my memories since the deal was still on. Or how I had sacrificed a Philosopher's Stone to come here. Or how that I was a half-being, half-body half-soul, and I still had no clear idea what was that. Or if I was able to use alchemy. Or if I had made any changes but coming here….but what changes could I have made.

As soon as I thought about the future I realised that I had no idea what will happen, only slight impressions like something really bad and good. What? How? Truth…

"Wait a second. You died?! And Truth had sent you through the Gate?!" Edward exclaimed.

"How does that work? Are our worlds parallel since the Gate connects them? Is it able to go thought the Gate and end on the other side?" Al intervened suddenly very animated. I got their curiosity and all but this was just getting more confusing.

I just got up and started pacing.

"I don't know guys about this, I just found out when I woke up it's not like I put much thought into it. When I got my memories back after the fight, it was overwhelming. Like a tsunami or something like that. There was no thought, just feelings and I was swept in them without really having a choice. Now everything is like a mess hurling inside my head, and there are so many questions and so little answers it's driving me insane." As I was talking I started gesticulating energetically around me.

"I guess it's something more like that you can pass through the Gate and get to my world but to go from my world to yours it would be more complicated since we have no alchemy."

And that there were some shocked gasps. Did they only catch that now? Haven't I said this before? Guess I wasn't the only one with my brain on slow motion. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"No alchemy? Then how..."

"How can your society evolve?"

"Are there any compensatory fields…"

"HOLD IT! Too many questions, too much information. We evolved more on the scientific part, and also mechanical part. Our technological advance is much more ….advanced than this world had encountered in all fields. But with no alchemy there is no Gate. Also, there was no case of Gate passing before, only it was suggested in the 2003 series in which you did it, but that was another deal than what happened here…"

"Hold it! What do you mean by this!" many voices asked and I saw that the four alchemists in the room were so involved in whatever I told them about my world. I almost smiled at that understanding their enthusiasm and curiosity. But then any happiness faded.

"In my world Fullmetal Alchemist and alchemy are just stories. Everything that is here in my world is just a story."

At that, the room was effulged again in silence. I understood them. I just reduced them from living and breathing and feeling persons to people that existed in fiction, and told them that their world for me had just been made up. How could they not be mad at me and despise me? I have watched, and in a morbid way enjoyed their suffering, extracted some lessons from it and called it a day. But this was real, as real as me, or not as me since I didn't exist anymore.

"A story?" Al asked hesitantly..."In your world everything here is a story?"

I could almost see the 14-year-old boy shaking and trembling, the sight so real that it just broke my heart. It wasn't fair. Nothing like this should have happened. How many times have I wished to come into the FMA universe while watching Al and Ed? How many times foolishly I thought coming here will solve my existence and theirs? So foolish and arrogant of me, of course a person from my world coming into theirs was anything but a reason of joy. I just have told them that somewhere else they didn't even exist. That people enjoyed their hardship and struggle. How could I be so ignorant?

"I am sorry." I whispered. "I am just so damn sorry! Nothing is right! I am dead! As much as I want to believe otherwise, I am dead. And my world doesn't exist here and your world doesn't exist in mine! Nothing is real! My feelings, my existence, my thoughts! And I have messed your existence just by coming here and probably destroyed everything that was meant to happen just because I wanted to live some more! Because I couldn't accept me not existing. And look what I am doing!" As I let the words pour out of my mouth, I realized how much I believed them. I just have destroyed their lives even more. How could I expect anything besides hatred from them?

"Idiot." The word was so sharp that it made me snap away from my thoughts and concentrate on the reality. I looked up at Roy to see him getting up and walking towards me. "What do you mean that you are not real? Look at you how alive you are! Look at you how concrete you are!" As he spoke, his figure towered over me, the difference in height making me snap my neck upwards to meet his eyes. Burning dark coal. I was mesmerized by them. His hands gripped my arms painfully, his slender fingers digging in my flesh. "How can you say you are not real just because you come from another place? Are you stupid? The fact that you are breathing and thinking means that you are alive. As about messing our world more I invite you to do that. I don' think there is a possibility that you can complicate things more."

"Can you? Because I can't. I can only things that thing will get complicated and I will make them more awful!"

"So you can see the future?" Roy was genuinely confused by my words. I just shook my head helplessly.

"No, that I still can't do. That doesn't mean I didn't know it before! You were my favourite story and I knew everything about here. Now I can't remember a single goddamn thing from it but I still have this faint impressions of what it is going to happen. And I don't like it a bit! I don't know what this is or how to understand anything. The future is too uncontrollable!"

"And you mean to tell me that you only had realised that until now? I expected some more from the girl I took as an apprentice!" Roy just half-smiled and I wanted to smack him. Didn't he get how I may have destroyed everything and I didn't even know what I destroyed?! He was…

"Enough!" The voice made us stop fighting, as it did every time. Riza just raised herself from her seat and walked towards us, her gaze slicing us. "Are you seriously fighting like children about this? There are matters more urgent to attend to. The gi-…Alette's conditions can wait for later as her story. We have to tend to Alphonse and Edward which, if you can remember, are in a pretty bad shape." Her tone implied that we were idiots, and I wanted to smack myself. The two brothers' condition was more critical than mine was. Roy for a second looked ashamed and I felt a little better knowing that I wasn't the only one who got swept into this conversation. I grinned suggestively at him, and he glared back telling me to shove it. I just wanted to laugh at the normalcy of this routine, as unusual as it was but as Riza said, we had matters more urgent to look for. Still, I didn't quite get something yet…

"Wait, before we go to Ed and Al I need to clarify a thing. You all of you understood that I am not even from this world? And that I practically a walking corpse?"

Riza just turned to me still keeping her icy glare.

"I think you made that clear among all the things you mentioned before." She said, and her voice was close to sarcasm. That was surprising since Riza never used dark humour in her speech.

"No, but do you realise what all of this means. I am dead. And clearly I have nowhere to go. So what are you going to do with me? Tell me to go away? Kill me? Put me in an interrogation cell? Not to insult you guys but your react of proper response to my circumstances is at least unnerving."

And I was confused. I expected them to have a proper reaction or something, not just to scrub it away on the to-do list or as some random fact. I looked at them and saw different reactions: shook, maybe because of my words, confusion…

"Alette, I think I am talking for everyone when I am telling you that you are out of your damn minds if you think that any of those people will let you go away or abandon you." I was surprised since the words came from no other than Maes Hughes that until know hadn't talked or joined the conversation in any way. "As it goes this world of alchemy is just another freak show" he continued looking tired his face serious "but I know this world of ours. And I can say that no one here will do something as bad or drastic as to send you away or kill you."

I watched him and he watched me. It was a short battle, his will fighting mine. It came to me as a shock the realisation that maybe Maes Hughes was the most overlooked character in the history of characters since this fierce man in front of me was so different from the person I imagined him to be. I almost smiled at his fierceness and truth, if I hadn't felt like I had been gutted by my feelings.

"Of course you are right, Lieutenant Colonel. After all the trouble I caused daily, this place would be boring with you gone." I was shocked hearing another voice after I got so caught up in a staring contest with Hughes. I turned around disbelieving to a grinning Jean, which in the meanwhile had lit his own cigar. "But still if you go and smoke my cigars we might have a problem." He said teasingly before winking at me. I was speechless. How? Why…

"Well Havoc is right. It would be more troublesome to let you go away than keeping an eye on you here." interjected Breda, his eyes avoiding my gaze entirely. "Plus you still own me 20 bucks for that poker game."

"And you promised you'll help me repair the radio station." Fuery added his voice pitched higher from distress. I was aghast by their words. Suddenly everyone was declaring his or her wish for me not to go. Roy muttering about me still being a possible threat and keeping an eye on me. Falman muttering that someone had to keep Jean in place since I had the sharpest tongue. Armstrong ripping his short and starting to hug me tightly to his muscular chest talking about my courage, youth and the tragic outcome of my life, all while I was handled as a doll by his muscular arms. Of course, trying to fight my way out of his embrace was as futile as trying to stop my heart breathing so I just gave up as he continued his pompous speech followed by very emotional and manly tears. God help me, I had become a human tissue.

After I had managed to escape Armstrong passion, I just met Riza's eyes, her reserved gaze telling me all I needed to know. Then really surprising me she muttered something about seeing me at home. Suddenly everything became too much, their kindness, welcoming and loyalty making my once frozen heart twist painfully in my chest. God what was happening? Never had I experienced this welcoming and faith from strangers since Dee, but even then, the other had been a little reluctant in accepting me as one of their own. But this? This was full acceptance from everyone, and the new feeling made me want it to end and never stop at the same time. It was too much.

As I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest, my eyes met two golden ones as Edward was suddenly in front of me. I was already incapable of speaking so I stood there quietly searching his determined face as he studied mine. It was uncomfortable at least and it made me so self-conscious I wanted to speak just to make his scrutinizing eyes stop searching mine. As I was about to tell him to spill it or leave, he spoke.

"When you first met me you knew about me and my brother. The thing we did. You told me that you admired us. Our determination. Despite that, you are a person who refused death. I just wonder how someone like you can admire our determination."

I opened my mouth to speak but he didn't let me utter a sound.

"You say you are not real. That you don't want to be around any of us because of what you might do. Yet you saved my life back there. And again in Central. You've your precious life in danger too many times for me. Don't you dare say that you can't stay with us when you are more than willing to do anything to protect us." As he said those words, he spread his remaining arm and Havoc and Breda made some approving exclamations, while Al yelled some "That's right brother." After that, he just eyed me his face serious once more, this time much lower only for me to hear.

"I am sorry for acting that way to you. I had no right to say that to you. You would have done something to save Nina if you could…and I don't hate you." The last part was so hurried since the embarrassment got the better side of him. I just watched him shy away after such a declaration of non-hate. To my absolute delight, I saw that I was as good as before at avoiding possible embarrassing situations.

"What is the matter Ed? You might calm a little or you'll start sounding like one of those touchy feely girls."

That broke the serious atmosphere as Edward erupted in a yell trying to regain his masculinity and calling me ungrateful for not accepting his words, Al yelling helplessly from his spot to stop. And me? I just laughed, whole-heartedly laughed. The pain was still there, the thoughts as confusing as before and everything more tangled that it had ever been but for a moment, I let myself just feel grateful and rejoice the feeling of belonging.

After I had quieted down, I just saw their faces lit with endearment, and even Edward that was still recovering after I had called him small looked somehow serene. They were the closest things to family and friends I had ever had and God help me if I would let something happen to them. Determination bloomed in my heart as I decided I would somehow protect all of them from the future.

"Damn, if you aren't annoying." said Edward as he had enough of people calling him short. "I am not short…"

"I know. Yet it is more than amusing to call you that. Probably you'll grow up in a year and be taller than all of us, but until then you'll be some sort of short pineapple invisible to the world." As I said this, I could have sworn that his hair moved in repulsion to my words.

"Alette don't be so mean to brother. He really feels bad about his height." Al pleaded before any of us could make Ed have a stroke.

I chuckled at the warm, fuzzy, and family like atmosphere. Too bad that in times like this dark periods always gloomed behind circles of light.

I realised I may have not been the only one thinking about this as Roy cut the atmosphere by asking Ed and Al about their plans. I turned to them curious of their next move.

"Well since I am the only one that knows how to affix a soul and I can't really perform alchemy with one arm I guess we have no choice. We will just have to make a visit to that person."

"That person?" Mustang inquired clearly unamused by Edward's vagueness.

"My mechanic, of course." Ed answered leisurely. "Winry is so going to be upset you destroyed her automail brother." Al said making Ed shiver.

Wait a second. Automail. Winry. Before I had time to wonder, an image flashed in my mind of a young cheery blonde working in a dark room with tools plastered everywhere. He didn't mean to tell me he was going to meet Winry Rockbell, did he? A part of my brain was dying since I had asked a dumb question like this and the other one was excited with the opportunities. Before I realised what was happening I was in front of Ed eyeing him determinate.

"Take me with you."

"Eh? What do you mean?" he stuttered spooked by my sudden movement.

"You will take me to meet Winry Rockbell Edward Elric or that will be the last action on this world."

"Hold it a minute! What do you mean by that?! I can't possibly just take you with me…"

Well I was patient enough to wait for his reasons; the problem was my fist wasn't. Before he had time to end the sentence, it collided hard with Ed's face sending him backwards.

"Edward Elric. You will take me to visit your hometown or I will give you the beating you deserved after that scheme you had pulled with giving up on Scar. Oh boy believe I am still so pissed about that and if I hadn't had other matters on my mind the moment I have woken up I would have beaten your dumb ass for giving up like that, you stupid shite! Plus, you own me twice now. So I go with you." As I finished I just crossed my arms defiantly on my chest staring at the blonde that still hadn't got up after my punch. What I said was true, my fury and disappointment for Edward's stupidity in those moments was flaring my veins. Also I understood it all too well. After Nina, he had blamed himself and guilt always twisted people. I was the best example to that statement.

"No." I just closed my eyes briefly and counted from three before turning around and facing the man that had opposed my wishes. "And why the fuck not Roy?" I snapped already annoyed. "If you will give that threat bullshit I'll…"

"It's not about being a threat. This is the least of my concerns right now. The problem is Fullmetal can't use his alchemy, nor his brother can fight. He had already been targeted by Scar so any road in his state is tricky. He will definitely need an escort. That can be arranged, but the problem is when you come along. You had fought Scar and so had been targeted by him. He is an Ishabalen so you understand his hate for alchemists. If you go along the escort will have difficulties in protecting the three of you since you can't neither fight or use alchemy. Shorter, you'll be a package and incommodity them. Maybe risk their lives."

All the while he spoke he kept his business like tone, his eyes veiled. And with every word I shrunk back as his logic was indisputable. The problem was I wasn't the most logic person.

"What the hell you mean I can fight?!" I flared. "If you remember I fought Scar and I was doing fine before you swept you arrogant ass in and almost got killed you stupid shite. You deserve a scolding for that stunt there! I can do alchemy just fine you saw that!"

"Oh you can?" his tone was obviously mocking, as he quirked an eyebrow provoking me. "Then prove it!"

"Fine!" Still fuming I stormed to his desk and took one piece of chalk before drawing a circle. I breathed deeply before rushing a hand in the middle of that pattern. I did the same as before imagining matter bowing to my will transforming. Yet when I opened my eyes, nothing had happened.

What?...

I just glared at Roy, which smirked victoriously at me and tried once more. And again. And again. With the same result.

"What the actual fuck?" I snapped. How was this even possible?

"Umm…you know before you hadn't used circles or any special movement before transmuting." Alphonse intervened before I could start a pissing contest with Mustang. At that I blinked. If I thought about it, I didn't. I just had thought about it and did it. Also, there had been that flow inside me and the roads….

Blinking I realized how stupid I had been. All the times I had done alchemy, including Central was using that white thing flowing inside me. Excited I concentrated somehow inwardly, trying to reach that flow. To my extreme satisfaction, I did but it wasn't a flow any more. Actually, that white force (not tuning into Luke Skywalker, I swear) had almost died down completely, only the smallest flow running through me. As I opened my eyes, no lines or white roads appeared and I realised that most probably I had run out of my special gas. Perfect.

"I can't transmute either way." I gave up. "But I am still going." Like I had ever baked down from an idea before….after meeting Dee anyway.

"No you are not! You are staying here safely and you'll meet with the Elrics after they….they will get on their feet once again." Before I started protesting, he gave his final argument. "And didn't you want to learn alchemy? You can't do that while traveling. As you had proved today you can transmute, but we just have to figure it out."

Damn him for bringing this up. Of course, he put it this way I was staying. No way was I giving up on this. And I didn't really wanted to be a burden or endanger the brothers. Capitulating was never easy….

"Fine. Fine god-dammit I'll stay!"

"Good. Now escorting Fullmetal and his brother…"

The discussion was now centred on everyone dismissing themselves with lame excuses. Maes at least had been honest saying his skills weren't enough for the freaks running our show, letting Armstrong to candidate for the place alone since Roy had to stay in East City. I moved my eyes from Armstrong declaring to Ed and Al, very dramatically I may add, with plenty of physical contact, that he'll protect the 'young siblings' to let my gaze wonder on Roy. Just because I did give my agreement this didn't mean I wanted to go any less.

One thing was clear to me. My mind was a mess and I had to follow those two brothers.

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**A.N. First of all I hope you enjoyed. And sorry if I missed answering to some of your reviews I am trying to respond to anyone that is taking little of their time to say some words about my words. Now let's get to what I wanted to say.**

**Chapter 10 as you had seen it was quite dark. I never intentioned to create a tragic or a dark past to my character when I started this, but only from pain you gain something. I wanted to apologise for those of you that found any of the matters I had mentioned before (self-mutilation, child-abuse, thievery, run-away, death of a parent, dysfunctional families, abusing parents and so on) insulting or derogatory. I didn't write those with that intention. Also I had not experienced those on my own skin (don't get any idea that I am a self-pitying teenager or something like that). Mental scars coming from situations like this are a serious matter and I don't want people thinking I don't recognise their seriousness. Also I get that many of you could have biased opinions on that since Alette had turned down a way of life not many would and decided to be homeless. I don't expect for everyone to understand my character or support her decision. I expect somewhere in the future that some hate will come because of this. But I won't change my story because this is my character's past and as I was writing this (as wrong as it may sound) it was right. I would appreciate any comments regarding that chapter so I could understand where you stand, but that's it in the end. Also by saying this doesn't mean from now on I'll explain my reasons for writing in some way. I just will. That doesn't mean I won't use ANs to explain things where I thing an expatiation is missing. Thank you very much for reading. You're the best. **


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

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**A.N. Hey guys. Thank once more for the nice reviews and follows and views. They are just mind-blowing at times. I will cut this short since this week I had been sick and because of that I am more tired than usual. Thanks for reading and the support, enjoy!**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional.**

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_Alette's P.O.V._

_I wasn't surprised when I ended in this place. All roads crossed this point as my life crossed death in the same very place. To my mild surprise, I wasn't even mad this time. I was contemplative. And seeking answers._

_Truth was just watching me smiling. He wasn't saying anything at all and neither was I. I had so many questions. Why did I have my memories back? Did I have them all? No, I answered to myself. There was no way I had all my memories. Even though I was still confused, well mostly by myself, I could have sensed if I knew the future, and the thing it was I didn't. I had no idea of the events that were to pass in the Fullmetal Alchemist. Thing, which sent me back to my questions. Were the events altered? Did that mean the outcome was another? I had read fics back home in my world about people coming to their world and usually things were fucked up. Also what were Truth's reason? Why did I have my memories in the first place? What was that thing inside me? Why had I passed out before but hadn't come here? Why was I doing alchemy without any hands or circle? What were the lines? Actually, what the fuck was happening._

_Truth said nothing as my mind ravaged with questions and possibilities. I sighed tired and decided that I might try having one human conversation with this being. So I sat myself down on the white floor faced my Gate and Truth and waited._

"_You aren't lashing out." He remarked. I nodded. No I wasn't. I was having t many things running through my mind to fight him this time._

"_I have questions." I said carefully. If one thing was for sure, it was that a conversation with Truth meant walking on shaky grounds. _

"_Of course you have. Humans always ask and seek. The problem is the more they find the more confused they are."_

_I ignored his remark and addressed the thing that bothered me the most._

"_Why I keep coming here? Why I am here? Why can I use alchemy without a circle, without any circle?"_

"_So many whys and so little answers."_

"_What have you done to me?" I said putting all my will in the question. And I was wondering. I was a Halfling, yes but did that really mean. I knew I had some human characteristics and yet I was doing some things humans shouldn't have been able to do. Like my lack of sleep. Or my big appetite. Or even a strength unusual for a 16 years old. As questions and boiled in me I felt anger rising._

"_What game are you really playing? Why had you made a deal for me to forget everything just to give me my memories back? Why was I unable to transmute before and yet all of the blue I am transmuting with my mind alone! And the white roads, what are the white lines? Answer me dammit at least something! I have a right to know!"_

_My anger got the better of me and before I realised what I was doing I smashed my hand on the white nothingness. Damn him and his annoying secrets. Damn me and my helpless situation. Had I to figure everything on my own?_

_I watched him, trying to keep my temper in control. There was no use in fighting him. He wasn't spilling anything out that way. 'Please' I begged in my mind just some answers!_

"_I promised next time you'll have your memories" he finally said. I watched him confused what did he mean. As the memory came to me he continued somehow sensing my confusion._

"_The visit after the death of the human Nina and the dog Alexander. You said that you could've saved them if you knew. And I promised you that next time you wanted to save someone you'll know. I want to see what your human determination can really achieve. Call it a…curiosity." He even moved a hand on his chin mimicking a thoughtful position. I was baffled! More than baffled, I was completely shocked. It was the most human I had seen Truth look and act like. What was this?_

"_That is an answer to your question. But my dear Alethea, answers cost and what have you left to offer?"_

_He was mocking me. Damn him he knew I had nothing left. I didn't even have access or was a real human being. If I put it that way, what was I?_

"_When we made our deal you had bound yourself to the Gate. You needed a Gate to pass from your side to this. For that, I needed to create a Gate for you since no human in that world owns a Gate. Therefore the lack of alchemy in your realm. For that, I used a Philosopher's Stone. Yet it wasn't enough for you to pass through the Gate I had created from that. So what did I do?"_

"_Took half of my body and my soul."_

"_Exactly." And he smiled as this statement solved it all. That fucker!_

"_But what does it mean?! How am I walking, talking, breathing, eating? I am as human as I was before."_

"_Oh my sweet naïve human, are you human at all? Think for a second about you as whole; are you human? Are you biologically entering the requirements of the humans? Are you feeling as a whole at all? Are you even aware of what you are missing?"_

_I gulped down my nervousness as his words resonated in me as bad premonition. Was I human? I knew Roy made some tests on me but never really told me the results. I knew I didn't felt the cold, or that I had an appetite changeling a binge eater or that I didn't sleep. I recovered from everything so fast, Jesus how bad was I injured in Central? Edward looked so freaked when he first saw me yet I had put it on my charming personality. Could it have been because I had been dying again? What happened to me after the battle with Scar? How haven't I gone mad after all that baggage of bad memories had fallen down on me all at once?_

_God, how blind I had been? Concentrated only on what I was doing, I never even thought about myself or my position. I never even questioned my gift of foretelling or knowing things. Oh God, what was happening to my body, really happening every time I tried accessing my memories of the Fullmetal Alchemist universe? How I recovered from that?_

_I was shaking. I was in shock. This couldn't be happening. Living something and then realising it were two different things. _

"_What am I?" I said my voice failing me._

"_Nothing, Alethea. This is what you are. Neither human, nor a beast. You are just an existence bound to the Gate."_

_Before I realised I was next to him tackling him to the ground. My body had the same proportion as his. I knew that since before that the Truth took the appearance of the person in front of him but I was still surprised. _

"_What does that even mean?" I yelled in his grim face. "What does mean ?!" I repeated myself feeling savage. _

"_What are you willing to offer to know your answers?" the voice that sounded as all the voices I knew combined in a sinister harmony asked. "Are you willing to let me take more of you so you could find more? What do these things mean to you?"_

"_Everything you bloody thing. It's my life, my existence. I want to know what I am, what have you done to me, what your bloody deal meant from the start!" _

"_Reckless foolish thing. Be it as you wish!" _

_As Truth said that, he was the one grabbing my hands with his white ones and even though I was the one straddling him, I felt as I was completely dominated. Then the pain flared and I yelled._

_It was fire. It was pain. It was cold. It was electric. It was everything at once burning me, scorching me, devastating my insides and my soul. A metallurgical process forever destroying and recreating me. And I could do nothing to stop as the pain echoed to depths of my being and rearranged my core._

_When I came to my senses, I was lying on the ground. I barely could move myself as the reminiscent of the pain made my bones and flesh ache, as my head was buzzing painfully. I carefully lifted myself and I could only groan as I felt a well too familiar pain cut through my skull. What…?_

"_What have you done to me?" I tried to say but my voice was ragged and my throat hurt. How much had I been screaming?_

"_Reinforced the bound." I almost could sense his 'bitch please' tone thing that made me glimpse up to him. He was standing above me his eyeless face watching me._

"_You paid your toll. You'll have your answers. Now get up that was my spot."_

_I only looked at the Truth in confusion as he commanded me to move from the place he considered his spot. If Jesus came and invited me to play poker, I wouldn't have been more surprised. Carefully I granted his wish, as I crawled from the spot I woke up lying to. After I moved not so gracefully, Truth full of grace lowered himself in his trademark position. I just watched him surprised since the pain had mostly wiped everything in my mind._

"_You are allowed to five questions. Speak them up." He said unfazed. Good to know one of us wasn't feeling like…dying._

_I sighed at the thought. I had no reason to think he'll grant me more than 5 answers so I had to make every question count. So things might be categorised in things I might find an answer alone to and things that entered a void zone of what the fuck is happening. This wasn't easy._

"_What had you done to me?"_

"_Humans are so foolish, I had already answered that one reinforced the bound."_

"_You said that, I want more details. What is our bond?"_

"_Is that a question?" he inquired. I cursed I wasn't going to lose my questions on his games. Also I needed to know what this bond to the Gate really was._

"_Yes. What is my bond to the Gate?"_

_He hesitated for a moment then complied. _

"_The other half of you is here in the Gate. So you are bond to this place. This is why you visit this place so easily, since you are also here. You are me and I am you, in the truest sense."_

_I tried not to shudder at a very suggestive image in my mind. In another time or circumstances, this could have been romantic._

"_What did you do earlier?"_

"_Reinforced the bound to the Gate. I strengthened it by taking more of you and making it mine. A very insignificant amount, but enough to be an equivalent exchange. Everything has a price is your saying, isn't it?" _

"_You what?!" I yelled. How could he?! I started trembling in anger but he spoke his voice sounding disapproving._

"_Didn't you say moments ago that information was beyond anything? Make your mind human. In what do you really believe in? If I wanted you whole I would have taken you, but I need you there."_

_I shut my mouth still fuming, not because he was right. He indirectly offered me information by saying he needed me there. What did he mean by that? I decided to let it slip for the moment._

"_Fine. I don't say otherwise I need to know things. What is the flow in me? How I am able to access it?"_

"_I'll pretend this is the same question." I rolled my eyes at him. Now he was acting nice? "You are bound to the Gate, think for a second. The connection is bilateral. Don't you think you have a part of the Gate in you too?"_

_I stopped at that. What did he mean? Was he implying that the flow in me was some sort of Gate? Or Truth? Wasn't he God? I had a part of God in me? Didn't this break the whole series? How was that even possible?_

"_Before you open your mouth and overwhelm me with question you don't really want to ask that means the flow in you comes from the Gate. Because the Gate and I are the ultimate powers of this world, you are able to transfigure matter the way you do since everything bows to it. Of course you are still human so what you are doing can be a better form of alchemy evolved by Our power, yet still alchemy. That boy was right when he said you humans mingle through this on the territory of God."_

_I tried to assimilate this as logical as I could. That meant I had unlimited powers? No, there was absolute no way that Truth would let me roam free having unlimited powers. Even like this, my powers probably exceeded the ones of Philosopher's Stone. There was absolute no way this was a charity gift. So there probably were countless limitations to this._

"_What is the downfall of using the flow?" I asked after a few moments, and at that, Truth blasted me a huge smile._

"_You are indeed a cunning one. No gift comes for free."_

"_Unless you are a normal human being." I retorted sarcastically. _

"_Every time you use your powers your soul is drawn here and loses tiny pieces of yourself. You are strengthening the bond without realising, every time you rely on that flow. Of course it's a very consuming process as any action takes little of you, but in the end the result is the same."_

"_And what will happen when I have nothing left? When I am completely bound to the Gate?"_

"_Then your body could no longer keep you anchored there and your soul will bring everything here and you'll spend the rest of the eternity in this place. You are bound to the Gate, this thing never disappears."_

_I stood there frozen in fear, not thinking, not breathing, and not thinking. The whole world had stopped moving and my heart skipped beats as words settled as lead over my brain. Oh merciless Gods, what has come to my years to hear?_

"_Me? Here?"_

_Truth didn't speak as I tried to comprehend the stake of my game. My fate. In the end was dying that bad?_

"_Why? You…How? How do I stop this? How do I stop myself from being caught here? You give me back some sort of life just to take it mercilessly back?"_

"_You solve the riddle and do the task. You'll understand it somehow. More important shouldn't you be thinking about your precious brothers?"_

_I cursed him silently. Damn him. Damn him! To hell and back. _

"_What the fuck you mean by that?" ignoring any pain I raised myself to my feet and dangling slightly I tried to reach him. "What are saying that I need to do?"_

"_I have answered 5 of your questions. Are you willing to forge the bound deeper and take more from your days than you already had?"_

_I closed my mouth trying to hold back curses. I hated him. If hate could manifest physically, it would drip from my fingers and flood my blood through burning my veins. I wanted him to hurt and feel my pain as power as I felt it. To feel a desperation as powerful as I felt it. But again so had everyone felt that had the chance to stay in front of him. That's why he was a monster. Playing with human lives like that, giving and taking in a sick twisted way, playing tricks of fate. God, where was the rightness in any of this?_

_I barely resisted the urge to fight him as he approached me. His hand reached out and touched mine and I flinched moving a few steps back. The place where he touched me felt both freezing and burning. I hated it._

"_Don't touch me!" I yelled. "Never touch me. I wish you would leave me alone but I can't have any of that can I? God, I hate you, I hate you so much!"_

"_I never felt the touch of a human before." He said, ignoring my words as usually. I watched him struck as he looked at his hand almost curiously. "Not one being had touched me before, yet you come here and fight me as it is one normal thing." As he raised his head 'watching' me in the eyes, I felt a new kind of fear bloom in my heart. All this talk, all this emotions. A bilateral connection. Could it mean that I also affected Truth? No. There was absolutely no way. This wasn't even a possibility. There was no way I could humanize him or change him. He was a monster. Feeling caught, so painfully trapped, I decided this was too much for me. I needed to go. To be out of here. And suddenly complete darkness was more welcoming that blinding light. _

_So I ran, I walked past Truth, past his words, past his odd actions, past everything I learned. I needed to be out of here as every minute of me staying in this place was just a premonition for my future. No, it wasn't it. It couldn't be. There was no way I could let something like this happen._

_I stopped in front of my Gate. No, I wasn't running away. I wasn't loosing either. There was no way I could accept a fate like this. I once ran from it, I could do it again, as long as I needed to._

"_It is not too late" I said without looking, my eyes focused on the crack between the doors. "I won't lose. I won't spend my eternity in nothingness with you. You are so wrong Truth; I am more than nothing. I had always been." And without I pressed my palms on the Gate and pulled. As the eyes and hands greeted me, I let myself be effulged by them, relishing in the painful feeling that meant that I was alive, that I was leaving and there was no one stopping me._

* * *

_As the Gate closed with a definite crack, Truth turned around facing it. It was the same, as any other Gate he had seen and stayed in front of. Yet it was so different._

"_You are wrong human," he said to the closed doors "it is already too late. Opening the doors yourself. Me being able to touch. Frankly, it was too late the moment you first touched me. This bond is too strong now."_

* * *

When I woke up, I didn't feel any grogginess or had to wait for the sweet haziness from my mind lift of and reality settle in. I just opened my eyes, as conscious as I had been when I had talked to Truth or to Roy. The feeling, the absence of the delay between reality and the void was unsettling and made me sigh. For some things, I was just grateful but I couldn't seem not to miss others I didn't even know I had. I watched absently the ceiling, my thoughts lost and wondering to my previous conversation. I didn't know how I had fallen asleep and connected to Truth. Perhaps the tiredness and psychic effort took their toll on me. Or I had been drugged. Neither was acceptable to me anyway.

I sighed as my mind reverted to the things I had found out. Bound to the Gate. Forever. For a moment, I let the desperation grasp me, envelope me, feeling as fate was strangling me once more, pushing me to a way where I did not want to go.

And the only power I had in this world was my biggest downfall. How much I had reinforced the bound fighting Scar openly like that. How could I do anything in this world without alchemy? I was doomed and trapped…

I shook my head. No I was not going to give up once more. Never again. I promised. The thought of my friend made my already brooding mood go down, as guilt and regret scratched me. Dee why?

Before in real life I never had the chance to grief. My father had donated the money, that I remembered, and I had been sent to a private school. He wanted to shrug things off with me being home schooled until then. But rumours had infiltrated before me and the children there already knew things about me. Of course, they weren't even close to the reality but they thought of me as a violent cold person that had come from a programme for juvenile minors. Which of course made them fear me. Which only made them hate me. Made them despise me. And what better way to show your fear than the through most American stereotype: bullying. I didn't care. It was just a deal. The price for my soul. The price I had to pay for the people that had been my friends. And they were right. I was a murderer. And a killer. An officer died by my hands even though I had shot blindly and the other one could no longer use his legs. My heart was stoned and life was an infinite block of ice that had frozen me within forever. I didn't believe in running or escaping or cutting or reading or even reacting. My heart had died with my friend behind a car. And yet as I came here I had felt. So many things. Happiness, belonging, friendship, kindness. How could this world be a world of fiction when things were truer in this place? Where grief, sorrow, and pain could not even come to compare with my 'real' world. When I had watched Fullmetal Alchemist and fell in love with the show, I was looking for an escape in another story. Yet I had found people I aspired to be and a world I wanted to live in. And here I was.

I extended my hand watching it's dark form on the slightly lighter background. My right hand. How many times I had imagined it disappearing and flexing it just to hear a metallic sound. Oh, I knew I had known Fullmetal Alchemist by heart but as I had thought before, Truth didn't just grant me all the memories concerning it. In a way, it was better since I didn't have to worry all the time about destroying the timeline. Also it was a pain in the ass since I didn't know how to act on things that were to come. And even though I was in the dark in that matter too I knew something big was coming.

Dammit, there were just too many things to worry about! Annoyed I raised myself from bed trying to outrun my confusing thoughts and worries by leaving the room. I guessed I was in Riza's house so I went straight to the bathroom, already knowing the path in the dark from the many sleepless nights. As I entered in the bathroom, I turned in the light not wanting to slip on the marble beneath my feet. Then as light illuminated the room my eyes my reflection on the cold surface of the mirror and I had to swallow down my screams and panic.

The girl watching me was I and yet she was a stranger. I was pale. Paler than ever, my whiteness closer to the colour of the sink. I remembered the first day I had seen my face after being in this world and my frantic reaction at the hospital. Oh how I understood it now. The girl then was so different from the reflection I knew, and my panic had overcome me. Of course, it did since I resembled Truth so much. The girl I was just a day before compared to the reflection I was seeing now was even a bigger stranger. Almost half of my hair had whitened, as my skin had gone paler. And as before my eyes, God help me my eyes. They seemed so inhumane, lit from an unearthly light from within. There was no green left in them, only a cornflower blue, ice on fire. I watched in a scared fascination as the person in the mirror copied my movement, yet didn't feel like me in the slightest.

_Reinforced the bond._ That's what Truth had said. Oh and what price I had pain once more for my information. For me at least it was more than obvious were my allegiance lain. I even started looking as a creature that came from the realm of the Gate. The rest of my hair that had been a dark honey colour now seemed as it had gone to a greyish brown. I studied its length comparing myself with the person I was in the memories. My hair was longer than I had ever let almost reaching the middle of my back. Also the bangs that I had in the front were long gone. So there was nothing that looked like me in the 'me' I was seeing. In a moment of clarity I studied my arms where it lay a pair of twin zigged scars scratching the surface. There was nothing, not even the blue veins from before. It was as if my skin was turning into marble, cold and untouched. I was disgusted with myself, as I knew were all those changes came from.

As the anger and desperation were growing in a high crescendo, I felt as I was being strangled by the air reaching in my lungs. Damn him taking every piece of me that I had. My looks, my body, my soul. Fast and rash I took a scissor laying on the cold surface next to the sink and with a satisfying click, I cut one bang of my hair. I watched as the white peaks rolled in the air as light snowflakes reaching the floor soundless. I had never seen a more satisfying sight. Again and again, I cut and cut my hair feeling as the weight pressing me was lifting with every bang falling to the ground. Yet the white still remained, as I didn't really want my hair to be short; just as I remembered it. When I was done, I looked at the straight white peaks of it feeling the colour as a leash around my neck. A bloody remainder of my deal, my fate. With one definite move I raised my scissor to cut my front bangs tot eh way they had been before only to drop it with a clank as I saw the person behind me in the mirror's reflection.

Riza was watching me wide eyed analysing my moves and doings with a critical eye. I sensed her eyes roam over me, taking in my changed appearance. I waited patiently for the outburst to come out, yet it didn't. She just watched me with her still stoic expression. I suddenly felt so little and insecure, my mind almost expecting her to laugh or be shocked by my unusual appearance. Yet when she didn't, I still felt like under a microscope, judged for sins, even though she didn't know them. Unable to bear the silence anymore I spoke.

"I didn't know you were home." God even my voice sounded slightly different, as it had an odd timber that was never before. I closed my mouth shut as I could force the words and the new discovery back into myself. Again Riza didn't' say anything.

"I wasn't." she finally said. "I was down to Roy's preparing dinner. He invited Maes but of course, he hadn't really thought about food so I decided to help them. I came here to take some condiments and check on you since you practically blacked out back at the HQ."

As she spoke, she moved into the cone of light the bathroom was giving, her blonde hair shining in the glow. I watched her, still not turning, as she came into the bathroom and in one sleek movement, she took the scissors from the floor. She watched the object as it could tell her what I was doing, her reddish eyes not meeting mine.

"What were you doing?" she finally asked as she decided I was too much of a puzzle to be solved alone. I just sighed not really knowing how to explain my thoughts or feelings.

"I decided I hated everything about me. This isn't close to how I looked before. It is so strange and unsettling knowing how you look and seeing another person in the mirror. So I decided that before crashing the mirror I should just try and revert to my old haircut."

She watched me trying to analyse my words as I tried to adjust my ears to my new voice.

"Want some help?" she finally asked. I was surprised to that mostly because that's not the reaction I expected to my words. But carefully I nodded in agreement.

* * *

_Riza's P.O.V._

She grabbed the scissors firmly in her hands. She had cut her hair before so the cold metal was familiar to her fingers. As a soldier, Riza Hawkeye didn't have much time with trivial things such as haircuts. She positioned herself behind the girl and stated cutting the irregular peaks. Before she could ask, she stated her actions. The girl relaxed slightly under her grip, her head looking steadily in the mirror.

"How did you know what I would ask?" she said after a few seconds of silence. At that, Riza smiled sensing her nervousness. It was simple actually. Her body wasn't hard to read.

"You became stiff the second I went behind you so I imagined it was because you didn't know what I was going to do. You had cut it bad; I am just levelling it a bit."

She nodded almost making her cut badly, but her sniper reflexes were faster. She looked disapprovingly over her shoulder and her reflexion in the mirror looked sheepish. After that the bathroom was effulged in a nice silence neither of them saying anything. As she cut her hair, she counted all the things that seemed different about her. Of course, the first one was her unusual paleness, as her skin was almost white. Then it was her hair. As she looked at the hair on the floor Riza could guess that the white peaks and strips she had before were a little more obvious at this point. Also there were things not so obvious as the timber of her voice and her accent which was slightly different too. Also her moves had some grace that it had never been before even when cutting her hair with angry swipes. In addition, her skin texture was different. Riza was bewildered as she took everything in and digested them. She didn't even know how to take everything in, if she were honest. First the Elrics and their secret, then the revelation this girl brought with her memories, thing that wasn't even half of the story. She knew, as Roy knew and probably everyone else guessed that Alette, as she introduced herself, had many secrets.

"Please could you think a slower? It almost makes my skin crawl." The girl said her voiced sounded uncomfortable. Surprised Riza stopped her work and looked in the mirror meeting her eyes.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You think so many things so fast at such intensity it almost pushes me away from you. I know what are you thinking of and I ….I don't know either how to take it in!" she exclaimed sounding legitimately hurt. Riza was surprised but she didn't let anything slip through.

"What are you talking about?"

"Could we just drop the 'I don't know what you're talking about thing?'. Because I am sure, you took in my appearance the moment you entered this bathroom. And I can't explain it myself without sounding demented or get very angry."

She looked at the girl's pained expression – she was still unable to refer to her as Alette after all the time she just called her girl- and decided that for once she would say what she needed to hear.

"Well I ca say if I look closely that you might have some things different but I don't see much of a change." As soon as her words left her mouth, the girl huffed as her eyes said she didn't believe this bullshit. Riza smiled. She was somewhat fond of this perceptive child.

"And my name is Pamela Anderson and I own a beach house in Miami." Probably seeing her confusion she quickly added "Just another way of saying bullshit. But thanks for trying."

Riza turned her around as she cut the hair there, which was slightly more even.

"Now would you be so kind and tell me what did you all think besides all that 'we accept your shiet' you had been telling me before? I know you all stuffed deep down your arse your curiosity and shock, especially those two. I am not stupid so I know you were just controlling yourselves, which is nice and all but I don't need that I need…"

She abruptly stopped in the middle of her sentence and Riza tried to meet her eyes. Seeing she avoided her, she continued her work patient. "Truth?" she offered and immediately saw the girl cringe at the word. At that, she frowned. Her gut was telling her there was something important about this.

"Yes" she finally admitted. "I need the truth, even though gods help me I had enough of it already." Her tone was bitter and eyes saddened. It only flared more of Riza's curiosity but she knew that the girl was not to be pressed. Pondering her response, she decided to answer.

"Mostly we were shocked. Also those who are not alchemists have a hard time trying to understand the situation you're telling us. I am confused about the whole thing of you coming from another world, or how you got your memories. Thing that also raises questions about you. Roy is conflicted and looked thoughtful probably thinking about alchemic stuff. The team was mostly confused."

"And Al and Ed?" she added in a small voice.

"Those two? I guess they were shocked. They had been already through so much this day and I think they didn't have the energy to react properly to your revelation. I think they were mostly shocked. Also if I got right the details from Roy there might be some sort of connection between your coming here and their incident right? To be honest I have no idea what they are thinking. Everything is not an ordinary situation where I could simply guess." As she spoke, she finished her hair and she asked about her front bangs.

"Do them like yours. This is how I had them before but now they are too long." Riza knew her mind wasn't on her haircut from the nervous movement of her hands and the way she was biting her lip. Fast she cut the fair, the short side-bangs covering her forehead. She let the scissor down and with her thumb; she pulled her lip gently between her teeth.

"Stop that or worrying. Things will be fine. Plus what good it is to trash those beautiful lips of yours?" She soon as she said the words she decided they were stupid. What on earth had made her say something like that? From the girl reaction, as she let her mouth hang wide open in shock, her eyes wide, she knew they must've sounded pretentious and wrong. She opened her mouth to retract them when she saw the moisture in Alette's eyes and her words died down. She looked at her expecting her to cry but as sudden as the tears appeared they evaporated.

"Sorry" she said her voice rough "It just took me by surprise. I didn't hear those words for a long time. I remember being little and my mum telling me that as I was biting my lips." As she spokes she pressed her fingers to her eyes as she tried to wipe the missing tears. Riza was taken aback by this discovery and her reaction.

"But what's the big deal? I mean she must've told you later too." She asked in confusion. The girl just shook her head.

"No she didn't. She couldn't. "Before Riza could muster up her confusion the girl added an edge of pain jabbing her voice." She died when I was 3."

Riza Hawkeye was a person that had been through a lot. With her good share of bad childhood and abusive past, also as well as a baggage of guilt and self-loathing, not many thing surprised her anymore. She took the world and its surprises by heart adapting to her environment, as the only way to live was to survive. So she could say she was more than surprised when the statement surprised her. She shouldn't, the girl affirmed she came from a different world where this existence was recorded as a setting from a book- think Riza had trouble coping with- so anything was possible. Only that this surprised her deeply. Alette hadn't struck her as a person bearing deep scars. She had her demons that everyone could tell, but not this kind of scars. The only thought of pain brought forth waves buried deep down from within her memories, glimpses from her childhood of her own mother. She understood to well the pain the girl was hiding and feeling, a pain so deep and scorching that there were no real words for it. The Elrics knew it too. Roy knew it too. And Alette knew it too. And it hurt her for this girl to go through this.

"Car accident" she added taking her shook as a quiet inquisition. "Grew with my father. It wasn't pleasant."

The statement only brought more images and demons. The cold eyes of a man, a closed door in the middle of the night, harsh words, old rooms, hunger, pain. The thought of having this girl going through only part of this made her being fuel with a maddening rage and murderous urge that came from the nightmares of her childhood.

"What happened?" she found herself asking despite better knowledge of the pain these things brought forth.

Alette snorted, as the question was obvious or dumb. "What didn't he do?!" she asked venom and repressed anger fuelling her words. "That bastard locking me away, toying with, manipulating me through fear and violence, making me loath myself, turning me into a doll of his will, stealing away freedom, independence, thoughts, feelings and sanity. What didn't he do when he did all of those things and more? What didn't he do cornering me back into that life with blackmail?" She started shaking, her anger and fear and loath burning through her veins. Riza understood that as the same feelings were ignited in her with every word. How she understood those things. How she hated that, she understood them for both of them. Before she could stop herself she effulged the girl in tight hug. She was small in her arms, and a little bony despite knowing she had strength. Also she was so cold, very cold. Instinctively she rubbed her arms in her skin.

"That bastard." She muttered with every ounce of hatred.

"You don't understand. He beat me, ruled me through fear. He made me think that I had no right to feel or to think. I had no emotions, I wasn't human. I was only cornered and doing things as a robot, only to be a disappointment. Then he brought that woman and she decided that everything I was wasn't fit for this life and she dissected me into tiny pieces pointing out everything I wasn't and how bad and unfit I was. I snapped after years." As she spoke, she pushed herself against her breaking free. "You have no idea what I have done! What I have been! My dad after mum died snapped and never came back. And after years I snapped too and never came back. If you knew my past you'll all despise me!"

Riza said nothing, as she couldn't find the right words for the fiery confession. As she spoke, her voice raised thundering with years of hurt and pain.

"Oh I am against everything you respect and work for. You have no idea!" At that she laughed bitterly as the thought was amusing her. "I would have probably met you in a cell questioning me. Thing which isn't far of how we've met actually."

She sighed. Riza wanted to know as her interested piqued but she also knew that no exterior factors could make her speak against her will. Despite knowing better, she still asked.

"What happened, Alette?" Her voice was soft, as trying to soothe the pain the girl was feeling.

"What happened?" she snapped. "I ran away. Lived with some homeless girls in an abandoned building for a year. We survived from stealing and begging. And you know what? Never had I been happier. Or more free. I don't ever regret that time there."

"Until things went bad. I was cracking system alarms for the girls since I was good at that. In our world, there wasn't such thing as alchemy so we evolved on the part of electronics and mechanics. These systems informed the authorities when someone broke into a store. And I was cracking them. Until we needed medicine and we were in a hurry and I didn't do it right and we got caught."

At that her faced was pained, remorse and guilt swirling through her features. "Police came and I fought them. No, I had been overcome by a pilot mode only wanting to protect those around me and shoot everyone. I felt no remorse at all. How fucked up was everything? Girls stealing from a pharmacy then shooting officers. Because we couldn't have afforded medicine. God if the whole situations isn't surreal or dumb or practically impossible."

"They chased and us. My friend and I were cornered. She didn't survive since she had been shot in a heroic act. Stupid selfish idiot. She had been my only friend, the person who made me feel human, who had made me feel as a normal person think besides the fucked up wall I had constructed around myself and she died. In my arms. Not after I had killed an officer anyway by firing a gun blindly." At that, she let a half laugh half sob sound, her legs failing making her fall to the round. "I escaped because of my dad even with the charges of murder since he needed me put in school for his public image to look good. He wanted to become a leader of the country. And I just killed. I am a murderer. A thief. A liar. A burglar. A failure. God I loathe myself. God I hate the things that brought me there. Those memories haunt me. I still can feel my friend, her warm dying out eyes looking blank. I can remember how I can feel nothing and kill. And is not ok. Nothing is ok. My life is just a list of things that are not ok. And I hate myself for everything."

She didn't cry or raise her voice. She just stood there rushed by the memories and realisations. Riza could just listen shocked and think how could a soul so young been through so much? She knew all feelings; oh, she knew them to well. There were the closest demons to her skin that she knew would plague her forever. But this girl? She died. She had actually died before the age of 17 and yet she was as broken as she was now in her late 20s. The realisation and weight of such a life were unfathomable to Riza.

She let herself down next to the girl, her head pointed downwards. Determination flared through her.

"And yet Alette look at you. Look at you still alive and breathing. You died and yet you still found a way to live. Your father had tried to crush but you evaded. You escaped everything life had thrown at you and believe I understand them all. I had been through this hell and no one will ever be free of it."

"But it's not about this! I had killed my friend. My mistake killed her and she is forever gone because of me. As that man is forever gone because of me. As the other could never walk again. I had done all this. I even bargained with the devil to live when I died since I couldn't bear death. I don't even think I deserve to live. I don't have an escape from anything. Form any of this!"

"We are not the sums of our sins, are we?" Riza hold her gaze, her blue eyes wide meeting firm brow ones. She threw her words merciless ass she had done in the train. Because she had been right.

"Fuck my words. I didn't have a past behind me making me all of this. I was ignorant! I am not the person who said that!"

Riza furrowed in confusion at that. "Are you not?" she asked in an affected voice. "No I am not. Then I was a person unaltered by all this darkness. I had some of my demons but they were just there. Yet now that person and this person crash and I can't be neither of them!"

"Then why not be both of them at the same time? Both are you. You had been you then and now. Memories or not. Now that you've got them you just have to remember how you lived with them and do it again."

Her response was so low she barely heard it, a voice not bigger than a whisper. "But if I can't deal with the present and the past?"

Riza sighed, the question as familiar as breathing. She'll be a liar if she didn't admit how she still buried the past. "Then deal with the future. You are not alone anymore Alette and as bad things had been you've got stuck with us as we got stuck with you."

At that she laughed, her emotion still tinged with pain and remorse. "Why do I think you got the short end in this deal?" Riza didn't say that she also felt like they'll have much of a trouble with everything anyway. Their path wasn't easy either. Tentatively she placed her hands on her shoulders, pulling her body close in an odd embrace in their crouched position on the floor. She knew that the girl wasn't much of a hugger, she wasn't either. The impulse also surprised her, but it felt only right. She hugged her, for her past, for both of their pasts and pains, a substitute for the times she had been in need of comfort because of her past and there had been no one there. She wasn't going to acknowledge that, as Alette wasn't going to admit any weakness, but that didn't meant the pain and sorrow existed and lingered there. She had her own share. And God this girl had had her own good share. The only thing that bothered Riza was the prediction that as much as she wanted things to be different, both of them still had to suffer.

After a while, may it have been hours or mere seconds the girl pulled away, her face blank of any of the previous emotions. Riza admired her power. As much as much as Alette thought the contrary that wouldn't change the fact that she was one hell of a strong person.

"You left Mustang and Maes to fend for themselves. That's rather cruel." She said her lumpish grin and sarcastic tone back in her voice.

"They could survive a few minutes without food."

"Men without food? My, the world sure came to an end next doors." Riza laughed lightly at that imaging the looks of pain the two men must have been wearing until now.

"I think you should go before they starve to death." She added after an uncomfortable pause, as she started playing with the hem of her shirt in a too uninterested manner. Riza barely hid her smile at the endearing behaviour of the girl, but the knowledge that came from her confession stopped it. This innocent being had seen and done many things, and as much as she played with her shirt uncomfortable that wouldn't change. Yet Riza had done the same things so she guessed it wasn't a good time or that she was the most fit person to criticise her past actions. They didn't matter anymore.

"Want to come and help? I'm sure I'll need some protection. They might eat me before I finish the dish." At her invited Alette piped her head with a mischievous and relieved glint in her eyes. Riza decided whatever the past had been the girl had had enough of judgement and mistreating. Rising herself up, she extended her hand, which she accepted gracefully. She let the scissors on the counter deciding the remains of the white streaks could be dealt with later.

As they exited her apartment, Alette wore an expressionless face, thoughts whirling inside her mind. Riza just squeezed her shoulder lightly before entering the neighbour apartment and be welcomed by a whiny Roy which was continuously bickered by an irritated Maes.

She could show this girl that the world had other aspects besides pain and guilt.

* * *

**A.N. Thanks again for reading and I'll see you in the next chapter hoping my lungs will still function until then. *dramatic cough* Also I apologise if I hadn't yet answered all reviews I am trying to keep this up to date...only that I don't. **

**Ruby: Oh my God you're still here. I hope that didn't sound rude. It's just I am surprised that you had been around since the begging of the fic. You're like one of the most supportive readers and I am just so amazed by your constant support. Honestly I feel like I don't really think I'm worth all that praise. I am just so happy you enjoy the story. Thank you so much for just reading, please don't apologise for not having time, this wasn't mandatory. As long as you enjoy it I am happy.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys, sorry for the one delay update but frankly I was so tired(and still am) that I just couldn't convince my lazy ass to proof read this a little before posting. This week's chapter is another Talking-no-Jutsu chapter, but with the next update some action will start happening. I just find it necessary to have chapters like this so yea... I hope you'll enjoy.**

**Any mistakes aren't intentional. (Is this still necessary at this point? Haven't you guys get used to this until now?)**

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_Maes' P.O.V._

Maes watched stupefied the interaction between Roy, Roy's love interested, not that he ever admitted his crush to Riza, and Roy's newest disciple, an idea that he still could not grasp: that Roy had agreed to tutor someone, in alchemy nonetheless. He watched in somewhat morbid fascination the interaction between the other 3 people in the room. Roy was casually slopped into the chair in front of him at the table looking more relaxed after the two females had come to his rescue by ending Maes' subtle inquisition. He was talking to both him and Riza which was handling some plates and the oven in the adjoining kitchen. Next to her washing the dishes was the little girl that had the energy of mini tornado.

He watched the three of them talk and interact in the way that only people with strong bonds interacted. He remembered what Roy had told him about the girl and counted since when she had been in their lives. Whatever he did the numbers did not go further than a month. Then what made both Roy and Riza so attached to this child? It was like they were a bloody family by the looks of it.

The last part might he said out loud since Roy frowned at him disapprovingly and asked what he said.

"Nothing, just my usual musings." he shrugged the thing off not wanting to upset his best friend with things he was not yet able to admit. "She is quite a deal." He pointed with his head toward the kitchen and to the girl. "Yes she is." Roy admitted but it didn't escape Maes that Roy wasn't looking to the younger female. He couldn't resist the urge to smile his friend was just a sucker when it came to Riza Hawkeye.

"Now, now, Roy it isn't the time for you to turn into a sappy puppy over Riza." he remarked a bit too loud. He just laughed at Roy's coloured way of telling him to shove it.

"Oh but Roy is always a sappy pup when Riza is around." Agreed a voice to his right and he turned to see Alette with a tray of drinks which she placed on the table. He took a glass of scotch laughing at Roy's uncomfortable look. The girl pulled a chair and sat at the table taking the glass of water from the tray.

"You should see them at work." she leaned in conspiratorial and whispered just loud enough for Roy to hear. "If those two don't end up together life doesn't have any meaning."

"I hear you just fine so you know." Roy growled over his whiskey.

"I just ship them so hard." she continued unfazed by his comment. At that Maes' snicker died off. What did she mean by that? She must've seen his confusion because she added hurriedly about how shipping meant wanting two people two together so bad. Maes shrugged the oddity of the term, because who compares two terms so different like that, his thoughts going back to their original trail. The girl was not from this world if her words were true, and little loops like this made him believe it was true.

He examined her once more and without realising he noted some oddities. Her hair was different. Before it had been longer and now she had side bangs like Riza had. He hadn't noticed this until now as he got a closer look at her. Also it was something different about her peaks. Her hair there was white a snow. He remembered that she had some silver shining in it before, he noticed the oddity but now the white stood out. Also since her hair was a little shorter and the white was still present that meant that a good part of it had been white before she had cut it. The question was why had her hair turned white in only a few hours? He watched her fight in a friendly way with Roy not participating in the discussion anymore. He noticed that her skin was paler. After the fight he remarked her paleness but now she looked almost close to a sick-pale as if she hadn't left the house due illness for several months. He watched her trying to figure out something different about her when she suddenly turned around her eyes piercing his. And there was it. Their colour. He knew she hadn't had perfect blue eyes before, and yet now they had no green left.

"Is it something wrong?" she asked watching him, her tone indicating that she knew she had been watched. But that was not what baffled Maes but her words. She had had before a strange way of pronouncing things but in that moment her accent grew thicker, her words sung by it. He furrowed his eyes at her in return.

"That's an odd accent you've got there." He remarked casually. Alette watched him slightly taken aback before her face grew completely neutral. "I guess it is" she responded, an undecipherable poker face covering anything that her face might reveal. How could a 17 year old have such an undecipherable face? "I had grown in a country named England when I was little before I moved somewhere where people spoke like you. Because of my memories I must've picked it once more. It happens when I think of a period in the past where I talked like this."

As she spoke she fidgeted nervous with her glass. Maes thought about her words. The name England rung no bell for him and he knew no country on the map was named like this. The realisation that the girl had been telling the truth made him feel uneasy. The possibility of another dimension where things and people were so different was actually frightening to Maes.

"You never mentioned exactly what your memories told you." Roy remarked.

"Well it was quite hectic back then with the Elrics being attacked and me jumping to save their stupid arses." She responded angrily and Maes almost snickered at Roy's submissive face.

"Well tell us now. What do you know?" At that she bit her lip and started chewing it nervously but before she could answer Riza came with a pot of food looking rather impatient. "Oh just leave the girl alone. She doesn't have to speak if she doesn't want to."

"Oh I want to but I don't really know how to start." For a second she looked lost in her thoughts before snatching Roy's whiskey and drinking it from a gulp. He opened his mouth to comment to such action but a waterfall of words poured from her mouth, so fast that Maes could barely follow her.

"Well my story goes like this. As I told you, I was born on December the 17th 1997 in a world called Earth. My mother died in a car accident when I was 3 after she ran from home because of a fight with my dad, which by the way was a complete fucker. Years later I had found that the fight was him accusing her of adultery since before they were married. After that I had to live with him and his hatred of my mom. I think the accident fucked him up badly but I can't really say. Because of that and the hate and resentments regarding my mother he fell back upon violence and ignorance towards my existence. In shorter terms he had been an abusive parent that had tried to keep me in place through violence since I was 4. When I was 10 he remarried his assistant which I think he had been fucking for a while. The woman was nice if you can say a plastic brain-dead doll is nice. Too bad that she decided I was unfit in every possible way and because of that she used some sort of brainwashing thing making me believe that I didn't deserve anything, I was the ugliest duck in the pond and probably the stupidest. That and the violence my dad used on me for years until then, marked me psychologically pretty badly and I think I started developing at some point signs of depression and mental illness. Add on the list isolation from children my age and bullying at school when we moved to another country, and I could say things were pretty bad. Meanwhile I closed myself completely not expressing myself in any way or being able to look as I had opinions or feelings. Actually I thought I was not entitled to have feelings or opinions and since I cried or did the slightest thing my dad considered unfit and derogatory to his status I was beaten, I could say I was one fucked child. Later I started cracking under the pressure of my life being perfect robot-behaviour, perfect grades, trying to do my best to look good even though I was an ugly fuck."

At that she stopped for a moment chocking her. Maes knew his face must've been one of complete shock. He knew that Riza and Roy were the same. He heard the words but he couldn't really understand them or even start to imagine the circumstances this girl was presenting them or understand the calmness in which she narrated. Complete and utter shock was what he was feeling. He watched her as she mindlessly starched her forearm before continuing. All the meanwhile some things clicked in his mind: the way she had such a blank face easily hiding anything, some way of moving her eyes around to room analysing, cautious, the way she expected their hatred when it came to her circumstances. Fury flamed in him thinking of his little girl only feeling half of those things. How could anyone go through this?

"So I gave up and ran. The problem was I was distracted and after a few hours I made a car crash trying to avoid hitting someone. When I woke up I was in some sort of community, close to the Ishbalen slums you have all around here, only it was some sort of mix of groups. There was a group of girls that was the most predominant there but there were also random people hiding in those complex of buildings. Apparently I almost hit this girl Dee so in return she brought me there and saved me from dying or being brought back. I remained there for a year living as a runaway with little food or accommodations, eventually getting into thievery. To be honest, excluding the dire circumstances and the things the place lacked of, which was everything, it was the best part of my life. I befriended and formed a very strong bond with Dee and somehow recovered from my catatonic state. It was far from how I am now but it was far better. For once I felt as a human alive.

Everything had been good, or as good or as it can be when you're homeless and don't have anything. One day when I was a scout mission, stealing mission why hiding now and we got caught. I was responsible to deactivate the alarms, a system which informed authorities if a door from a store was opened. That night we needed medicine so we went into a better part of a town. The alarm was tricky but I thought I had it right, which of course I didn't. Police came and I shot an officer with his gun and incapacitated the other one trying to escape. Some girls ran with the supplies and escaped but me and Dee, which were distracting the police didn't. I killed a man firing aimlessly and Dee jumped in front of the guns trying to buy us time."

As she said those words her voice grew thick and her eyes wondered aimlessly on the wall as the memories haunted her. "I hold her until she died…" she whispered, her present-self lost in the past. Maes new the feeling that haunted her. He knew Riza and Roy were acquaintance to it much better. Everyone who was in Ishbal knew it. The feeling when you lost a comrade and watched his life leave him. For a moment he found himself being dragged back in his own past and confronted with his own sins. God, through what had this girl been through? He was snapped back into the present by Alette's voice.

"After that I got arrested. The wanted to send me to jail. Too bad my father got to me first and dragged me back in that life. He needed me still and put, the whole hidden scandal under the rug since he wanted to get into a position of power in the government and he had a public image to maintain. I agreed only after he blackmailed me with hurting my friends that remained in the slums. I negotiated my freedom for theirs. After that not much happened. I was enrolled in a private school with other important kids, but many of them had their own stupid theories about me, far from the truth about my disappearance. That didn't stop them from bullying me. I didn't care about those things, or even about my father anymore. The events in the past year have changed me and the death of my best friend had put its mark on me." At that she shrugged. "But one day a girl made a stupid remark about me being a killer and murdering any friends I had and I snapped. As I lived on the streets I had undergo some training to defend myself since it was anything but never safe. I was a good fighter. So I beat the shit out of her. I was going home knowing I will have to support dire retaliation from my family since I destroyed our deal when a car hit me and I died. Like that."

There she stopped looking at them rather suspicious. "From that part on, things get strange to say at least. I was some sort of spectrum after that. I saw myself trying to be saved by the doctors and even my own funeral. I could say the apathy of my family didn't surprise me. My father was rather relieved and annoyed at my death. But then I was swooped to the Gate."

"As in the Gate of Truth that the Elric brothers had seen when they performed Human Transmutation?" Roy spoke for the first time.

The girl just nodded. "Precisely." She opened her mouth to continue but then she stopped and looked at Roy questioningly. "How much did the brothers tell you about the Gate?"

"Well Edward told me that it was a gate floating in the air with some drawings on it and when it opened black arms dragged him inside were an eye lured. There he felt as the whole information of the world was being shoved in his brain. He also lost his arm and leg there."

She frowned at that. "Ed had been vague and I understand him. That's not half of it. There is something called Truth there Roy. He is close to being the guardian of the Gate or something of that sort."

"Guardian of the Gate? What do you mean by that? What is it?"

"Me. You. Us. Everything. The Gate. God. I don't know what he is. He might be nothing, he might be the ultimate force in our world."

Maes was again shocked. Not that the whole discussion had an odd turn of events and he was starting to get himself lost in all of those alchemic aspects, but for some unknown reason the whole conversation made his hair raise and frightened him. 'An all-around freak show' he thought bitterly. 'I could write this down and hang it around my neck.'

Roy looked speechless at what the girl had said. He opened his mouth and closed only to open it again. Finally he composed himself enough as to ask. "What did it look like?" At that question the girl grew pale -or paler- her eyes looking up huge with fear. Maes felt a shiver. What kind of monster was this guardian?

"White." She whispered. "He is a completely white being. He has no eyes and no noes. Just a mouth. And he looks just like you. The same height. Same body built. Only…"

"Only?" Roy inquired. "Only that his voice isn't human. It's like he speaks with many voices together. I never want for someone to hear that voice." At that she shivered slightly.

"So you got there. What happened?" Maes asked not wanting to continue the subject of Truth.

"He offered me a deal. Of course it was a bad deal, Truth never offers good deals, but I was dead. For Heaven's sake, I never even lived so I took the deal. And he sent me here. I was too selfish to die."

"Without memories." Maes stated ignoring the last affirmation. He didn't think saying that anyone that wanted to live wasn't selfish sine it was the drive of the human nature. "Yes." she nodded.

"What was the deal?" Roy asked and the girl grew even paler is that was possible. She looked at the two men guilty and frightened. Maes could have sworn that he wouldn't like the answer.

"I…He told me that there was no way I could pass the Gate as a whole human. A price had to be paid. An equivalent exchange. He offered me a Philosopher's Stone." At that he gulped and avoided the wide stares. "But he told me that the Stone was not enough for me to pass intact. Just to pass. So he took my memories. And…"

'And?' Maes almost asked, but the girl continued before he could. "And he took half of my being." At that the silence in the room became deafening. Nobody moved, nobody seemed to breathe as the words settled in.

"What do you mean by that?" Roy dared to ask.

"I don't know Roy! Is just that he took half of my soul and being and those reside at the Gate. He didn't give me a pamphlet with 'What to do when you are a Halfling…' He just said he took part of me there and it resides there."

"By took you mean the same way he took Ed's and Al's bodies?" At that Maes examined the girl with a critical eye, which to him looked intact.

"Obviously not. He told me that Al's and my circumstances are different. How, I don't know. In exchange I know that I have this oddities that aren't really normal for a human, right?" At that he looked at Roy accusingly. He fidgeted under her stare.

"Right. And what else?"

"He…he bound me to the Gate." At that her voice grew small and defeated. "He gave me this quest and riddle and if I don't solve it I will loose and I will be dragged back to the Gate. And I will remain there. Call my other half there as an assurance. He also did something to me to bind me to him and he changed my Gate somehow from plain black, but that happened before when he used the Philosopher's Stone."

"Hold it." Maes intervened. "Spend you're eternity at the Gate? So you will be trapped there?"

"Basically, yes. I don't really know what it means either. Just that I don't want it to happen."

Maes kept his mouth shut at that. He couldn't even try to begin to comprehend everything that was happening. He watched the girl as she drew random patterns on the table. This girl had to stay forever in that place that freaked Ed and Al that much forever? With that creature? This was just too much for him. Her past, her present, even her future. He drank his scotch from one swallow, the burn a good reminder that he was alive. He couldn't stop the thought from forming in his mind even though guilt enveloped him. He was alive and hearing all this just made him be more grateful for being alive, for having a beautiful wife and an amazing daughter and a future. Everything that Alette will never have. Damn it all.

He watched her. She was so pale and fragile looking. Yet she was a murderer and a thief. Also not human. Half-human. She had also used a Philosopher's Stone to pass the worlds after she had died. The thing that the brothers looked for was so powerful. As he observed her white complexion and white tips a thought occurred to him.

"You are bound to the Gate, you say. Could that manifest physically?" He knew his supposition was right as the girl almost jumped from her seat, her hand touching her hair.

"What do you mean Maes?" Roy asked. He just pointed at the girl.

"Her hair, which previously wasn't that white. Her paleness. Even her eyes. Aren't all of them turning something to white? But that isn't the question. The question is what happened in a few hours that Alette blacked out on us that a physical changed occurred. Wouldn't it make more sense that if she was bound to Gate that she would turn white faster?"

He knew he hit something from the way she cursed. Roy watched the girl now and Maes could see the wheels spinning in his head.

"Is this more to the story?" She snorted at that. "Roy I don't know half of the story." But she just sighed and continued speaking.

"You know that I can't sleep right? Well apparently when it happens to doze off or I go unconscious I am sent to the Gate and have little chat with Truth. Just like that. Rather uncomfortable I would say. As I fight or use the abilities he gave me I gradually reinforced the bond between us, which brings me closer to vanishing to the Gate."

"Are you basically saying that you are disappearing to the Gate?" Roy exclaimed. "Yes. But very slowly. It appears that not fulfilling the deal isn't the only thing, I am also time limited. The first appearance change I think was after I first came into Amestris and I had a memory glimpse after I had seen the Elrics for the first time. I fought Truth and stole information from him through our bond, thing which explains my nausea, the almost dying feeling and all the other symptoms every time I have a glimpse and I push things for more. It explains perfectly the pain I have to go through every time I try to remember more as the fucker withholds the information. Even my alchemy which I bet with you will ask about comes from him. As he bound himself to me, a part of him resides in me. In that fight with Scar, I think I made use of that part to use alchemy which is not really alchemy. But we'll return to that. What happened is that as I lay unconscious I agreed with Truth to make the bond stronger for answers."

"You gave a part of yourself to find things out? Are you stupid? Doesn't that mean you're closer to being held there?" Roy yelled.

"Too bad I didn't know about any of this before I did this. So it was somehow worth it even though is still don't understand much. I forgot how perceptive Maes here is. I should've known that this wouldn't go unobserved." She said pointing at herself.

Maes shrugged shamelessly. But the compliment made him uneasy, after all she just met him.

"How do you know all of this about us? You said before something of us being a story in world and because of that knowing things…" he asked as well as Roy said "And what about alchemy? You said before that in your world there was none, yet the alchemy you used fighting Scar, but what you use from Truth isn't really alchemy…"

At that he rolled his eyes. Typical alchemists. They just had to concentrate only on what seemed essential to their knowledge. He knew Riza in the kitchen was thinking the exact same thing hearing all of this. Even Alette rolled her eyes at Roy before addressing Maes.

"In my world, as I said before, your world and the concepts of it only exist as a story. Or some sort of a story, it is a little complicated. Anyway, you're story as sick as this may sound, was one of my favourite things and I know all this because in my world I had obsessively read it, read about it and read side stories about it. Now if I could remember I would know the ending and what will happen. Too bad Truth didn't want that so I still have no idea of the future events. I can guess as things come near I can force them out as I did with the attack on Ed and Al, but that happened almost too late so it's kind of useless. I can't pass the void that is where this would be no matter what. Now this rule never applied to things that happened prior our present date such as the Ishbal War, the formation of Amestris, past experiences of all of you. This thing I can recall at will since they don't affect the timeline. Kind of intruding, sorry." She said sheepishly at Maes' outraged face.

"And you know everything about our past?" he asked. "Not everything just what was featured in the story or fanfict….side stories."

"How much do you know about that you know?" he then asked challengingly. At that a perfect eyebrow rose and she spoke. "In the Ishbal War, Roy had a mental breakdown after you fought an ex-mate from the academy that had been Ishbalen but in the war joined his people's side. You shoot him before he killed Roy. He was devastated and he didn't want to go on with a mission of extermination of a district the following day. You yelled at him and you said you'll give him 30 seconds before he had to pull it together. You waited outside his tent for a full minute."

Maes was feeling shocked and somehow stupefied. He also couldn't shake the feeling of violation the forced memory brought upon him. He didn't want to think about that day. He didn't want to remember the nightmares he had for months after that or how he woke Grace up. He didn't want Roy to know his cruel act of kindness. He felt his throat constrict and he just couldn't shake the feeling of defeat her words brought forth. Gods knew he didn't want to think on what this girl knew.

"Sorry" she said in a small voice. "I had no right to choose this or to bring it up to light."

"No it's ok." He involuntarily said. "I brought it upon myself after all." He looked at Roy to see his haunted look. He knew that he wasn't the only one affected by that memory. He watched the gratitude in his eyes that was slowly overcome by his hollow sadness. There was no feeling there that could shake that sadness.

"As for the alchemy, the basic principle is that the alchemy's power reaction comes from the circle. I didn't use any circle or formed a circle through my body. I just thought and the matter obeyed. So I can't say the Gate's alchemy is alchemy. Even the alchemy with a Philosopher's Stone is an equivalent exchange."

"How do you know that?" Roy stopped her harshly. Maes understood, if she knew that much about the Stones, even used one, she could help the brothers. Alette stopped concentrating. Her brows furrowed and her face scoffed in mask of concentration. After a few moments she exhaled a deep breath, inhaling another one deeply.

"Sorry Roy I don't know why or how. I guess the answer mustn't be known yet since I can't have access to it. I wish I knew so I could help Al and Ed but I can't. I wish, but there is nothing there."

Maes felt his temporary hopes being crushed. Of course it wasn't' the girl's fault but he wished that the answer for the boys was accessible now. In the time he met them he grew attached to them and he really wanted them to succeed. He had come to care about their quest and got himself too implied not to feel this as a personal failure. The girl continued looking somehow disappointed.

"That's why I don't want Al and Ed to know. I don't want to crush their hopes like this pointlessly. I have no use to them like this."

"We won't tell." Riza spoke for the first time from the kitchen coming forth to the table. "Don't worry we won't say."

The girl looked at Riza hopefully and nodded thankfully. Maes' heart constricted painfully. He felt pity for the girl and her burden.

"Anyway, the alchemy from the Gate is based more on the knowledge that everything is connected. That and being able to see how. When I used the force I had in me I moulded the matter the way I wanted because of this. I think the alchemy Ed does it is somewhere there too, only not so advanced."

"How do you see everything is connected?"

"I don't really know. Is just I concentrate and I use this flow in me to make myself see the lines. When everything is connected I mean it. Every surface has this white lines connecting and interconnecting, and when two or more intersect a little white dot appears. I just push my energy in those lines and use them to send my energy at any point or distance I want. There I let it free controlling and rearranging the matter to take the form I intended from the start still using those lines. It's more like spatial geometry were I just rearrange some points to create another geometric figure. I don't destroy anything, I more rearrange things at my will."

Maes was completely lost. This all alchemic blabbering was too confusing for him when there weren't any line or roads or inner energies involved. But it looked like Roy understood everything and looked at the girl, mouth agape eyes almost going out of his head.

"Incredible!" he murmured. "That's the most complex form of alchemy I heard of. The alchemic possibilities are endless! The way you described it means you can perform alchemy without any circle or sign, and you can use it at big distances too. Did you find any surface that is not connected? Can you do it even now?"

'God he looks like a kid on Christmas Eve'.

"I don't know, the first time I ever tried it was back then and I didn't really have time to analyse it trying not to have my brain turned into bits, or Edward's for that matter. I could try it..."

Maes' investigator senses kicked in sensing some uneasiness irradiating from Alette.

"But…" he added. To which she gave him a sharp looking trying to tell him she was done with him spilling her secrets. 'At least there's two of us.' He knew what she said before. Her alchemy came from the Gate and she stated that everything that came from there and she used made the bond stronger.

"But when I use it I somehow reinforced my bond to the Gate." Her statement was met with quite, Maes sighing as his assumption turned true. "Not in a significant measure of course, but the knowledge just makes me reluctant in using it. As I am now reluctant in trying to access my memories."

If Maes thought he was frustrated, then Roy was the exact image of desperation looking as a kicked puppy in the rain. He needed all the restrain not tell him that his limited access to alchemy was not a priority at the moment.

"But can you use some even now?" he asked.

Alette nodded. "I think so. I haven't tried since I had woken up."

He watched disbelieving as she said that her stare became disconnected, her eyes looking somewhere far away. The change was subtle and indefinite, Maes almost taking it lightly but considering the situation he paid close attention to it. "Are you both dumb? Your curiosity can't really be so important that she is risking her existence to satisfy it…" But his phrase was stopped as he almost felt waves of energy, weak steady waves of an energy coming from the girl, thing that made him want to shrug uncomfortably. When she finally looked at them her eyes seemed to have some inner lights lit in them, as they almost glowed while they searched the room. He was awed, yes but he couldn't deny he felt scared and somehow so insignificant in front of such a force.

"It's worth risking it since there are almost no risks to it." She said. "The bond is barely touched by this and I would need to use large amounts of alchemic power for a long period of time to be any worth. Like this it's inoffensive." She looked around watching everything in silent awe closing the subject, but Maes wasn't comfortable with this. If it were for him he would make the girl give up this altogether.

Almost immediately she whistled. "Wow I didn't remember all being so damn confusing and coloured. It is as if I am surrounded by a glow." Her eyes darted up and down the room inspecting everything carefully with curiosity and awe. He couldn't help his curiosity spiking in or his wish that he could see whatever she could. Then her eyes fell on Roy and he gasped.

"Oh God."

"What?" both men asked and he noted Riza coming closer.

She ignored the question leaning to Roy and touching the air around him.

"Nothing it's just so pretty. All this energy around you. Like a coloured cloud."

What?

"What?" Roy asked reflecting his thoughts. "I don't know it's just that now I can somehow see the energy of an individual. In my world we stories about things like this. These were called auras but never until now had I believed in them. But they're just so pretty. Yours too Maes. Roy has one of a crimson colour but yours is a sunset yellow. And Riza's is so green." she said turning around.

Her statements were met with more silence as the adults tried to take in this turn of events. This situation was becoming stranger and stranger by second. How could he even keep up with all this supernatural illusions he was hearing about.

"Do you think this is another side effect of reinforcing the bond to the Gate?" Roy inquired. She looked to think about it for a second then nodded. "It is most probable. I don't find other possibility fitting this circumstances."

"Do you see any other changes?" She looked around with an eerie look. "Not really besides the auras." Roy nodded as if he understood. Maes sighed for a moment succumbed in his own thoughts as the last track of the ongoing alchemy conversation. The girl was gaining unhuman like powers as she was losing herself to the Gate. And he thought he had heard it all when he learned about those brothers. It wasn't that he didn't want to accept Alette, it was just he was having a hard time accepting her story. He just wasn't ready to believe in bigger forces, in other worlds or auras for that matter. But what if...

As a thought occurred to him he was restricted by a sudden white light. For a second he was startled until he recognised it as an alchemic transmutation. He watched in awe as the white energy currents travelled as mini lightening across the table following an unseen path only to disappear temporarily in front of Roy, letting the place be effulged in a circle of white light as the transmutation finalised. Now in front of Roy stood a perfect wooden pony that rose from the table. He watched fascinated the complex creation and he was about to ask Roy how when he understood that it wasn't Roy who had casted the alchemy. He turned his head around to look at a rather smug Alette which had been touching the table with only one sleek finger.

It was then he understood she had been right. He had believed her but he didn't really accept the truth of her words until now. Seeing her bend matter at her will like that with only a finger touching the surface of the table made him believe at least in half of the story. And he suddenly became very angry at her rashness in using a power that was slowly killing her.

"Don't look at me like that." she said as if she was reading his thoughts. He was slightly worried that she might actually start to read his mind. "I am not using this much and even if I am don't mind. I don't really have a life left for me anyway and if I can help the people that had been close to me, even as characters that had inspired me more than life ever did, then so be it. I don't know how my coming here had altered things but God be damned that I will see every one of you having a happy ending."

Maes was seething with anger at the young foolishness the girl was displaying. As if her life was lesser than theirs or that her existence could be so easily dismissed.

"Admiring us?" Riza entered the conversation as she kept her silence until then.

"Well, yes." she blushed looking uncomfortable. "After I came back home I had been heartbroken and even somehow depressed, not that I had realised that then. I was just feeling hopelessly trapped with no means to escape, not even in vices." At that her eyes moved to Roy's empty glass and Maes only thought on her vices until then. Smoking, drinking. He knew he had no right to start scolding her especially since she looked well aware of those things but he couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling at the thought of a girl this young indulging in things like this. A short look into Roy's eyes and he saw the same emotions reflecting there, his temper barely not surfacing at this reckless behaviour. He didn't have any right to scold her or point her behaviour, but oh the need to do so was deep, as he barely contained the lecture to hear the story go on. Alette must've seen the exchange as she continued after an awkward pause. "Umm…. that was when I discovered the story of Edward Elric and I fell in love with every aspect of it. I admired and held in high esteem, close to ideal role models many of the characters presented in the ani...book. I didn't despise any of the characters. Every one of you was, even the flawed ones, perfectly flawed, reminding me of what my friend had told me that we are not the sum of our sins. You gave me hope when was none and for a little while, as I succumbed into the guilty pleasure that was your story, I felt happy and free, as twisted as this mind sound to you."

"It's not twisted" Riza said coming closer." You find a leverage to pull yourself up from a sea of guilt and sorrow. I know it took me some time to find one. And even when I did some of it never disappeared and I don't think it will. You had no reason to believe a story was something more. If something, your words only prove how much it meant to you. And for that I am happy that I helped someone somehow."

Maes watched as Alette turned around to look at the woman behind her eyes widen in wonder. As she spoke, Hawkeye approached the girl until she put an affectionate hand on her shoulder squeezing it lightly. For some reason the gesture had been so intimate that he had to advert his eyes. Something was indeed different about this one if she could crack Riza's cold exterior.

"Fool." he still muttered, not knowing for what he called her that. Her behaviour her reckless use of a thing that could easily kill her, for disregarding her existence like that in front of theirs…

"Aren't we all?" she responded. 'Perhaps' he thought 'but we don't put ourselves down like this. It will come a day when you'll see how important you really are.' No soul was unimportant in this world.

"Alette" he said changing the subject and trying to break the awkward silence. "Can you try doing something for me?" She looked at him surprised and nodded. He proceeded to raise himself and went into Roy's living room searching for a piece of paper and a pen. He found some in Roy's journal and tearing a page he brought them forth to the girl.

"Can you please transmute something?" he asked.

At that she looked up at him so fast he thought her neck might break. "I am sure Roy had informed you that I am not able to properly transmute or use alchemy." she said quite sharp.

"I know that already, but if I am right, then you might be able to." he reasoned.

"Please explain."

"Simple. If you said changes occurred after you agreed to strengthen the bond with Truth guy, then you also might now be able to transmute since alchemy is connected to the Gate right? I am no alchemist and I didn't quite get all your mumbo jumbo but I remember these details"

She watched mouth agape as he said sun was square. 'Really? With your story and this surprises you?' Roy had a similar expression on his face, his eyes wide. 'God forbid the non-alchemist make a relevant point about alchemy'.

"It might work" Roy admitted. "You said Truth modified your Gate when he sent you here and from what you told me he used the Philosopher's Stone to do that. When you tried to perform alchemy your link was not as powerful as it is now, as you had proved me earlier. What if you can access the Gate as we do now since you are bound to Truth in a stronger manner?"

She gulped nervous looking down at the table with concentration. Carefully she took the pen in her hand and started drawing some lines on the piece of parchment. She took her time drawing every line steady with concentration. When she was done she looked up at Roy hopeful and frightened. Then she put her palm on the small circle.

Light erupted, blue sizzles of light and then it stopped leaving behind an awed girl and a paper flower. Alette was amazed, looking in shock at the tiny white flower, her eyes darting its contour up and down as if they could not believe what they saw. Maes was somehow surprised himself even though he came with the idea and Roy just looked proud and very smug. She took the flower in her hand examining it carefully, with wonder and Males realised this was her first real transmutation. The sight endeared him and somehow saddened him as the circumstances that prevented her from doing this earlier invaded his mind.

"Now didn't I tell you I had a hunch things will sort themselves out? After all I couldn't take as my dignified apprentice any person without potential."

Three this things happened at once. Riza spoke first with "I don't think that was necessary Roy" Maes just stated "You're an idiot" and Alette asked hopefully if "Are you still going to teach me Flame Alchemy?"

"Well of course. After all we have all the time in the world after the Elrics will leave to Resembool."

Maes knew when something bad was about to happen. It was an instinct that he had even before he participated in the Ishbal War where it grew to a full-fledged premonition in the gut. So he knew the explosion will come before it really happened so he braced himself for the argument that was about to erupt.

"And what the hell you mean by that?" Alette asked rather loudly and angrily.

'And here we go.' he thought.

"Well Ed and All will go to Resembool with to see Edward's mechanic so he can repair his brother."

"And why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It was quite hard to do that after you fell asleep or fainted or after the information you gave us, wasn't it?"

"Stop screwing around Mustang, you know what I mean. I want to go with them."

"Such crude language for such a young lady." Mustang was charming in his insults, almost relaxed as he was talking about his favourite drink. "Yet you are not going with them as much as you cuss."

"And why not?"

"Because first of all Scar is on the loose if you had forgotten about your near death brawl with him from last time. I'm sure he didn't have the same consideration."

"Armstrong will look after us."

"Because he has the easy job of supervising three brats." he countered easily. "And if you had forgotten your circumstances you aren't even a proper citizen of our country. Not to say your allegiance with Edward will draw a lot of unwanted attention. Add your unique abilities to the list and you'll be our Fuhrer's first priority from now on. Many men had already seen you performing alchemy like that, even though luckily they are loyal to us. Are that stupid to think your freedom comes from anything else but anonymity? Wait until the word about you reaches the wrong ears then. And you're not a skilled fighter or a skilled alchemist for that matter..."

"Cut the crap already you know I can fight. If it were for anything I'll have Riza giving me a gun which I can use correctly thank you very much."

"You cut the crap. If you keep thinking like this you're going to endanger yourself even more. Plus we need to focus on your riddle and solving the puzzle from Truth."

"You know what Colonel Bastard? Thank you for your concern, but no thanks. I can take care of myself."

"Oh God if you weren't so obtuse for a second and see..."

"Enough." Riza boomed. As the two quieted down suddenly she repeated once more lower "Enough".

"Roy is just concerned with you Alette no need to pick on him like that because he doesn't know how to express it. And you" she turned around before the brunette had time to respond "stop patronizing the girl if you don't want people picking on you. Now could you two make up and stop fighting? The food is ready and conversations like this aren't suited for dinner." And with that she left looking at them with a glare saying 'fight once more when I come back and you won't be eating animal meat'.

Maes just hoped they had the brains to get a life threat when they saw one, and fortunately they did. They stopped fighting glaring at each other until Alette finally gave up and asked Roy how will the training go on from now then saying she won't accept any more theory crap. He didn't say anything as he watched them. In the outside everything looked fine, just a normal civil dinner conversation after a mini hurricane. Perfectly normal. But that didn't make him believe anything was fine. On the contrary, he knew Roy well enough to see that his mannered exterior was a façade to hold back his comebacks since his respect -or fear- of Riza was stronger than his fury. But that wasn't it all. The girl was even more cunning and good at concealing her emotions. She looked as calm as anyone, having small chat as any upper-society lady. She let nothing loose and with her past he didn't want to think what had made her come up with such a deceiving talent. Everything was ok and well hidden, besides her eyes. Those were burning and even though any inhuman current had died down long ago, her eyes were glowing with the strength of bottled up feelings.

And Maes knew enough until know to foresee that things won't die down like down. Honestly he hoped he wouldn't be around when the cat will be out of the bag.

* * *

**A.N. I want to thank everyone for the reviews/views/comments. It's just amazing I didn't think my story will reach this point when I started. I am just baffled. The views charts are off the charts(pun intended) and I just want to thank anyone following. You're simply the best. I hope you enjoy my story. Stay awesome!**

**The next update will be next week somewhere between Saturday and Sunday. Also since there's a possibility of me going in a school trip on Halloween I am joggling with the idea of a double update but we'll see. **

***Me out***


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

_Alette's P.O.V._

I was so done with life. No, I mean to rephrase that since after my traumatic experience I would say because I wasn't done with life got me here in the first place. I was so done with life Roy Mustang had planned for me. After four days I couldn't help myself mutter Colonel Bastard or Jerkface behind his back and I suddenly had a new insight on Ed's exasperation with the man. Actually, I was ready to ask him if he wanted to make a fanclub of Roy hating only that, oh right, everybody did their fucking best to keep us apart. Thing that drove me mad, considering that, it sabotaged any plan I could make to join them to Resembool. To make things better, Roy made me work as mad in my alchemic training saying that 'just because I had talent didn't mean I could die from my cockiness coming from my victory with Scar.'

To say this entire protective and secretive drove me mad would be an understatement and my new boost in cussing must've told them my fiery opinion in the matter. Yet Mustang was decided to keep me safe, which was sweet, but it drove me crazy and I had enough of going crazy because of someone else deciding things for me. That was exactly why I exited Roy's office with a loud bang that Thursday yelling profanities that came from my absolute stress with Roy's exigency in my alchemy training.

"God forbid men in position of power. They'll just think everything is right."

I got many strange looks as I stated my indignation aloud but nobody indulged me. They knew I was with Mustang and apparently, Jerkface had enough prestige to let random children running around East HQ, but not actually teach them or do what they needed.

God I started to sound like a prissy teenager.

As I was fuming and muttering profanities, very un-lady-like, I walked the halls aimlessly tried to cool off. Of course, it didn't work but neither did staying near Roy and screaming at him. I stopped abruptly, tiredness catching up with me. Why I had with everyone like, or he so an angry so easily. A wave of shame washed over me, as I felt guilty with the way I was acting with Roy. Damn him for always getting me so worked up over nothing.

I watched out the window, as I had stopped in a spot of sunlight. For a second I let the warm light envelop me in a feeling so temporary it hurt. Death was painfully painless. I watched my skin in the light. So white it almost hurt to look at it. A permanent reminder of my faith and deal. I was acting tough in front of Roy and Maes when talking about all this. To be honest I was so scored at the simple prospect of Truth that sometimes I felt I couldn't breathe. I had no illusion about my deal. In these conditions, there was no way I could be freed from it. Hell, even if I were what would happen to me? What would I do? Go back at being dead? Really die? No, this deal was permanent to me and I knew that. I was just going to make the best of it by helping everyone here. Hell knew I was ready to give all that was left of my soul to anyone here to see their fate change for the better.

As I was pondering my crushing decision, a hand touched my shoulder startling and making me jump a few feet behind. What...? Even now, I couldn't stand people really touching me, especially by surprise, a reminiscent of my childhood bound endlessly later by the Gate. Hands were the death of me. As I turned around, I came face to face with an old man with glasses. He was short but not too short as he was he taller than I was by far. Also he had a start of baldness in his hair. But his eyes were friendly, gleefully even, as they watched me famed by endless fine lines in his skin. At my sudden reaction he smiled, the lines stretching as the lines of a fan, his eyes gleaming quite mischievously behind those glasses. I was somewhat wary of him but I smiled back.

"And what brings a young beautiful lady like you in the East HQ? You're not having problems with the military I suppose. Such fine young woman..."

"And what is a respectful old man like you doing in the East HQ? You're not having trouble with the inheritance I hope." I restored before my mind could comprehend the word that left my mouths. When I did, I was mortified and couldn't help but slap my hands over my wide open mouth. What the fuck was wrong with my bluntness and me?

I watched the man that was dressed as every old man from the high-class dresses burst into laughter. He was laughing boisterously and I couldn't help my mortification turn into confusion.

"Ah, you're an uncommon one. I like your bunt less. Would you like to have some tea?"

Um...

"Um..." I repeated my mental incapacity. An old nice man offering tea to a young girl. In the 21 century, this was enough to call the police. "Actually I got to go back. I kind of ran off and I

needed to apologise..."

"Where did you run off from dear?" he inquired leaning forward. I backed a little away.

"From Mustang's office. I had been quite rude to him this morning I need to apologise." I said hoping that this time Roy's name will save from the crap I got myself into.

"Mustang? As in Roy Mustang you said?" The man inquired his voice three times sweeter. What the effin... "Now I surely I must meet you. Come I know a place where will have some good tea."

And without any further ado he took my hand and started dragging me through the maze of halls this damn building was. "Wait a second!" I exclaimed but the old man didn't give a damn. Instead, he kept talking about teas from all the things in the world to talk about when kidnapping a child. Of course, I was not helpless, but also I was reluctant in breaking his arm in two. As we walked and talked, and by that, me pleading to go and him describing the effects of ginger tea, we walked through many halls until we reached a set of double doors. I almost stopped at the sight of them since they were by far the fanciest doors in this building, but the inertia caused by the man dragging me around made me follow inside, reluctantly I might add.

As we entered a big ass room, so heavily we ornate it made me think of the Museum from New York, the man gingerly kept talking after tousling around his fancy trench coat. What on earth I wanted to mutter as I watched this show speechless.

"Now don't stand there gaping around like that. Come and have some tea." The old man said putting himself at a massive wooden desk, and talking out like a magical fairy some teapot and teacups from somewhere under it. I just expected a cat to appear and tell me "we're all mad in here" thing I had to agree.

Carefully I moved forward and seated myself in the big chair in front of the desk, by far the most comfortable chair in the building. I took my teacup and didn't take one gulp before the strange man took one and didn't look as if he were dying. I took one small sip before putting my cup down and trying to make things out.

The man was clearly in the military. For some reason my memory hadn't kicked in until know to tell me who he was. He liked tea. He had a big office and comfortable chair, which by comparison with Roy's can of an office made me think he was a high military officer. I wished he had his name listed here somewhere or he was wearing his uniform and not civilian clothes. He also seemed to enjoy tea very much as he didn't utter a word while emptying his cup. Why was this picking at my mind as if I was missing some important detail?

Exasperated by the silence I tried diving in myself fighting the wall of my memories wishing to find his name forcefully. In the meanwhile, he put his cup down and eyed me again. He had some odd look in his eyes.

"Now" he began as I was tearing wall by wall mentally trying to get his name, and I found him as he said the next sentence "I love that I finally found the time to meet my niece."

For a second I stood there like 'what'. Then memories kicked in. Grumman. He was general Grumman the chief of East HQ. Also his was Riza's grandfather from her mother's side. Also I was listed as one of Riza's old relatives some sort of cousin of niece since illegal immigrant from another world was already taken. Also the man in front of me was pissed. I was in some deep shit.

I barely registered that I had taken memories painlessly, without bleeding coughing or dying.

The question was since he knew my story was bullshit what card should I play to not get in prison. My mind was frantic making calculations. This explained the respect of everyone in the HQ was so damn nice to me. It wasn't my allegiance with Roy. It was my so said blood bond to the most powerful man in charge. Fuck. I remembered what that librarian had told me that before I met Ed and Al properly thing that didn't bug me until now.

Seeing no point in lying I decided to go with the same blunt approach that was well my nature.

"And isn't she lovely?" I said sipping my tea uninterested as if he didn't caught me trying to pretend I was part of his family.

"Well she certainly is, even though I can't really recall having one in the first place." His eyed gleamed. A challenge. I raised an eyebrow affected. Did he really think this was intimidating after living with my mother and father? I lived with saying things unsaid with little words.

"Neither did she think of her so said uncle. Actually she was planning other moves ahead to think about the problems her current moves could bring."

"What's your name?"

"Tessa Alethea Dens on, pleased to finally meet you."

"Finally?" He inquired. "Didn't my niece not think about me until now?"

"That doesn't mean your reputation hasn't preceded you. After all you don't met one of the best chess players in the whole East every day."

"Chess you say? Do you play chess Miss Denson?"

"As a matter of fact I do. I even consider life as a more complicated board."

"Indeed? How so?" "Well since everyone can be named after a piece from the game after use fullness. Take Mustang's team for example. Can't you imagine what piece everyone is? Every action we take it's just another step in the game. The only think that we don't know is what we always play for. But most pawns don't know nothing either."

"A very radical visions my dear. It's quite drastic but I can understand your vision. And what piece do you take yourself to be Miss Denson?"

"Me?" I said innocently, even though it was bitter. "It's not a matter of a piece Mr. Grumman, but a matter of what kind of player I am. Because I am a player. I don't have a name since I am not a piece but a player used as a piece in the game."

My affirmation was met by silence as the old man analysed me. He couldn't know what truth laid behind my words. I was the player Truth put me in the game. I was no simple piece in a game, yet I wasn't my own player since the strings had been cut from my grasp long before the game started.

"And what bothers so hard a young lady like you to run from Mustang like that?" The question surprised but I hesitated before answering. Grumman was the slickest bastard in the game.

"Just a matter of restricted moves in the table. I just want to chase a piece that I think could become a piece-player in time."

I didn't really say Roy stopped me from following Ed but the message was clear. "You know what Miss Denson? I think one of these days we have to play some chess. It looks you could be an formidable adversary if you knew how to sleek between the pieces on board."

I didn't have time to think about that since someone knocked on the door and I heard a person enter. Immediately I knew who it was and I smiled in my cup as I took another sip of tea.

"Oh Mustang, what a pleasure." "Sir..." "Do come in I was just having a chat with my niece." I waved at him from my spot seeing his eyes widen slightly at the sight of me. He knew the dangerous water Grumman was swimming in.

"Actually I think we are done here, aren't we sir. It was a pleasure b I need to get back. Don't worry I'll come one day and have that match."

"I'm sure you will my girl." He said as we rose from our chairs. Silently I went to Roy feeling slightly tensed as Grumman followed me with his eyes. As I reached Roy, I nodded once telling things were OK. The old general could've done anything to me only that he didn't. This was the maximum we could expect from him as approbation to our schemes.

"A very interesting complexion and hair you have my dear. Very foreign. "I stopped and looked at him and realised we haven't been bullshiting him for one second. "Indeed" I answered "one could say I am not from this parts." And with that statement I turned around and walked to a tense Roy that was keeping the door open for me, ready to push me out of the office. Overly-dramatic. As I reached it and I was preparing to live Grumman called for me.

"And Alette? Follow the pawns. Pawns are sometimes kings hidden." I smiled at him and exited with a cheery goodbye. Well I knew now that Grumman was very sure to what I was or was not.

"What was all this about? Why did you take tea with him? And what was that last affirmation?" A very confused and I can say slightly stressed Roy was asking. I sighed inwardly, he will need some time before he'll accept that we were cool with Grumman.

"Nothing, I just need to follow the pawns." He hadn't have to know about my decision. I just had to follow my pawns.

* * *

I was running late. And by late I meant only minutes until my plan failed and I lost my only chance to follow Ed and Al. I was running and jumping through train lines trying to avoid being seen or crashed before I reached my destination. One would wonder why I didn't follow the normal path any other passenger would. The problem was that I wasn't a passenger, I wasn't to be seen and I wasn't embarking in a normal train car. I was sure that if anyone will were to see me before the train will leave I will be turned around. And I couldn't afford that. My instincts were telling me to go with the boys. Before they had told me about Nina and Tucker but I hadn't listened and now their names were just another ache in my heart. This time not even myself could stop me from doing what I needed, in though I hated doing this to Roy and Riza betraying their trust like this.

As I jumped another railroad my backpack flung and stuck to my skin seconds later, its contents hitting me heavily in the back. damn I didn't think that the few clothes food and ...gun could be so heavy. I panted slightly as I ducked under a train seeing my destination nearing by. With an exercise the night before I unlocked the short foretell of where Ed and All will embark. Honestly the easiness with which the information came scared me. Binding to Truth sure changed things.

As I reached the wagon I ran alongside it. Ed was to stay there with Armstrong and I knew that Maes would come and check on them. That and the fact that I didn't have a ticket made me come with a plan that would have made me laugh in a day any less desperate. As I ran alongside the train, the passengers' wagons were finishing and red and brown carts started taking their place. I knew those transported other things in them from grains to animals and what I was looking for, Al. Al, unlike Ed since he was a broken armour he was considered baggage and treated like so. Of course, the whole thing made me extremely angry since Al was a human being, but I couldn't help to see the flaws of keeping him with other passengers. I didn't want to think I agreed with the idea be caused it served me good.

I stopped abruptly at the sound of sheep. Al was in a cart with sheep and I guessed the colour was about right to the one I had seen in the memory. I was here. I put my backpack down and concentrated. Besides me training with Roy, in the past week I had practiced other things too such as my new gifts. A part of me was yelling at for my stupidity of using such a dangerous gift knowing what it was doing to me. The others didn't care at the possible usefulness of the talents.

I opened my eyes and saw the world in a way only I could see. Besides the linked when I used my inner energy to make myself everything looked a little different, more beautiful, and somehow realer. Being outside when I sued this it was like taking a dose of LCD in public. Amazing and euphoric, as this was right and the way I should be all the time, only that I knew it was wrong. I shook myself from the reverie; the train was leaving in a minute.

Concentrating I choose to see only the lines on the cart. With practice, I saw how I could choose not to see some lines if my vision was focused on some path. It was as if I was having an inner GPS searching for the shortest route for my destination.

As I expected the lines were chaotic spread over the metal surface of the train, as they were everywhere. I put my hand on them feeling their current sizzle in my arm. I closed my eyes and pushed some of my energy in them spreading it accordingly. This time I wasn't going for transmutation, which meant I was releasing all that pent up energy whirling through me in and out as I became part of the roads. No, I was doing a thing I only practiced a few times that was extremely hard. I imagined the lines moving. I knew instinctively that matter was united through them not only connected so by moving them I was moving matter. I imagined the lines spreading, a whole appearing enough for me to climb through, the white roads a mass around that spot. In my mind, it seemed like minutes until I concentrated enough for something to happen. In reality, it was only mere seconds' time. I opened my eyes when I felt my energy moulding the matter seeing the whit currents sizzling and saw as if the melted in a whole. I smiled victoriously at the sight of sheep backing away scared from my alchemy. But I didn't have time to celebrate since in the next second the train started moving leaving me looking at another cart. Fucking hell! I started running somehow grabbing my backpack without falling and pushed myself through the whole. I threw the thing inside and ignored the sheep's and now Al as I tried to close the whole I made. A few moments of concentration after I crouched a and I touched the metal expelling some more energy into the wagon's wall to close the damn thing that wasn't just flashy for other people but a danger after we accelerated. I slammed my hand on the hard material and I felt the mater move at my will, closing the gap. I sighed relieved as the bleating died down and the air was no longer swooshing around me. I just let myself be comforted by the rhythmic shake of the cart.

"Who's there?" Al asked. It wasn't like I hoped my brake would last.

"Don't worry Al, it's just me."

"Alette?"

"The one and only." He asked surprised his voice sounding incredulous. "What's re you doing here? How did you enter here? What the hell was that earlier?"

I couldn't help but smile at Al's confusion. Also a new feeling of power and pride enveloped me. I had surprised the brother of one of the most powerful alchemists ever. I did alchemy he didn't quite get. I couldn't help my grin that spread over my face.

"That? Nothing much." I said leisurely as if he had asked me about my breakfast. "Just some alchemy."

-/-

Of course, Al demanded answers, and I gave them to him. Even though the first time the question appeared my instinct was to flee and run, I didn't. Because honestly if I had wanted to give someone my answers, it would have been him. Not because he was Alphonse Elric but because he was one of the most understanding and compassionate persons on the planet. Not that I wanted pity or understanding, I knew most of my deeds were understandable, but because I knew he won't inquire on matters that were to be left alone.

So I told him and he quietly listen to the tragedy of my life. Give me a story and I'll tell you a strategy.

He took my story quite well actually. It helped that I couldn't really see his shocked expression. I guess he tried his best not to offend me by being shocked. The most painful part for us was talking about the Gate. For him a remainder of his current circumstances, for me a reminder of my future circumstances. I explained that part as gently as I could let the discussion flow on the alchemy I was using. This got us both excited, or he got so excited that I got flustered myself and I enjoyed the pace of a wonderful intellectual conversation. Whether I was an alchemist or not, a good conversation was to be enjoyed any time. He was more than surprised about my abilities of seeing how the matter interconnected and how I could manipulate those connections with the flow inside me.

Apparently everywhere in the 1900s moved slow. And more surprising was the fact that any definition for the word until that moment was completely misused. Our conversation hadn't filled enough time, and soon enough we were both indulged in our thoughts. I really tried not to think at Al thinking about my story. Or how he hadn't really reacted yet to it. He took in everything with such calm that I was scared waiting for the things to settle in. Also guilt pained me as I hadn't been completely honest with him. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the Philosopher's Stone or how I used it, snippets that could only make hope sourer. I was so conflicted between trusting the brothers and wanting to gain their trust.

I was snapped back from my frantic thoughts by Al's voice. "Why don't you sleep a little?" I was confused and probably showed that because he added hastily. "Brother always sleeps on this rides, I thought you could too. It will be a while longer before we reach our destination." A warm fuzzy feeling enveloped me. It wasn't exactly worry but it definitely wasn't indifference. Al's kind and compassionate nature touched me in a way not many things could. He was so nice that he was suggesting me to the a thing he knew it helped his brother. I was touched by the meaning of the gesture. But my thoughts turned sour in front of the truth.

"I can't. I can't sleep." At Al's surprised expression or I thought it was surprised since suits of armour don't have expressions, I added. "As I said before, becoming a Halfling brought some special abilities with. One of them is me not needing sleep or getting tired like that. Of course I want to sometimes and I think I could enter a sleep like state even though it wouldn't be sleeping, I don't consider it a the best option"

"Why not?" He asked somehow hurt and I understood how painful it wounded for him to hear someone refusing something he seemed so badly. I smiled bitterly.

"Because every time I fall 'asleep' or in an unconscious state I go to the Gate. I am bound to see Truth again and again and I just can't. So really I can't sleep, not that the thing where I go to the Gate it's some peaceful good night's rest. In this way I am like you."

It was sad actually this inability to sleep, to dream, forever facing this world without a moment of brake. "It's a cruel thing huh, this curse to forever face the world without a pause. I wonder how much of this can we take?" Al didn't say anything, but I knew it was an approving silence. I thought of the years he must've stayed awake, his eyes not closing, listening to Ed and pretending to be in the effulged in the same blissful nothingness. How did he spend the nights? I studied but I knew my thoughts were restless. How cruel fate had been to Al and it had taken me so much to realise the depths of his body. In the spur of the moment, I made a decision.

"Hey Al ? What do you say that when we get down in Resembool we spend the nights together?" For a second I thought he'll take this sexually, but in his enthusiastic nod I understood that his innocence or desperation had made him understand my masked cry for help. People kept thoughts at bay after all. My heart ached for the broken carcass of the brightest soul I knew.

"Oh yea, we could do so many things! Like we could talk about alchemy since you are keen on becoming an alchemist. You haven't given up on that I hope after...It would be a pity since you have brilliant mind."

To hide my embarrassment and not stir recent ghost I used my ultimate self-defence weapon: sarcasm. "What? Now I'm flattered by this coming from such a brilliant alchemist like you. And to give up? No way, that will mean I'll have to let your pipsqueak of a brother be the youngest and most talented alchemist. Not over my dead body." After I said it I realised the irony of the phrase but thankfully Al didn't so we started a casual bickering between friends. Everyone needs one of those.

Still the uneasiness never left me. I was guilty of lying and withholding information, but how could I present myself whole to them and expect them to forgive me. I knew that for some reason what I had done was unforgivable. I didn't know why but I felt the guilt as a rock pressing against my chest and in moments like this it seemed it just took my breath away. I looked at Al and felt my eyes water. How could I expect his kindness? How could I take anything less? I knew I would be destroyed if they hated me, nobody could take hat much from the person they admired. My thoughts were interrupted by the screeching of the train making the sheep bleat. "Another stop" I sighed. With every stop we were getting closer to the destination and my anxiety increased. Al was ok with me coming along but what about Ed and Mj. Armstrong? Would they send me away? Would Winry and Pinako send me away? Al made a sound to speak but was interrupted by the sudden sound of the metal door opening and Major Armstrong covered the sudden light that made me squint and hide between one frightened mammal. What…?

"Alette? What are you doing here?" he boomed. I opened my mouth to say something when he cut me short. "Never mind that we must follow the older brother Edward in his quest to follow the man." And with that he took Al's box on his shoulder making him yelp and clang metallically at the sudden move and with the other hand he grabbed me and pulled me out of the wagon. I could just grab my backpack in the hurry and he just closed the doors in the face of the angry sheep when the train puffed and started moving once more. As sudden as before he pulled me and Al along in what for him was a fast pace. For me is like having to run. What was happening? Why hadn't sent me off or looked surprised at seeing me?

"Where is Ed?" I try to said breathlessly between breaths. "We saw a man from the window in the station. I believed him to be Dr. Marcoh a fellow State Alchemist that had been missing since Ishbal. I yelled after him trying to get him to stop, but he only ran away. Your brother, Alphonse ran after him ahead trying to catch him, and I were to retrieve you. Both of you now actually. He is up ahead somewhere, we must not lose him from our sight." Al rattled from above his shoulder as the country road and fast steps of Armstrong made him move. "Why would want to follow this alchemist?"

"It's because he was specialised in organic transmutation. He was mostly a doctor and your brother thought that might help you." If I were ok, I would mention that the last time we tried to get help from an alchemist specialised in something like that, things turned against us. As the current situation was, the last thing on my mind was Tucker's inhumanity since as soon as Armstrong said the Dr. Marcoh my brain caught on fire and I could only concentrate in walking and not falling on my knees from the searing pain. This meant one thing, I was about to revive some information about the doctor or events in the near future were important as I was going to get glimpses of the past or future. The thing was I couldn't get them soon enough as the pain made it hard for me to think and breathe. No wonder I stumbled and almost fell but the Major, surprisingly graceful, caught me and kept me as rag doll under his arm. I felt my members move up and down as we continued to move and heard voices calling for me but the pain was deafening me. What was so important about this Marcoh that it triggered the memories from the Truth? Why was it taking so long? A part of me recognised that it hadn't been as bad as before since I wasn't coughing blood or blacking out, but it still hurt like hell. And suddenly it stopped and images invaded my mind. An old looking man with wrinkles all over his fore-head from worry. The man was in different places: the first I saw had been a glimpse of Ishbal and the horror on his face told me enough to know he wasn't accepting what was happening, a second one was somewhere in a dark room, where he frantically searched for a gun. I thought it was over when a final small glimpse at the final was the man standing in a big room. I didn't remember details, just the mask of petrified pain and horror along with light and screams. What…

And like that I was pushed into reality. Everything became clear to me as an explosion. Apparently, we had stopped moving and I was sitting on a pile of stones. The light and sounds came so sudden to me at first it hurt my eyes and I just had to blink to adjust to the reality. Major was talking to Ed, and Ed…well he was yelling at the Major. After a few seconds, I registered their words too.

"…mit, I lost him….What…she doing here?" "What…mean… in train?" I didn't need perfect hearing to understand his words. Anger flared in me. Who was he to decide where I could or could not be? Damn him and Mustang and apparently every man in the FMA verse that were control maniacs.

"Sod off Elric. I can be wherever I want." I didn't completely register my voice which wasn't good bu the message was clear. That gained their attention and Ed turned to me his face angry looking.

"I never said where you should be…" "Stop whining Ed it's making my ehad hurt worse. And it certainly doesn't help in search for Marcoh."

"Well we lost him anyway and we weren't sure it was him." "Oh, it was him believe me." I said still picking at my skin. If my headache and pain wasn't proof enough the face in my mind screamed everything I needed to know. "Armstrong draw him with that drawing skill passed down in the household of Armstrong for generations." I started ordering. "Ed calm down will find him, he is still in town, we'll ask around." For some reason they complied and I sighed rubbing my head trying to make the remains of the pain disappear. I couldn't help myself but probe the wall of my memories. Black as always, but something told me that this wasn't the end of this story. There was more about Tim Marcoh than his past in Ishbal. Damn me for not remembering.

"You're ok?" Al's voice snapped me out of my frustration against my incapability. I realised he was down nest to me, only his head visible from the box. I looked at him and felt guilt for worrying him. Al was a sweetheart. "Yea, sure. Just a little dizzy. No matter how often they happen I can never get accustomed to them."

"Get accustomed to what?" Ed asked still gruffly for talking like that to him. Well he deserved it but I still was over the line. "To getting these stupid flashbacks. In my memory, I have information about the whole outcome of the story but Truth blocked that for me. And when something important is near-by and I need to know it, memories pop in my mind. It's a little antsy since I feel like my whole head is on fire, and very intrusive to get glimpses of things you never experienced yourself. Sorry for barking orders at you." I added after an awkward second of qui where neither of us said anything as I picked my forehead and Ed played the dirt with his black boots angrily. And I was sorry but he was just exasperating in that second and…I was inexcusable.

"No problem." He said still eyeing me this time worried. "Are they bad?" he inquired after a second of thought.

"Bad? Define bad. Actually, I see they're not as bad as before since in Central and…In the East City I started coughing up blood and I had been paralysed for a while. Now they're more like my brain is turned into a milkshake. Not a big deal." As I said that I propped myself to my feet but still feeling dizzy, I almost fell, but Edward grabbed me and balanced me. I stopped a little shocked and my eyes met his.

Blue and golden clashed and I couldn't say anything at the emotion in them. It was determination, a little bit of anger, but also worry, so much worry. And the realisation that Edward might worry about me made my chest hurt and eyes feel heavy. I didn't deserve his kindness or his worry. I had been mean to him and sarcastic, it didn't matter that I was usually like this, but that I was like this with him. And no matter I told myself, he was special. Not because I liked him but because of the person he was. Strong, caring, determined. Of what he did, of everything he went through, and he had meant for me in my previous life. Edward Elric was my soft spot from a thousand miles and God that realisation made me want to shriek in shame. This wasn't the time to be weak like this. I had to help them not admire them, feel happy that they helped me, or seem to care about me. It didn't matter that the look of caring in someone eyes was so foreign to me and made my chest clench painfully since it felt so odd and comforting and I wanted to ask them to never stop caring. This was weakness and all my life I defined feelings as these as weak. And I couldn't afford the feeling of his sleek fingers on my arm to make me want to run and at the same time stay myself and never go. I couldn't afford to want to look for his eyes to see concern just because I was desperate for an assurance that someone cared for me, because deep inside me I was still a hurt little girl crying on her bed alone since no one was coming. And now I knew that someone could come and I hated it so much it hurt. I couldn't afford myself to think that someone cared because then hope and expectations blossomed and nothing killed more than hope. I knew that so much. Hope was a poison that ran through your veins moulding you before it crushed you down. I couldn't afford to get crushed because right now I had to be the one strong for them when all my life I had been weak and running. No, I had to stay but not for their kindness, but for them.

Because of that, I moved slowly from him letting his hand slip from my arm. As nice as it felt his caring and Al's kindness I couldn't accept them. It was too much and too little at the same time. Awkwardly I broke eye contact not wanting him to know about the raging storm and conclusions that roared inside me cutting and slicing mercilessly.

"Thank you." I said awkwardly, realising I had been staring at his hand, my voice rough and throat suddenly very very tight.

"No problem." Ed replied looking both embarrassed and uncomfortable. "You look different." I forgot that I did. "Now that you mention it brother, she does indeed." Al approved from his place. "How you changed so fast? Now here, and back then in Central." Ed inquired. "I remember then you had another eye colour and besides your new haircut; there are so many things different about you now."

I gulped uncomfortable as he let his golden eyes over me. No matter what those orbs disarmed me in the weirdest ways. But he was right. He deserved to know. Only not now. "Not now Ed. It's a long complicated story that needs time. And now we need to find Marcoh, I sense it's bound to happen." Then looking at Al. "It's because I reinforced the bond." With that, I turned around and walked away not wanting to hear their questions. Al knew what I was talking about and I could see the shock forming behind his armour.

"Ready Armstrong?" I said coming close to the Major that had been scribbling in a notebook.

-/-

It didn't' took long. Everyone in the picturesque village had heard of doctor Mauro. The name didn't require an imagination to link it back to Marcoh. I listened as every person described with happiness and awe the good doctor that magically healed wounds. That was no magic that healed wounds, just alchemic transmutations. And in a small town like this it wasn't that hard to heal wounds. You had just to think at the tissue and then to manipulate the cells and blood vessels to stick back together. It was a simple process since as an alchemist you knew the chemical compound of the human body as well as its anatomical structure. But this logical explanation hadn't put my mind at ease. Something from the way the people described his alchemy was somehow familiar. Again, I probed the void but getting nothing. At last, we decided to visit Dr. Mauro's home.

We climbed the stairs leading to his door, me and Ed followed by Armstrong with Al on his shoulder. Ed knocked and when no response came, he started to pull the door as pain flared my mind. In seconds, my body reacted jumping on the blonde as he was pulling open the door, and the same time initiating a transmutation. I imagined the concrete of the floors changing, shaping as they formed a precarious barrier between the bullet that was fired and us.

In a following motion, I was on my feet. My mind commanded the lines to reshape back in their previous place leading the white power in me through my feet, as my hands were busy searching for my gun. That's how when Armstrong and Al reached us I was standing in front of a man pointing a gun at him while he shook and pointed his at me, Ed sprawled on the floor.

"Put the gun down Marcoh. I can't afford you hurting someone with it." He watched me his eyes wide with fear. "What are you? How did you do that? Why are you here? Are you to take me back?!"

For fuck's sake, he had to put that gun down. It didn't take much to shoot either of us. Annoyed I activated the lines again and seeing the wooden floor he was staying on, I imagined them stretching out in a spear that could throw the gun away. My hands busy once more so I let the flow enter the lines through my feet, in mere seconds Marcoh's gun flying from his hands. "That's better." I said pointing my gun lower, but still not putting it away. The man was frantic, no way I was letting him do something to hurt Ed.

Thankfully, Major Armstrong intervened from behind me. "Please calm down, Doctor." But his eyes were still on me and the gun I was pointing at him. "How…how did you do that? What are you?"

"Oh man can't anyone think of more important matters first?" "Doctor please calm down." Armstrong tried once more. "It's me Alex Louis Armstrong." That made his attention snap back at the man.

"I don't want to go back there anymore." "Hey pops we are not taking you anywhere…" I tried to reason but he continued backing away as a cornered animal. "Then did you come to seal my mouth?! You can't trick me!" "For fuck's sake…" I started but I was overcome by the Major that apparently had as much patience as I did, as he threw Alphonse's box onto the man. "I said to calm down!" And with that he entered picking up the protesting armour once more while the man clutched his belly in pain. I shoved Ed next through the door and with one look on the surroundings, I followed them and closed the door. Why they all cluttered next to the man, Ed trying to quarrel for brutalising his brother, Armstrong trying to calm down the doctor, Al not being able to move from the ridiculous situation he found himself into, I went for the missing gun. In one sweep movement, I took it from where it had landed on the wooden floor, and while putting mine away in the back of trousers, I removed the bullets from the one the doctor had. After I put it on the table, I turned around and assessed the situation. Since the doctor looked like listening now, I decided that his floor could go back to its previous state. Concentrating I tried to bring forth the light energy, only to find it unwilling. Stubbornly I concentrated even more until I felt a small amount respond to my will, enter the white roads, and transmute everything back the way it were. After it happened I let my control slip away and I fell exhausted on the nearest chair feeling as all my air had been sucked out of me. What the hell was this? As I thought I felt a familiar wetness on my upper lip and nose. Without thinking, I took my napkin and stuffed it, trying to make the bleeding stop. What was this? I thought I was done with bleeding. 'No', I suddenly realised. I had forced myself to use alchemy. Gate Alchemy. I thought of the times I had tried to snuck memories from Truth. Every time I had forced things until I could not control them anymore. Could that mean that my body was weak? No, by reinforcing the bond, I was granted more abilities since the line between me and Truth was blurring. That meant I was becoming less human by second. As scary as that sounded looking objectively that meant I could also take more than an average human now. Thus, just a horrid headache when remembering. That didn't mean my body could take too much of Gate Alchemy since I was still mostly human. I didn't know if that made me relieved or annoyed since it meant my power was limited by the nature I was trying to preserve. The question was how long it would be until I started performing alchemy like that easily. How human I would be by then? I bit my lip and took my napkin away from my nose watching the read smear on it. I had to stop using this flow and power. As much as the lines helped, they also destroyed. Equivalent exchange. I thought about my only alchemy in Roy's kitchen. I should stay only to regular alchemy from now on. But a traitorous voice inside me whispered 'Are you really willing to throw power away? As if, you could retain yourself through the lines. It's already in your reflex.' No, it was not. Just in case of emergencies like had happened now. Ed could have been easily shot and my body reacted to that. It wasn't a reflex but precaution…

In the meantime, the three had calmed down and were coming towards me at the table. I hid the napkin away but that didn't stop Ed from watching me with a calculating look, as I suddenly became a new variable to solve. Major placed Al down, this time gently and seated himself at the table as everyone did. I turned around and handed Marcoh the gun. "Sorry about your gun. And your floor." Then I put his bullets on the table knowing he couldn't make a move before I stopped him. I wouldn't let him hurt anyone here even though now he seemed mostly harmless.

"Thank you." He said calmly, took the gun, and played with the empty cartridge. "Sorry I tried to shoot you." "No problem, if I got one penny I said that to anyone, I would be rich." I smiled at him carelessly even if my heart twisted. I knew at least two people I had to apologies for shooting to which I never will. Doctor opened his mouth and was about to ask something when Armstrong intervened.

"I had no idea you were hiding out in the countryside under an assumed name. I heard a rumour you took some classified documents with you when you disappeared." The man turned to Armstrong folding his hands as his expression grew sombre.

"I couldn't stand it any longer. Sure, it was an order from the superiors, but because of it I had to stain my hands by conducting research on such a thing."

"Such a thing?" Edward inquired as I stood there paralyzed memories creeping in the head of my back I couldn't stop the little voice in my head from muttering 'Uh huh' as I knew something bad was coming. Without knowing why, panic enveloped me and I wanted the doctor to stop talking. I couldn't heart it, whatever 'it' was.

"So many innocent people died because of it in the civil war in Ishbal…" at that he stopped chocking in his words his face a mask of pain. "I cannot atone for what I've done," he said after a few moments "even with my life. So I decided to become a doctor for this town because I wanted to do all I could to pay for my sins." I breathed in a gulp of air as the words sounded more and more with the thoughts that sometimes haunted me at night. God how I hated this man, which knew this feeling. How I hated myself for knowing this sort of desperation.

"Doctor what were you exactly ordered to research?" asked Armstrong his voice grave.

At that, the man raised his face and said the words that started it all. My damnation and the light of hope. "Philosopher's Stone." I could almost feel Edward and Al tensing besides me, the energy from the room shifting painfully. But I was losing touch with reality as another set of memories came over me, a wave of pain and sorrow. I gasped with everyone, but not because of the revelation but of the images. Children crying and begging, woman and man dragged into a circle as many people in white clothes watched mercilessly, their agony piercing my skull. Not only that but also other faces. A woman, a child and five other man, their features indescribable. Purple and red. Purple eyes, a violet shade. I caught my head as the images kept going soaring in my mind. A man talking loudly while Al was chained into a room saying he wanted the secrets of his body. A tattoo, a snake eating its own tail. _There's no way 'there's no way'. _And again to Marcoh running through Central while someone followed him. A woman followed him. It hurt so bad. Who were all these people? What was happening exactly and how were they linked to the Philosopher's Stone? _The devil's research. The devil's nest. _With that, I was brought in reality only to see I had let my head on the table while starching my teeth painfully. For a second I just stood there thoughts leaving my mind blank as I welcomed the void. Too much. Finally, I looked up as I felt hands shake me painfully.

Edward's frantic face came into view as he tried to make me respond. With a sigh, I concentrated once again to my surroundings, my head booming with each beat of my heart. "Alette. Oi, Alette, you hear me?" I nodded not feeling capable of speaking. "Are you ok? It happened again didn't it? Does it hurt? What was it this time?" I sighed and managed to throw some words through my teeth.

"Slow...down…" With that, he stopped and stepped aside as I tried to regain my senses. What had they even talked about after I blacked out? "Better?" Al asked and I nodded. "Damn this can't get old, can it? Sorry what were you saying?" I asked Marcoh. "He's got a Stone." Armstrong said. And I gasped and looked at the man that in the meanwhile searched in his pocket taking out a small vial with a red liquid. A red nuance I had seen seconds ago in my mind. As Ed inclined, further I pushed myself far away from the vial as its sight burned me.

"Isn't that a liquid, not a stone?" he asked. At that, Marcoh just opened the bottle at turned it upside down, the liquid falling on the table. I jumped up not wanting it to touch me when I saw it didn't sprawl on the surface at all. In fact, it was now a red moving ball on the wooden surface. I gasped alongside with Ed.

"The Philosopher's Stone, The Heavenly Stone, The Great Elixir, The Red Tincture, The Fifth Element. They aren't necessarily in the shape of a stone, just as how the stone itself has many different names." Everyone leaned further watching the red liquid, thing, substance on the table, Ed probing its mushy substance with his finger. Why were they so interested? Didn't they feel it? The putrid vibe? Didn't it make them want to run?

"But this is incomplete. I don't know when it'll reach its limit and become unusable."

"But it definitely displayed its power during the Ishbalan War. Same with the bogus High Priest of Lior." Ed added. "His abilities were improved even though the Stone was incomplete. If something like that can be made, it's possible to perfect it if we give it more research!"

"Of course not." I found myself speaking. "Of course he wouldn't let something that could be forever used to counter him. After all this is also a horrid method of Equivalent Exchange. There will never be achieved a complete Philosopher's Stone."

"What are you saying girl. Who wouldn't let us achieve that?" Asked Marcoh confused. I turned to him and said "Truth." For a second he looked as if he didn't understand but then his eyes went wide and opened his mouth to say something only to be overcome by Ed.

"What do you mean by that Alette? What do you mean Truth won't let us create a complete Philosopher's Stone?"

"Simple. He is God. He is the ultimate power. What sense would it have to give humans a way to achieve power greater than his? With that thing there, you defy every law of nature. You defy the Equivalent Exchange. That order must always exist, and the balance is established when the Stone runs out of power and becomes unusable. If it would not, what sense would God have?"

My words were cold. And I knew as I said them that they were true. Truth would never let a material that could negate his existence in this world. He wanted to be the absolute force that was his existence. Men only ventured on the land of God through alchemy. They were never to become God.

"How do you know that?" Marcoh asked quite shocked. "How do you know about Truth?" I just shrugged.

"I am a Halfling. In my world, I had died and through him, I came here. I am the closest thing to it in this realm." And it was true. With our connection, we might as well be the same person.

"Died? What do you mean by that?" "I died in a car crash and my soul lingered after. Truth then somehow brought me here through the gate responsible with the alchemy. Every alchemist has a Gate. Apparently the gate unites the realms too."

"Crossed the Gate? It's impossible." "There's no way 'there's no way'." I responded dryly.

"Alette what do you mean Truth wouldn't let in this existence a perfect Stone because it defies him? That's not true, there's no way that could be true! I refuse to back down now, is that what are you telling me?" Ed yelled ignoring our short exchange or Doctor's complete and utter shock, his face a mask of disdain.

"No, I am telling you no amount of trying could create a better Stone." I responded calmly as I turned to face him. "Then are you telling us that there is no way to get our bodies back? Hell, with Truth and everyone, I promised we will reach our goal! I will get Al's body back. Dr. Marcoh, please show me the research data!" Ed yelled passionately his fury getting the better of him. I couldn't help the feeling that his fury was orientated at me. His hate for the world orientated at me. I just stated the truth even though it was cruel, but for a second I felt remorse and also pain at the thought that I had hurt him, made him doubt his goal.

"Major...who are those kids?" Marcoh said wide-eyed his face mask of shock. I really didn't blame him for that, I would had had a hard time grasping the concept of us.

"He's a State Alchemist. She is a girl that survived fatal injuries several times, that can transmute without circles and has many oddities regarding her."

"Wait a second…A boy like this State Alchemist? Why would you…So many gave up their state qualifications after the Ishbalan War because they couldn't stand being used as human weapons and yet you…" he said his voice pained as he slowly closed his eyes in disbelief and hurt. My mind went to the battlefield that I had relived so many times through other's memories. I could understand that. I also knew that if I could sleep my nightmares would never let me rest. I could easily relate to his reluctance to accept that someone would want to go through that hell willingly once more. Especially a kid. And then I knew for sure that the war had crushed the Doctor Marcoh everyone remembered, the man in front of me a broken shell of regrets and pains. In his state, I knew he could only judge the stupid that put ambition above humanity.

"I know it's stupid! But I am willing to go through hell until I achieve my goal!" Ed yelled his fury and desperation reaching their peak.

Instinctively I touched my right shoulder. 'Oh Edward, but haven't you seen that hell already?' I though bitterly, compassion making my heart clench and soul waver for the fate that had bestowed on the blond boy. Not pity but compassion, never pity.

Later we explained to Marcoh all our circumstances. First Ed and Al then me. I mostly repeated the story I gave to Al. Me dying, the deal with Truth, me being bound to Gate and Truth letting me have some of him, thus my abilities. I didn't know who was more shocked in all this, and I just wanted some alcohol to make myself forget this awfully complicated situation and all its underlings. I didn't understand how Marcoh and Armstrong took it so quietly. I knew for instance that Edward was barely stopping himself from assaulting me with question as his brother did. I knew that I couldn't take any more of that painful feeling of compassion and understanding at the lingering pain in the room. Hells brought together by their bearers.

"I see." Marcoh said looking at Al that finally could speak without scaring the man. "So you broke the taboo. I'm amazed. You were able to affix a soul of a human being. You actually might be able to create a Philosopher's Stone." At my indignant puff, he turned towards me. "Not to say about you. Your whole existence is a miracle…no an exception. Not to talk about your abilities. The way you transmuted before without even moving. You can do that all the time?"

I just rubbed my head. "No I can't. I already ran out of gas. If I try to transmute further my body will collapse since it cannot support this form of alchemy." My embarrassment and thoughts of the situation were explicitly understood from my slightly defensive stance. I would never be comfortable with admitting weakness to anyone, especially myself.

"But the way you see the world when you activate the power. And the way you wield matter..." He continued trying to prove his point. I sighed. It wasn't as if I was doing magic. By far actually.

"It's still alchemy. I still use the same steps, only a bit different. First, I always have to think of the chemical structure of the material I am going to transmute. Not the roads, but the final place where the transmutation will take place, a thing which is complicated as I cannot always anticipate with 100% the perfect spot. Then I have to imagine destructing that, remodelling the roads and atomic form to the one I need, only after letting the roads form on the new material. They never disappear I am just turning them to another form. It's quite simple, nothing really disappears, it only transforms."

"Amazing. And you are doing that process in mere seconds." I shrugged already tired of having to explain myself. "May I have a closer look at your body?" He asked and I couldn't help but give a small smile at his curiosity. 'Alchemists', I puffed. At least some things weren't a variable in my life.

"Sure. Go ahead." Damn alchemists turning me in a lab rat, but I understood their curiosity. I was curious too. The first thing Marcoh did was to take my pulse. "You are so cold. Too cold. It's like your blood is not flowing properly." "I am always like that." I shrugged not pondering ion the detail. If I did analyse every aspect of my oddities I would have gone mad as time would have flowed around me leaving me to forever wonder trying to find some answers that would never come. "I don' really feel cold, even though I can sense when I am too warm or feeling warm." "You're pulse it's very weak and too slow." He said after counting for a while under his breath. "It's amazing that your body can move at all and function in this state. What else is it to it?"

'Yay me for being the medical case of the century' I whooped inside me sarcastically.

"I don't sleep. I don't ever feel tired as to sleep, so I prefer not to. I also eat a lot, but at times, I don't feel hunger. I also have diminished need of biological functions. I think I can survive a while without air too. My endurance is bigger and I regenerate very fast. I had my heart and lung pierced a while ago and survived and was well in a few days."

"You also had been injured badly while fighting Scar." Armstrong added. "A few broken ribs at least." I shrugged. "I don't remember and when I woke I was fine." It was a miracle that my head hadn't been blown off in that fight.

"Amazing. But are you ok with your temperature being this low?" he asked, his worry evident. Uncomfortable I shrugged the fact. "I don't mind or feel any difference." It's not like I could walk with a radiator on my back and I really didn't feel any difference.

"Let me help you. I know how to use the Stone in medical ways. I can use it on you only to warm your blood a little and establish a normal flow of the heart." He added at once at my admission. As he said that, I felt shivers down my spine and a need to refuse. I watched him warily my eyes narrowing at the slight enthusiasm and well curiosity. But I couldn't stop the feeling of dread at his offer.

The refusal was on my lips, repugnance making my skin crawl and an old instinct telling me to run. Why I was acting so harsh to a sincere offer? Why did the idea of being touched by the Stone as if I could be engulfed in hot lave? I looked at the Stone and thought about my oddities. If this could help me become more human, fuck my instincts. Slowly I nodded, rather reluctant, and Marcoh took the Stone from the table. I extended my hand to him and he watched me once in the eyes before nodding once assuring and turning the bottle upside down. I watched entranced how the red liquid, a perfect crimson that contained all the nuances of light and dark, slowly swirled and dripped from the bottle towards my pale skin, in a slow motion, almost as hesitant as myself to make contact, only to finally touch it. I had one moment when I could retract my hand but I stood my ground my heart hammering like a frightened humming bird, eyes wide in fear. I gulped.

And then I screamed.

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys for the late update. School is keeping me in a very shot leash and I am sorry for all these delays. I am honestly trying to get things in some sort of balance. Anyway I want to thank everyone so much for their support until now. I do appreciate it. Times are hard for me and knowing that at least someone appreciates my work makes me keep going. So if you enjoy leave a review, follow, or just give me a PM. You have no idea how much it means to em this contact from reader to writer. If I don't answer immediately I apologise but I will do it when I find a breath, I do answer and I am open to anyone. **

**Anyway I hope you enjoyed and sorry for the cliffy. Next update at the end of this week as usual. Thank you so much!**


	16. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

* * *

_Alette's P.O.V._

I screamed as pain tore at me like claws of a rabid animal. It burned, the epicentre being my wrist where the fire lulled. If hell could be a feeling this was it. I withered trying to make it go away, hoping it will go away only that it didn't. I just screamed and trashed begging it to stop. It was different from what I felt when Truth touched me. That was on the inside, more like a fire changing my own core, a different pain that was neither ice nor fire. This was what burn felt like I was scorched.

There were so many voices. Just so many voices. Some I recognised. I heard Marcoh saying, "She is reacting to the Stone." And Armstrong telling someone to "hold her tight", after hands keeping me still, making me feel the agony through my veins while I stood still, incapable of running away of tearing away from it. And then there were other voices. I didn't know them. I didn't really understand them. There were children, woman and men. They were also crying. They were also asking for help.

_I want my mom._

_Please someone. Save me._

_Make it stop. Make it stop. MAKE IT STOP._

And after a while it did stop. It didn't burn anymore but it still was there. Only the pain became despair, as I knew it would never stop and I felt myself being drown in a sea of hopelessness and pain. It was as if I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, needles and blades and knives piercing me all at once. There was no hope, nothing to save me there was just the pain. Who was I? What was happening after all? It just hurts…

Stop, please make it stop…

It was a red limb of spirits screaming and I was turning into another one of them. They were moving running endlessly, trying to find an exit only there was no exit. The sound was horrible. Children crying for their parents. Mothers crying for help. Men calling for death. Death wasn't here. Nothing was here. It was pain. It hurts!

Make it stop!

MAKE IT STOP!

* * *

_And just like that it stopped so sudden I didn't even had time to adjust to the loss of pain, my body just shaking with the remnants from my memory. I didn't know how not to feel pain. What was this feeling? Was I dead? How could I not feel the agony?_

_I watched around the nothing. It was white. It was so white. Why was it white? What was happening? Who was I?_

"_Now, now." I heard. I looked over my shoulder where a white creature was patting me with its white hand. I tried to cower away but I couldn't. If I moved, it will hurt. I couldn't let myself feel pain again._

"_It's ok Alethea. It's over. It's done."_

_I watched that thing talk. It didn't have eyes just a mouth. Why was it talking to me? What was it?_

_Sighing the creature lifted a hand and with one finger, it touched my forehead. In a millisecond pained exploded inside me and I cowered away in fear knowing I'll go back that, I'll be sent back to hell…._

_Only that the pain disappeared as soon as it appeared. And the confusion started to lift and I was standing there shaking gathering my thoughts, as Truth watched me from where I had stood before, the Gate behind him. He wasn't smiling this time._

_I watched him trying not to think. I wanted to think that it wasn't real, only that it was. I wanted not think about pain, or red or anything, only that my mind still fathomed the memory of the thing that stopped happening only seconds ago. Or had it been longer than that? What was that anyway? How have I lost myself like that? What was happening?_

"_What happened?" I asked myself from my defensive ball, shivering. It was cold. For the first time after I had died, I felt cold. I forgot how empty cold felt._

"_You touched a Philosopher's Stone." Right, I did that. "What happened to me?" At that, Truth really sighed before sitting himself across me. "You reacted to the Philosopher's Stone."_

_I didn't understand. It was all too complicated for my mudded mind that was stuck reviewing the red hell from moments ago. Words? Words like this didn't make sense to me, nothing did or would as my world was governed by an only universal rule: pain. "I reacted to the Philosopher's Stone? What does that mean?"_

"_It means" he kept talking slowly as if I was a child "that you had been absorbed into the Stone when you touched it."_

_I …What? I thought of the pain, of the red souls and what happened. 'Oh God, oh dear God' I shivered and felt my hands tighten around me as something clicked in my broken mind and things started to make sense. Oh. God. But that was the point, there really was no God._

"_You have to understand that your condition as a Halfling makes you vulnerable to some things Alethea." He continued ignored my obvious distress and panic. Half of me was following him, as the other half was just frozen in place not able to come to terms with the new fear that crushed my body hard. "It is true that nothing else in that world can harm you, since you have my essence and part of you lingers here, but that doesn't mean you are indestructible since you are mostly human."_

"_My condition…What do you mean? I can't die?"_

"_If by death you mean physical death, then yes you can't die. You have me inside you, that is enough to grant you some form of immortality and powers, as our traces are intertwined. Also a part of you lingers in me, that is enough for you to reconstruct yourself if you were to disappear."_

_I listened only halfway. I was still shocked and crazed as my mind could only process this much. I couldn't die? The concept seemed impossible to me. How could that be? In a way, I have always thought death as the emergency exit, in life you could always die and end it all. Now I felt so trapped. There was no exit for me. It was there and pain or here and pain. Claustrophobic didn't begin to describe it._

"_You also are dead. And you cannot kill what isn't alive to begin with."_

"_What do you mean by that?" "You are alive because of me and the deal," he repeated not really answering me. "If not you would've been a soul. I created from a whole soul half a body and sent you there. If not you had died then, truly died." _

_I gulped since this was another truth I had trouble coping with. As the others believed it was impossible for me to be dead, I thought also so. I mean I was walking besides them breathing and eating, I was as alive as they were right? Truth just shattered that for me. He didn't seem keen on the idea of false hope._

"_Also because you are Halfling there is no real grounding for your soul. Humans are bound to their bodies or something stable in that world. They cannot wonder since it's a stable bound. You? You are part here, part there, caught somewhere in the middle, with no stable anchor. You can easily jump from the Gate to reality and back. How do you think these changes react to a Philosopher's Stone?"_

"_But humans can also come here." I pointed._

"_Yes but they specifically come here through alchemy, usually paying a token since they cannot turn back without paying. You come and go as you please. You are not stable. And the Stones are clusters of souls put together. Your energy will attract them as they try to claw out trough you, in the meanwhile sucking you within. You can never touch a Philosopher's Stone without being slowly sucked in it."_

_I watched him blankly. I couldn't really get my mind to work. Was he trying to tell me that the Stone was trying to possess me or the souls in the Stone were trying to break free into my body the result being in me being sucked in their reality? I just felt like my brain had melted._

"_You know what the Stones are." He added slowly as he was trying to make me understand the concept. I didn't even knew that such a strange feeling as patience could be used by such an impatient being as Truth._

"_Here I know, I bet when I go back I won't." I answered bitterly thinking of the truth behind the whole series._

"_True, but you know still. You are sucked in them. Since it's unnatural for souls to take this form they are bent through alchemy. That's where the agony comes from mostly. Also you being sucked in that vortex will make you lose yourself from the pain as your soul is feeling the same thing as any other one from that realm. You had already ebbed away; if you stayed longer I wouldn't have had anything to retrieve back but a broken shell."_

"_How did I get here?"_

"_I called you forth. You were losing yourself and I felt through the connection. So I used it to bring you here." I nodded. It made sense._

"_And this will happen every time I touch a Stone?"_

"_Yes. Your soul is not properly anchored like other's humans. Even Alphonse through the blood of his brother and his sacrifice can have a stable anchor."_

_Until the vessel starts to corrode that is._

"_You'll get swapped in the Stone and won't have power to fight it back. You were right you know about the Stone back there. I can't allow such a perfect form of matter in that world. Also because of that, the Stone is like antimatter for me. You having me inside you only makes you more vulnerable to it."_

"_Anti-Truth."_

"_Yes human, how do you think people can use it to get very thing from me. It's Equivalent Exchange yes, since the souls there balance their request. The problem is if I touch a Stone since it's basically everything that I am not."_

"_A cluster of souls. You have no soul. But before you kept one in your hand" I said remembering our first encounter._

"_Yes but I can fight them off. You cannot. I cannot save you like this every time. It could have been too late already. I had to reinforce the bond just to bring you back but next time I might not be able to do anything to bring back. If you lose yourself in that vortex you'll be forever caught in the Stone and used as a Stone."_

_And here I thought there weren't worse fates than the Gate,_

"_Why are you telling me all this? Why had you saved me? Why haven't you told me before?"_

_I didn't mention him being kind to me. Kindness and Truth were never meant to be used together in a correlation._

"_Because I regarded you to have the mind not to go against your instincts. Foolish humans thinking they all know best. As for saving you I still need you there."_

"_That again. Are you going to tell me what for?"_

"_Restore the balance." And he smiled and I knew the talk was over. Slowly I got myself up and walked past him. I watched the grey Gate as I came closer. It had an intricate pattern of curbs and lines, words scattered on it. It was fitting I supposed. Every gate was unique reflecting its Alchemist. I guessed this was my essence. As I reached the floating doors, I stopped and looked over my shoulder at Truth. He was sitting there watching the void. For a second I let myself to pity his lonely existence then I remembered whom I pitied. Still that didn't change the fact that he had saved me._

"_Thank you" I said before exiting, feeling completely worn out._

* * *

I woke up with a gasp and jumped straight in a sitting position. Hands brought me back in a lying positon and for a second I fought until I recognised Ed's voice and I relaxed. Slightly. I was still panicked as shock started to lift off.

"Oh Alette, thank God." I heard him exclaim, his eyes meeting mine, a breath full of relief leaving his lips, in our crouched position, the huff slightly touching my face. Warm, I thought. "What happened?" I finally asked worried by Ed's frantic behaviour.

"I thought we lost you." He said finally letting me stand up as he and Major moved away to make space. As soon as I was in a sitting position, he smacked the hell out of me. I didn't have time to react and even thing of his actions before the gloved hand made contact with my check with a disgusting sound, pain jolting up my numb nervous system. "Are you dumb worrying us like that?! Going limp as a doll after trashing and yelling?! Have you got any idea how much you worried us, you stupid?!" He yelled immediately ad I just stood there my palm rubbing the sore spot, eyes wide open watching Ed as he yelled his worry in my face. I opened my mouth to say something in my defence but I never got to finish anything as he enveloped me in a fierce hug. "Idiot, never do something like that ever again." He said our bodies touching awkwardly in a hug. He clutched me fiercely and I let him too astounded to make any move otherwise. "Always on the verge of dying, God I need to put a leash on you." He joked but his voice sounded somehow broken. And I felt my heart pang for the pain I had caused him. I only thought of what he had to see me go through repeatedly and for a second it felt worse and more maddening than actually experiencing it. So in a moment of madness, before my mind came back and I would feel as I would doing something extremely bad, or the panic will make me cringe, I put my arms around Ed's form and hugged him back trying to express my apologies that I just couldn't form.

I chuckled bitterly relishing in his warmth. I didn't feel cold again but the memory of the Stone made me shiver and want to cry. My eyes stung and my throat hurt and God how grateful I was to be alive. His steady figure was so needed at the moment that it scared me. It meant I wasn't swirling in despair or pain, and even though it didn't make me feel anything special besides clumsy hugging the bundle of clothes and limbs, it made me feel safe and warm, a feeling so much more needed. In seconds gigantic arms enveloped us both as Armstrong swept us in a passionate hug.

"Oh, the emotions of the young Elric at seeing his friend go through a horrendous experience. Oh, the courage this girl has. It as the great trait of bravery and endurance passed down in the Armstrong family for generations…"

Of course, we were just tossing and yelling trying to get free before we died of asphyxiations or he took off his shirt. Finally, he stopped and I let my wobbly feet support me. I was glad by everyone's odd demeanour since I knew the second they left me think I'll be brought back into that hell hole. Swept into the Stone. The idea only made me sick and want to throw up. And suddenly I was so glad that dreams and rest was a denied gift to me.

"What happened?" Marcoh finally asked looking guilty and I realised he burden I put onto his shoulders. He was staying slightly away from our group looking horrified and relieved. Guilt encompassed me of what I had put the doctor through. Everyone actually. It was one thing for me to bear the pain but another one completely for others to feel the reminiscences of it. "Mr. Marcoh it was absolutely not your fault." I said my voice soft.

"Yes it was, if I have not insisted…"

"No I won't hear about it. I somehow knew it was a bad idea and I still agreed. It's only my fault. Don't burden yourself with things you haven't done." I countered definitely. I wasn't going to let him feel guilty for me. Not when he already did and tried to help me so much.

"But what happened to you?" he added his concern still obvious. "I don't really know. I just know I felt unimaginable pain burning and hen cold as I was being stabbed and I felt so lost and there were so many voices. And then I was with Truth and he sent me back saying I reacted to the Stones."

The question was something what important thing could I not remember? It was because I was a Halfling and with some Truth in me thus not properly anchored, but why have I reacted like that to the Stones? Why was I drawn so powerful to them? I knew when it was about a memory I just couldn't access damn it when I needed to.

"Reacted to the Stones? How so?" "It's because I'm a half-human and my soul isn't anchored here I was somehow swept into the Stone. But I don't understand why I would be, I mean what are the Stones made from?"

At that, Marcoh turned pale and looked another way, his arm shooting out to brace himself on the table, his face very pale. Bingo I thought as another wave of uneasiness washed over me. I really started to hate this whole Stone ordeal already. "Doctor, I think I agree with Ed saying that we need to look over your research, I need to find more about these things…."

"No. I cannot show you the data."

"But…" Edward tried to argue. "You mustn't desire to know about such a thing!" he yelled at us, his eyes black pits of a tortured soul.

"Even if it's for them to get their bodies back? For me to know why I reacted that why and almost died?" I argued swallowing my pity for the man. I was compassionate to him but this feeling now was a weakness and a liability to me since not knowing risked my existence.

I didn't quite mention that I couldn't really die.

"You shouldn't! That's the Devil's research. You'll see Hell if you study it."

"I've already seen Hell!" Ed yelled his temper getting the best out of him. I had to agree with him. We were both haunted by two different versions of hell.

Marcoh stopped and looked at the three of us. How pathetic you must've looked. Two broken kids and a suit of armour. He was pained but I knew his answer before he said it.

"Sorry. Please, leave..." Ed wanted to argue but I stopped him. "Let's go Ed." I said suddenly very tired, and with that, I took my backpack and opened the door leaving. There had been nothing for us here. No, I was wrong; there had been no good information for us here. Only questions and pain. I didn't want to think if I could tattoo this on myself as a motto of my entire life.

We reached the transition in silence. None of us had anything to say. The brothers felt the missing information as their doom. I felt the missing information as a possibility of doom. If I was that susceptible to Philosopher's Stones, I needed to know what I had known about them. It was my way of survival. I couldn't afford to go blindly like this. If I touched one, my soul would go there, leaving what was left, aka my shell of body, here, condemning me to an eternity of pain. No, there was no way I would let this happen. Though the news that I couldn't die any other way was making me feel biased. Dauntless and caged. Also there were my memories. I had seen those people. The man that would capture Al. The Devil's nest. It all came back regarding the Philosopher's Stone. I had to find the man with violet eyes and get the truth out of him. Somehow, I would do it.

"Is it really ok?" Armstrong asked. That made me turn my head around to look at him. We were standing on a bench in the train station, in front of railways and green hills forming a dream like scenery. Too bad my mind was somewhere else.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"It's incomplete, but we could have taken at least the Stone by force."

I watched mouth agape. How could he even suggest that?

"Of course I wanted it. I want it so badly, but…" Ed said and my head jerked towards him. Couldn't he mean to…?

"We don't want to steal the only support the people in this town have in order to get our bodies back." Continued Al from his casket. I was speechless. I haven't really thought about that, since the idea never crossed my mind. Even if it did, I would have thought about my morals and not the people. God I was so selfish.

"It's good enough we found that a Philosopher's Stone can be created. We'll look for another way." Ed added sounding slightly more cheerful and determined even though there was an underling of disappointment. I just watched him as if he grew another head. Once again, I was left speechless by his devotion and determination. I didn't have to think why I would give my life for Edward Elric when he did such a good job of reminding me myself like this every day.

"And I'll help you." I said. They turned to look at me. "It's not like I came here tailing you for free food. I came already to help and since my life is in danger because of the Stone, I need to know as much as I can about it. Or be around you when you discover it."

"Hey that's not fair taking advantage of us like that…" Ed started which resulted in a bickering contest until the train arrived that diffused the tensioned atmosphere and made me wonder why this dork was such a good example of a human being when he could be so infuriating. We were ready to embark when Ed asked. "What about you Major? Don't you have to report Marcoh in Central?"

"The person I met today is a town doctor by the name of Mauro. " I smiled knowingly at his formulation. This was a sufficient answer for me. Major was indeed a soft person. We were soon interrupted by a voice yelling after us. We turned around only to see Marcoh running for us with a paper in his hand.

"This is where the data is hidden." He said between breaths after he had reached us and stopped without demolishing us I might add. He extended the paper to Edward. "If you still feel you won't regret discovering the truth, take a look. You might be able to reach the real truth that is beyond truth…No. This was unnecessary." He smiled bitterly his eyes hidden by shadows of a haunted past. I frowned at him, but he had already turned around to leave. Suddenly a thing flashed in my mind, making me wobble on my feet. "I pray you boys will be able to get your bodies back." He said over his shoulder.

In a second, I was after him while clutching my nose. "Mr. Marcoh." I yelled and he turned. As I was still unsure, I stumbled over him, catching the hem of his sleeve. "One more thing." I said. I bit my lips not knowing if it was the best thing to do, but it sure was the right one. "I got a vision now as you said that. The woman that chased you after you escaped Central..." He gasped at my words since it was the first time I confronted him with my invasive talent. "The woman is coming here. I saw it in your study. I don't know if now or in the near future. Just leave." With that, I turned around my head throbbing, reaching back the group to embark the train.

-\\\-

I watched as the hills moved in sinuous twirls forming waves on the background of the blue sky. It was late summer; autumn coming and making its presence felt in the cold nights, yet things were so alive. The hills so green. The sky so blue. I almost imagined myself being on a trip to a mysterious place, an adventure that I had been deprived of as a child. In a way I was embarked on a journey, but I couldn't think that I had ended here not because people wanted me to be, but because of circumstances.

"Well what does it say?" Al the box asked besides me as Edward read the paper Marcoh gave him.

"National Central Library, First Branch."

"Makes sense. A forest would be an ideal place to hide a tree after all." I just wondered is amazing metaphors were another skill passed down through generations in the house of Armstrong. "There are several books in there to last for a lifetime."

It was just me or this started to sound like paradise?

"I can find a clue to getting the stone here." Ed said his eyes gleaming with such excitement that I couldn't help the faintest of smiles play on my lips as I watched him.

"Stop with the maniac looks Edward or you might want to start to scream titans." I added without thinking, the resemblance sending me to another world of pain. I sighed when everyone just looked weird at me. In my world, I would be hilarious.

"Why do I have the impression that most time you are speaking in another language." He said. "Puh-lease. I can actually speak 5 languages." I added feeling slightly insulted. What did he take me for? Stupid cosy city girl? I almost smacked him for his assumptions.

"Really?" Al asked. "Actually yes." I added more civil this time, my words taking a tinge of thoughtfulness. "My family was quite rich and they wanted me to have a high end education. That included lots of science and linguistics apparently." I frowned as I remembered the beatings for not being perfect at those. My demons were started to grow and wanted to throw a party.

"How much until Resembool?" I asked changing the subject before I would be haunted by things that meant to be let alone. "Not more. We had this delay with stopping here but I guess just another couple of hours." I groaned. God train trips were much fun when the train actually moved.

"What you mean to tell me you have vehicles that take you from one place to another in an hour?" Edward asked his face a mask of incredulity. I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh Edward if this is an impossible notion for you then you'll be shocked at the technology we have…had. There are machines flying in the sky called planes that can take you from one side of the continent to another in a couple of hours. I think 500 km could be made in 1 hour and a half. Not to talk about trains that can reach 200km/h… I completely lost you haven't I?" I chuckled at their blank faces and slightly agape mouths.

"Since you started talking about machines in the sky. Don't get me wrong I believe you but it just sounds impossible."

"The same way I felt about alchemy, actually." At that, Ed had no smart answer. Deciding since we had time to start a picnic and finish it I took my backpack and started to search for the food I stacked in there. Not expecting it to be in the same place anyway since I had thrown the bloody thing mercilessly around until now, so I opened the backpack at its full capacity prepared to search. As I opened it and not paying attention, I just felt something shift and I could just look as two books fell on the floor with a thud. What…

"What are those?" I ignored the question as I took them up and examined them. One was a letter journal I knew quite well. It had belonged to Berthold Hawkeye. The other one was a new looking book that had no title on it. Opening it to the first page, I saw the title written in a neat handwriting _The adventures of Hina and Salamander. _What the actual fuck? I remembered very well not packing any books with me, since I was in a hurry and thought of food and clothing. But then how did those happen to be in my backpack? And why those books especially what looked like a novel. At least it explained why my backpack had been so heavy.

Carefully I closed my backpack not wanting other stuff to fall from it surprisingly, as my gun, and looked at the books. What was their meaning?

I decided to start with the novel. I looked at its pages and besides the handwritten title, there was nothing. Annoyed that it won't reveal anything I opened the journal. To my delight, a note was stacked between its pages. Unfolding it carefully I proceeded to read it knowing somehow this mystery will be elucidated by it.

_Dear Alette,_

_As you are reading this, I am sure you had left East City. As much as I would love to rant at you for your foolish, rash, unneeded actions, this note needs to clarify other important matters. _

_As much as I would want to go after you and chase your insubordinate ass back here, I can't so I am just hoping you won't die in the meanwhile. Seriously, don't die. It's an order._

_Not having much else to say on the matter I am giving you two books, one with the accord of Lt. Hawkeye. One is the diary of her father, which includes many alchemic notions you'll need. The other one as you had seen it's a novel. That is my alchemic research and the way I perfected Flame Alchemy, heavily coded I might add. If you were here such thing wasn't needed as I could have taught you myself the basics, but now I guess there won't be any problems in you cracking the code and finding things out on your own. Good alchemists code their work after all. I expect to see some results from your training, as I am sure that after you stopped cussing me, you'll break it. Look for the symbols._

_And again try not to die since I could get mauled by my team for approving your leave. _

There was no signature as it was any doubt regarding the person who wrote it. "Self-assured bastard." I almost yelled and realised I had said it aloud when everyone turned to look at me. "What?" I barked and the boys made sure they found the surroundings very interesting. Here this. Expecting results, approving my leave. That cocky bastard…

I took a deep breath. Fuck him I'll show him progress. If he thought that, me staying in East could have been better than going with the brothers I'll show him Flame Alchemy. Channelizing my anger into determination, I took the first book and started to read it. I'll show him.

-/-

Two hours later, I had never been happier to step out of the train. After an hour of reading the novel Roy said to be his alchemic research I had decided two things: one, I had never ever have read good romance or smut fics before and two, Roy was a perverted bastard, a talented bastard, but one nonetheless. Had he no morals to give me such a book? Not that I minded but I wasn't to read it with Ed and Al besides me. They almost snatched it from my heads at one interesting part and I couldn't take it back faster. Damn him, for hiding his research like this it was brilliant.

The small train-station of Resembool was the same as in my memories. An oasis of green, a little garden of heaven between mountains. I watched fascinated as we followed the country road. The beauty of the place made my heart ache. It was so peaceful and quiet and every once in a while we encountered some people that happily greeted the two brothers like family. My heart twisted because I knew exactly what memories this beautiful place held.

After we started climbing the hill to the Rockbell's house, Ed and Al started discussing nostalgic moments from their childhood. How they played when they were little on this hill, made Winry fall into snow, and got their asses kicked afterwards. How they went most days to eat together. How they found Den. It was just amazing to watch and feel the happiness the memories brought. I couldn't help but smile at the yellow house as it started to appear since it had a home like aura. I didn't dwell on how they didn't mentioned their mother or father.

As we got closer, a big black and white dog greeted us. And by that I mean it was huge almost reaching my mid-section. What surprised me was his automail pawn, and as it ran towards us made a slight metallic noise. I was fascinated the way dog moved at ease with the metallic limb I almost didn't see the small old lady. And by small I really mean small.

Pinako Rockbell was the same as my memories painted her to be. Small, witty and honest. I was still uneasy in her presence since I was an uninvited guest, but I liked her. I wanted to greet her too when a flash made my vision blacken. But this time it wasn't bad as I approached Ed from behind just as he yelled to Pinako his greetings. "Yo granny." "We're back" Al yelled from Major's shoulder. I just caught Ed's sleeve and pushed my mouth to his ear. "Duck." He turned around watching me surprised but only saw my mischievous grin. Confused he turned around once again deciding to answer Pinako's question.

"A lot happened. We will need your help again." After that, he proceeded with the greetings. "This is Major Armstrong."

"Pleasure to meet you, I am Pinako Rockbell."

"And this is Alette." And I could only give a small wave. She nodded towards me acknowledging my existence. After he presented me, Edward just looked at me for a second and I just smiled and mimicked 'duck' without really saying the word.

"But gosh darn, looks like Edward got shorter after not seeing him for some time." Oh uh, I thought. It's on.

Edward's was could be described as murderous. "Hey I am pretty sure you're supposed to say 'got taller' in situations like this…," he said through clenched teeth.

"If you really did, I would say so." The old lady responded unfazed at his display of stifled anger.

"What did you say, you minimum hag?!" he exploded at once. Too bad he didn't remember my advice right then since from the sky, with metallic lightening, a beautifully thrown wrench hit him square between the eyes throwing him backwards on his back.

"I told you to duck." I said before letting myself die from laughter. Pinako was unfazed, Major was confused and Al too mortified to react. I just continued to laugh my ass off as Winry started to yell at Ed over the balcony.

"Didn't I tell you to give me a call before stopping by for a maintenance?!" she said in one of the most feminine voices I had ever heard.

"You trying to kill me Winry?!" he yelled in return. "Gosh Ed if I were her you'll get another wrench for that disrespect." I said between laughs. "And who the heck asked you anyway?" he yelled towards me which only made me laugh more as his face was reddened by the hit. Winry found it funny too since, she laughed from the balcony. "Welcome back!"

"Yeah." Growled Ed from the ground. I approached him extending a hand. "How's the weather down there?" I asked slyly. I had to run for my laugh afterwards.

-/-

After we all entered and introduced ourselves, Ed told Winry what kind of maintenance he needed. Her yell pierced through my skull and made me decide to never ever anger Winry Rockbell as I risked losing my hearing in the process. I could swear I could see how she ran through the reasons why she shouldn't kill or permanently harm Ed as she watched the remaining pieces of her precious automail arm.

"Oh I'm sorry it broke."

It broke? I feel the need for blood in the air now Ed.

"Broke? An automail of such quality…that I worked so hard on…"

"Yeah to smithereens."

"Duck." I said once more but again my advice went unfollowed as Ed received a full blast of Winry's uppercut. Damn the girl had a good hand.

"And Al is broken too?" she inquired as I tried to collect Ed from the floor. "What the heck had you been guys doing?" "Duck." I muttered again but realised that a legless suit of armour could not duck as Winry's foot planted on Al's head. Deciding it was futile to drag Ed on the floor to the couch since he looked like he had a concussion, I left him lying there on the floor letting nature run its course.

"All you ever do is worrying me."

"You tell me? I had been around them only a little over a month and they already made me sick with worry. I can't say this was the best approach for their health but damn they deserved it."

"Whose side are you on?" Ed wailed from the floor. "The side with mind in their brain." I responded folding my arms. That made him jump to his feet and try to intimidate me funny thing, as he was shorter than I was with a few centimetres. "Take that back?" "Or what? You'll tell me the weather from down there?" "Who are you calling than a peanut dwarf you little tiny white peanut?" He only got to see my murderous look before I swept him off his feet in one sleek move. "Watch your mouth Elric. I can transmute faster than you."

"Brother" Al yelled as Ed was acquainted with the floor once more. I turned around to Winry my mood changing to cheery in one second. "So Winry have I told you I am a big fan of your work?"

-\\\-

"How do you connect the automail to body?"

"Well you see that's the actual tricky part of the whole automail business. In the beginning, this was the main struggle since we couldn't really connect wires and cables to the nervous termination left in the missing limb. I think a team of doctor and alchemists figured it out how to make cables that have similar properties to the one neurons have. The conductibility and endurance, as well the important part of the head which can replicate the property not only of a neuron but a glial cell since they kind of have similar but simpler properties."

"Winry, that is the most amazing concept I have ever heard and I come from a world of technological advance." I said in awe my mind racing with possibilities.

"It's not much of a big deal." The girl said flustered by my obvious admiration. I just stood frozen by her words.

"Not a big deal? Are you shitting me? You are practically a master in biology, neuroscience and engineering, and you call this not a big deal? You are simply brilliant and to say I am impressed and interested in the concept of automail it will be an understatement. Only the possibilities…If we had that back at home. God I am so envious. Teach me more about it!"

"Oh ok…Of course I can tell you as much as you want to know, but to be honest I am surprised that you find all this stuff interesting at all or consider it such a big deal. I mean you're an alchemist…" she continued slightly uncomfortable.

"So?" I didn't really correct her on the matter as I didn't need to explain my complicated circumstances to someone else in the same day. "Does that mean I am bound to chemicals and circles? No way, information is power, and god this is some shit. I mean do you see all this?" I said pointing at the room where hundreds of unfinished automail models lay as long with diverse pieces and utensils. "This is more than that. And it's fascinating. I am an alchemist yes and I find alchemy endlessly fascinating and I am in love with it, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating the beauty and art the automail has. I mean combining pieces of metal and cables from scrap to create actual functional limbs that function at the command or organic substance without rejection? That is the peak of biology, and frankly, I am a biology freak. I do not understand how those two shitheads aren't interested in what you've got here."

After the boys had informed Pinako the bounds of our visit and Winry took Ed's measures, she retreated in the automail lab and I had followed her like the curious cat that I am. She didn't have the heart to shoo me away and now here we were an hour later talking about automail while eating biscuits in front of the window. I realised how frantic with enthusiasm I had become and took one sip of the tea trying to regain my temper.

"Honestly I am so flattered by this. I haven't really thought an alchemist could see this thing like this. Those two mostly only were interested in their books and said this was simple and it may be simple but this is what I love. And seeing you and hearing you say all this makes me feel really important." As she spoke, her eyes were lost somewhere outside the window, probably engulfed in the past. I just put my cup down and disregarding my feelings of revulsion to human contact, I leaned forward and caught Winry's hand. At that, she turned surprised to look at me and I couldn't remark once more how pretty she was. She was not that Barbie pretty, more like a flower pretty with those big blue eyes and blonde hair. I tried not to think at my shallow self-esteem, which crashed and burnt while I watched her. 'Do not squirm for Christ's sake, she doesn't not know about your past problems.'

"Winry" I started "you are a beautiful talented girl that has changed through her work the lives of so many people. Don't let them make you feel unimportant because you excel in your own science. In your own way, you are a genius and they are stupid enough to underestimate you because you had always been their friend. Also they have this stupid tendency of only being impressed by shiny lights, you know how boys are. But joke aside your essential. Your work changed lives. It changed Ed so much since you gave him an arm and leg to fight for his dreams. Never doubt your skill and science."

With that, I retreated letting Winry wide eyes follow me. She was surprised, I knew. Hell, I was surprised for the sudden motivational speech, but I meant every word. Being here the automail concept was far more fascinating than ever. But I didn't say all that to get her gratitude.

"Look at me stealing your time. You've got three days to make Ed a new limb and I am wasting your time blabbering." I cut her short before she could say something in return. I couldn't handle gratitude.

"Honestly Alette" she laughed I wonder where those two stumbled upon you and how they convinced you to follow them."

"I crashed in an alley in Central and got in their way while they chased a criminal." I grinned and she laughed not thinking it was the truth. It wasn't that hard to lie like that anyway since indeed every lie was a truth and every truth was lie. If I quoted that bastard once more, I had to punch myself in the gut.

"And is not hard to believe in Ed. It's his natural charm that makes everyone want to jump in spears for him." She laughed again and I smiled thinking of the pain of being stabbed. "I kind of have heard about them, you know and I admired them. I frankly consider that being this close to them a gift."

"Now who is underestimating herself?" she huffed. Not wanting to enter those grounds I just asked "Still want to lose time talking to me?"

"Fine, fine. Message received. Now go distraction and look for those two. They really worry me sometimes." At that, her voice grew small and I thought of the times Winry had seen them go only to think if they would ever come back.

"Don't worry I won't let Ed die from anaemia because he doesn't drink milk." And with that I existed the room letting her work. As I existed thoughts engulfed me. I was for some reason sad. Or melancholic. Winry was more than I had imagined her to be, far smarter, wittier, and prettier. And the whole house was a real home. It was so warm and cosy….and foreign. It made me feel sad for things I couldn't control or change. I needed a distraction.

I went in the yard that was huge considering no one was in sight for radium of a few kilometres. I just went to a tree feeling slightly too pale and discovered in the sun's rays. There I sited myself watching the sea of grass move according to the will of the wind.

The problem was of what I should do. As much as I wanted to follow Ed and Al to Central after this stop, a part of me told me I couldn't. And I knew I was right. They were going to search for Dr. Marcoh's research since it was their only lead. But I had other leads to follow. The man in the Devil's Nest was related to the Philosopher's Stone. I had since then found out it was in the town of Dublith, but Ed and Al could not follow me there since it wasn't bound to happen. If the glimpse of Alphonse talking to him was anything to take by, it was in the near future. But not yet to happen. I looked at my wrist where a single white spot la where the stone had touched me. No, I had to find out about the Stones faster. Information was power and I was devoid of information. As much as it hurt to part with Al and Ed and run once again into the night in whoever knows what danger. I needed answers to bad to stay. Damn it all! It was not fair. I worried about those two so bad but in Central there where little things that could happen to them right? I hated this thing.

In a habit I clapped my hands together hard. Why where the odds forever against me and I could not follow those that I cared for? Because there was no lying, I cared for Al ad Ed as friends or even brothers. Not to say if something happened to them it would be my fault. My presence here was hurting them. It didn't really matter that I saw their hesitation when talking to me, their eyes widening every time trying to adjust to my presence and my talks. It was ok, they never had a relationship to begin with, with me. But I did and they really had grown to mean the world to me. It didn't matter that they didn't care more about me than the lines of duty and honour, I could accept that. I could be happy with that; I knew I had been offered less by people I had known for longer time. I was just so happy I could even be in their presence and do everything I could to help them even though sometimes it was confusing and backfiring. A gift indeed. So the only way for me to help them was to go. How painful and cruel was that?

Painfully I let my palms go limp against the ground with a heavy sigh as my body felt too heavy for me all of a sudden. I was about to continue my inner war when light erupted startling me only to see that the ground had cracked. Blue light in the form of a circle.

No…fucking…way…

I watched my hands in disbelief as if my palms could tell me just what had happened. My rational part knew exactly what this was considering my sense of observation and association had not been affected but I was paralyzed by shock. So my mind did what it did every time I was surprised. I started blabbering nonsense.

"Well I shouldn't be surprised when thing come to me. I mean I'm an invincible Halfling that can perform alchemy that defies the basic laws of alchemy. I mean it was clear when I did that first transmutation that I could perform alchemy like this and I'm like the number one visitor at the Gate that can touch Truth and has a part of him inside...Ok this is becoming too much for me I need to breathe."

I inhaled deeply trying to make my heart steady in my chest before it could turn into a heart attack. Well not that it will affect me...but fucking hell the thought that I could not die was still impossible. Fuck I was starting to have a panic attack.

And that's how Ed found me minutes later crouched and trying to breathe, his prosthetic leg dragged clumsily on the ground as he was not sued to the limb. I was some sight.

"Alette?" He asked obviously worried. "Yes?" I inquired as soon as I heard his voice. It was as if I had drunk two expressos. "Are you ok? You like a little pale not that you aren't always pale, shit, I mean you're paler than usual..." eh mumbled worriedly not knowing how I will react.

"Ok? Yes I am fine. I am just fine. I think I might enter a little in shock but I'm ok." Yea, of course I am ok when my voice is hysterical.

"What happened?" He said prompting himself hard he to me. I watched his prosthetic leg curiously. It was discovered and I knew it was a simple plastic leg that we had back home. Not very helpful but I could not move my eyes away from his leg since it was _his _leg. I was fascinated and worried about him and I had to fight the weird urge to extend my hand and touch the missing limb. I thought of the sensation or how it must be and goose bumps erupted on my skin making me shiver. I knew my mind was just searching for a distraction but I couldn't stare at a thing that had made me wonder so many times since I had started watching FMA for the first time. Then I snapped my eyes to his and I saw him watching me worriedly giving me the space and time to adjust and say. In this way, Ed was very thoughtful. He didn't comment on my silent inurement but that didn't change the guilt I suddenly felt watching his soft gold eyes. I remembered something, this time from my life. "_Hey Tessa. Show us your scars. We know they're there, we saw them at PE. Is it true you got them trying to run away from a prison?" _I couldn't stand that. Being objectified like that, looked at as a freak. No way was I going to do that to Ed or Al or anyone here. We all had our scars and sins and the thought I was doing this even from curiosity, making him be only his token made my stomach sick and chum. So I started talking.

"Nothing. It's just too much. Everything is so bad that I can't handle it anymore. I think things just caught up with me."

"Anything particular made you realise that today?" I just watched my shaky palms. I could easily snap them together and show him what was wrong but the question was if I would. Wanted to. Edward knew about my relation with Truth but I knew that he had a hard time believing it. Prayer alchemy was the number one sign of a relation with the Gate.

"Maybe. I don't even know anymore Ed. I mean what am I doing? I am just following guys around hoping I'll be helpful because my existence is really nothing. I have nothing left and no real purpose in my life. And all this crap just keeps coming one after another. My memories. Alchemy. Then the Stones and now... I just don't know if I can take it."

"So what are you saying? That you are giving up because you can't see the horizon anymore? What about Al and me? Should we give up too since there is absolutely no way in this world for us to get our bodies back?"

"In a world where the dead walk among the living anything is possible. Something like getting your bodies back is small."

"Then I'd like to see you doing it!"

"Maybe I will. Maybe that's exactly what I'll do. See you reach your goal." I yelled back.

"Dammit Alette, and what about you?" At that, I stopped in my tracks. "What about me?" "What will happen to you? If you do this, you won't be helping yourself at all. You need to help yourself, free yourself from Truth; I know we can break that. You said it was a riddle. We'll remember it so we can help you too. There isn't our goal versus yours. We can make them both happen."

I listened petrified. I didn't even consider saving myself, only to solve the mess I created. I couldn't make Al and Ed support the consequences of my actions. I smiled feeling gratefully pained. There was no way I could help myself but Ed will be pained to hear my thoughts so I just nodded. He had hope but I knew how destructive was. And that determination and hope was to be his damnation and salvation. I couldn't hope anymore, it was too cruel and painful.

"How did this in happen?" He asked frustrated. Just sighed. He had the right to know me. It was only fair far I had seen his sins.

"Take a sit. It might take a while."

-/-

Dawn was here colouring the sky from shades of bright orange to the surreal calming blue of the night. I watched with Ed the sky slowly counting stars. We had talked all afternoon. I told him my story and he shared his outrage towards my circumstances. Then we had discussed alchemy only to move slowly on the path of his feelings. He, as me, wasn't a much of a talker but he both did efforts and here we were in the light between darkness and light staying in a comfortable silence. I didn't know things had been awkward between us but now I felt in a way I formed a bond with Ed, a bond stronger than what my unilateral admiration had been. After all so many things connected us. A bad childhood, grief for a lost mother, an awful father, hard circumstances that caught in a cage like place. Our worlds were as parallel as our suffering and this mutual pain connected us in a way not many things could. Pain is indeed the thing humans can relate trough I thought.

I _remembered_ the pain of having my world taken away from me through death. Ed's loss was more metaphorical but it contained almost the same desperation in it. I knew he understood it, that's why I said a thing I hadn't let myself even think until then.

"How funny. I've always wanted to escape real world, and now, that I am finally free from it, I find myself longing it back. How pitiful we are as humans not knowing what we what or what we really lose until it's gone. No wonder _he_ will rather despise us. I mean I don't miss the beatings or my family. Not even the technology. I miss the feeling of being alive. Of being free. Of being happy. Isn't it cruel that I had so little of that? I am selfishly in love with life because death is only the nothingness I now seek."

Ed didn't say anything. He was lying down the other way from me, both facing the sky. The sky is the same, no matter where I always have had that.

"All the more to find a way for you to break the deal." I didn't say that this was an unbreakable deal since I knew he wouldn't appreciate the cold truth of my words. I didn't wither but I had it too much thrown in my face not to accept that some things should be accepted axiomatically.

"You know how I stumbled upon your story? I was back in my home and I was empty. My soul had died with Dee. I stumbled on this story browsing a device named a computer and I started watching it as pretence to say I'm busy. At first, I wasn't much into it because I was too numb. In the end, even though I don't remember why I was crying and shouting for you. You brought me back to life from that catatonic state when no light or touch could lift me from. Your determination. You hardships. In a sadistic way I relished in them since I could relate a little too much with your pain. I could relate to all of you. You were my heroes. And I decided that I could go on living if you could move forward. Dee would've wanted that. So don't blame me Edward for wanting to keep you alive. To keep the story that had been my sunshine the same. So I will do anything I can for you to achieve your goal. You deserve a happy ending. Your happy ending will be my salvation."

I didn't add the lyric in my mind. 'Please don't take my sunshine away' I called into the void to whoever wasn't listening.

Ed didn't say anything to that. I couldn't find an appropriate answer to this. It was just a confession made in a time where time wasn't relevant. But it was true. I thought of every one from the people in East to everyone new I was meeting. With every character I met, I was more convinced to save this world.

"Hey Ed?" I asked moving my head weight to get a glimpse of him

At my voice he turned, his eyes meeting mine. I watched these golden orbs. I could never get tired of their unique colour like two golden suns. They inspired hope in me and I could use to feeling hope as something more than a modality of getting crushed by fate.

"Yes?" He inquired.

I breathed in deeply determination flaring me. For the wrong reasons I'll persuade him to help himself. Through me, I'll help the Elrics help themselves. No matter what they will live. _Happily live._

"Please train with me."

* * *

**A.N. Hey guys. Thank you again so much for reading and making it this far. I am just glad for every single one of you reading my words and somehow enjoying them. Also I want to thank you for the views/reviews/follows, your support is just incredible and I don't really know what to say at this point, I never expected it to make it this far. So thank you and if you have something to say_ anything_ your opinion no matter what is says is welcome and needed. So thank you so much for everything.**

**Again let me apologise for the mistakes I made and also for the delayed update rate or if I haven't answered to a review. I try to answer to every one of you so you can understand how important this is. Thank you again so much, you're the best.**


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